“I’m so glad you’re still here,” he admitted, kissing away my tears.
Sam held me a little tighter that night. He didn’t run. No matter what I told this man he didn’t run. Someone cared about me. Sam cared about me.
“Sam,” I said in the quiet room.
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
I felt the smile on my head. “I love you, too, Kendra.”
Being with Sam and his family was so surreal to me. I honestly thought people like this only existed on television. My philosophy of garage sales was so wrong. I don’t know if I have ever had so much fun. It wasn’t just Rita and Mike’s garage sale. The whole family brought stuff, and the entire neighborhood joined in on the block party of getting rid of their things. Sam and I walked the neighborhood with Savannah and his niece Miley. We bought more toys and Barbie clothes than anything. I swear Sam couldn’t tell Savannah no to save his ass. I’m sure I couldn’t have, either. I would have bought the girl the moon and the stars. The things she said off the top of her head caused my lungs to fill with laughter. Sam’s too.
The neighborhood garage sales didn’t wrap up until after six. The whole clan pitched in and cleaned up the driveway and garage, boxing the remnants for the local thrift store. Mike grilled steaks in the backyard and the kids played. Sam was the best. Sam was unheard of. Guys like him just didn’t happen. And he was mine.
I did walk away from the family long enough to answer a call from Garrison, only because I wondered why he would be calling. I hadn’t heard a word from him in almost two weeks.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Garrison, how are you?”
“I’m very well, and you?”
“Very well.” I smiled. He sounded different, happier than the last time we spoke.
“I’ve got the papers ready for the divorce. Do you want me to come there, or what?”
“I will come there. I want to pack some things.”
“Right. I forgot about that. I haven’t been sleeping in that room.”
“Oh, well I’ll call you in the middle of the week and let you know when I’m coming. Is there anything I need to know? Like surprises you’re planning on hitting me with in these papers?”
Garrison snorted through the phone. “No, I think I am being very fair. Would you like for me to fax you a copy?”
“No, I’m not at the house right now. I trust you. I’ll call you in a few days.”
“Okay, take care.”
“You, too.”
Holding baby Janie Lynn was heartbreaking yet, exhilarant. She smiled at me and cooed. I couldn’t believe how much she grew in the few short weeks since I’d seen her. She was quite the little gem with her own personality and her cousin Savannah adored her. I wished I could give her that. If Sam and I made it work, I wouldn’t be the one to ever give her a baby sister and I wanted to. It made me a little sad, knowing that Sierra could do that, but I couldn’t.
It was after ten before we finally made it home. Savannah was out in two minutes down the road. Once again, I bathed while Sam put her to bed.
“Hurry up. I want to show you something,” he coaxed.
“I’m done. I was just waiting for you. Do I need clothes?” I teased.
“Hell no. That’s why I am taking you there. Your robe is fine.”
That made me and my rejuvenated pussy very happy. I followed Sam upstairs and out to the rooftop. I had been on many city rooftops with fancy dance floors and restaurants, never anything like this. Sam redid that, too. He even had green turf for the grass and a white picket fence a few feet from the edges.
“Look up,” Sam whispered.
I gasped, sucking in fresh country air. You didn’t see stars like that in the city. There were millions of them, twinkling, brightly above our heads. It was magical, and so was the kiss. Sam always took his kisses seriously. I swear I felt every emotion possible from his kisses. He untied the string on my robe and I let if all open. Moaning in his mouth, I felt his warm hands on my still damp breasts. This one made my list of top ten, too. Sam made love to me under the stars, doing every kinky thing I persuaded him to do. We licked, sucked, fucked, and screwed in every possible way. Sam even brought the squirt out in me once. I love and hated when he did that.
Sam and I were up until wee hours of the morning. After one more orgasm, for me, not him, we finally dozed off. I was never one for waking early, and it was even later when I stayed up late like we had the night before. I showered and wondered around the immaculate apartment that Sam had remodeled himself. I still couldn’t believe he had that much talent. When I didn’t find either of them upstairs I looked on the rooftop, smiling when I remembered the night before, but they weren’t there.
I walked to the first floor and found them coloring at an old restaurant table in the front of what used to be some sort of store. “Your princess is very pretty,” I teased Sam, running my fingers through the hair on the back of his neck. Ornery little Savannah reached across the table and colored her face blue.
“Behave,” Sam called, pushing her hand away from his pink, dressed princess.
“I am being haved. I was giving her eye shadow.” Oh my god. This kid was hilarious.
“I’m going to give you being haved,” Sam teased. “How about a knuckle sandwich?” he asked with a tight fist.
Savannah and I both laughed when Sam sprinted across the wood floor in pursuit of his ringing phone. He tripped over his own feet and almost fell flat on his face.
I took his place, coloring the trim of his princesses dress purple.
“Go grab your shoes. We have to go change a tire for Grandma,” Sam said, joining us again.
“No, I’ll just wait here,” Savannah countered, not looking up from the yellow hair she was coloring with her own princess.
“She can stay here. I’ll wait with her,” I offered. I didn’t mind at all.
“That’s okay. I’ll take her. Go get your shoes.”
“Sam, she can stay here and color. I think I can handle her long enough for you to go change a tire.”
“You can come if you want,” Sam offered, picking Savannah up from the chair. “Go get your shoes, I’m not going to say it again,” he warned. Savannah listened and ran off to find her shoes.
My heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. Sam was afraid to leave Savannah alone with me. I suddenly couldn’t breathe and the tightening in my chest hurt. It hurt so badly. It hurt more than it did the night I watched him almost fuck Olivia in front of me. He was afraid I would hurt Savannah.
“I—I’m just going to wait here,” I mumbled.
“Okay, we’ll be back within an hour. I want to take you over to the school and show you where I teach.
“Okay,” I feigned a smile.
I watched Sam leave, trailing right behind Savannah and then buried my face. How could someone so right for me hurt me this much? I honest to god felt the wind being knocked out of me. Wow. I never saw that one coming. Not for one second.
The rest of the day was so hard. I was having a hard time, trying to be the me I always was around Sam. I was afraid to talk to Savannah the way I did before. I moved her from my lap when I sat at Sam’s desk in his class, telling her she could be the teacher and I would be the student. I didn’t touch her blond curls, tickle her, or hold her hand. I was afraid to. Sam did that, and I hated him for it. Sam thought I was a monster, and for the first time since that first kiss, I wanted to go home. I wanted to run back to Garrison and hide in the shell I’d buried myself in for years. I didn’t want this. I wanted no part of it and I sure as hell had enough pain to last a life time. I refused to feel this. I didn’t care about his stupid school, his quest to rejuvenate his dying town, or anything else about his life. I wanted to run. I wanted to run and never look back.
I walked away from Sam and Savannah seeing who could swing the highest on the playground of the school and called Garrison. Maybe I could come a couple days early, and we could figure something out.
I knew he would take me back in a heartbeat, and I knew it was the best thing for everyone involved. At least my mother would be happy.
I got his voicemail, but didn’t leave a message. Pretending to be on my phone I walked along the fence line, trying to figure out how the hell to get out of there. I didn’t want to be there anymore. I didn’t belong there.
I didn’t fake the next call, I called the airline, but not our charter service. I was sure Garrison didn’t have that in our divorce papers. I knew we were closest to Charlotte, so that’s where I checked on a flight. Adrenaline surged when I hit the confirm button. I had four hours to say goodbye. What the hell was I supposed to say to him? I did what I always did. There was no beating around the bush about things with me. I blurted it out.
“I need to be at that airport by six.”
Sam’s feet hit the dirt and he stopped his swing. “Why?”
“That was Garrison. We have a meeting with our lawyers tomorrow.”
“That soon? You could have told him you needed more time. I don’t want you to go yet. Savannah and I wanted to take you to the drive-in movie.”
“Yeah, cause a free d movie is playing there, but it’s not Monster’s Inc, right, Dad?” Savannah asked.
“Right, and it’s 3D not, free d.” Was this guy serious? He couldn’t see through me at all. He was buying the line of shit I was feeding him, every last bite. Maybe he didn’t care if I left. “Can you at least wait until tomorrow night?”
“He’s already booked the flight and the lawyer can only meet us Monday.”
“Okay, but that makes me sad,” Sam pouted. I smiled. Whatever, just get me the fuck out of here.
Sam tried to talk to me, asking me what was wrong, and I played it off as not feeling well, and wanting to get this all this over with. He made me promise I wouldn’t go to the prison alone, and I would wait until we were together again to go. I made the empty promise, knowing I nor him, would be seeing Dr. Delgado. What was the point?
I was on the ground in Hartford two and a half hours later. It felt like five minutes, and flying commercial was up there with the list of things I didn’t like. At least I had a window seat, and could ignore the guy that disgustingly, snorted the entire way, or tried anyway. If this fucker gave me Ebola, I was going to sue the airline.
I wasn’t even sure Garrison would be home. Usually when he didn’t answer, he was out of town at some client dinner or something. I took a cab, feeling that hurt come over me again. The one that started in the pit of my stomach and slowly made its way up to my throat. I didn’t want to be here anymore than I wanted to be with Sam. Why did everything have to fight me? What the hell did I ever do to anyone? Karma hated me.
“Thank you,” I said, choking down tears when the cab driver pulled to my door—Garrison’s door. I smiled amused at myself. I would have been a bitch to this guy at the beginning of summer, telling him to clean his nasty car, or something. Here I was, saying thank you. Who would have thought?
Taking in a deep breath, I stared at the massive double doors. Here goes nothing.
The house was quiet, but I still didn’t know if Garrison was home, I didn’t check the garage first. I called his name, dropping my bag to the white marble floor, and knew he wasn’t there. Nobody was there. The house was eerily quiet.
Walking up to my room, I heard the noises from Garrison’s office. I should have known. If Garrison was home at nine at night, he was still working. I opened the door without knocking and literally thought I was seeing things.
“Oh my god,” I exclaimed. I couldn’t move. Never in a million years. Never. Ever. Ever. Did I say never? Fuck! What the fuck? Shit!
“What are you doing here?” Garrison asked, pulling up his pants. No words. I couldn’t talk. They were gone. I would probably never speak again. “You remember Craig,” Garrison said like he was introducing an old friend. Not at all like I had just walked into Garrison’s dick being in the new guy’s mouth with his own bigger than Garrison’s cock in his hand. Unreal. Un-fucking-real.
I turned, closed the door behind me, and held my hand over my mouth. I’m sure had I been able to see my reflection, it was ghostly white. What?! Did that really just happen?
“Kendra? Kendra? Can you hear me? Kendra?” I heard Garrison call over and over. Oh, thank god. It was just a dream. “Kendra?”
I opened one eye first and looked up to Garrison hovering over me. Craig was standing above him. Well so much for the dream. Did I pass out? I scooted to a sitting position, determining that I had.
“Are you okay? Did you hit your head?” Garrison asked.
I rubbed my head and wondered if I had. I didn’t feel any sore spots. “Garrison?” I questioned.
“Craig, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Garrison, said turning to his—his—his, whatever he was.
Craig nodded and saw himself out. Garrison retrieved my ringing phone from three feet away. I must have flung it when I fell. He helped me to my feet and I ignored Sam’s call. What the hell would I say to him now? The man already thought my life was a zoo.
Garrison held on to me and pulled out a chair at the conference table in his office. I didn’t know if I wanted to sit on any of these chairs.
“I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time.”
I did the only Kendra thing to do. “You’re gay?” I uttered in shocked disbelief.
“I tried not to be, I really did, Kendra.”
“You never let me do that to you,” I said, still trying to make sense of this madness.
“It’s different with Craig.”
“How do you mean?”
“I don’t know. I can’t explain it. It just is.”
“Were you always gay? I mean were you ever attracted to me?” Garrison told me the answer without words. His eyes shifted to his hands. The hands that were holding on to the back of Craig’s head just—oh man. Oh wow.
“My parents wouldn’t understand, you know that.”
“Fuck your parents, Garrison. Jesus Christ of all Jesus Christ’s.”
“Stop taking the lords name in vain, and you don’t have to talk like that, either. We can talk about this without being ugly to each other.”
“I don’t even know what to say to you. I came here tonight, planning on talking to you about a reconciliation.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, I felt like I was better off here with you.”
“You’re not, and you know it. That’s you, Kendra. You’re not going to walk around here with cut off shorts up to your butt and superman T-shirts here. That’s you. That’s how you’re comfortable. And this is how I’m comfortable. I can do things with Craig that I was never able to do with you. We laugh, we do things. I have fun with him, Kendra.”
“That’s great. That’s, wow. That’s awesome, Garrison.”
“Kendra, don’t be like that. It has nothing to do with you. You can’t honestly sit there and tell me you’re not happier with Sam, either. I was happy when I got the report back, confirming what I already knew.”
“You tried to talk me out of it,” I reminded him.
“I had to. My father told me it was the Christian thing to do.”
“Garrison, you haven’t been to church since we were dating.”
“I was ashamed to go there.”
“Because you knew you were gay?”
“I’ve known for a long time.”
“Garrison, did you cheat on me with guys?”
“No, never. I never had the nerve to do something like that. Craig was the one who came on to me, or I probably wouldn’t have acted on that, either.”
“But you cheated on me with Craig, before I cheated with Sam?” I questioned.
“Yes, tonight was our eighth-month anniversary. We were going to celebrate.”
“Hump, yeah, it looked you already did.”
“I gave you the beach house,” Garrison said, letting me know we weren’t going to talk about that. Eight-month anniversary? I didn’t even get that a
nd I was married to the fucker.
“You can stay here tonight. I’ll leave.”
“Okay,” I replied. What else was there? Garrison was gay. My husband was gay.
I did the only thing there was to do that night. I got drunk. I got so drunk I forgot my own name. What a fucked up life. The only thing I can figure is I had to have done something really, really bad, in my previous past life. Hell, it was probably more than one past life. I’m talking four or five past lives. I was still in shock three hours later in my drunken stupor.
“Oh fuck, no!” I said louder than necessary to my Sam ringing cell phone. Ker plunk. My phone was a super phone. It had powers. I swear my smart, super phone stayed lit for an hour before it finally decided to die. Who needs Sam’s? I didn’t. I didn’t need gay husbands who wouldn’t let you suck his cock, either. No, but he would let Craig.
Fuck him. Fuck Garrison, fuck my mom. Fuck her, too. Fuck Adriana. I hope you’re getting fucked in every hole you have, burning in hell. Fuck my dead dad who never once stood up for me. Fuck everybody that praised Adriana for dealing with all I put her through. Fuck everybody that believed every word she said, and let her hurt me, over and over.
Fuck every one of those bias motherfuckers that think sexual abuse only comes from men. Fuck you Ms. Lilly! I came to you for help. You were supposed to protect me. Fuck you Dr. Fucking Fuck. Fuck. Stupid, motherfucker. Fuck this fucked up life. Fuck it. And fuck you Sam. Fuck you. I fucking hate you. Fuck your stupid reservations. I wouldn’t hurt her. I would never hurt her, Sam. I wouldn’t.
By the time I was bloviated to a point of almost a comatose state, I was done crying in my beer. I was puking in my wine. I thought I may be dying, and suddenly wished I had my phone. I heaved, and heaved and heaved. Every time I thought I was done it hit me again. Jesus, how much did I drink? I knew after the excruciating pain started, I needed help. Doubling over in pain, I made it to Garrison’s office and called for a squad. I hung up on the 911 operator even though I could hear her yelling for me to stay on the line. I couldn’t. I really thought I was going to die.
I barely remember the ride to the hospital, I convulsed the whole way, chattering my teeth. I do remember hearing a voice call ahead to the hospital. Alcohol poisoning, and Mrs. Ashby. Great. Garrison was going to take my house back.