CHAPTER XV.
A WAR OF WORDS.
Washburn had reported to me that, while I was dining with thepassengers in the cabin, Griffin Leeds had gone into the pilot-houseand had a short interview with Cornwood. Of course we used the octoroonas a waiter; and even Gopher took a hand at the same occupation, for heliked to hear what the party said about the dinner. Griffin must havetaken the time while the waiters were clearing the tables for the lastcourse, or while the gentlemen were amusing themselves with theAmerican custom of making speeches. In either case, it was almost a sinfor a waiter to leave his post.
Cornwood was sulky when I said I wanted him. Doubtless he had businesson shore, as I had for him on board. I paid him five dollars a day andexpenses; and I thought I had the best right to his services.
"Mr. Cornwood, I desire to have you map out a practicable trip up theriver for a steamer that draws nine feet of water, with her bunkersfull of coal," I began, as I seated myself in my room.
The words were hardly out of my mouth when Hop Tossford came in with amessage written on an old envelope, from Owen.
"Come to the Colonel's house at once.
OWEN."
"At once" meant immediately; and I was not a little annoyed by thesummons, since it prevented me from carrying out my part of Washburn'slittle plan.
"I have the cruise all mapped out, Captain Garningham," repliedCornwood, while I was reading the message from my cousin.
He took from his breast-pocket a document, which he handed to me with astiff bow. On opening it, I found it was a carefully prepared outlineof the proposed cruise up the river, with detours in various bays andsmaller streams.
"I will examine this at my leisure; for I am called to the house ofColonel Shepard by Mr. Garningham," I continued. "Very likely hedesires to give me instructions in regard to the up-river trip. If hedoes, I wish to see you as soon as I return; and I may not be gone morethan an hour."
Cornwood made no reply; but I saw that he was biting his lip. Myrequest was equivalent to an order to remain on board, and he was notexactly in position to set my wishes at defiance. I went ashore as soonas a boat could be dropped into the water, and hastened to the house ofthe Colonel. Owen said he was very glad to see me; and from theexcitement of his manner, I judged that something was in the wind.
"To-morrow will be Saturday," said he, walking up and down the parlorwhere I had seated myself. "The same party we had to-day, including theSilver Cornet Band, will make a little run up the river, and stop for awhile at Mrs. Mitchell's place, if it is practicable, with a dinner atfour o'clock."
"It is not practicable----"
"It is not practicable!" exclaimed Owen, stopping in front of me.
"You did not hear me out, my dear charterer of the Sylvania," Ireplied, amused at the sudden check put upon his enthusiasm. "It is notpracticable to run the steamer up to the pier at Mrs. Mitchell's place;but we can land the passengers in the boats. Of course we can go up theriver as far as Pilatka, and perhaps farther."
"We don't want to go up to--what's that place you mentioned? I haveheard of it before, and it is forty or fifty miles up," added Owen, whohad been too busy looking after Miss Edith to pay any attention to thegeography of the State.
"The place is Pilatka; and it is seventy-five miles up."
"It would take all day to go to Pilatka; besides, I don't wish to spoilall the fun of the trip we are to take next week. There's a Chinesetown or city, where Mrs. What's-her-name lives, about a dozen milesup," continued my cousin.
"A Chinese town? There are no Chinamen of any consequence in Florida."
"No, no! A town with a Chinese name, where the lady that wrote _UncleTom's Cabin_ lives," interposed Owen impatiently.
"Mandarin," I added, after I had consulted a pamphlet guide I hadpicked up in one of the hotels. "It is fifteen miles from here."
"That's the place; and it is just the right distance!" exclaimed Owen."We will go to Mandarin. By the way, you must have a lunch on boardabout twelve."
"All this is quite practicable."
"And why can't you take the steamer up to the pier at Mrs. Mitchell'splace?" demanded my passenger.
"Because the bottom is too near the top of the water," I replied,laughing at the puzzled expression on my cousin's face.
"Couldn't you have the bottom put farther down for this occasion?" heinquired very seriously.
"Certainly, if you are willing to pay the bills and to wait long enoughfor the work to be done."
"I don't object to the bills, but we can't wait."
"I see that you have become quite an American traveller; you don'tdispute any bills, and you can't wait."
"I can't wait to have a channel dredged out up to that pier, for verylikely it would take all day to do it."
"It would take you Britishers three months to do it; Americans would doit in a week."
"I think my uncle, your father, is a Britisher. But I have no time toquarrel with you about that matter now; it will keep. We will be landedat the pier in boats, since you are not willing to accommodate us inany other manner."
"I will arrange the landing so that it shall be satisfactory," I added,thinking of a large barge I had seen at the boat-wharf.
"Then we are all right for to-morrow, are we, Alick?" asked myfacetious cousin.
"All right. Whenever you tell me what you want, it shall be done."
"But just now you objected to taking your steamer up to that pier."
"I should have qualified the declaration----"
"Merciful Hotandsplosh!"
"Is that man your idol?"
"You take my breath away with your stunning long words!"
"I won't take your breath away, for you will want it all. I will do allyou want when I can," I added.
"How much prettier that sounds than 'qualified the declaration.'"
"I see that I must write out all my speeches in words of not more thanfour letters, so as to bring them down to the dull brain of a Briton."
"The dull brain of a Briton is good."
"So your friend Hotandsplosh would say."
"I will introduce him to you some time."
"I don't want to know him; he is too slow for me."
"Come, come, Alick; we are quarrelling when we have business to do,"said Owen, shaking his shoulders like a vexed child.
"You are quarrelling; I am not. You pick me up on my language as thoughyou were my schoolmaster, and then complain that I am impeding thebusiness of the conference."
"Cut it short! 'Impeding the business of the conference!' That jaw ofyours will need to be patched up by a dentist, man!"
"Your jaw does all the mischief; and you are at it again, with yourpedagogical----"
"Cut it short! What a word! A young man of high aims ought not to usesuch a word; and anybody else ought to be hung for it!"
"Still at it!"
"I wish to say something about the run up the river," continued Owen,who was very fond of criticising my language, and would even neglectimportant business to do it.
"Say it, then."
"Where do we go?"
"Wherever you say."
"Merciful Hotandsplosh! Am I to study up the geography of this State,so as to tell you where to go?" demanded my passenger.
"I will select a route, in consultation----"
"Oh dear!" gasped Owen, throwing himself at full length on a sofa, withhis legs hanging over one end of it, as though he were in utterdespair.
"I will talk with K-u-r-n-e-l, Colonel, S-h-e-p-a-r-d, Shepard, a-boutthe r-o-u-t-e, route."
"Good! Shove it off on the Colonel!" exclaimed Owen. "I know what yousay now; and I feel better."
"Perhaps you would like to know where it is possible for us to go," Icontinued, taking Cornwood's paper from my pocket as Owen sprang to hisfeet. "Here are some suggestions in regard to where we may go; it wasmade up by our guide;" and I handed him the paper, which he opened tothe fold of the sheet, and turned it over a
nd over.
"Merciful Grand Panjandrum!"
"Another friend of yours!"
"I got him out of an American book; and that accounts for it! Am I toread all this? _Tempus fugit_. _Let it fugit_! I should have to beburied in the blue sands of Florida if I read all this;" and he turnedit over several times more.
"You would have to be buried in thought for a short time if you readit."
"Let me see, what did you call what's in this paper? Suggestions, wasit? If these are only suggestions, what must the real thing be! No, no,Alick! Go where you please; but don't ask me to read that paper. Onlygive us some shooting and fishing. Don't bother me with any moresuggestions."
"You sent for me, and I came."
"I know you did. You are a young lamb, Alick. Now go and put it to theColonel and Tiffany."
Presently Colonel Shepard's party came into the parlor. They had justarrived at the house, for they had stopped to see some alligators, andto buy Gulf beans and alligator's teeth, ornamented, for watch-charmsand other wear. Miss Margie had seen an alligator six feet long, andthought he was very terrible. The baby reptiles she considered "verycunning little pets."
I proceeded at once to talk with Colonel Shepard about the up-rivertrip. He looked the paper over, but he and Mr. Tiffany were almost asmuch perplexed over it as Owen had been.
"We must go up the St. Johns to Enterprise, at least, and up theOcklawaha to Lake Griffin," said the Colonel.
"But the Sylvania draws too much water to go far beyond Pilatka. Afterwe get the anthracite coal out of the bunkers we shall carry up eightfeet," I replied.
"Carry up eight feet! You have only two to carry, and an alligator maybite off one of them," shouted Owen, who it seemed had been listeningto me, instead of giving attention to Miss Edith's charms, about whichshe was talking.
"Give heed to my charms, Mr. Garningham!" said Miss Edith.
"That's just what I have done since I first saw you!" exclaimed Owen.
I promised to consult the Floridian, and took my leave.