Chapter Eleven
I quickly discovered that Krista has an extensive network of acquaintances. She interacts with basically everyone with an ease I admire. But, her friendships are tempered with a suspicious reserve. She’s actually a very private person, although most people don’t seem to notice this fact. Krista is guarded with her true self and we get along quite well because of it – I understand that world, completely.
We became closer as the days flew by. This quickly-forming relationship was an odd experience for me. I’ve never had a close, female friend. I only knew Emily for three weeks when we moved away from Chicago, so our connection could best be defined as casual.
Krista didn’t know much about my past. She didn’t ask me anything about it, either. I wasn’t prepared to share my history with her, just yet. Still, it’s nice to have a close female friend who doesn’t think I’m strange…
My new friendship with Krista seemed to make Tray happy too. He would sit with us during our lunch period and make everyone laugh. All the other girls at the table oohhh, aahhh and squeal at every single word he speaks, anyway. Krista gets more entertainment from watching their shameless worship, than listening to my brother’s funny stories.
A history project (of all things) would end up forging a deep friendship between Krista and me. It required working with a partner, outside of school. We tried meeting at the public library. But, that was a challenge for Tray. He will not just drop me off and go back to work. He gets nervous leaving me at our small school for a few hours. So, he was forced to take the day off.
Feeling guilty for causing him problems, I decided to just risk it and invited Krista over. I staged the master bedroom and prepared an excuse to explain why our ‘parents’ weren’t home.
My gypsy ruse turned out to be a complete waste of time. Somehow, Krista already knew that Tray and I were on our own. She casually revealed her knowledge of this fact and I silently, freaked out. Krista must have sensed her spontaneous observation had pushed my panic button.
“We’ll work at my house, tomorrow. Tomorrow’s dress code is backwards shirts, a black bowtie, and dingy high top tennis shoes. Yikes, I almost forgot the ripped fishnet hose to pull the whole look together. Double yikes, I almost forgot you need a psychedelic punk rock hairstyle. Well, that’s less a need and more an option. Do the hairstyle only if you wanna fit in with us.
“Seriously, you’ve just gotta watch out for my g-mom. She’ll feed you 10 pounds of food to “fatten you up”…not sure about the reason behind that madness. And, do not take her up on the offer to get a matching tattoo. She’s not joking and knows someone who’ll do it for the right amount of cash. Wait, I’ll show you mine, so you’ll believe me…got it when I was nine,” she told me as she exposed the distorted, pink unicorn tattoo on her right shoulder.
I begged her to tell me more “grandmother war stories.” We were laughing so hard we could barely breathe by the time she left.
Still, I found myself riddled with anxiety when I was alone with my thoughts. Krista has too much information. I almost told Tray we needed to move. But in the end I decided to wait and see how things turned out. Krista’s grandmother got her a tattoo, after all. So, I convinced myself they are not the type to call the authorities.
Krista’s grandmother, Elizabeth is about my size, but with a ‘larger than life’ personality. They live alone in a fancy, two story brick house on the wealthy side of town. Neither one mentioned anything about Krista’s parents.
I am so glad we didn’t bolt last night because I really love Elizabeth.
Before I walked through their door, Krista had never invited anyone over to visit. So, her grandmother was ecstatic to meet me. After a welcoming hug, she made me twirl around to get a better look at me.
“You’re nothing, but skin and bones…need to get some meat back on those ribs before you turn sideways and vanish…” she declared.
She made me a triple stacked sandwich, at that point. Not even Tray would be able to get his mouth around half of it. I spent just as much time talking to Elizabeth as I did working on the project with Krista.
She is a fountain of information. And, she’s also the coolest (and most eccentric) grandmother on this planet. Elizabeth dresses like a fashion model, wears high heeled shoes and loads of jewelry. She loves all types of modern music and takes Krista to rock concerts. To be so small, she is still fearless. I was laughing in amazement, after she told me about the many backstage passes they have in their growing collection. Next, Elizabeth told me how she convinces the roadies to hand those over…then, I was thoroughly embarrassed. Finally, she shared how she managed to sneak her and Krista into the Carolina Panthers’ Locker Room, undetected – the whole team was in there when that happened!
Krista shook her head and laughed, intermittently. Evidently, her life is just as far from ‘traditional’ as mine is. Relieved, mine and Tray’s gypsy living situation is a secret we can safely share with them. I knew, from the moment I left her house that day that Krista is (and always will be) my best friend.
It turns out she has a unique ability. She can keep me firmly rooted in the here and now. She can sense when my mind is wandering and she knows exactly how to usher me, right back to reality. My best friend also has an uncanny talent of knowing just how much information to spill or when to remain silent.
Elizabeth goes to bed around 8:00. So, Krista mainly sleeps over at my house. This has led the girls around our table to ask her probing questions about my brother. Their inquiries always begin on a more personal note – like, what does Tray sleep in, if anything? Do you two have a ‘thing’ going? Then, oddly enough, they turned into more general questions – like what does he eat/drink/watch on TV? What brand of deodorant/shampoo/toothpaste does he use? Does Tray pump iron/jog/do Yoga or Pilates???
Their questions continued in an endless stream. But, Krista is skilled at deflecting and not providing any type of real response. She’s almost as good at dodging as my brother is and that’s amazing.
Her avoidance skill was quite useful because interestingly, girls are tenacious when it comes to ‘friend grilling’. Our female friends were relentless in their pursuit of any Tray/Krista-gossip and I watched on in curious wonder. Their sometimes incredibly nosy questions didn’t seem to bother Krista at all. Truth be known, we both found their investigation highly entertaining…
All our friends lacked any real information, so the rumor mill was working in overdrive. Word got around fast that Tray and Krista have some kind of secret relationship. In order to get the latest gossip, I had to ‘play along’. I made it seem as though they were keeping it a secret from me too. That wasn’t exactly a lie because all I ever offered them was how I never see Tray and Krista do anything. Our friends just filled in the blanks with assumptions. It was amusing to hear the latest news on their budding romance. I would share the details with Krista, nightly and we both thought it was hilarious.
Without any facts to work with, our girl-friends’ just made it up as they went along. So, that’s how the ‘very romantic and mysterious relationship’ between Tray and Krista got started.
If our friends discovered the truth about the situation, they would have been disappointed. Krista always hangs out with me. She rarely speaks to Tray and she has never stepped anywhere near his messy bedroom. As far as I know, she doesn’t think of Tray as anything more than just my overly protective brother.
My best friend fell asleep long before I did. I was consumed in thought, when my brother walked by and told me goodnight…
Tray is older than all of my girl friends. He is ‘flexible’ with his own birth certificate. None of the kids at school will ever discover that he’s not a teenager. My brother would never think about dating my juvenile friends. He forms friendships with females who are, at least eighteen or older. Hmmm…that’s something I’ve never given any consideration to.
He’s on
ly had a few casual female acquaintances throughout his entire life. I wouldn’t even consider them true friendships. I had relentlessly pushed/pestered him to find a girlfriend and have a real relationship. He deserves to have a normal life and I desperately want him to have one. Tray finds my gypsy matchmaking efforts comical.
It hurts my heart when I think about what my brother has sacrificed for me. Tray should be off at college, dating a pretty co-ed and planning his future. Instead, he’s (endlessly) stuck in high school, working too many hours in the afternoons and having casual, short-term ‘pseudo-friendships’ with girls near his age. That’s not fair to him, but, I can’t do anything to change his situation or make it right.
My time lapses are becoming a more frequent occurrence – especially if I’m home alone. This fact alarms me. I had looked up all the symptoms of schizophrenia, but it didn’t seem to fit my problem. The symptoms of multiple personality disorder came closer, but I ended up ruling those out too. If I had those dramatic symptoms, someone would have surely noticed…
I’m the only one who believes I have a mental problem, anyway. Tray and Krista swear I’m normal. I casually questioned my brother about my ‘wandering mind’. And, he responded with, “…you’ve always been a daydreamer, but you’ve just never paid attention to it,” without missing a beat.
I suppose his assessment might be right. After all, now I’m living in reality with the rest of humanity. Also, I have not experienced another volcanic episode or flight of fantasy through the forest or anywhere else.
I still feel overwhelmingly compelled to find that dead tree. It is becoming an obsession. The unhindered freedom of flying feels incredible. I promptly crossed the free flight experience off my mental list of worries. That particular hallucination is well worth repeating.
Concentrating diligently on my surroundings and my friends, I resolved to pay attention. This way, hopefully I won’t lose too much time to the darkness. The tactic was successful too – well, as long as I have company or something interesting to focus on it was. People can suddenly capture and hold my attention.
Krista’s been going to this school since kindergarten. That means I can ask her questions about almost anyone and she can usually provide me with some information. On those rare occasions when she didn’t have any, I would invent fabulous background stories about the unknown student.
Sometimes, Krista intentionally ‘holds out’ on spilling the real details until I tell her my ‘Ember-intrigues’ (a.k.a. entertaining, non-offensive and fascinating tales/gossip made up by me). The secret dramas I create are slowly becoming legendary….
“She looks disinterested in that poor boy and he’s trying so hard to impress her…” I stated and casually, gestured to a guy and girl sitting across the cafeteria.
“Oh her, that’s just Eleana Monte…” Krista revealed.
“What does that mean - ‘that’s just Eleana Monte’? You make it sound like her name should tell me everything about her.”
“Eleana plays hard to get. That’s part of her charm and mystique. Guys fall all over her and she pretends to not notice them. Same old game, different guy, different day…” Krista offered.
She resumed eating her lunch while she waited for me to begin my ‘Ember-intrigue’.
“Oh, I know, Eleana just ended a serious relationship with a sixteen year old Caribbean native named Xavier Baltist. He’s a reclusive homeschooled genius that lives in his mom’s basement apartment and runs a handmade jewelry business just for fun. She met him buying his exquisite jewelry and they started dating.
“Xavier rarely leaves his basement-world and he’s never come to our school. No one’s ever seen them together. So, we assume she’s been playing hard to get. When, in reality, she’s committed to her island, genius, business-owner boyfriend.
“She rushed to break it off with him when she made a misguided assumption. She suspected that Xavier was engaged in a way too friendly ‘business relationship’ with another sultry homeschooled girl named Katie. Unfounded jealousy destroyed Eleana’s relationship.
“Katie fell in love, alright – but it was only with his line of earrings. Oh, and she also needed his help with a killer English mid-term. So Xavier agreed to meet Katie at the library, deliver her earrings and help her with her schoolwork. The payment for both was a dozen roses to give to his girlfriend Eleana after their studying was finished.
“Eleana found out about this ‘date’ because someone saw them exchange the roses. We know it was all schoolwork and business between him and Katie, but Eleana thought it was a hook up. She broke it off via text message and refused to listen to his explanation. Two days later she discovered the truth and wanted to get back together. He said no because he couldn’t trust her anymore.
“She had no clue why he didn’t trust her because she had never cheated. She pestered him for a week and he finally broke down and explained.
“He said, ‘Those roses were for you and I brought them to school the day after you broke up with me. I saw you sitting and laughing with another guy in the lunchroom. You already found someone else, so our relationship couldn’t have meant that much to you…’
“Eleana had never paid any attention to the pushy kid sitting at her table until Xavier pointed him out to her. She thought, ‘hey, he’s kinda cute.’ She never would’ve given him the time of day, if it weren’t for Xavier’s actions. So she told Xavier to take a hike because she wants to date ‘cute, pushy guy’ instead.
“The moral to this particular ‘Ember-intrigue’ is jealousy ruins everything. So there ya’ have it, the real Eleana Monte story, behind the story. Well, and also some very wise advice to never give into the green eyed monster…” I told her.
“Poor Xavier, he never should have let it consume him too. After all, the male population of this school doesn’t seem nearly as exciting as a ‘reclusive jewelry tycoon millionaire basement dwelling’ boyfriend. Sometimes it’s the invisible pushy lunchroom kid that wins the prize though…” Krista replied, laughing softly.
“I wonder if Eleana will ever go out with him. He’s trying so hard and seems to like her. Even after all of his efforts, she’s still ignoring him,” I offered.
“I doubt she’ll ever give him more than a passing glance. Some people think she’s a tease, but I personally think she has a boyfriend that goes to a private school somewhere. But, if that’s true, it’s not serious enough for her to stop flirting and being flirted with. That’s very unfortunate for her admirer over there. Guess…she wants to keep her options open…” Krista finally offered her real assessment of the situation.
Cassie sat down beside Krista and started a whispered conversation. Casually I pulled up my hood, slipped in an ear bud, turned on my music, and resumed my pushy boy investigation.
Eleana was still displaying cool disinterest. Her hair even swiped him across his face when she turned around to speak to another guy. Pushy boy barely flinched when that happened. Waiting patiently, he resumed their conversation the instant she turned back around.
He’s trying too hard to get her attention. I wish that I could tell him to back off slightly. Tray could have helped me get the message to him, but he left early for work. He meant it about never leaving me at school after hours…
I’m not an expert on romantic relationships. However, I do know a thing or two about girl behaviors. If pushy boy turns the tables on her, Eleana will show him some interest. I didn’t have any way to give pushy boy my advice. I don’t even know his name. Krista didn’t mention it because she was so focused on Eleana – courtesy of my ‘Ember-intrigue’. She was still engrossed in her conversation with Cassie.
What did I intend to do once I discover his name, anyway??
It’s not like I could just walk up to him and start handing out advice. I started laughing when I thought about how that weird little scene would play out. Some unknown crazy girl walks up to you and then, promptly
proceeds to tell you how to pick up another girl! Besides being insane, it’s none of my business. Still, I couldn’t seem to help myself from obsessing about how to get him the information without revealing myself as the source.
My mind was occupied when my eyes wandered (without my permission) to the dark clique. Amazingly, it appears their numbers have increased, overnight. It might just be my personal perception though, since I usually avoid looking directly at them.
Their population must have expanded. The dark clique now fills up three tables. They are a jumbled mix of girls and guys sitting in chairs, on tables or even in each other’s laps. All the dark clique guys are still dressed in some shade of black. It’s like a weird daily, dress-code they’ve established. The girls seemed out of place among the guys. They are wearing trendy, colorful clothes that look expensive, have fashionable hair styles and their make-up is flawless. It’s the craziest thing I had ever witnessed because the girls didn’t seem to care that their boys never change out of their black attire.
Eleana’s admirer and his dilemma were now on the backburner. I watched with rapt attention as the dark clique interacted with each other. Maybe, I can figure out something that will explain their gatherings in the school basement. What goes on down in their lair??
My intensive two-minute investigation revealed nothing noteworthy. They are just like any other group of high school kids. Well, they are all better than average looking…so, maybe the hidden portal in the basement is a direct link to “Beautiful World”??
The dark clique guys were horsing around and laughing. They flirted with the girls while acting silly. Certainly, they aren’t plotting something sinister, right? My mind raced through the possibilities…that mean prank was still on my mind.
I tried to decide whether they are a dangerous bunch of delinquents or just attention hounds. I was deep inside that internal debate when suddenly, I was interrupted. One of the DC girls must have felt my gaze because she turned around in her chair to stare at me.
At that point, it probably would have been practical for me to blush or pretend to look away. I have never been much into practicality, though – especially when it comes to my eternal curiosity. I tilted my head sideways, deepened my gaze and considered the lunacy of our bizarre mutual stare down event.
My dark clique challenger is a pretty brunette with long legs and an overly pouty mouth. Her catlike, green eyed stare was piercing right into mine. Strangely, her intense gaze didn’t make me uncomfortable like it probably should have. It only intrigued me. We are openly ‘scoping each other out’ like two science experiments.
I suppose my dark clique challenger is accustomed to being ‘checked out’ because she was comfortable with our exchange. I’m not used to being surveyed, but that doesn’t really seem to matter to me now. This girl’s intense look felt like an unspoken challenge and I refuse to back down from her.
So, that’s precisely how I found myself locked in a ‘death-match-stare-down’ with a dark clique chick. Neither one of us even blinked an eye, although I have no idea how we managed it. We both flatly refused to be the first to drop our gaze.
The stare-down challenge was quickly turning into a stalemate. Then suddenly, she decided to change one of the factors – she smiled at me. It was a humorless gesture, bordering somewhere between an evil smirk and outright detest. Her wicked smile sent chills through my body, as I felt the insult in her dark gesture.
“Who does Cat Girl think she is?? She doesn’t have any right to look at me like that, but I’m completely entitled to look at her any way I choose…” I insanely thought.
By that point, I was around some new kind of bend. I was fully prepared to stomp over to her and demand her respect. My rational mind thankfully, resumed functioning before I stood up. What was I going to say to her, anyway? “You will respect me, whoever you are??” That’s the mental ravings of a true psychotic. Those words would likely land me in a straitjacket.
Even though I would not give into the bizarre compulsion to yell for her respect, for some inexplicable reason I was still incensed by Cat Girl’s outright insolence. She is plainly challenging me to bow to her, but I refuse to relent. A strange sort of ‘righteous indignation’ surrounded me – when suddenly, it happened… something deep within me began rising to the surface…
Something has just been…awakened…
A surge of pure internal energy stirred inside of me. The resulting, incredible light slowly started rising, from deep within my soul. The spiritual light illuminated behind my eyes. My heart was pounding furiously in my chest as the internal light bathed it in gentle warmth. This inner light feels…heavenly.
The light settled in around me…hypnotizing me…quieting my thoughts…somehow.
Everything in the lunchroom wound down into slow motion. All the voices faded into the background. The people around me blurred out of focus and all I could clearly see was ‘Cat Girl’. My focus remained on her – not even my intriguing inner light distracted me.
The intensity of the moment was overwhelming. DC Cat Girl turned her head sideways and strengthened her stare, reaffirming her resolve. I held my breath and waited…for something.
The light is “offended” by her disrespect. Clenching my fists, I braced myself for what might happen next. My internal light briefly flashed…blinding me…it’s prepared to fully rise and force her to her knees.
Then, nothing…
It was suddenly like the power had been switched off and my inner light faded back inside my spirit. By the time I could see again, Cat Girl had already relented and respectfully, dropped her gaze to the floor. The righteous indignation I had been consumed in earlier, dissipated when my dark clique challenger surrendered to me.
The lunchroom returned to normal and the dark clique started to disperse. Cat Girl paid me one last humble glance as she walked by me. Her boyfriend opened the door for her and they disappeared through it.
The shadows from my internal light swirled around behind my eyelids. My skin tingled, but fortunately, it wasn’t burning.
What’s happening to me?? I’m 100% positive that I was just glowing!
None of the remaining dark clique girls were looking at me, although most of them had been sitting directly across from her. So they should have witnessed what just happened. Surely an illuminated girl isn’t an everyday fixture in their dark clique world…
Obviously, they didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. But, I did radiate with a brilliant light!
Cassie was still trying to pry information out of Krista about her ‘secret relationship’ with Tray. My best friend noticed me looking at her, misinterpreted the meaning, rolled her eyes and shot me a small grin. They continued their conversation without giving me a second look. My friends hadn’t seemed to notice anything either.
I must be delusional!
Although I tried to convince myself of that, I still see the nearly blinding streaks of light behind my eyelids. Those are definitive proof. I had just illuminated! The inner light is real…
The meltdown of the century was preparing to overwhelm me. I couldn’t keep myself together anymore. So I automatically grabbed my backpack and ran out of the lunchroom. I didn’t say anything to anyone. I heard the warning bell ring as I rushed through the parking lot.
The frigid outside air filled my lungs as panic flowed through my veins. I walked fast to nowhere in particular. My coat was hanging on the back of my chair and that’s where it will remain. I have no intention of going back inside that school today – not for any reason.
A wicked darkness is lurking in the shadows. It wants to devour…my rising inner light…
The wind responded to that terrifying thought by gusting strongly. I desperately need to outpace the darkness…I just don’t know how.
The darkness stalks me…it will never give up…