The one on his back was still a little too raw to go uncovered, but it was healing well also. Probably another day or so and he'd be able to have that one removed too. The ones on his side and on his arm would still need care for at least a few weeks longer. They'd gotten infected a couple days after the accident and were taking more time to fully heal. By the end of the month, however, he probably wouldn't require any additional assistance and his PT sessions could be cut down to just the days Kipp could come by.
That meant he wouldn't need me. Sure, he'd probably still have a ways to go before his stamina was back to where it was, so taking care of the house wouldn't be easy, but if he wanted me to leave, I wouldn't be able to give a good reason why I should stay.
I wondered if that was some sort of sign, some higher power telling me that my time here was still limited and that I shouldn't let myself get too involved.
“What's the verdict?” Kipp asked as I tossed the last bandage into the trash.
“Couple more weeks,” I said. I glanced at X, but he wasn't looking at me. “As long as you take it easy.”
X gave me a nod to acknowledge that he'd heard me, and then he was heading for the door, I assumed to take a shower before I put the new bandages on.
“He's different,” Kipp said.
I looked over at the therapist to find his expression uncharacteristically serious. “What do you mean?”
“I'm not quite sure, but he's working harder, and it's not because he's angry. I mean, yeah, he's pissed off still, and I don't blame him, but he's not like he was even just last week. Something's changed.”
I didn't respond. How could I when I was pretty sure I knew what had prompted the change. It was what I'd wanted, the entire point behind my idea. Knowing that it was working made me even more determined to see things through tonight.
* * *
I didn't bother with a dress this time since I already knew that I'd be stripping down to my underwear. My robe worked just as well. Underneath, I wore another set of plain cotton panties and matching bra. These were dark blue, but not even close to fancy or sexy, even though I did love the way the color looked against my skin.
I pushed those thoughts back. I had to focus. As long as we stuck to the rules, things would be fine.
He was waiting in the living room again and turned from the window when I walked in. If he had any thoughts about me wearing a robe instead of a dress, he didn't voice them.
“Tonight is going to be about your partner,” I said. “It's a little different than in a regular sexual encounter. Then, no and stop mean exactly that. Pain and embarrassment aren't negotiable. For a Dom and Sub, however, those things aren't exactly true. Safe words are the only things that really mean no and stop, and unless you and your partner are purposefully pushing those limits, you should be able to read her well enough to restrain yourself before it gets to that point.”
“Your safe word is ruby, right?”
I nodded. “That's good that you remembered. That's another reason why having a safe word is such a good thing. Regular words sometimes get lost in the heat of the moment, but when a Sub says something completely out of context, it tends to get more attention.”
“What happens if a Sub forgets her safe word?” he asked.
The fact that he was asking these sorts of questions was good. He was thinking things through, considering scenarios.
“It happens,” I said. “But usually only with new Subs. I'd recommend steering clear of them until you've done this for a while.”
I ignored the twinge of jealousy at the thought of him being experienced enough to take on a new Sub. To train a woman the way Tanner had trained me...
Shit.
I forced myself to focus again.
“Part of this is knowing what you want. Before, we dealt with limits when it came to you, how you wanted to be touched, permissions, and all that. But you also have to know what you want from your Sub in regards to her body. Knowing that determines how restrained you have to be, how fast you can go with a partner.”
“What do you mean?”
I untied my robe and shrugged out of it, leaving it on the floor. The tension in the air shifted, and I couldn't look at X as I walked over to the couch.
“How rough you like it might not be how rough a Sub likes it. Just because someone's into this lifestyle doesn't necessarily mean he or she is into pain.” I stretched out on the couch and kept my eyes on the ceiling as I folded my hands on my stomach. “You need to know what sort of things turn you on. Pinching, sucking, hair pulling.” I felt my entire body heating up. “Do you want to hold her tight? Tie her up? Use toys on her? Spank her?”
I couldn't believe I'd managed to say any of this without completely giving away how much the idea of him doing any of those things to me turned me on.
“How...” He stopped and cleared his throat. “How am I supposed to figure any of that out?”
“You're going to practice,” I said. “Earlier today, I brought down a yardstick. It's leaning against the wall over there.” I gestured. “You're going to use that to touch me.”
I ignored the fluttering in my belly.
“What you want to do with it will tell you a great deal about the sort of things you like,” I said. “So you're going to practice on me. Unless I use my safe word, you're okay. The lesson here is two-fold. What you want, and how to tell the difference between a good sort of pain, and when someone really wants you to stop.”
Silence fell for several seconds and I wondered if I pushed too far. It was a risk, I knew, but he had to see the submission part of things to truly understand what it meant to be in control.
“Roll over.” His voice was rough, but there was no malice in his tone.
I rolled onto my stomach and folded my arms under my head, resting my forehead on them. My entire body was coiled in anticipation.
He started with my feet, lightly running the edge of the yardstick along the bottoms, causing me to squirm.
“Ticklish?”
I nodded, biting my bottom lip to keep from laughing.
He kept at it, tracing patterns on the soles until I couldn't keep it in any longer. I kicked my leg out and he grabbed my ankle.
“Stop!” I laughed as he held my foot down and kept teasing me. I felt him hesitate at the word, but he didn't stop.
He was getting the hang of it.
He released my ankle and started to make his way up my legs. I twitched when he got to the back of my knees, but he didn't pause there. Instead, he continued until he reached the top of my thigh. I'd said before that we wouldn’t be touching anywhere that was covered by underwear, but that was one of the reasons I'd brought down the yard stick. It was a technicality, but one I'd overlook if he was brave enough to try.
“Did you buy this?” he asked suddenly. “The yardstick, I mean.”
I nodded.
“Why?”
“For tonight.”
“Why a yard stick?” he asked. “I get not wanting to have sex toys lying around the house, but why this?”
I swallowed hard but gave him the truth. Part of it anyway. “I've used one before.” I couldn't tell him that when I bought it, I imagined what it would be like to have him use it in the same creative ways Tanner had.
“With Tanner.” It wasn't a question.
I nodded.
Then gasped as the wood came down on my ass. It wasn't really hard enough to hurt, but it caught me off guard. He did it again and I squeezed my eyes closed. Fuck. I'd forgotten how much that stung.
And how good it felt when the heat spread across my skin.
He brought it down two more times, and the last one made me yelp.
Immediately, X was kneeling down next to me. His hand slid across my back, fingers brushing against the top of my panties as if he wanted to run his hand over the places he'd just struck.
“I'm sorry,” he said. “I didn't mean to hurt you.”
I raised my head, pushing myself up on my elbows.
“Did I say my safe word?”
He shook his head.
“Then you weren't doing anything I wasn't allowing to happen.” I rolled onto my side, my pulse skipping when X's hand moved with me, sliding around to my side. “When it comes to pain, I'm about in the middle. Some Subs prefer humiliation. Some are more into bondage. It all depends on the person. But you have to be comfortable giving them what they need if it's going to work. If you don't think you could whip or spank someone until they're bruised, then you'll want to stay away from the Subs who need that.”
He stood, shaking his head. “I don't see how hurting someone you're supposed to care about is a good thing.”
I stood, shivering as fabric moved across now-sensitized skin. I looked up at X and tried not to read into what he'd said about caring. “That's not what's happening.”
He raised an eyebrow, and I saw he didn't believe me. “Okay, let me put it this way. Do you like it when a woman scratches your back?”
He looked startled. “What?”
I held up my hand and curled my nails toward him. I didn't touch him though. With the things I was about to say, that wouldn't be smart. “When you're with someone, and she runs her nails down your back, digs them in, it hurts, doesn't it? But do you like it?” My eyes darted to his mouth, then back to his eyes. “Or if she bites your lip?”
The air between us thickened, and I knew I was treading a dangerous line.
“Biting, scratching. They can cause pain, but when they're done right, they can make things more intense.” I dropped my hand. “Some people are just wired to enjoy it. And that's the point. A Dom wants to enjoy himself, get off, but his or her primary concern is to bring the Sub pleasure. Sometimes it can seem like the Dom is using the Sub, or even being cruel. But it's about meeting the Sub's needs as well as the Dom's. A true Dom / Sub relationship is where both partners understand and fulfill what the other needs.”
He held my gaze for a few moments after I fell silent, and then he took a step back. He nodded. “I get it.” He turned away and walked back over to the window. “I think we're good for tonight.”
His tone wasn't harsh, but I knew I'd been dismissed. I grabbed my robe from the floor and pulled it on as I left, trying not to feel like I'd just been rejected.
Chapter Nine
Xavier
I heard her leave and hoped I hadn't hurt her feelings. I knew I'd been abrupt, but I'd needed her to get away from me before I grabbed her and kissed her again. Before I said to hell with the restrictions and ran my hands all over her amazing body. Before I showed her that I didn't want anyone else submitting to me. I only wanted her. Body, mind and soul.
“Fuck,” I muttered as I ran my hand through my hair.
This was not the way things were supposed to have gone. This wasn't what my life was supposed to be. Then again, if my life had gone the way I'd intended, where would I have been now? With Zed and the other guys in my unit, somewhere over in the Middle East, sweating and picking sand out of places sand had no business being. I'd be planning on re-enlisting until I was finally forced to retire, or until my luck ran out.
Except my luck had already run out. It just hadn't been where I'd thought it'd be. Still, it'd landed me in a civilian life, back in Philadelphia, and trying to decide what I was supposed to do next.
I'd always known that, if I didn't die first, I would eventually come to this point. I just hadn't expected it to be so soon.
The thing was, there was one other unexpected part of all of this.
Nori.
While there would've always been a chance I would've run into her while we'd both lived in San Antonio, based on what I knew about her life, I doubted the two of us would've run in the same circles. The fact that we hadn't met before I'd gone to the hospital supported that.
Which meant, if I hadn't had my accident, if my life had gone on the way I'd always assumed it would, I never would've met Nori.
The realization hit me harder than I liked. A part of me wanted to not care, wanted to hate everything about the life that had been forced onto me. Except I couldn't hate her. The thought of a life that didn't have her in it wasn't something I wanted to consider. In fact, I was shocked to realize that if someone had given me the opportunity to go back and make the choice not to rescue that pedophile, a choice that would've meant I'd ended up with just a bit of smoke inhalation, I wasn't entirely sure I would've taken it. Not if it meant I'd never meet Nori.
I hadn't realized I was walking until I found myself in my bathroom, standing in front of the mirror. My face was flushed and it didn't take a genius to know why. It was the same reason my pants were a bit too tight for comfort.
I stripped off my clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor, and climbed into the shower. I considered doing what I'd done the past couple days, and turning the hot water down so low that I was shivering by the time I got out. Instead, I let the heat beat down on me as I leaned forward and rested my arm against the back wall. I'd need to take off the wet dressings, but I had other, more pressing matters at hand.
Like the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about how things might've been different if Nori and I hadn't stopped tonight. If I'd done what I'd wanted to and kissed her again.
I closed my eyes and reached down to wrap my fingers around my cock. A shudder ran through me. I hadn't even tried to masturbate since the accident. The single time I'd climaxed since then, it'd been thanks to a dream. This was different.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I let myself remember the feel of her skin beneath my palm. I'd touched her almost by accident, but I'd kept my hand there deliberately. It'd taken all of my self-control not to do what I was now imagining I'd done.
I slid my hand up to cup one full breast. She moaned, arching into my touch rather than pushing me away like I thought she would. My thumb brushed across her nipple, and I felt it harden under the thin cotton. I knew she'd chosen this particular set of undergarments because they weren't supposed to be sexy.
Anything looked sexy on her.
But I was willing to bet she'd look even more so naked.
I didn't know what Nori looked like naked, but my imagination could take care of the missing details. My hand moved in slow, smooth strokes as my cock hardened even more.
I slid her panties down her legs, already anticipating what those long limbs would feel like wrapped around my waist. Her bra went next, finally letting me see every glorious inch of her. They were perfect. She was perfect. Some men may like a girl with a waist they could wrap their hands around. Me, I wanted a woman who wouldn't break beneath me.
I leaned over her, smiling as I flicked my tongue across the tip of her nipple. Nori moaned, then gasped as I covered the sensitive flesh with my mouth. I slid my hand down her stomach and between her legs, fingers delving into her slick, wet pussy. The sounds she made went straight to my cock.
The white noise of the shower didn't matter. I remembered the way she'd yelped when I smacked her ass with the ruler, the sound of her moaning when I kissed her. It wasn't hard to imagine the sorts of noises she'd make in bed.
I stood over her, looking down to where she'd gone to her knees in front of me. Her hair was down, cascading over her shoulders and halfway to her waist. I ran my fingers through her hair, then across her cheek to cup her chin. I rubbed my thumb across her bottom lip, then slid it into her mouth.
“Fuck,” I breathed out the word.
I'd kissed her, had my tongue in that mouth, knew how soft and sweet it was. I could almost feel it around my cock, almost see how her lips would stretch wide when she reached the base.
I buried my fingers in her hair, holding her head still as I began to fuck her mouth. Short, shallow thrusts that turned into longer ones, my cock sliding down her throat. She looked up at me, those beautiful eyes locking with mine.
A shudder went through me and I felt my body starting to tighten.
She stretched her arms above her head, making it easy for me to click the hand
cuffs into place. Her legs were already tied, her body spread wide for me to take however I wanted.
After.
The eight leather strips were softer than I'd thought they'd be, but when they came down on her breasts, the crack was loud. Her body jerked as she cried out. But it wasn't a sound of pain. No, this was pure pleasure. Her nipples tightened, a flush stained her skin. I could see her pussy glistening with her arousal as I brought the flogger down between her legs.
It should've freaked me out that I was fantasizing about those things, but Nori had found a part of me that I hadn't known before. And her talking about the things she liked made me think about doing those things to her. Not hurting her, but meeting a need that no one else could.
I groaned as I slid into her. She was hot and tight and perfect. Everything I'd always dreamed of, even when I hadn't known I'd wanted her. Her hips moved up against me, easily finding a rhythm, like we'd been doing this for years, like our bodies somehow knew a dance that we'd only just figured out.
“X!” she cried out my name. “Harder!”
I leaned down to give her a bruising kiss, biting at her lips as she writhed beneath me. Her nails dug into my shoulders until I was sure she would break skin. For the first time, I truly understood the appeal of how much more intense the pleasure was with an edge of pain.
“Please, X!” she begged. “More!”
My hand tightened on my cock as an orgasm ripped through me. Cum splattered on the wall as I groaned. The relief was almost enough to make my knees buckle. I stood there for a moment, letting the pleasure slowly ebb until it was gone.
I pushed my wet hair out of my face as I straightened, then stepped back to grab the shampoo. I suddenly felt extra dirty.
Now that I'd relieved the tension that had been building in me all day – or more accurately, for the past few days – all that I had left was shame. Shame at what I'd done. I had no right to think about her like that. The dream, that was out of my control. Errant thoughts, those I tried my best to ignore. What I'd just done, that had been deliberate.