Tim parked the car and ran around to open my door.
As he led me up the steps, I spotted Sabrina arriving in a gray pick-up truck with the date she had invited from another school. A grin spread across my face as I sized up Sabrina’s ensemble. Of course, Sabrina had chosen to wear a cotton-candy pink dress that had black polka dots splattered all over it and thick tooling under the skirt, flaring it out dramatically. Classic Sabrina. No one else in the place would have dared to venture out in such a bold dress and I knew how stoked she was about her find. I would never reveal how hideous I thought the dress really was, especially since Sabrina wore it so well. I respected anyone who could pull off that dress, so to speak, and still be gorgeous.
I followed Tim toward a group of his friends who had already claimed a table. I didn’t know any of them personally as they were seniors. But hey, I thought: just put on a brave face and make small talk.
Well, it wasn’t exactly small, since you had to practically yell over the music, but I did my best. At least it was good music.
And then I noticed Amber sitting at a table with Gabriel, Darren, his date and a few other couples. My heart plummeted. I steeled my rampant trepidation and repeated my promise: Get over it. You’re going to have a blast tonight whether you like it or not! That doesn’t even make sense.
Amber made eye contact and scurried across the room so we could ooh and ahh about how great we looked.
“So?” I asked excitedly. “How’s it going so far? How did dinner go?”
“It was great, except I only ordered salad so that I wouldn’t look like a cow at dinner and now I am totally starving. I have got to work my way over to the snack table. Come on.” She grabbed my elbow and marched toward the food. She piled her plate high with crackers slathered in a weird salmon-colored goop. “I don’t even know what the hell this is, but it looks edible and that’s all that matters.”
I giggled as she devoured the appetizers with avarice.
Sighing, not quite as famished, Amber spoke up: “Much better. Anyway, about dinner; So Darren and Kerri rode along with me and Gabe so we could double-date. Well, while we were having our meal, Darren kept looking at me. You know, like really looking at me. At first I thought that I was imagining it, but he kept doing it and he even raised his eyebrows at me once, you know… all flirty like.” Amber raised her eyebrows in a mock imitation. “Not sure Kerri noticed, but I’m pretty sure that Gabe did. It didn’t seem to bother him though.”
I was riveted. “So what do think is up with that business?”
Amber shrugged her teal blue puffy sleeves. “Haven’t a clue, but I am definitely going to get my hopes up. Anyway, we’d best get back to our dates. Catch ya later.”
Walking back to the table I could see Tim hunched suspiciously close together with a few of the guys. They broke apart when I pulled out my chair. As I sat down, Tim leaned in and asked if I wanted to dance. I was about to accept when I caught the faint whiff of alcohol on his breath.
“Have you been drinking?” I asked, appalled.
Tim didn’t miss a beat. “Just a little. Here you want some?” He reached inside his tuxedo jacket and pulled out a flask. “It’s some Jim Beam that I swiped off the old man, just to get the night going.”
Not only was I mortified, I was royally ticked. Here I was at prom and my date was already half snockered. It was the opposite of awesome.
“Umm, I don’t think so,” I quipped haughtily. Then one of his buddies cut into the conversation, “That prude isn’t going to want a drink of that. She probably couldn’t even handle it!” He had a nasty little sneer on his face that made me blush and want to sink into my chair.
Tim spoke up. “Naw, she’s cool. I wouldn’t want her to anyway.” Though I was grateful that he had spoke up in my defense, I wondered if he was a little disappointed in me as well.
Part of me felt ashamed and guilty, but I still wasn’t going to start drinking whiskey at my first prom. And now I had to worry about how I was going to get home, because I sure as hell wasn’t going to get in the car with a bunch of soused up teenagers.
Tim held out his hand. “Let’s dance, Roshell.” Refusing to be a buzz kill, I allowed him to lead me onto the dance floor and quickly lost myself to the music.
I loved to dance. It fixed everything. As a little girl I was always pirouetting around the living room and imagining myself as a prima ballerina. Ballet was not my only outlet for my passion for dancing though: I could just as easily fall into hip-hop booty shaking, or rock and roll head banging with the rest of them. Everything that was bothering me would temporarily melt away as the rhythm of the music took control of my limbs and carried my mind and soul to another reality. A reality that spoke of inner passions that I wasn’t even entirely aware of but my body already was. Secrets and longings that spoke to my heart and could only be released by the notes, as they coursed through my body.
For the next hour I gave myself over to the pumping music, and joined a group that seemed to take their dancing just as seriously. I couldn’t help noticing that Amber and Darren were paying more attention to each other than their respective dates. I also noticed that Gabriel didn’t seem to be offended or care either way. He danced with numerous girls throughout the night and appeared to be enjoying himself regardless of his date’s obvious flirtations with his best friend.
Admit it, I said to myself as I did my best Running Man dance move, you’re relieved that Gabriel isn’t showing a romantic interest in your friend. And I was.
For a fleeting moment I nearly talked myself into asking Gabriel to dance. An image of him rejecting me swam into my head; then I imagined him laughing at me. I immediately abandoned that idea and decided to get some fresh air instead.
Snagging both Sabrina and Amber, I herded them toward the door so we could check in with each other and swap the evening’s gossip. Just before we reached the exit, Tim caught up and asked where I was going.
“I’m just hot and need some fresh air,” I said. “Don’t worry. These two will be with me.”
Tim grudgingly stayed behind as he accepted my hint to leave us be. He jammed his hands into his pockets and pouted boyishly as he watched us file out the back door.
The night air had barely touched our clammy skin before Sabrina laid into me. “Holy crap! Is Tim drunk? He was totally slurring his words just now!”
I shivered as my body complained about the sudden drop in temperature. “Umm, pretty much. My luck huh? I actually get invited to prom and it happens to be by Mr. ‘Hey you want some Jim Beam to get the party started?’ I had lowered my voice an octave to impersonate Tim. “And the fact that he totally reeks isn’t even the worst of it! I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to get home.” I sighed and plopped down into one of the chairs on the veranda.
“Hey you can hitch a ride home with us,” Amber said. “You actually live pretty close to Darren. They could drop you off right after me.”
I looked at Amber suddenly hopeful. “But my curfew is earlier than yours. I’m supposed to head home straight after the dance, which means I’m expected no later than 12:30 a.m. Grandma’s rules, remember.”
Amber put two fingers to her forehead and chewed her lower lip. “Well my curfew isn’t until two, so they could drop you off first, or I could just go home early. Either way, I’ll put it to the guys.”
Amber’s matter-of-fact tone already had me feeling better. “Okay, thanks Am”. I stood up and put my hands on my hips. “All right, enough about me. I saw you dancing with Darren and you’ve had googley eyes at each other all night. What is going on?”
Sabrina snickered. “Yeah, and Kerri looks like she might poke your eyes out before the night is over, if it keeps up like this.”
Amber’s eyes widened. “Really? Uh oh! I’m not trying to piss her off. It’s just so weird that Darren keeps talking to me instead of her and I really like him, so it’s not like I’m just going to ignore him.”
“Don’t even stress about it. Thi
s is all just prom drama,” Sabrina muttered. “Everyone has temporary insanity tonight. Just go with it.” We all chuckled.
“What about your night, Sabrina?” I asked.
She gently rolled her right wrist in circles. “Other than the fact that when my date picked me up I tripped walking down my front steps and sprained my wrist, it’s been fairly uneventful. It was crazy: one minute I was upright, then the next thing I knew, my feet were moving beneath me without my permission, my arms were flailing, I’m pretty sure I spoke in tongues, and then I was on my butt and my right wrist was throbbing. All of which occurred in front of God and all his glory, of course.”
Amber and I paused a beat then burst out laughing. “Why do I always miss these things?” I said, gasping for air.
Sabrina was infamous for having massive wipeouts that typically involved some sort of bodily harm. And her detailed and animated play-by-play of these acrobatic accidents of hers was always hilarious.
Cold, we headed back into the dance, pumped up for the rest of our fun-filled evening. Sabrina nudged my arm and pointed to a small commotion in the far corner. A few of the chaperones were giving Tim and one of his friends the what for. Suddenly the guys stood up and were escorted out the front door. Great! What now, I thought.
The girlfriend of Tim’s buddy ran toward me, her face stricken: “Hey, the guys just got kicked out of prom for drinking. How embarrassing! Everyone will be talking about it on Monday. This’ll be the in joke.” Then to my horror, the poor thing started to sob, face buried in her palms. Things just kept getting better by the minute.
Though I felt bad for her, I was always awkward around tears. I stiffly patted her shoulder and handed her a napkin from the closest table. After an uncomfortable moment, the crying mess of a girl moved over to her own circle of friends and I breathed a sigh of relief.
“All righty then,” said Amber, her expression priceless. “I guess I’ll be arranging that ride home now.” She turned in a swish of satin and strode away on a mission.
I looked at Sabrina my own expression a mix of shock and disgust. “I’m going to find something to drink then hide in a corner before the night gets any worse.”
As I poured a cup of fruit punch, I felt someone brush up against my right side, and turning to see who was invading my personal space I inhaled sharply. Gabriel was standing very, very close and looking directly at me. I took a slight step to the side and smiled up at him. Part of my brain kept encouraging me to say something witty, or smart, or just anything at all that resembled words, but instead I stared. I stared and smiled, waiting, for what seemed like an eternity, for thoughts to organize themselves into coherent sentences. Still, I stared and smiled.
“I heard about Tim getting booted out.” Gabriel was soft spoken, to the point that sometimes it would take a moment to register that he had even spoken at all. But I heard him and clung to every word.
Then I processed the meaning of the words and blushed, stammering defensively, “I didn’t think he would bring alcohol to prom. We aren’t a couple or anything. We just came as friends.” Just shut up, before you say something really stupid, I thought, pressing my lips together.
His stare was direct and penetrating as if he could look right into me. I felt overwhelmed by the intensity of his blue eyes, and glanced down at my glass stupidly. My head shot up again when he offered his assistance with my predicament. “So anyway, Amber said that you needed a ride home. I’m spending the night out at Darren’s, and since I’m driving, we can drop you off on the way home if you want. We can leave right after the dance so that you won’t be late.”
Yep. I definitely felt like I was about to choke. “Um, wow! Yeah, that would be really great! I… uh… yeah thanks!” I again chided myself for my complete lack of social grace. I am so royally screwing this up, I thought, taking a sip of the wickedly sweet punch in an effort to seem casual.
At that point, the DJ segued from Mary J. Blige to Toni Braxton’s Un-Break My Heart and the dance floor shifted from groups and circles showing off their hip-hop moves to couples pairing up.
Gabriel leaned in closer and whispered into my ear, “Wanna dance with me?” The warmth of his breath sent a shiver down my spine.
Placing my juice glass on the nearest table. “Sure,” was all I could manage.
I followed Gabriel to the dance floor. Time seemed to slow down and the air felt thicker. Even the music seemed muffled compared to the sound of my heartbeat and the buzzing in my mind. In one fluid movement he turned, grabbed both of my hands and guided them to rest on his shoulders. Then he softly placed his own strong hands on my hips. We swayed gently to the rhythm of the song and a fever passed through the core of my body as he looked into my face.
I had never been this close to him before and noticed how his eyes smiled even when the rest of his face was serene. His scent of cologne and mild sweat was deliciously male. Compared to my five-foot frame, his height of five-eleven had him towering over me but still we melted easily into a comfortable embrace. I thought maybe we would attempt to fill the tension with awkward conversation over the deafening music, but was relieved when the moment seemed to take on an agenda of its own. As Gabriel continued to gaze into my eyes he gently slid a hand to the small of my back and slowly pulled me closer until our bodies came together. I responded instinctively, wrapping my arms further around his neck and resting my head against his shoulder.
I couldn’t believe the way the night was turning out. After the awkward dinner fiasco and then having my date quietly escorted off of the premises for under-age drinking, I had pretty much chalked up the evening to a failure of epic proportions. But now, I thought, as I felt heat radiating from Gabriel’s body to mine, things were definitely looking up.
Everything about the moment was already being filed away and stored into memory as an immaculate snapshot. Years down the road when I would recall that night it would not be the earlier circus of events at the forefront of my mind. It would be that singular moment. The feel of Gabriel’s warm embrace, his intoxicating male scent, the music humming through our bodies, and the sensation of complete bliss: those would be imprinted on my soul, never to be forgotten.
The song faded out. Gabriel slowly pulled away. I shook my head, my senses sharpening, and again became aware of our surroundings. It was a rude awakening from the fog that I had slid into while we were dancing and I tried to make a quick recovery.
In a soft rumbling tone, he said, “Thanks for the dance. I’ll catch you after prom is over.” He had a smirk on his face that wasn’t unpleasant but caused me to wonder. Had I embarrassed myself without even knowing it? Did I smell funny? Was he laughing at me? I tried to brush off the troubling and paranoid thoughts. Maybe I was reading too much into that heartbreaking smile. I knew I needed to chill and just accept the moment for what it had been.
“Yeah, great. I’ll see ya then.” As calmly and maturely as possible, I turned and strolled off in search of either Sabrina or Amber. I just had to talk with one of them. I saw Amber talking with Darren at the edge of the dance floor, and decided to let them be.
I headed toward a group of tables in the back of the room and spotted Sabrina in her flamboyant polka dot dress. I snagged her off to the side in hopes that no one would hear our conversation as I relayed every last detail of those past ten minutes.
Sabrina was thrilled but talked sense. “Okay, okay, I know you’re all twitter-pated, but you need to chill a little. Don’t appear too eager.” I thought it was sound advice and wanted to play it cool. We decided to sit out the next few songs. The prom would be wrapping up soon but everyone was amped up and going strong as if the night was still young.
While we chatted, I kept a casual eye on the rest of Gabriel’s evening. Maybe not too casual. Maybe a little stalker-ish, but whatever! Anyway, I noticed that in the next half hour he danced with two very pretty girls who were seniors. I also gleefully noticed that he didn’t dance in as close an embrace as he had with me, but refused to
let my hopes rise.
I was forever suppressing hope. It was just one of the survival techniques that I had honed throughout my childhood. There had been too many instances where promises had been made or hopes had been encouraged, only to be forgotten or pushed aside because there wasn’t enough money.
The few times I had allowed myself to become attached to mom’s boyfriends, because I thought that this one might make us a whole family, were the last times that I tolerated such nonsensical dreams. One day in particular stood out in my mind; I was five and the man that had been living with us for over a year, whom I truly loved and even had started calling Dad, started gathering his things into a duffel bag. I sensed something was off. I looked up from my Bugs Bunny cartoons and asked, “Where are you going, Daddy?”
“Um, I’m going on a trip,” he said.
I never saw him again. It broke my heart and I never could understand how anyone could walk away so easily.
From then on, I despised the feeling of being let down. It made me feel so stupid and ashamed to have ever believed in the first place, and I decided long ago to always keep my dreams and private longings to myself. I vowed to keep the hope locked tightly within, never to be encouraged or even fully recognized for fear that the longing would get a fierce grip and not ever let go again.
I drifted back to the present. Sabrina was ranting and pulling at her panty hose. “Ugh, whoever invented these things should be shot. It sure as heck couldn’t have been a woman. No female in her right mind would think they were a good invention. The design isn’t even good. They sag in the crotch. I pull and pull but I still have this huge gap. I could probably use the space as a purse.
“I say to hell with technology, even if it is just panty hose. Well, bras are good. Yeah, we’ll have to keep bras around.” I laughed in amusement as she ranted. She was threatening to yank off the aforementioned panty hose right there, when the D.J. announced that the party was over. The lights came on. There were ample moans and groans as people adjusted to the lighting and hustled about to figure out their after-prom plans.