Chapter 16
12th October
7.36 p.m.
“Who the hell are you?”
James didn’t reply. Instead, he sat hunched forwards on the settee resting his face in his hands and pushing his fingers in and out of his hairline.
“Who are you, and where did you come from?” asked Han for a second time.
Since coming home from their fruitless journey to Exeter, Han had thought more and more of the day that James had returned. The image of him laying across his bed, dressed in black, with duct tape over his mouth wouldn’t leave him. The more he thought about things, the more nervous he became. And the more nervous he became, the more he believed that the man sitting in front of him wasn’t his son.
The results of the blood tests had been negative and James had an upcoming appointment with Dr Justin Bourke, a Consultant Psychiatrist based in Bath.
James lifted his head from his hands and looked at his father.
“Whatever all this is about, I’m still your son and you’re my dad.”
Han sighed. He had been sighing a lot over the past few weeks. Now he was impatient, angry and confused.
James had been hanging around the house since he’d mysteriously returned, and had done very little other than linger in his bedroom. He had been unemployed for the past eight months, and had just missed an interview with the Job Centre.
“If you are my son I need to know what’s going on. I know for a fact that you were missing for four days. I need to know where you’ve been.”
James put his head back in his hands.
“I know that if your fingerprints were checked, or your DNA, it would be proved that you are James Trafford. But, I know, although I can’t explain why, that you’re not who you appear to be,” said Han, in a heated tone.
“Okay, let’s turn things around. Did you kidnap me? Is there a conspiracy to pull me away from my family? I’d like some answers too.”
“There’s no conspiracy James. You’ve seen for yourself, you’ve visited the house you say is your home, and Helena wasn’t there. She has never been there.”
“As far as I’m concerned, one day I was at home in Exeter, with my wife and children and then I wake up on your bed gagged and tied……. don’t you think I would like an explanation?”
The two man stared at one another in silence. Then Han spoke.
“I knew that you wouldn’t find Helena in Exeter, and I know that you won’t find her at the university there either.”
“Why?”
He really doesn’t know, thought Han. He braced himself to deliver the news that he and Howie had been holding back.
“You won’t find Helena in Exeter, because she’s in France.”
“France?”
“Yes, France. With her fiancé.”
“I don’t believe you, what are you doing this for, why are you doing this?……. you cruel bastard!”
Han wasn’t lying, it was true. Helena had met David six months after she and James had separated and moved with him to France. When she’d left England, she’d been three months pregnant with David’s child. She’d lost contact with most of her friends and had started a new life.
Han delivered the news as compassionately as he could, but James was having none of it. He flew into a rage, kicked over a chair, stormed out of the lounge and stomped to his room.
It had only been three weeks since James had returned, but Han couldn’t take much more. He couldn’t tolerate sharing the same space with him any longer. Whether or not James really was his son, the stress levels in his home were unbearable. Han tried to calm his nerves by taking long deep breaths. After a few minutes he felt a little more composed.
I need to be in control of this.
Han made his way to James’ room. He stood outside and heard him sobbing from behind the bedroom door. He knocked, and slowly opened the door. He sat beside him on the edge of the bed and watched James with his head buried into his pillow.
“I’m sorry about what I said downstairs, of course you’re my son, there’s no way you can’t be…… I’m truly sorry James.”
James rolled over and looked at his father through red eyes.
“Dad, I’m so confused right now, and I just can’t accept what you’re telling me. Perhaps I’m losing the plot, maybe I am going insane and perhaps this is what the psychiatrist in Bath will confirm. But from my point of view I’m telling you the truth. I am married to Helena, we do have children, and everything else I’ve told you is true.”
Han placed his hand on James’ shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
“Dad, can I ask you a question?”
Han nodded.
“What am I like?”
“What do you mean?”
“The other James, the one that lives here with you, the James I don’t know……. what is he like?”
Han thought about his son’s question. He wasn’t quite sure how he should answer.
“No one has told me what I’m like. Am I happy, do I have many friends, what sort of things to I get up to?”
Han decided go along with James’ question, and to tell him the truth.
“I suppose life hasn’t quite worked out the way you’d planned. You’ve not got over losing Helena. You spend a lot of time blaming yourself for having an affair which broke your marriage apart, and you spend even more of your time pining over her and wishing the two of you were still together.”
“So I’m a bit of saddo then!”
“You spend a lot of time thinking ‘what if?’”
“I can understand; I couldn’t imagine my life without her.”
Han considered how strange their conversation was. It was as if James really did believe that he was still with Helena, and the James who had split with her was a different person.
He thought about the evenings James had sat with him and talked about his mistakes and how, if he were given the chance, he would go back in time and start all over again. James was angry with himself for spoiling a great thing. He missed Helena so much he’d become depressed, had little motivation and to add to it all, in February he had lost his job.
Howie had been the only friend who had stuck by James, his other friends got tired of his low mood. A night out with James would be guaranteed not to be a great time. After one or two beers he would start rambling on about Helena. It was always Helena this, or Helena that. He was clearly obsessed with her and when she’d moved to France he became even lower.
But Howie’s friendship with James went back almost twenty-five years, and Howie wanted to be there for his best friend, even if it meant putting up with his unhappiness.
Han had kept Howie informed on how James had been since his return. He hadn’t yet told him about the trip to Exeter, he thought it would be best to leave that up to James. But he had told him about the appointment with Dr Sullivan and that James now had an appointment with a psychiatrist.
But, Han had decided to tell Howie about the nightmare that he shared with his son, and Howie had been gob smacked. Hearing about the nightmares after reading Tom Judd’s book made Howie wonder whether there had been something eerie behind the whole thing.
Whatever was going on, Han knew he could rely on Howie to be there for his son.