I gritted my teeth, hating this. I thought my body was going to rip in two. Begging didn’t work, I doubted anger would fare better, and loving it was a joke. Humility, that was my only hope. A humble respect.
I let that emotion settle in my soul. The winds began to grow weak, and the sun found its way through the now quiet clouds.
In my mind, images flashed and I heard Landen’s voice whispering to me. “Humble, hold that. If you humbly respect Mother Nature, she will return the favor...hold this...breathe.” His voice was demanding, yet caressing. I wanted to hold that image of him, to see if it was one of the images of him that I saw merge into his soul last night. That thought was in vain, though. The humble feeling had caused me to relax every part of my soul. I could hear every movement in the garden. It was a gentle symphony. Behind my closed eyes, I could see the color of gold. Thinking that my peace had brightened the sun, I opened my eyes and leaned back. Nothing seemed odd about the fall afternoon.
Nana grinned down at me. “They say that is the right color.”
“Who says?”
“Let’s not worry about that.”
“The dead are laughing at me, aren’t they?”
“No. I sent the class clowns away,” she said with a wink.
My shocked expression made her laugh as she took her seat in front of me. “Oh my,” she said to herself. “You see the gold color?”
I glanced at my aura and saw it mingling with a deep shade of black. I nodded to confirm, tasting something sweet and pure as I swallowed. Taste was one sense I’d never really focused on. I was starting to think that might be my tell, that if this sweet taste faded and bitterness returned, that meant that I was losing control. I didn’t want to go through that mental war I’d just faced again. My body felt like it had just overcome the flu or something just as wicked.
Now that my energy was not spilling all around me, all of my senses seemed to be on high alert. I could feel ghostly stares and could almost swear I heard them talking about me, their doubts mixed with their excitement at my willingness to gain control.
“That is your seal,” she said to call my attention back to her. “Let me play devil’s advocate and use your fear to hold this in place. If that gold breaks, the red will return. It will take you twice as long to pull it into you, and when you do, it will be even more painful.”
I swallowed nervously, assuring myself that I could still taste the sweetness.
I heard truth in her words, and that made me all the more humble to this powerful sleeping beast inside of me.
“If my energy is locked inside of me, how...how...how can I use it as a weapon? You know...you know that I share energy with Landen. That is how we empower ourselves.”
“Your shyness is absurd,” she said with a meek grin. “It’s not locked, it’s under control. That power should never be stifled.” She began to fan herself. “I could use a breeze.”
“You’re joking.”
“No.”
“I just stopped the leak. I’m not doing that.”
“I didn’t take you for a coward,” she teased.
I didn’t want to give her a breeze; I wanted the wind to carry her away. As if she could read my thoughts, she laughed at me.
“Fine,” I murmured.
I had no idea how I could control this, but I remembered in my dream, or coma—whatever that was when I first found this insight—that I was told to direct what I wanted with a thought. I focused on a gentle breeze, and with that thought, it came.
I sat up straighter, focusing on my aura, prepared for it to break, but it didn’t.
“Bigger now. Make the moss on the trees dance.”
I held her stare and sent the thought toward the trees that lingered around the home. The moss danced as if it were under my command.
“How hard was that?’ she asked, looking all around me.
“It’s just a thought.”
“Okay, push that gate open,” she said, glancing behind her at the doublewide rod iron gate doors that were slightly ajar. “And don’t push too hard; I would not want Saige to be ill with you.”
I held in the sarcastic remark I wanted to blurt out and held Nana’s stare. At that second, I heard the iron screech in protest.
“Close it,” Nana said.
“I’m not going to sit here and do parlor tricks for your amusement.”
“I’m not amused,” she countered. At that second, the gate closed, a bit violently. “Listen to me. You don’t need me to learn any of this. I know that. You have moved forward so quickly that you have not played with these powers. Everyone learns best at play.”
“They are not meant to be played with.”
“No, but they are meant to be used humbly as an extension of your being.”
I let out a sigh, then preceded to follow her directions, moving random items, the wind. Lifting her, letting her fall, you name it. It went on for hours on end. Before long, we were both laughing so hard at her absurd requests that my sides hurt.
God, it feels good to laugh.
“I don’t know what possessed you to fly all the way here, but I’m glad you did,” I said as the sun began to fall.
The smile in her eyes faded. “Just pay it forward one day.”
I knew she was thinking of her grandsons, Charlie and Madison.
“You think they are going to get these insights?” I asked with a wide gaze. I would not wish this on anyone.
“Not these. But their lives are changing fast, and they will forget just the way you did. None of you have time to do that.”
“I didn’t put them in danger by coming for them, did I?” I asked, analyzing her emotions.
“Danger found them long ago. The whispers tell me their path is troubled.”
“What else are they saying?” I whispered.
“That you are close. The doors will open for you soon.”
“I’m trying not to focus on myself. What do they need?”
“Nothing. If that changes, they will ask you. They will ask your family.”
We sat in silence, both lost in thought. The ring of her cell phone made us both jump. She answered on the second ring. I gathered it was Evan from her nods and simple answers.
“He’s out front. I’ll let you be now,” she said to me.
“Are you flying back?”
“Not yet. I never miss a chance to watch the boys play.”
“When is that again, and why?”
“You’ll tell us. Saige has my number. I’m sure I’ll see you before long,” she said as she stood.
I followed her to the gate and hugged her goodbye. I then turned back to the now dark garden. My insights told me Saige had left long ago. Only Landen and I were in here now. I was determined to wake him up one way or another.
I made my way into the house, to the dark room under the stairs. He had moved. It looked like at some point he had gotten up and gotten something to drink. On the nightstand was a gallon of water that was nearly empty. The jug was still glistening with condensation, so I knew it wasn’t long ago. I shifted out of my shoes and the hoodie that had been keeping me warm while I was outside.
I crawled along the edge of the bed. When I reached him, I let my lips dance across his arm, smelling the sweet scent of Ivory. He must have showered when I was outside. The clothes he was wearing weren’t his either. I knew I’d felt Saige in the house before, but I didn’t know she was taking care of him. I felt guilty for not noticing that he was awake.
I leaned into his neck and let my lips caress his blazing skin. A moan bellowed deep within him.
“Why didn’t you tell me you woke up?” I whispered against his skin.
I felt his smile against my cheek. “You were laughing...I didn’t want you to stop,” he thought as another moan left his lips, telling me his thoughts had more than one meaning.
His lips found mine, and hungrily I pulled him closer, feeling my heart pounding out of control.
He grasped my hands, stopping the
ir hungry claim on his body. “Careful,” he thought.
I knew he must have assumed that my fiery emotions would erupt around us, bringing us pleasure but havoc to everyone else.
I pulled my hands free from his. “I have control of this,” I thought, urging his shirt up. He gasped when he felt my cold hands on his blazing skin.
“I don’t,” he thought as his lips fiercely pulled mine closer and he sat up, pulling me across him. There was something different in his touch. We were always greedy when we held each other, but right now his touch, which felt like fire against my skin, was not greedy—it was near primal.
The blaze of his touch released me from my endless thoughts. The stress of him being trapped in that Realm, rushing here after seeing the images of our friends’ deaths, the guilt Phoenix and Saige had placed on me for a forgotten past—it all escaped my body in passionate gasps. I loved moments like this, when the world outside of his arms did not exist, when all I could focus on was the sensation of skin on skin.
Chapter Seven
In the darkness, we laid side by side, both breathless. I felt his emotions raging in every direction. I squeezed my eyes closed, trying to control mine, to ensure that the sweet, humble taste of balance lingered on my tongue. Holding that sensation was the hardest when I felt his regret and grief.
My breaths became slower as I focused on the bliss my heart was feeling at his side, the gratitude for having him all to myself at that moment. Though I could feel the storm rumble deep inside of me, I was winning over its force at that moment.
“I envy that peace you feel,” he whispered, pulling me against his blazing skin.
“You gave it to me. You shouldn't envy it.”
“God, I was a fool,” he murmured as he kissed my forehead.
I bit my bottom lip as the taste of crimson began to form along the sides of my tongue. In a frantic grasp, I thought of every sweet flavor I could remember, finally finding my balance again.
My lack of response caused his emotions to plummet. He eased to the side of the bed, pulling his shirt over his head. I leaned up in an effort to stop him, but before I could reach him he left the bed and opened a door that must have led to the bathroom.
I wanted to chase him, but my balance was in question, so I pulled myself up, reached for the lamp and turned it on for the first time. The room was smaller than I thought it was. Only a queen bed and one nightstand. The clothes he wore here were across the floor. I started to pull the room and myself back together, shaking my head as I did so. I felt like my mother; she could never sit still when her mind was out of control.
I was sliding on my boots when he finally came back into the room. Instantly, his hand blocked his face as if the lamp were the blinding sun. At that second, the light dimmed as if it had lost half its power.
Now at ease with the near darkness, he lowered his arm. That’s when I saw that the blue I loved so much was nearly gone. His pupils were wide and as dark as a moonless night. They reflected well against his tight dark crimson T-shirt and dark jeans. It was so odd to see him in clothes from my home dimension.
“What did they do to you?” I gasped, standing to go to him, but instantly he was at my side, on his knees before me, and I was sitting again. I couldn’t understand how he had moved so fast.
He reached to cradle my face. “We were foolish...”
“What did we do?’ I asked as my hand met his. He looked away, refusing to answer me as his hand fell from my face. “What did they do to you?”
“Something that had to be done...I needed to see what my selfishness has cost so many.”
“You’re not selfish,” I assured him faintly.
“No one can cheat death, but I did so, a million times over.”
“Do you honestly think that I didn’t plot with you to do that?”
He furrowed his brow to question me.
“Last night is more of a haze than anything, but I remember one thing. We both wanted back in this war, I had to have helped you plot to get her one way or another.”
“You did,” he whispered, rising to sit next to me. “But...I should have known the first time that you didn’t turn into a Phoenix that I should die, begin again, and find you through fate. I was stubborn and stupid. I hunted you. I burned you alive. I lost you every time.”
There was so much pain in his eyes. I wanted to take it all away.
“Looking back has never done us any good...don’t do this now,” I whispered, reaching for his hand, his fingers laced through mine, his eyes were full of the emotions I sensed from him. Dread dominated them all.
“We have no choice but to look back now,” was the near hallow response he gave me.
“What are you saying?”
“Willow before this…before this I was balancing what two dimension expected of us. I was fighting a curse to bring down one ghost. Now, I understand how massive this, how long and hard our path has been.” His eyes drifted into mine. “I want to give you the peace you want. It’s all I want. I want to be ignorant to all of this…but I can’t be. So many people are expecting different things from us.” He let out a shuttering breath as his eyes glided across my face. “To end Donalt we have to work through this curse, and the spells I weaved in my past to stop him. He has twisted us, he has turned us against one another. I can’t even fully perceive how wickedly he has done that.”
“Who has he turned against one another? Phoenix has you back. I think him and I are cool. You and Drake are not fighting. Whatever conflicts Donalt set in place can be resolved with simple conversations.”
He winched as if he knew conversations would not hinder the onslaught of emotions he saw charging at us. “This spell...it’s more complicated than we can ever imagine. It will take more than me and you to break it—to survive it.”
“It’s more than the planets?” I asked timidly.
His jaw tightened. “Yeah.”
“How much more?”
“I don’t know. I can’t see everything in my past, and I definitely can’t see the pasts of others. Even if I could, I would miss a detail, a detail that only the one that lived it would know.”
“We’ll just take this step by step, fight what is in front of us.”
Every muscle in his body flexed. “Willow, it took you months to get over seeing me with an illusion of you.” He swallowed once. “How are you ever going to handle working with someone that I held in a dark past on my loneliest nights?”
I now had a name for the taste of harsh crimson that was flooding into my mouth: blood. I could swear blood was in my mouth and that I was choking on it. I clenched my fist, searching for another sensation, another taste: lemon. In my mind, I said that flavor over and over again until I found my balance.
“Who?” My voice trembled with anger.
“She belongs to someone else. She knows that. We both knew where we belonged The distance we were from our soul mates created an ache we both tried to ease.” His voice was husky, full of regret.
The lingering silence was burning into both of us. “Like what I did with Drake.” I finally said letting my head fall. This was karma in its raw form. “I told you I would pay for what I’d done to you, that karma would have its turn with me.”
Sharply, his stare found mine. “You did nothing wrong. Ever.”
“Neither did you.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I don’t? How many fights have we had about Drake? In this life? How many times as he found a way to get to me.”
“How many times did you tell him that you loved me? How many times did you walk away from him and into my arms.” His eyes glided over me. “Every time. You worried about him because you thought we were missing souls. You were right about that. All along you knew deep down what took me this long to figure out.”
“I didn’t know anything beyond the fact that he belonged with us, but he didn’t deserve to be there alone.”
He was astonished. He could not believe th
at I was not enraged. I couln’t either, really. Maybe I was just tired. Maybe my emotions were in a cage. Bottom line. In this life, in these last nineteen years he was faithful to me. I wasn’t always so innocent. I was more mad at myself that him.
“Willow, I did look for you the moment I became a Phoenix. I never stopped. You lingered behind every thought, but the gap of time was painfully lonely and at times I lost my way…for all I know that is half the reason we have so much hell to pay today.”
“Landen, I can forgive you a thousand times over, but that’s not going to matter unless you forgive yourself. This just feels new because your eyes were opened. It was lifetimes ago. We were not together. You didn’t betray me.”
He leaned forward and stole a kiss from my lips before he looked down. “The one that held me has been trapped. I was able to move on and find you. She couldn't. She sacrificed finding her soul mate so I could find you. I’m in her debt.”
“Skylynn?” I asked with a shaky voice.
The automatic flinching of his jaw told me I was right. “We never loved each other. We had a common disdain. The ones we wanted to be with were divided by space and time.” He let out a shuttering breath. “I told her once I found you, that you’d lead us to who she belonged with. That everyone would come to one source.” He glanced at me. “I’m not sure if that was a lie or not. I’m not the person I was then. Or maybe I am…I just know I was desperate. I was aching for you. I would have given anything to have you in my arms once more. To not see the destruction you and Drake brought to one another, the horrible dark, twisted lives you endured.”
I glanced away, wondering if that was part of the reason that Saige hated me so much. I was the ‘other woman’ her daughter had to contend with.
I kept thinking the word ‘lemon’ over and over again, holding that taste in my mouth, holding my calm. Saying that it was hard is an understatement—it was excruciating. The raging storm deep inside me wanted to break free and make everyone and everything around me pay for the pain my heart was enduring.
I didn’t want to ever see this girl. But I doubted I had a choice in the matter.