~~~~
The party lasted long into the night. At some point, Ben pressed a shot glass into my hand. I wasn’t sure how many of those I tossed back but I was starting to feel numb. It wasn’t long before I could no longer think clearly. Eva tried to keep a close eye on me but a few times I managed to disappear without her knowing.
One of those times, I was stumbling out of the bathroom, hanging onto the wall for dear life, when my phone beeped.
Ryder’s name weaved in and out on the screen. Why was he calling me? My mind was so fuzzy, I couldn’t think straight.
“Hello?” I slurred.
“Maddie?” I heard him let out a relieved breath. “I’m sorry. I really fucked things up. I want to talk when you get home.”
I couldn’t hold back the giggle. He sounded so polite, not like himself at all.
“Have you been drinking?” he asked, sternly.
“Maybe,” I said with another giggle.
There was only silence.
“Hello?” I asked, confused.
“Where is Eva?” He sounded so angry that my giggles vanished.
“I don’t know.”
“Are you there by yourself?”
“No, silly, I’m here with Ben,” I answered as if he was clueless.
“Shit! Go find Eva and stay with her. I’m on my way.”
I heard a click then silence. Looking at my phone, I was confused. Did he just hang up on me? Why would he do that?
My head was spinning. I tried to remember what he wanted me to do. Find someone? Or was it something?
Giving up, I managed to make it down the hallway when I saw Ben heading my way.
~~~~
I had no idea how much time elapsed after talking to Ryder on the phone. A few minutes? An hour? All I know was that I was sick.
“I don’t feel so good, Ben.”
We were standing in the kitchen watching some freshmen play quarters with shots of vodka. Yells of victory and cries of defeat muddled my mind, overwhelming me with noise. Watching them throw back shot after shot made me want to empty my stomach right there on the floor.
“Follow me,” Ben said, taking hold of my hand.
The next thing I knew, we were in a dark and quiet bedroom. I crawled onto the bed, not caring whose room I was in. I just needed to lie down.
“You okay?” Ben asked, leaning over me. He brushed strands of hair away from my flushed face, letting his fingers linger on me.
I was so sick. My stomach was hurting so much that I just knew I was dying. I kept my eyes squeezed shut, trying to block out the spinning room. Why had I drank so much?
Suddenly, Ben was kissing my throat and moving his hand to my waist. The smell of alcohol on him was revolting. It seemed to surround me, choking me.
“Ben…. I can’t do this,” I said, trying to push him off me. My alcohol–soaked mind still thought of Ryder and how it should be him touching me, kissing me.
But Ben ignored me. His hand moved down to my bare thigh. His thumb made slow circles on my skin as his lips moved to cover my mouth.
I turned my head away, nauseated, wanting him off of me.
“Ben…”
“Relax, Maddie. I’ll do it fast,” he said, pushing my skirt up higher. His short fingernails scrapped my thigh, waking me up to what was happening.
“Ben, NO!” I screeched. I tried to move out from under him but my muscles were weak and wouldn’t obey.
“I’ve waited so long for this.” He threw a leg over me, holding me down as his hand ran along my inner thighs.
I pushed him hard, my subconscious screaming at me to run. His heavy body pressed me further down into the mattress, holding me secure. I struggled, trying to kick and hit him.
“STOP!” I shouted. The fog in my mind cleared when his hands started to tug at my underwear. I made another feeble attempt to push his big frame off of me. He didn’t budge.
Oh, God! I couldn’t stop him!
I tried to crawl out from under him but he just held me down tighter. His hands roamed and squeezed me cruelly, no longer trying to be gentle.
THIS. WAS. NOT. HAPPENING.
I hit him hard with my fist, catching his lower jaw. His grasp loosened for a second and I scrambled away. Run! Run! My head was spinning but I was desperate to escape.
I was almost off the bed when he grabbed me around the waist and hauled me back.
"You’re not going anywhere, Maddie," he hissed.
I let out a sob as he threw me back under him brutally. When his fingers dug into my hipbone, I yelped with pain.
Before he could grab my arm, I slapped him hard across the face. The sound of flesh hitting flesh rang loudly in my ears. I wanted to do it again and again.
Rage transformed his perfect face into the vision of a monster. Terror raced through me when he grabbed both of my wrists and pushed them above my head, smashing them into the mattress. His fingers squeezed the delicate bones, making me wince.
“BEN, NO!” I screamed, as his free hand reached beneath my skirt again.
“Shut up!” he snarled.
Sobs shook my body. He was going to rape me, my own boyfriend. I cried out when he roughly shoved his hand between my legs.
Accepting my fate wasn’t an option. I had to fight until I couldn’t fight anymore. I was gathering strength to struggle again when suddenly he was no longer on top of me. He just…disappeared.
Shaking badly, I pushed my skirt down and sat up in time to see a fist fly. Ryder’s fist. It connected with Ben’s face, smacking him to the ground.
“I’m going to rip you apart!” Ryder roared.
Within seconds, Ben had recovered and jumped to his feet. He wrapped his arm around Ryder’s neck in a chokehold, cutting off his air supply.
Ryder fought against him, but Ben had a strong hold on him. I scrambled off the bed, wobbling on my feet unsteadily. Grabbing Ben’s arm, I tried pulling him off Ryder but he was too strong.
I yanked again, using all my strength. Ben let go of Ryder long enough to reach out and shove me hard. I fell to the floor painfully. My head snapped back and the jolt sobered me up quickly.
Ryder’s fist shot out to pound Ben mercilessly on the side of the head. He didn’t stop there. He landed a solid punch into Ben’s stomach, doubling Ben over in pain. An uppercut to Ben’s face had blood spurting out his nose in rivers.
Suddenly, the room was full of people, itching to get a front row seat.
Ryder was back on Ben within a second, pummeling him into a bloody mess. I thought he would never stop but two guys jumped in to grab Ryder, hauling him off the blood–soaked Ben.
“You piece of shit!” Ryder shouted. “You’re fucking dead!”
Ben staggered to his feet and got in Ryder’s face. “Let’s finish this shit," he spit. Before anyone could stop him, Ben nailed Ryder in the stomach using every ounce of power he had.
Ryder grunted with pain but didn’t flinch when Ben pulled his fist back for another punch. Before he swung, two more guys raced forward to hold him back.
It was all too much; the fighting, the yelling, the spinning room. My stomach protested and I started gagging.
“Let me go!” I heard Ryder yell. A second later, he was beside me.
“God, Maddie, you look terrible,” he said, picking me up off the floor.
His body felt warm and safe as he cradled me against him, carrying me through the house. The next thing I knew, we were outside in the heavy rain. Ryder moved quickly across the muddy yard, protecting me from the rain with his body but my stomach churned with each step he took.
“Put me down. I’m going to be sick,” I groaned.
Ryder eased me to the ground, where I crumbled to my knees like a rag doll and lost everything in my stomach. I felt him behind me, holding my long hair, angling his body over mine protectively.
After the dry heaves passed, he silently picked me back up. I was in and out of consciousness, hardly aware of what was happening.
&
nbsp; Unlocking the car door, he put me in the passenger seat, reclining it as far back as it would go. His arm reached across my lap to buckle my seatbelt securely. I was soaking wet from the rain and shivering. With the absence of his arms around me, I grew cold.
Ryder started the engine then looked over at me in the beam of the streetlights.
I thought he looked stunning despite the bruises already darkening his face. I wanted to reach out and touch his strong jaw. I wanted to pull him toward me to repeat our kiss.
But blackness took over.
Chapter Six
I slowly woke to a pounding headache. The screeching of a cell phone radiated pain through my skull. I was afraid if I reached over and answered it, my head would explode and every muscle in my body would scream in protest.
Someone moved beside me, rustling the sheets, making the bed dip. My heart rate quickened when Ryder sat up to lean over me. His arm stretched across my chest, turning off the cell phone. After it was silenced, he loomed above me, looking down and studying me closely. His face was lined with exhaustion and worry. I felt responsible for putting them there.
“Maddie, thank God you’re awake,” he said, lying back down beside me. His arm brushed against mine as he scrubbed a hand over his face.
I attempted to sit up but my head throbbed, sending shooting pain everywhere. I peeked over to find Ryder staring at the ceiling. What was he doing in my bed?
“What happened?” I asked. My voice sounded hoarse, my throat raw from vomiting.
Ryder looked over at me. His jaw was covered in black stubble and his lips were set in a firm, hard line.
“You were blindass drunk. Threw up about a hundred times. I was scared to death you had alcohol poisoning.” His eyes dropped down to my lips. “Don’t do that to me again, Maddie.”
“Why were you at the party?” I whispered, grimacing from my sore throat.
He turned to lie on his side, facing me. “I needed to make sure you were okay.” His eyes ran over my face slowly, studying each feature. “I found you barely conscious with that shithead holding you down. You spent half the night in the bathroom, throwing up, before I finally carried you in here.”
I felt ill as all the memories rushed back. Ben’s hands on me, holding me down. His unwillingness to stop. The feeling of helplessness. I felt abused, vulnerable. When the tears splashed down my face, I didn’t try to stop them.
“Shit!” Ryder swore. Reaching over, he pulled me toward him. I went willing. His arms wrapped around me, holding me close. One hand stayed on my waist while the other cradled the back of my head.
“You’re safe,” he said so quietly that I almost didn’t hear him.
“Thank you for taking care of me.” I said, sniffling.
“I’ll always take care of you, Maddie.”
~~~~
I woke up later to an empty bed. I felt colder, lonelier lying here without him. A forbidden thought raced through my mind — What would it be like to sleep next to him every night? I chastised myself. Thinking that way was wrong on so many levels. I forced the thought from my pounding head and crawled out of bed. Throwing on a faded tank top and shorts, I headed for the bathroom.
The girl staring back at me in the mirror was a fright. Smeared mascara, a bad case of bed–head, and pale, greenish skin made me look like the walking dead. I quickly stripped and took a fast shower, scrubbing last night away. But no amount of soap could replace the loss of my dignity.
As the remains of last night washed down the drain, I thought of Ben. I needed to call him. After last night, it was definitely over between us and the sooner he knew, the better. That relationship died the minute he refused to take ‘no’ for an answer.
But first I needed coffee.
The apartment was eerily quiet. I found Eva sitting at our small kitchen table with her eyes glued to a laptop.
“Maddie! Oh my gosh, are you okay?” she asked when she saw me.
I almost started crying again as I nodded and took a seat beside her.
“Ryder told me what happened. I’m glad he beat the crap out of Ben.”
“Ben was drunk,” I said, cringing when I heard my own words. It sounded like a lame excuse for what he tried to do.
“No man should behave that way, drunk or otherwise.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “You sure you’re okay? He didn’t…do anything did he?”
“No, but if Ryder hadn’t got there when he did…” I didn’t finish the sentence, the thought too terrible.
She offered me her Starbucks coffee, which I gladly took. The hot liquid felt wonderful going down my parched throat, warming my insides.
“Stay away from him, Maddie. The man is psycho.”
“I know. I’m ending it. I just have to tell him,” I mumbled, resting my head in the palm of my hand.
“Don’t confront the bastard by yourself. Wait until Ryder’s around. He won’t let the asshole touch you again.”
“Okay,” I agreed, wanting to end this conversation. I didn’t want to talk about Ben anymore. The less I thought of what he tried to do, the better grasp I could keep on my sanity.
“I feel awful. Remind me never to drink again,” I said, rubbing my forehead. One night of hitting the bottle was enough to last me a lifetime.
“So…” Eva leaned toward me with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. “When I got home last night, the two of you were sitting on the bathroom floor and you were draped all over Ryder.”
I felt embarrassed, knowing I probably looked pathetic.
“I’ve never seen him look so scared. He wouldn’t leave your side. It was romantic in a grotesque kind of way since you were puking your guts out.”
"Eva, it was…"
She interrupted me. “I also know he slept in your room. And this morning, he came strolling out, looking all sexy and giving me strict orders to take care of you.” She rolled her eyes. “Like I wouldn’t anyway.”
Her eyes narrowed when she saw the blush on my face. “I want details.”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “There are no details. He just wanted to make sure I was okay so he stayed in my room.” I shrugged my shoulders indifferently. “You know how he is.” Ryder was always saving the day. Even my childhood was filled with him rescuing me. My own personal superhero.
Eva sighed, probably hoping for a juicer answer. “The guy is such a badass but when it comes to you, he‘s a big baby.”
“Where is Ryder anyway?”
“No idea but he took your car,” she said, taking the coffee from my hand to take a sip.
I jumped when my cell phone vibrated, emitting a low hum on the table. Before I could grab it, Eva picked it up and glanced at the screen. When she saw who it was, her back stiffened.
“Ryder doesn’t want you to have it. But here.” She held the phone out to me like it was a ticking time bomb. “He’s been calling nonstop. Answer the damn thing and tell him to go screw himself.”
I took the phone from her, knowing instantly who it was. Ben. Seeing his name sent a tingle of fear down my spine. I tried to ignore the feeling, knowing I would have to face him eventually. For now, I let the call go to voicemail. Scanning through the phone, I found numerous missed calls and text messages from him.
U ok? I’m SRY.
Acted like a fool.
SORRY
Call me. Plz.
My voicemail was full of messages from him but I couldn’t bear to hear his voice. I deleted them all, wanting to erase all traces of him from my life.
“So I guess you’re not going to tell me what happened between you and Ryder?” Eva asked.
“No, because nothing happened.”
She sighed with disappointment. “Fine, but if something happens, you better tell me."
I nodded, which was a good enough answer for her. Turning back to the laptop, her fingers started typing furiously.
“So my dad’s having a major meltdown about this war. Have you seen all the shit going on?”
“I watched some of the news yesterday. Why? What’s happening?” I asked, half listening since my head was pounding.
“Well, the terrorists are now threatening us with a nuclear weapon, saying they can drop it on us at any time. The Pakistanis, Afghanis, Iranians, North Koreans, and Syrians are all gathering forces so the U.S. is sending more and more troops overseas. It doesn’t look good. This war might go global,” she said, clicking between pages.
I thought again of Ryder enlisting. How could I let him go, knowing he was going into a war that he may not return from? I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I wouldn’t survive if something happened to him. How could I when he meant so much to me?
Eva shut the laptop, jerking me out of the terrible thoughts. “On a happier note…last night Brody called and asked me on a date.”
I sat up straighter, my headache forgotten momentarily. “That’s great, Eva!” I said, truly happy for her.
Brody was Eva’s on–again, off–again boyfriend. They were inseparable in high school but broke up the first semester of college. Since then, they had broken up and gotten back together too many times to count. One minute they were in love, the next they hated each other but I knew she secretly missed him.
“I invited him to go out with us tomorrow night.”
I shook my head firmly. “I can’t. The way I feel, I’ll still have a hangover tomorrow.”
“Please, Maddie? I need you with me so I don’t do something crazy like go home with him.”
I chewed the corner of my lip in indecision. I was Eva’s wingman. She always had my back and I always had hers. I could drag myself out again. I was such a pushover.
“You owe me,” I said.
“Thank you!” she cried, jumping up and grabbing her laptop. “I’ve got to hurry or I’ll be late for work. Again." She turned around and walked backward, facing me. "And remember, Maddie, no Ben without Ryder.”
I nodded and waved her away. After she left, I dragged myself to the living room and plopped down on the couch. My eyes wandered over to Ryder’s duffle bag. A dark blue shirt was neatly folded on top and a pair of scuffed boots sat next to the bag, looking right at home in my apartment. I thought of him in those boots — dancing close to me on the dance floor, fighting for me last night, and saying he wanted me. Ryder wanted me. Would I ever get used to that idea?