We have a lot of employees at Life In The Word, and we care about our people. We want to help them whenever we can, but I learned a long time ago that I cannot be intricately involved in all their personal lives and problems. I believe a lack of balance in this area ruins many relationships with great potential.
I encourage you not to become “entangled” with the lives of others. Be a good friend, but beware of entanglements. It is possible to lose yourself in someone else’s life.
I have come to the place where I feel that I have enough business of my own to mind, without getting involved in other people’s.
It is amazing how our joy and enjoyment can increase just by following this one simple principle. I am very much in favor of the gifts of the Spirit, and a word in due season can really encourage and help us press forward.
Just be sure if you have a “word” for someone that it is a word from God and not a word from you. Even the precious gifts of the Holy Spirit have been abused, and people have used them to manipulate and control.
When someone gives you a word from God, always remember that you should “bear witness,” that is, that you should verify it for yourself. It should be a confirmation of what the Lord has already shown you. If it is news to you, put it on a shelf and wait to see what God shows you about it.
Nosiness is another problem that must be avoided. It is one I definitely had in the past, and one that adversely affected my joy. I want you to know that I feel very strongly about this issue. Please pay close attention with your heart and be very open to God.
I am not trying to be insulting or accusing, but I feel I must exhort you: If you have difficulty minding your own business, start praying for deliverance. Make a decision to change, and it will increase your personal enjoymen greatly.
God has shown me that giving other people liberty is sowing good seeds for our own freedom in relationships Because of our different personalities, we handle things differently, see things differently and are affected in different ways by them.
I can be in a group of people, spill a glass of water and make a mess. One personality will quickly come to my rescue with ample towels to clean up the mess. That personality will sympathize with me, knowing I am embarrassed.
Another personality may promptly want to instruct me in how I could have avoided the accident had I been more careful.
Yet another may laugh and think the whole incident is hilarious.
I could get angry or offended by two of these personalities, or I could just give them liberty to be who they are and know that if they need changing, God is big enough to take care of it. I can pray for them, but I cannot be judgmental.
Train Up a Child
Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
We must train our children. It is our responsibility before God to do so. Knowing their different personalities helps a great deal in doing it properly. When we compare the younger to the older, saying things like, “Why can’t you get good grades like your sister?” and a variety of other things, we may be messing in God’s business. He created each of our children and put them together for His purpose, not for ours.
Many parents want to fulfill their own unfulfilled dreams through their children, which creates a lot of pressure. Children naturally want to please their parents, but controlling parents will end up with rebellious children.
We must teach our young children what is right, but as they get older, we must also allow them to make their own choices. This will help develop a relationship of respect. They will not only respect us as their parents, but also our values, and ultimately will be more willing to follow those values.
We human beings are simply not built for outside control, and when it is forced on us, it creates problems.
When my daughters were growing up, I had certain ideas, certain standards, of what I thought a clean house should be. I tried to teach my girls to be clean and tidy.
One of them had a personality that did not seem to mind messes, while the other one was even more tidy than I was. I fought with the one and thought the other went a little overboard. Both grew up and now have homes of their own.
All three of us have varying definitions for the word “clean.” One of my daughters is a little looser in her attitude. She enjoys her home — and it is clean — but she doesn’t mind things lying around. She’s the one who lives in it, so she is free to keep it as she sees fit.
The other daughter is fairly strict about how she wants things to look, but she is the one who cleans it, so that is her business.
I am probably somewhere between the two. I like my house to be a little more organized than my one daughter’s, but it does not have to be as organized as the other’s.
I realize now, that I lost a lot of enjoyment when the girls were growing up because I was trying to make them be like me.
In order to give people liberty, we must realize they will never be good at being anyone other than themselves.
I struggled mightily with my older son when he was growing up, and I never knew until a few years ago that we struggled because we have identical personalities — both very strong. I felt that he was always resisting everything I said or did. I thought he was just rebellious, and his attitude did grow into a form of rebellion.
However, had I known how to give him some liberty (and I might add that strong-willed children need even more freedom than other types), we could have avoided a lot of turmoil between us. My strong personality and his were working against each other, but now through Christ (and both of us learning balance), we work together all the time in the ministry.
God once told me, “Lighten up on your kids, Joyce.”
I want to encourage you not to be overly rigid with your children. They have not had time to learn what you know. Give them some time, and you will be surprised what God will teach them.
We cannot make our children love God, or make them want to do right. Naturally we must correct them, but we should avoid controlling them. We should bring correction when we are led by the Spirit — not by our flesh.
I have found with our children, our employees or anyone over whom I have any measure of authority, if I correct when I really need to, and not just when I want to, the results are much better.
We should be sensitive to God in this area, just like any other, not doing what we feel like doing, but what we are truly led by Him to do. When we stop trying to run the world — stop trying to be the great choir director of life — it leaves us time to enjoy life.
Concentrate on your own freedom and maintain it before God. And give others the liberty to live their own lives. You will find an increase in your enjoyment.
My children have all turned out fine, but I missed a lot of years of enjoyment because I was intent on trying to change them when I should have been enjoying them.
People are all headed somewhere. Let’s enjoy them while they make the trip. Let’s enjoy where they are, while they’re on the way to their destination.
When your child is two, don’t wish he was three. When he is a toddler, don’t wish he was in school. Don’t keep looking for that “perfect” time in life when absolutely every circumstance concerning that individual will be just right. Enjoy him where he is. Each phase is part of the whole.
God has given us relationships for enjoyment, not for torment.
Make a decision today that you are going to enjoy yourself and all the people that God has placed in your life. Don’t just look at what is wrong with you, or with them. Be positive, look for the good things and magnify them.
13
Don’t Poison Your Joy
For let him who wants to enjoy life and see good days [good — whether apparent or not] keep his tongue free from evil and his lips from guile (treachery, deceit).
1 Peter 3:10
The born-again child of God has joy resident in his spirit. It is
possible, however, to poison that joy.
The Scripture quoted above says that if we want to enjoy our lives, which is possible even if there is no apparent reason to enjoy it, then we must keep our tongues free from evil.
I believe the instruction is a personal one: You keep your tongue free from evil.
When The Amplified Bible says that we can enjoy life (whether apparent or not), I think it means that if we keep our mouths positive during difficulties, though it may look to everyone else that our circumstance should make us miserable, we can drink joy from the fountain of our own lips.
The Fountain of Blessings and Curses
… the human tongue can be tamed by no man. It is a restless (undisciplined, irreconcilable) evil, full of deadly poison.
With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse men who were made in God’s likeness!
Out of the same mouth come forth blessing and cursing. These things, my brethren, ought not to be so.
Does a fountain send forth [simultaneously] from the same opening fresh water and bitter?
James 3:8-11
We can bless ourselves or curse ourselves by the way we speak. When we bless, we speak well of; when we curse, we speak evil of. You and I can bless our own lives and bring joy to them, or we can curse them and bring misery upon ourselves, by the words of our mouth.
We should be much more concerned about what comes out of our mouths about ourselves than we ever are about what others are saying about us. There is a well of good things inside of us — one of them being joy. We can pull it up and splash it all over ourselves through proper speaking.
The Bible says the human tongue can be tamed by no man, so we will need God’s help and plenty of it, to keep the tongue under control.
In James 3:6 we read that … the tongue is a fire. [The tongue is a] world of wickedness set among our members, contaminating and depraving the whole body. …
It is amazing to stop and realize all the trouble that one tiny member of the body has created in each of our lives. The tongue can ruin a relationship. It can usher in depression. It can wound a friend, or, through rudeness, hurt someone we barely know.
Verse 8 in James 3 goes on to say that the tongue is … restless, (undisciplined, irreconcilable) evil, full of deadly poison. Hmmmmm. Has your joy been poisoned?
If so, consider these Scriptures:
The words of a whisperer or slanderer are like dainty morsels or words of sport [to some, but to others are like deadly wounds]; and they go down into the innermost parts of the body [or of the victim’s nature].
Proverbs 26:22
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life].
Proverbs 18:21
Both of these Scriptures partially express the message I am trying to convey in this chapter: Words can help us or hurt us, as well as the other people we are involved with.
The Tongue in Trials
The reverent fear and worshipful awe of the Lord [includes] the hatred of evil; pride, arrogance, the evil way, and perverted and twisted speech I hate.
Proverbs 8:13
When we are having a hard time — tribulation — what does the tongue like to do? Talk about it! Blame it on somebody. It likes to complain. But more than anything, it just likes to talk about the problem (which usually doesn’t do anyone any good).
Temptations that come during trials and tribulations are designed to drag you away from God. Talk about God — not the problem — and you will be strengthened instead of weakened.
Tribulation is part of life. When you own a car, you will occasionally need to replace some of its parts. When you own a home, you will probably need to paint it sometime or have some other repair work done. These things are just part of life.
We live in the world. The devil is in the world. Part of what he does is bring tribulation. He hopes tribulation will irritate us and steal our peace and joy.
Satan does not want us to enjoy God or the life He has provided for us!
We make a big deal out of our tribulations, and are often guilty of making mountains out of molehills. God is greater than our problems.
I used to make such a big deal out of my problems that I made them seem bigger than they were. Dave, on the other hand, paid little attention to them at all. To him, they seemed much smaller than they did to me. Anyone who has a weakness in this area will have to grow, or he will never consistently enjoy his life.
Our worship leader, Chris, was relating to me how he had overheard some people talking about all their trials. He wondered to Himself (and at the same time posed the question to God), “Why don’t I have trouble any more?” Everything seemed to be fairly calm in his life at the time.
As he thought about it, he realized that one of his kids was sick, an appliance had broken down and something had happened to his car. The difference was he did not have his mind and mouth on the problems. He was busy in the ministry, traveling with us, leading worship, working at the office, writing new songs, being a good husband and father. He was busy doing what God had called him to do, which freed the Lord to do what He is supposed to do.
God wants to give us peace in the midst of the storm, while He is driving the clouds away and ushering in the sunshine.
The Bible encourages us to give a good report. (Phil. 4:8 KJV.) In Numbers 13, we see a classic example. Twelve spies were sent into the Promised Land to spy it out. Ten came back with what the King James Version calls an “evil report.” (v. 32.) They told of the giants in the land! There were good things to report on, but they centered in on the giants.
You and I are to give a good report — talk about the positive things in life. The more we talk about good things, the more uplifted we will feel. If we choose to talk of negative things, we will feel heavy and drained. The words that go out of our mouths run alongside our faces and fall back down into our own ears as well as into other people’s.
Giving an “evil report” — gossiping, slandering, complaining, backbiting — all of these things make us unhappy. Many people don’t realize this fact, and others probably would not want to believe it, but it is true. Sometimes people literally get “addicted” to evil speaking. Evil speaking includes all the negative things that are mentioned in this chapter.
At one time in my life, I was so negative that if I said anything positive, it was surprising to everyone. Now I am just the opposite. I guess I am like a person addicted to drugs. Once he is set free of them, he hates them with the same passion he used to love them before his deliverance.
Once I saw the devastation of negativism and other forms of evil speaking, I hated them. According to Proverbs 8:13 God hates perverted and twisted speech. So should we. If we will be submissive to the Holy Spirit, He will prompt us to say the right things. He will also convict us when we are talking wrong. But we have to choose to cooperate with Him. He is sent to keep us on the narrow path that leads the way to life.
Agree With God, Not With the Trials
Do two walk together except they make an appointment and have agreed?
Amos 3:3
God has a good plan for our lives, and we need to bring our mouth into agreement with Him. If we go around saying things like, “Nothing good ever happens to me; all I ever have is trouble,” we can expect that trouble to multiply in our lives.
Words are seeds. What we speak, we sow, and what we sow, we reap!
Begin to say, “I’ve got a future, and there’s hope for me. God is on my side. No matter how many disappointments I have had in the past, this is a new day. Goodness and mercy are following me today.”
Talking like this will help you enjoy the journey. However long you have to wait for your breakthrough, you may as well make it as enjoyable as possible.
Sometimes we are waiting for God or others to do for us what God has given us the ability and responsibility to do for ourselves. We can increase our joy through the simple principle of right speaking.
> Sometimes what we say about our problems is a bigger problem than the problem. When we continually think and speak about our problems, we are making mental and verbal lists that we cannot get away from. They become prevalent in our souls. Our souls get full of the problem. God never intended our problems to get in us. They may be all around us, but were never intended to be in us. If we keep our souls full of Him and His Word, joy remains. But we can poison our joy easily and quickly by not adhering to God’s principles.
I once purposely kept a list of tribulations that came my way while I was preparing to teach along these lines. We had combined a Miami, Florida, teaching engagement with a few days’ vacation. We were out of town for seven days, and during those seven days, nine things happened to us that came under the category of tribulations.
Had I not written them down, I don’t think I could have even remembered most of them by the time I returned home because I am no longer addicted to talking about my tribulations. I have found something better to talk about. I know for a fact that talking about them usually only increases them.
Dave played golf and his game was rained out after only six holes. He had packed his clubs and traveled to Florida with them, paid the green fee, done everything necessary to prepare for a round of golf, and then it had rained on him. Now that might not sound like much to you and me, but to a golfer, it is tribulation.
Tribulation is just all the “stuff” that goes on in an individual’s life that is disappointing or irritating.