Sabrina and I hugged before parting ways. I was glad to be done with the evening and grabbed my hand purse. I darted toward the back door where I found Amber and the other three already waiting.
It was pretty quiet on the first part of the drive home. Everyone’s ears were buzzing from the loud music and there was an obvious tension vibrating from Kerri. It was understandable. It was pretty clear that Kerri liked Darren and even though I was hopeful that Amber might have a shot with him, it was kind of insensitive the way that they had both pushed Kerri out of the picture on prom night.
I had been ditched by my date because he had managed to get himself ejected from the building and Kerri had been ditched by her date for another girl. I could definitely empathize.
Needless to say, when Gabriel pulled in front of Kerri’s house she said a curt goodnight and jumped out of the backseat, where she sat with me and Darren.
As Gabriel pulled back into the quiet street, Amber rattled off the directions to my house. I interrupted. “Wouldn’t it be easier to drop you off first, Am? My stop is past yours.”
Amber turned around to peer over the front seat. “Oh, I forget to tell you. I’m going over to Darren’s for a few hours with Gabe. They invited me. We’ll probably watch a movie or jump in the hot tub. I wish you could come with us.”
My throat cinched tight. I didn’t know what to think about these new plans but definitely wasn’t happy about it. What if something happened between her and Darren? What if something happened between her and Gabriel? Not to mention the fact that she absolutely shouldn’t be alone with two teenage boys.
“Darren, are your parents cool with that?” I asked and tried to sound casual, but realized immediately that it was a really lame question. Of course parents of a seventeen-year-old boy were going to be used to them bringing home friends at all hours of the night, especially prom night.
Darren just smiled. “Yeah, they’re cool. They’ll probably still be up and want to grill us about the dance. Shoot! My dad will probably have already had a few beers and want to join us in the hot tub.” The guys started laughing at what I assumed must be some sort of inside joke. Ugh, why did my grandma have to be so strict and insist that I be home right after the dance was over?
I was still twisted up inside worrying about the many possibilities and implications of Amber going to Darren’s house when we pulled into the trailer park where I lived.
I always tried to act like it didn’t bother me, but I was quietly and acutely embarrassed about the poverty that emanated from the trailer park setting, my home. I was frustrated that I couldn’t talk to my friend about my concerns and simultaneously worried over whether or not they were judging me based on where I lived.
This sucks! I thought miserably. This has been a debacle of an evening and now, to top it all off, Gabriel gets to see the falling apart metal box that happens to be my house. I was pretty sure that it couldn’t get much worse.
“I really appreciate you giving me a ride home.” I stole a glance at Gabriel. I sat directly behind him and could see his gentle eyes in the rearview mirror. When I spoke, his reflection looked into my face.
I sensed he was aware of my apprehension I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was somehow able to read my troubled thoughts and fears and it left me feeling exposed. My face was pinched, my brows furrowed. I straightened my spine when I realized that I had unconsciously hunched down into the leather seats. It wasn’t often that I invited people over because I was too proud and didn’t want my family to be judged unfairly.
As I wrestled with my inner conflict over the situation, I noticed that Gabriel had braked to a full stop in front of my house, but continued to stare at me with a serenity that was absolute.
I squirmed in the seat under Gabriel’s direct gaze. His eyes were so soft and deep. I felt like I could get lost in them. I trembled a little, but as he continued to look into the mirror and into my soul, I began to feel calmer. How could someone make me feel that way with only a look?
“Goodnight, Roshell,” Gabriel said quietly.
I could no more have kept from calling Amber that next morning, than I could have stopped breathing. I forced myself to wait until ten in case Am had crawled back into bed after feeding her horses.
I’d assumed right. When Amber answered, her voice was still thick and raspy. I could imagine her groggily placing the receiver to her ear without even opening her eyes.
My intense tone flowed through the phone giving off way too much eager enthusiasm for Amber’s state of mind. “Hey, what’s going on?” I prodded. “You need to get your butt out of bed before your mom finds you lounging around all day. How did it go last night? What time did you get home?” The questions came one after the other without pause for the next breath. I was out of control.
But Amber perked up quickly as the previous evening’s events rolled through her sleepy mind. She was anxious to solidify it into reality by sharing it with me. She huffed out a big sigh and I imagined her rolling to her back with a luxurious stretch of her body. A smile crept into her tired voice as she began to relive her night. I listened in anticipation.
Darren’s father had been awake when they got in and Amber claimed to enjoy his company. He was gregarious and quite funny, not unlike his son. He asked them about the dance but directed most of the questions toward Amber. This should have made her uncomfortable, but his warmness made it quite easy for Amber to relax and before she knew it she was deep in conversation with him about quarter horses and barrel racing. Though he was glad that she hit it off with his dad, Darren was growing increasingly irked by his father hogging Amber’s attention like that.
His dad eventually got the hint when he caught Darren giving him the ‘go to bed for chrissakes’ look.
Gabriel was supposed to spend the night at Darren’s, but figured that three was a crowd and didn’t want to impose on the obvious flirtations with his date and his best friend, so he said goodnight and headed home at about one in the morning.
Amber only had an hour left until she herself was supposed to be home, so they decided to watch television. This of course involved the blanket game, which always included explorative groping, while the two players kept their eyes on the television, pretending to be incredibly engrossed in what was on the screen as opposed to the secret goings-on under the heat of the blanket. All the while, one wondering how far they would be allowed to go, while the counterpart wondered how far to let them get. By the time Amber realized that her curfew was up, and reminded Darren that she needed to go home, he had made it to second base. As they gathered their coats, they were both love-struck and bearing chapped lips from the hour of intense kissing that ensued once the façade of watching television had been dropped.
Amber was fifteen minutes late for curfew, but the delay went completely unnoticed due to the fact that her mother slept so deeply. And just before she slid out of Darren’s passenger seat, he asked her to go steady. Of course she said yes and when she did, he handed her his letterman jacket before kissing her goodnight.
“Whoa! That is so awesome!” I said. “I can’t believe that you guys are going out now.”
“I know, I never would have thought that Darren and I would end up as a couple. He could date pretty much anyone that he wanted.”
“Yeah, but…” I paused. “Do you think that it will be weird around Gabriel for you guys?”
“I don’t think so. He seemed to understand what was going on between us the entire night and honestly didn’t seem to care. I was just someone to go to prom with. Oh, my god, wouldn’t it be so cool if you and Gabriel hooked up and we could be like best friend couples, all four of us?”
As if I hadn’t already thought of that fantasy scenario. “Whatever! Like that’s gonna happen.” I rolled my eyes dramatically at the phone. “Don’t get your hopes up. I’m certainly not going to,” I said more to myself than to my friend.
“What? I saw you two dancing last night. It looked like a possibility to me,?
?? she said. “Anyway, you two will have to hang out together more often regardless, because you both happen to be best friends with the hot new couple in town.”
Chapter 5
GABRIEL: My family owns a florist business and as summer draws closer they have officially hired me to work part-time in an attempt to keep up with the increasing demands.
Contrary to what some people may believe, even though it cuts into some of my social life, I don’t resent my parent’s expectations to do my part in the family business. In fact, I often enjoy the almost meditative state that I retreat to while I turn the musty soil and earth. I relish the quiet sanctuary that working in their fields offers and do some of my best thinking while working alongside my father, mother and sisters. And if I ever needed to do some thinking, now would definitely be one of those times.
It’s the day after prom and although I’m filthy with the grit of the earth covering me from head to toe, I keep catching myself drifting back to the moment when I asked Roshell to dance.
I admit it, I spent the first part of the evening frustrated once it became apparent that my date only had eyes for my best friend. Fortunately I’m not one to wallow. I recovered quickly when I decided that the night was young and I could still make something memorable out of the evening.
I figured, What the hell! Might as well make the most of it!
And that’s exactly what I did. I made it my personal goal to dance with as many of the available females that I possibly could, and before I knew it I was bouncing from one gal to the next. Gotta admit, it felt pretty good. They were all dressed to the nines, smelling delicious with their fruity perfumes, and eager to lose themselves to the party.
When Amber and Darren approached me and relayed Roshell’s predicament, I had no problem offering to chauffer her home with the rest of my group.
What surprised me was my own reaction when I scanned the dance floor and spotted her alone at the drink table. Sure her back was to me, but I could clearly see that she was upset. She was all rigid and she was obviously distressed. I kinda felt sorry for her. Before I even realized that I had made the decision to do so, I was walking toward her with no particular goal. I was simply pulled to her, drawn to her. Now that I look back, it feels weird to say that I didn’t really have a choice in that moment.
You should have seen the look on her face when I asked her to dance. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or just reach out and give her a hug. She looked terrified and was absolutely tongue tied which was slightly funny, yet endearing. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to hide the grin that was threatening to consume me as I led her to the dance floor.
I pulled her to me and just like that the night changed, the mood shifted. I no longer cared about the awkward social interactions going on all around us. I was completely tuned into her. I liked the way she moved with the music. Her movements were smooth as if it was natural for her to dance with me. It sounds cheesy, but we just kind of fit.
I had always noticed both her and Amber since moving to this small town. It’s uncanny how similar they are and it almost appears as if they are sisters. Both have mid-length dark blonde hair, and fair skin, though Roshell is slightly fairer. They have pretty, heart-shaped faces that are always smiling, radiating their youth and sense of adventure-seeking fun. The two are practically inseparable, so that when you picture one you automatically picture the other one.
Amber has a quieter more introspective personality while Roshell is the extrovert. And she’s impulsive, although, I have recently noticed that she isn’t that way around me. Maybe Darren’s suspicions about Roshell being infatuated with me were accurate after all.
At first I thought that Amber was more my type and seized the impromptu opportunity of asking her to prom, with the intent of it possibly turning into something more, but that scenario soon evaporated as it became obvious that Darren and Amber had eyes for each other.
I don’t mind this by the way. Ever since I moved here I have developed a strong bond with Darren and feel like we are more like brothers. Besides, all you have to do is take one look at the two of them. They do make a cute couple.
When Darren first mentioned he thought Roshell had a crush on me I brushed him off and assumed it was Darren’s way of distracting me while he essentially stole my prom date.
But now that I’ve actually talked with her and noticed the way she stood frozen like a deer in headlights, I suspect that either Darren was right or she was repulsed by me and wasn’t good at giving a polite decline. Being that she wrapped around me and seemed to enjoy the way we swayed to the music, I’m hopeful that it was the former.
And, yeah, I was enjoying myself just as much. She felt so tiny in my arms and it gave me the odd sense of suddenly wanting to gather her closer as if to protect her. From what I’m not sure.
I wanted to dance with her again that evening but the D.J. wrapped up before I had the chance. Then I didn’t even get to speak to her on the way home because most of the car ride had been filled with Kerri’s grouchiness after the way her night had turned out.
What I did find intriguing was the way Roshell reacted when we pulled into her trailer park. She was so obviously embarrassed, ashamed to have us discover where she lived. She must be extremely self-conscious with her lifestyle and I wish that I could have spent more time with her, get to know her, tell her that those things don’t matter to me.
Now, here I am on my knees, my back aching as I pull unwanted and treacherous weeds out of the ground by their roots but still thinking of her and I’m beginning to think that maybe I will try to do just that.
Chapter 6
Over the next few weeks the dynamics of friendships shifted and remolded to fit the new development of Darren and Amber being a couple. Amber had been right about all four of us hanging out together more often, but other than some shy smiles and mild flirtations, Gabriel and I did not casually drift into our own couple-dom.
I still had a maddening crush on him, but as Gabriel spent more time at work and less time in social circles, I figured I had better drop that pipedream and move on. Especially since there were rumors floating around that a girl living right down the street from him had been seen hanging out at his place the past few weekends. Supposedly, she was earning a few extra bucks working in the fields with his family, but it didn’t take much imagination to assume that Gabriel would be interested in the pretty brunette neighbor with long legs.
So when summer came I was eager to start the grueling ballet schedule that always pushed my body to its physical limits. My relentless perseverance had finally paid off when my dance instructor approached me with an invitation to join the Troupe on their Saturday morning class. This was the opportunity that I had been striving toward for over a year. Fortunately my instructor was aware of my financial status and immediately offered the class on yet another scholarship, which I accepted graciously.
That summer, I danced six mornings a week, shaking from exertion, my toes blistered and bleeding from pointe work, by the time I was done each day. I relentlessly pushed myself harder and harder, loving every minute of it. In the dance studio I felt strong. I felt connected in mind, body and spirit with a sense of calm that otherwise eluded me in life. In that hour and a half I knew who I was and always wished that I could carry that feeling throughout the rest of the day. But on the ride home with Grandma, that confidence would fade as I dreaded the monotonous routine of living in a wasteland, poor and despondent.
Sighing, I resolved to stop thinking so negatively, to not give in to the feeling of helplessness, the creeping depression. I had dance and my family, while Sabrina lived just down the road to help me get through yet another small town summer.
One particularly hot, sunny August morning, with Boys to Men playing quietly on the radio, just as the last week of summer was wrapping up, Grandma and I pulled into our trailer park and noticed Sabrina was already there, waiting on our rickety wood front steps. She was swinging her legs over the side, head bopping in
time to her Walkman. My family had virtually adopted Sabrina over the past year. She had even been assigned certain chores, and this tickled her greatly. Despite the fact that my family life was chaotic and unconventional, I never once doubted their love. They were loud and dysfunctional, yes. They were blue collar and simple, but they had no problem showing their love as they seemed to adopt every stray child around. They couldn’t give much, but affection was always something they gave freely. I might not have felt proud when it came to our status or where we lived but I always felt proud of the way they loved without hindrance, without hesitation. Their love was unconditional and I depended on it.
Sabrina never had much attention at home because her parents worked long hours, so she relished in the chaotic environment of my house. I often had to babysit my younger cousins and since Sabrina was an only child she liked feeling that she had a new family to be part of, chores and all.
I grabbed my dance bag and jumped out of the car to greet her. Sabrina asked Grandma if she would let me walk down to the corner store with her to buy a soda. Grandma rolled her eyes and shooed us on our way. “Go on, then. Get outta here.”
It may not seem very exciting to take a walk to the local store, but when you are out in the middle of nowhere, it’s about as exciting as it’s gonna get.
I took my thick hair out of the high bun I had it in for ballet that morning then pulled my fingers through it a couple of times. We bounded down the street, enjoying the blue sky and the feel of the warm sun on our shoulders.
On the way back home, as we sipped our fizzy cokes and listened to the birds chirping and the sound of our sandals slapping the pavement, we were content and for once didn’t seem to mind our quiet little town.