But as we drew nearer to home, Sabrina started to get a little twitchy and seemed nervous. I watched her out of the corner of my eye before finally breaking the tension and asked what was up.
Sabrina slowed her step. “Well… remember my friend that lives on the other side of the lake? The one I met at the mall a few months back? Anyway, it’s his birthday this weekend and he invited us to his party.”
“Us? I don’t even know him. Why would he ask me? Anyway, you know that my mom and grandma would never let me go to some random boy’s party.”
“Well, technically he invited me, but I told him that I would bring a friend and he said that would be cool. It’s not going to be a big party. His parents and sister are going out of town for the Labor Day weekend so he is going to have a little secret bash.”
Sabrina halted, waiting determinedly until I stopped and turned. When I finally caught on and looked directly at her, she tentatively suggested, “It’s not like your family has to know.” Her expression was cautious as she watched my face while I processed what she was hinting at. It must have been interesting to watch as my face registered shocked understanding and then just as quickly shifted to a calm determination. I narrowed my gaze, turned on my heel and walked off.
Sabrina stood motionless, jaw slackened for half a second before she jogged to catch up, reaching for my elbow. “Hey, don’t be mad, it was just an idea.”
I looked round sharply. “Mad? You dork! I’m not mad. I’m coming up with a plan so we can make this work. If I get busted, I’m toast, so we gotta do this right.”
“Oh. I just thought, the way you stomped off like that... I should have figured you were up for it.” She gave a shaky laugh.
We took our time, walking aimlessly as we concocted a plan to sneak out of our houses. We made an agreement to meet up at a specific spot down the road where we would then walk across the little dam to reach the other side of the lake and head to Sabrina’s friend’s house. By the time we returned to my place, we were both heady with nerves, pumped that we would actually be doing something halfway interesting the following weekend.
“You need to stop drinking so much soda pop,” Grandma scolded, noticing our skittish behavior.
We gave each other a knowing glance and giggled about our little secret.
As if time in a podunk town didn’t crawl by as it was, the rest of that week dragged on until I thought I would pull my hair out with anticipation. By the time our Saturday night rendezvous arrived and we met up behind the old boarded up church, we were both wrought with nerves and jumpy at the night sounds.
In order to avoid traffic, we opted to cut through the back alley before we crossed the highway to get to the lake. Even the highway at that time of night was dead, and we felt spooked as the void seemed to swallow us up. During the day the small lake was pretty and bursting with locals out walking their dogs or lazing in the grass as children swam by the docks. So the effect of nightfall and the silent desolation left the lake with a supernatural emptiness that left us restless, and we quickened our pace.
How in the heck did I manage to get myself immersed into an escapade such as this? I wondered, amazed that I was actually engaging in such recalcitrant behavior. If I got caught I would have been in a world of hurt. Grandma would have kicked my butt! I imagined the dramatic scene that would ensue if I were indeed caught. It wasn’t pretty.
Sabrina must have sensed my trepidation and made an attempt at humor, true to her nature. “We are like ninjas with our stealth and skills.”
I laughed. The idea of us as ninjas, both of us wickedly clumsy, was a fantastic image in my anxious state of mind.
Neither of us admitted to the other, as we scurried over the parking lot and headed to the dam, that we were in fact petrified.
The day had been a hot one, and as evening came so did the clouds, which made for a muggy evening that added to the heavy darkness.
Both of us gave a sigh of relief once we crossed the dam, feeling comforted as we drew closer to the first neighborhood. Sabrina led the way to her friend’s house which was only a few blocks over. We could hear music filtering through the windows of the single storey home, and even though it wasn’t that loud it flowed toward us and we quickly forgot our fears. A tremendous sense of freedom soared through our teenage bodies. Beaming at each other, we scurried up the steps to the front door.
A tall, skinny boy with a long skater-haircut opened the door and snatched Sabrina into a big bear hug.
“Hey man, I didn’t think that you were actually going to make it over tonight,” he said. “That’s so cool.” He dumped Sabrina back on her feet.
I stood there, waiting to be introduced. This friend was obviously quite smitten with Sabrina and she was of course oblivious to his stares. She gave him a light punch in the stomach. “Of course we came. I said that we would.”
“Roshell, this is Ethan. Ethan, Roshell.” Sabrina said.
I gave a half wave and open smile. Ethan’s smile engulfed his whole face as he grabbed Sabrina’s hand. “Come on out to the backyard and meet everyone. We were just thinking about jumping into the hot tub!”
I trailed nervously after them.
Out back, the small group gathered on his covered back patio seemed fairly friendly, immediately including us in the discussion they were immersed in concerning grunge music and how it had originated out of Seattle.
“Yeah, Kurt Kobain is slammin’…”
“It was the terrible weather there. The kids were so depressed that they started rebellious garage bands…”
“Just something to do, anything to break up the monotony, the grayness…”
The conversation dwindled down. Someone brought out a cooler of beers and I noticed a guy with dark brooding eyes, tan skin and a compact athletic build standing in the doorway. He was staring right at me. He was very cute, but there was something disconcerting about the way he looked at me without blinking that had my stomach doing somersaults. I decided to meet his gaze with my own unblinking, direct stare. Uncomfortable as it was, I was determined to show that I wasn’t some scared little girl. After what seemed like forever, but was probably only seconds, he gave a slow, seductive grin, revealing an amazing smile with perfect white teeth. He walked toward me.
I swallowed nervously, all bravery fleeing. Oh, great, hot shot! Here he comes, now what?
“Roshell, right?” he asked, his voice smooth.
“Yep, Erin, right?” I countered.
“Uh, huh. Hey do want a beer?” Erin held out a beer bottle, his eyebrows lifted inquisitively.
I had never drunk before, other than some quick swigs I had swiped from my mom a couple of times, and wasn’t really inclined to start then. But as Erin peered at me in expectation, I was damned if I was going to tell him no and have everyone thinking I was a wuss. So I snatched the bottle from him, twisted the top and took a good mouthful. “Thanks,” I said and stifled a burp. He smiled again and we started a conversation, choosing random topics until he excused himself and drifted back inside the house.
I joined Sabrina, who was engrossed in conversation with the only two other girls at the gathering. They were actively engaged in a discussion about a mutual acquaintance that they all apparently despised: Sabrina was elucidating exactly what she thought of the girl’s loose behavior with the entire football team.
After that first big gulp, I made sure to sip slowly on my beer, but was still beginning to notice its effects. I felt a conflicting mix of being floaty-light yet completely heavy and weighed down. The result left me giddy and a bit light-headed.
Sabrina must have felt the same because she was even more animated than usual. Her rapid-fire patter left everyone gasping for air just listening to her. When she was done with her rant, I inconspicuously nudged her off to the corner.
“Oh, my god! That guy? Erin? Did you see him talking to me?” I asked. “He gave me a beer and then just started rambling about random crap. I think that I was rambling too, but I was
too distracted by his babe-liciousness to actually keep track of the conversation.”
Sabrina stared at me, wide-eyed, while I babbled. She glanced down at the beer in my hand. “Your cheeks are super flushed. How many of those have you had?”
“This is my first. It’s almost gone. Why?”
“Nothing. Just making sure you’re doing okay. I’m feeling pretty good.” Sabrina smacked her lips together. “I think my lips are getting numb.”
I mimicked her then giggled, “Oh wow! My lips are numb too!”
Ethan interrupted our giggles with a chuckle. “You guys look like a couple of fish, making those faces.”
Sabrina gave him a solid punch in the arm. Ethan grabbed his sore arm and laughed, “Okay, okay, hot fish.” He sidestepped to miss another one of Sabrina’s punches and headed towards the cooler.
I rolled my eyes. “Sooo? What do you think about the hot Erin guy?”
“He is pretty gorgeous… but he has something that I’m not sure about. He has a bit of a creepy factor about him; he just kind of stares a little too hard.”
“Yeah, he is a little intense at first, but he was pretty chill when we were talking a few minutes ago. Besides, you think that everyone is a creeper.” Sabrina smiled while I continued. “Plus, I’m not sure that you are the best at reading people’s characters. You seem oblivious to the fact that Ethan has a huge crush on you and you keep punching him like he’s your brother or something. You’re trampling on his dreams and don’t even have a clue.”
Sabrina scoffed. “Whatever!” And because she knew that I was right she quickly changed the subject. “Let’s go grab another beer!” Hooking her arm through mine, she dragged me toward the cooler. We made a pact that since we were both lightweights, we would stop after just two beers. But by midnight we had played a fairly innocent game of spin the bottle and towards the end were feeling the effects of the alcohol wearing off, which left us lethargic and sleepy. Sabrina whispered, her voice sluggish, “Since we still have to walk home and sneak back into our houses, we should probably head out soon.”
Ethan overheard her declaration and wriggled his way in between us, wrapping his gangly arms around each of our shoulders, “No way, not yet! We have to have a dip in the hot tub first. Don’t worry about suits. My sister is only thirteen but you two are so small, I bet you could borrow a couple of hers.”
We conceded. A quick dip couldn’t hurt, surely? We hurried to the back of the house where Ethan dug swimsuits out of his sister’s dresser before he stepped out so we could change.
Soon we were all crowded into the steaming waters, the boys trying their best to show off their pecks and abs while the girls laughed nervously, self-conscious about their bodies.
I tried to put on an air of nonchalance, acting as if this were an every-night occurrence. In reality, it was only the second time I’d been in a hot tub. I relaxed in the jetted bubbles and let my head fall back.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have something so decadent in your own backyard that you could use whenever you wished, I thought. I swore right then that I would have one of my own someday and when I got home from dance or work, or whatever, I’d sit in it and forget about the world for awhile.
My body began to let go and my mind drifted. I was brought back with a sense of being watched. Slowly, I lifted my heavy eyelids, just enough to peek under, and immediately locked eyes with Erin. He was gazing at me so intently that for a quick moment my stomach flittered with a flash of anxiety. Assuring myself that I just wasn’t accustomed to such a direct stare, I calmed down, closed my eyes and tried to relax again.
Twenty minutes, and I noticed that I was getting too relaxed and if I didn’t get out soon I would fall asleep. I couldn’t afford to waste that much time. I stood up, one knee on the seat ready to climb out, and looked pointedly at my friend. “Time to go, Sabrina.”
Sabrina groaned. She had become quite flirtatious with Ethan and the two of them were sitting extremely close as they whispered to each other, forgetting there were other people around.
“Umm, you go on in and change. I’ll be in soon,” Sabrina said absently.
Smirking, I wrapped a towel around my waist and went inside.
I padded barefoot into Ethan’s sister’s room, and peeled off the swimsuit. A blue nightlight by the door provided just enough illumination, so I didn’t mess about looking for a light switch. Besides, I didn’t want someone to see in from the backyard, even though I doubted they could because the hot tub was up against the house and down a ways.
Tired, I slipped into my bra and panties, and was trying to find where I had misplaced my jeans when the door opened slightly and someone poked their head in. Snatching the towel I had used to dry off I held it up to my chest and stood up, preparing to scold Sabrina and demand that she hurry up and shut the door.
I couldn’t see clearly because the intruder was silhouetted from behind, but this person was too tall and broad shouldered to be female.
“It’s okay, it’s just me,” Erin whispered. He quickly sidestepped to close the door behind him.
My heartbeat picked up to an incredible speed. Jesus, there I was in my underwear in an unfamiliar room with this Erin guy. I heard the click of the door locking and became dangerously close to panicking. I took a small step back and tried to compose my thoughts. Come on, I thought, just handle this without making a complete fool of yourself. Be polite, but get him out of here…
I stammered. “I was just finishing up in here. I can hurry up and then let you have the room.” I glanced around nervously in hopes of spotting my elusive jeans. I desperately wished that I could see better, but was damned if I would turn on the light with him right there watching.
Erin said with a soothing tone, “Don’t be nervous, I can’t even see you very well. You don’t have to worry about anything. Besides, I think that you are beautiful and shouldn’t have to be shy about your body. Girls are always so self-conscious about their looks. I noticed earlier this evening that you seemed more comfortable and confident than the other girls. It’s one of the things I like about you. Maybe I was wrong.”
At his confession, I felt a blush creep up my neck. I was flattered, and embarrassed that I had allowed myself to become so frightened. I knew that he would think I was immature if he realized how scared I’d been.
God why am I such a dork? I wondered. I wanted to save face, to say something that would allow for a quick recovery. Before I could speak, his gravelly voice broke through the darkness once again.
“Anyway, I will leave, I was just wondering if I could borrow a towel. I couldn’t find one in the hall closet.”
I felt even more ashamed: he was only looking for a towel. “Oh, here, use mine, it’s not very wet.” I stepped forward, stretching my arm out to hand over the towel. I stood like that for a second and felt silly. Erin gently grabbed my wrist and slowly tugged the towel from my shaky fingers.
“That’s okay. I think that I am actually pretty dry now, all except for my trunks.” He continued to speak in a whispered baritone, as if he were afraid to scare me off, and tossed the towel to the side.
“I am very cold though, maybe you could warm me up.” Gently he pulled me to him and before I knew it he was kissing me thoroughly.
All thoughts flew from my mind as I transitioned from feeling awkward and shy to being encompassed with delight as my body awakened and responded eagerly to his passionate kiss. His tongue swept into my mouth and I quickly learned to follow and mimic his movements to keep the rhythm of the kiss flowing. I had never truly enjoyed that type of kissing before and reveled in how great it could be. I sighed as the kiss slightly increased in intensity and felt his smooth hands begin to lightly roam, caressing my skin. My body tingled and warmed with the new sensations and I responded by wrapping my arms around his neck, pressing my body against his so that we were skin to skin, still warm and damp from the hot tub.
I tensed up as his hands wandered, but relaxed again when he responde
d to my hesitation, moving his hand back to my shoulder. The kissing was slow and gentle for a time before he increased the intensity again and this time, I was eager to keep up.
I was so happy that this gorgeous guy liked me and was making me feel that way. I didn’t want him to regret kissing me, so when his hands began to wander again, I decided to allow it. At first I felt incredibly exposed and vulnerable but then relaxed and enjoyed the butterflies that were flitting around in the pit of my stomach.
As things became more heated, Erin’s hands roamed further. I gasped with shock and realized quickly that I had let things get farther than I was comfortable with. I grasped his wrist and murmured, “I think that we better stop for tonight. I really do need to get home before I get busted.” Erin kept trying to kiss me and acted as if I hadn’t spoken.
I put my hands to his chest and pushed back slightly, stating more firmly, “I’m serious. I need to get dressed and Sabrina will be in here any minute.”
Someone started twisting the door handle back and forth. We heard Sabrina on the other side, “Hey, Roshell, are you in there, is everything okay?”
I giggled nervously. “Yeah, I’m in here. I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Is Erin in there with you? We can’t find him.”
“Uh, yeah, but we were just talking. We’ll be right out.”
I could hear the smile in Sabrina’s voice as she replied, “No hurry, I was just going to hang out with Ethan in the kitchen anyway and get some snacks.”
As Sabrina’s footsteps retreated down the hall, I slowly tried to extract myself from Erin’s embrace in order to find the rest of my clothes. His muscular arms strengthened around me.
“Hey, where are you going?” He asked. “She said take your time. Don’t you want to stay? Don’t you like me?”
“Yes... no… uh yes.” Ugh, things were getting uncomfortable fast and I felt the pressing need to get home; it was getting hellishly late. I tried to back away again.
He grabbed my hand and placed it between his legs. He said in a syrupy sweet, coaxing tone, “You see what you’ve done to me? You can’t just leave me like this.” Because I could hear a smile in his statement, I thought that he was teasing me and laughed cautiously, but when I went to pull my hand away he held it there more firmly, causing me to wince in pain. I became confused and stood frozen like a hunted animal. I’d had enough of this rollercoaster ride. I wanted off and wanted to go home.