As the meal came to a close, an unfamiliar sound came from the head of the table. It was then that I noticed Wix had disappeared as well as a few other people. They were now the source of the noise I heard.
“What are those?” I asked Sarah as I observed them.
“Teresa is playing a guitar,” Sarah said quietly to me. “Thereon is playing a drum. And Wix is playing his violin. He was something of a child protégé when he was young, before the Fall. He got to play at all these world class venues and with famous symphonies.”
I watched them as they played. The sounds were beautiful, but so foreign and strange to me. I knew nothing of music but something told me these instruments were not normally played together. Still, it was the most beautiful thing I had heard. It may as well have been magic.
As people finished their meals, they drifted to the sides of the table, and started doing what I could only guess was dancing. The tables were cleared away and a bonfire was built in the middle of the clearing, the dancers moving around the fire.
I stood to the side along the tree line, watching how they moved. At first it had looked so strange, so silly. But as I observed the way they moved in time with the music I understood why they did it. There was something about the music that spoke to a place inside of me. Dancing was a way to let the body and the music combine.
“You look really beautiful tonight,” a voice said from behind me. I turned to see Gabriel come to my side.
“Thank you,” I said as my eyes dropped to my bare feet. “I feel so exposed.”
Gabriel chuckled, his lips disappearing into the mass of his beard as they pressed together. “Not exactly what you’re used to.”
“I’ve never worn a dress before.”
“It’s good for you. A reminder of what you really are.” When I didn’t say anything in response Gabriel filled it in. “Human.”
“Thank you, Gabriel,” I said quietly as I looked back down at my feet. “Happy birthday.”
He gave a chuckle and then a sigh. “I feel so old.”
“That’s a good thing,” I reminded him. “Not too many get to feel old anymore.”
Footsteps approached us and we both looked up to see West coming to join us, his hands stuffed in his pockets.
“Happy birthday, Gabriel,” he said. “Eve,” he gave a nod in my direction.
“Thank you. Well, I’d better get back to my party,” Gabriel said with a grin that got lost in his beard again. He wandered back into the crowd.
West and I stood there for a few moments, staring at the scene before us. The fire, the people dressed up, the music, and the laughter. It was almost as if the Fall had never happened.
But in that case, we would probably be inside a building, not under the stars. There would be a heater warming the room, not a billowing fire that licked out at the night air. I think I almost preferred it this way.
“You look beautiful,” West finally broke the silence.
“Thank you,” I said, feeling heat rush to my cheeks, both from his compliment and at the feeling of our shoulders brushing. West slipped his hand out of his pocket and his fingers intertwined with mine.
“Would you dance with me, Eve?” he said quietly as we both continued to watch the people move before us.
A smile tried to break out on my lips but I shook my head. “I don’t know how. I’ll look ridiculous.”
He looked at me for a moment, that look in his eyes that made my stomach do strange quivers. He took a step toward the woods, pulling me behind him.
We didn’t go far, just through the trees enough that no one would see us. We stopped where the trees met the sandy water’s edge.
“No one has to see you dance,” he said quietly as we stood face to face. We could still faintly hear the music coming through the trees. West took one of my hands in his, wrapping his other hand around my waist. I placed my other hand on his shoulder since that seemed like the right place to put it. West pulled me closer and I let my head settle on his chest as we just rocked side to side in a small circle.
The sound of West’s heart beating matched the slow rhythm of the music. I closed my eyes and let the symphony of it reach inside me and find the part of me that was real, the human part.
“So have you thought about what I said?” he said quietly into my ear, his cheek resting on the top of my head. “I know you feel things.”
“It’s so strange. I’ve never felt things like this before. It’s overwhelming,” I said quietly into the soft cloth of his shirt.
“Is it bad though?”
I considered it for half a moment and then shook my head. “No,” I whispered. I didn’t tell him how it terrified me more than anything else had terrified me though. I’d been through a lot in my life and developing feelings was the scariest thing I had ever faced.
West slowed to a stop and brought his hand to my chin. Slowly he tipped my face up to his, his eyes staring down at mine with intensity. In that moment, I thought I almost remembered them looking at me through a window, younger and more innocent. Almost.
“I’m glad you don’t remember,” he said in a low voice, his eyes turning darker. “Even if that means you don’t remember me.”
“Good thing you found me then,” I said.
He tipped his head down and his lips met mine, brushing them so softly they tingled with anticipation as if they’d never touched at all.
“What was that?” I hissed as I whipped my head toward the tree line, stepping away from West and into a stance ready to spring. My ears strained, listening for the sound of a branch breaking again. I smelled at the air, searching for signs of life that shouldn’t be there.
I took a few steps into the trees, West stepping quietly behind me. “I didn’t hear anything besides the party.”
“Shh,” I hissed at him, my eyes straining to see through the dark. A figure stepped back into the clearing at the exact same time someone else stepped toward us.
“Eve?” Sarah’s voice called through the dark. “Is that you?”
I sighed as I glanced back at West who had a very annoying smile on his face.
“A little paranoid?” he said quietly.
“Shut up,” I said as I rolled my eyes and walked toward Sarah, trying to suppress the smile that wanted to break through.
“Eve!” Sarah called excitedly as she saw me walking through the trees. “The guys are setting up a knife throwing contest. The prize is Terrif’s hunting knife. He offered it since his eye sight is getting too bad to do anything with it. They were all hoping you’d stay gone so they’d have a chance at winning.”
The smile did break onto my face as I stepped back into the clearing and saw the target set up across from where everyone was gathered. As soon as Bill and Graye saw me they groaned and threw up their hands in surrender.
“Come on, Sarah!” Graye moaned. “Why’d you have to go and tell her? We might as well not play!”
“Settle down, boys,” I said as I shook my head. “Go ahead. I’ll just watch.”
Cheers erupted and the energy turned to teasing Wix for taking up a blade to enter. He kept up with the banter though, pretending to be the toughest of them all.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” West whispered into my ear. He then started walking in the direction of his tent.
Sarah caught my eye, flashing a quick wink.
It was pretty comical, watching Wix try and keep up with our best scouts in Eden. I had to respect him for trying though. The kid wouldn’t be bullied.
I looked up from my place by the food tent and searched for Sarah. I found her talking to Morgan. She glanced over at me and as she did I felt my insides hollow out. Her eyes were suddenly glazed-over looking, her face going blank. I bolted up from my seat and was across the clearing in five bounding steps. I caught her just as she collapsed.
Sarah’s right arm flailed wildly as I carefully lowered her to the ground. Her eyes stared blankly up at the night sky, her body thrashing violently.
&nbs
p; Everyone had been told of Sarah’s newfound condition. It had been necessary should she be with someone and have a seizure. But everyone still gathered around her, watching in horror and with sad expressions. I suddenly wanted to tell all of them to get away. They didn’t need to see her like this.
“Where’s Avian?” I asked to no one in particular as Sarah’s arm batted against my right shoulder. I didn’t even feel it.
“He went back to his tent a while ago,” Morgan said as she crouched down next to us, Sarah’s form starting to still.
“Stay with her,” I instructed. Morgan sat next to me and pulled Sarah’s head into her lap. “I’ll go get him.”
I made my way through the tents, seeing Avian’s in sight. He had a lantern lit, his shadow falling against the off-white canvas. I stopped short just ten feet away though when I noticed another shadow inside.
“Don’t think I don’t know this isn’t normal,” Avian’s voice floated through the night harshly. “I know she’s too young, that I’m too old for her.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.” I was surprised when it was West’s voice that answered back. “I respect you Avian. But I know how I feel. I know what I want. And I’m pretty sure Eve feels the same way.”
Avian was quiet for a moment and I could almost sense the hard look that was on his face, see how he would rub his hand over his recently shaven head. “You don’t know her,” he said, his voice low. “How would you know how she feels, what she’s been through? I’ve been there for her every moment the last five years. I took care of her when we found her alone in the woods. I watched her, knowing what she was, knowing that even if she turned against us that I wouldn’t be able to short her out.
“And it’s not like she’s just some eighteen-year-old girl. She’s never had a childhood. She’s never been a kid. She’s been a leader her whole life.
“So don’t try and tell me what I already know and wish could be different.”
The tension inside the tent billowed out in an almost tangible way. When West spoke again it was tight sounding, as if he was speaking through his teeth. “Don’t you dare say I wasn’t there for her. I’ve known her for as long as I can remember. I watched everything she was going through. I begged my grandfather and father for years to stop, to let her go. She was my best friend, my only friend. After she disappeared, I hoped for years that she was still alive. It ripped me apart, not knowing what happened to her. I’ve never stopped looking, hoping, for those five years.”
I stood there, feeling ready to explode. I wanted to run in there and tell them to stop fighting. I didn’t belong to either of them. They had no claim on me. And yet the words they said, they settled into a deep place inside of me, burrowing into every corner of me. I also just wanted to run into the dark and force it all out, to go back to the way I was just a month earlier. I felt like I was about to be swallowed up by myself.
“It’s just going to have to be up to Eve,” Avian finally said quietly. “We both know that.”
I saw West’s shadow nod.
I didn’t want to hear anymore. I didn’t want their words to make me feel anymore. I didn’t think I could handle any more of it.
“Avian,” I called, shuffling my feet, trying to pretend to just be walking up. “Sarah needs you.”
There was a pause as they looked at each other for a moment, and then Avian stepped out.
“She had another seizure,” I said quietly. I almost felt like I was seeing a different side to Avian. He wasn’t just the man who had looked out for me all my life. He was the man who pretended like he would destroy me if he had to, but would never be able to bring himself to do it if I turned against them. Did that mean he cared more about me than he did Eden?
“Where is she?” he asked when I paused.
“Still in the clearing,” I finally managed. “Morgan is taking care of her.”
He gave me a long look and I could sense the things that surged inside of him. A moment later he started back toward the clearing.
I heard footsteps come up behind me. West’s hand slipped into mine, but I took a quick step away, shaking it off.
“I think I’m going to go to bed now,” I said. I didn’t even glance back as I walked swiftly toward my tent. My breath was coming in shallow gasps. My hands started shaking and my insides quivered. I wanted to turn it off. Not feeling was easier.
THIRTEEN
Without meaning to, West was added to my avoidance pattern for the next few days.
I got my lunch and went to sit at the edge of the lake to eat it. I sat with my toes dipped in the water, sweat dripping down my back, my pack becoming damp through my threadbare shirt. Summer had finally arrived with full force.
My afternoon was free of any duties and I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. I almost didn’t want to do anything. The heat made me feel sluggish and slowed down. Guess that was one thing I didn’t share with the Fallen. The sun certainly didn’t charge me in the same way. In a weird way, that felt like a triumph.
I deposited my pack into my tent, always a nearly painful thing to do, and made my way to the east side of the lake. The trees hung over the lake in this section, providing a lot of privacy. I slipped out of my sticky clothes, washed them quickly, then hung them out to dry. I jumped in, the cool water hitting my skin with a sharp slap. I gave a sigh as my head surfaced, pushing my hair out of my face. The sun was nearly blinding as it danced on the surface of the water.
I set out for the west side of the lake, taking long strokes that propelled me forward.
As hard as I tried, I couldn’t push Avian and West from my thoughts. I found myself craving their presence and yet dreading having to come face to face with either of them. I wanted that peace I had felt with Avian’s hand in mine, to hear him breathing and just feel him there. And yet I wanted to feel alive in a way I never had felt before when West kissed me, held me.
What was wrong with me? I was Eve. I didn’t need to feel things like this. I wasn’t supposed to feel things like this! Everything was supposed to be blocked out. I was just making my life more complicated.
I reached the eastern shore of the lake and turned back.
I was nearly back to where my clothes hung to dry when I felt something splash against me, waves not created by my strokes. I pulled up short, my head popping out of the water at the same time Avian’s did.
“Avian!” I gasped as my hands automatically clamped around my chest. “What are you doing here?!”
“Swimming!” he said in a shocked tone. “What are you doing here?”
“Swimming!” I answered back, turning my back to him. The water was dark in this section of the lake because of the shadowing of the trees, for which I was immensely grateful. We were still nearly ten yards away from shore though. I then noticed Avian’s clothes hanging about twenty feet away from mine, dripping wet, just like mine were.
“Well turn around,” I commanded as I started swimming for the shore again. Avian did as I asked.
I wasn’t sure what to say as I debated what to pull on. Everything was still soaking. My cheeks flushing, I pulled on only my underthings. It was uncomfortable wearing wet clothes with the temperatures so warm. I turned my back as Avian came to shore and pulled on his pants.
We stood there, both unsure of what to say, not quite looking at each other. I sensed a lot of tension coming from Avian, hating the way it made me feel inside.
“I don’t want things to be like this between us,” I finally said, looking up into his face. “You mean more to me than anyone here in Eden. I can’t stand this.”
“More than West?” he asked, his voice tight with a hint of hurt in it.
I took a few steps toward him, stopping just a foot away from him. “More than West,” I said quietly. “You are home to me Avian. You are all I’ve ever had.”
Avian finally looked up into my eyes, his blue ones filled with feelings I was starting to understand. “You mean everything to me Eve. I know I haven’t
exactly come right out and said it yet, but you do. But if you have feelings for West, I…” he trailed off as his eyes again fell to the rough sand underneath our feet.
I bit my lower lip, my own eyes falling from his face. “Something is happening to me, Avian. There is something inside of me that is waking up and I don’t know how to handle it. I’m feeling things I’ve never felt before. Things I don’t understand. I’m terrified, Avian.”
His eyes met mine again, soft and sad looking at the same time. I wanted him to do something, to say something. Avian always had the answers for me, always sorted things out when I couldn’t understand. “You can’t have both, Eve. It just doesn’t work that way.”
I stared into his eyes, feeling my insides raging. I felt like I was going to get swallowed up by myself again. Something inside of me reached out to Avian, wanting to pull him closer and never have to let go.
He reached up, taking the stone wings he had carved into his hand, his eyes studying its surface. “No matter what you choose, I’ll still be here. Just don’t expect me to not get hurt.”
My lips were against his before I even allowed myself to consider what I was doing. My arms wrapped behind his neck at the same time that his wrapped around my waist. My insides surged in ways I didn’t understand, and a feeling of what I could describe as nothing other than belonging settled into every corner of my being. Everything about his scent, his body, his presence brought on a flood of memories, sizzling with a feeling of newness and anticipation.
And almost as soon as it started, Avian pulled away, resting his forehead against mine, one of his hands pressing softly against my bare stomach. He closed his eyes, his lips pursed together. “You can’t have both,” he said quietly. He pressed one more quick kiss to my forehead, then grabbed his clothes and walked back in the direction of Eden.
FOURTEEN
The floorboards creaked in protest as my booted feet walked across them. Dust swirled around my legs, the light catching their form, tracing patterns in the air. The air was stale with the heavy scent of abandonment.