our fingers.
I nodded, unable to speak and he stepped away from me. Instantly I missed his closeness. Oh shit, I’m in trouble. I should make him leave before he breaks me irrevocably. He gave me a little tug towards the sofa, and I followed behind him helplessly.
“You have any DVDs?” he questioned, looking at me curiously.
I chewed on my lip. “Not really, they’re still in a box somewhere.” I frowned at the few remaining unpacked boxes that lay around the apartment.
“You’ve been living here three weeks and you still haven’t finished unpacking?” he teased, his fingers playing with mine as he sat on the sofa and pulled me down next to him.
I dragged my eyes over his face. He looked so happy, contented and relaxed that it made me smile, despite my best efforts. I really was in so much trouble. Nate was going to make it extremely hard for me to keep my heart to myself.
“I’m lazy, what can I say?” I answered, trying to sound confident.
He grinned. “I actually like what you’ve done with the place. The cardboard boxes stacked in the corner of each room give it a certain homey charm.”
“I actually put them there on purpose. Those boxes are strategically placed for feng shui reasons. They’re part of my design.” I ignored the little thrill that went through me at the sound of his laugh.
“Maybe you should come design my apartment,” he suggested.
“What’s your place like?” I asked, settling back against the sofa, wanting to hear him talk some more.
He looked a little uncomfortable and seemed to squirm in his seat. “Er, well, I’m not a very good housekeeper,” he answered. I grinned, imagining his place being littered with dirty clothes and plates. I didn’t dare think about what his bathroom would look like.
“Oh, I get it, you’re a slob.”
He laughed and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I’ll tidy up before you come stay with me though, don’t worry.”
Wow, confident much? “What makes you think that I’ll be staying at your place?”
He licked his lips, and I tried not to watch the sweep of his tongue against his kissable bottom lip. Did he know how hot that tiny little movement was? I’d bet the answer to that question was yes.
“When you see what a crap hole my place is, you’ll be begging me to let you sleep there,” he joked, squeezing my hand lightly. “I guess that’s actually a bad choice of words,” he added, nodding, looking a little thoughtful.
I looked at him confused.
“Sleep. It was a bad choice of word; we wouldn’t sleep much because if I had your hot little ass in my apartment, I’m sure that sleeping would be the last thing on my mind.” His eyes wandered over my body lustfully.
“You’re so overconfident. I’m pretty sure that it’ll be the other way around, and you’ll be begging for me to stay at your place,” I flirted, tapping my finger on his nose, trying to look sexy. In reality, I had no idea how to look sexy at all. I’d never known how keep a guy interested. I’d had one serious relationship in my life, and that had ended with me being a single mother, heartbroken and bitter. I had no idea if I was doing or saying the right things to him.
“I’m pretty sure you’re right,” he whispered, kissing me lightly, pulling me closer to him. “So, can I ask you something?” he questioned.
“You don’t need to ask, the answer is no. I’m not into bondage,” I deadpanned.
He laughed and his eyes twinkled as he slapped his leg in mock disappointment. “Dammit.”
I couldn’t help but giggle. There was something about Nate that made me more brash and outgoing. He seemed to make all of my inhibitions fade to the background.
“Seriously though, I had a proper question.”
He looked at me a little uncomfortable, so I nodded for him to continue.
“I was wondering if you would tell me a little more about you. I want to know how you came to be on your own with DJ. You said that you were scared to be a single mother, so I just wondered what made you change that.”
I took a deep breath. I didn’t really want to talk about this, but for some reason, looking at his face as he studied me like this was the most interesting thing he’d ever heard, I found myself telling him the truth that I’d never spoken to anyone about before.
“When Josh and I got back together, I was six months pregnant. I knew he was with other girls. He hid it from me at first, giving me excuses that he was going to a friend’s house to help them or something. He knew that I knew, but because I didn’t say anything he got more and more brash about it; actually to the point where he’d be sitting on the sofa next to me while texting other girls and arranging to meet up. If I ever asked him where he was going, all he’d say was that he’d be home later.”
I sighed deeply, staring down at my hands.
“He actually missed his son’s birth because he was out with some girl. He got to the hospital when DJ was twenty-six minutes old. But, stupidly, I still forgave him.”
I had no idea why I was telling him this personal stuff. I was ashamed of my past, of the person that I was, the girl who let a guy walk all over her, let herself be used and hurt over and over just because she was too weak to be on her own.
Nate’s fingers had tightened on mine, his jaw had clenched. He didn’t say anything though, so I continued.
“I let it go on for a long time because I thought I was better off with him than on my own. I thought that DJ having his dad there was worth me crying myself to sleep at night; I did it for DJ. I would do anything for my son, and I thought having Josh there was what was best for him,” I explained. “On DJ’s first birthday I had a little tea party planned for the evening. My parents came in from Barstow, my sister, Anna and Ashton, and Josh’s family came over too. I made little sandwiches and cupcakes, I got everything that DJ would like, I spent hours slaving in the kitchen to make his first birthday special. I was so excited about it.”
I laughed humourlessly at the memory; the day of my son’s first birthday, memorable for so many reasons, none of them good. It should have been one of the most special days of my life and, in a way, it kind of was, because that was the day I grew a backbone and finally started seeing what an idiot I was being.
“Everyone was there. DJ was playing with the toys people had bought him. I remember sitting there looking at the clock, waiting for Josh to come home so I could light the cake. I sat there and I sat there, and it got later and later. People suggested I call him to see what was holding him up, but I didn’t need to. I knew what he was doing. Eventually, DJ fell asleep and people started to leave. I can still see the looks on their faces as they walked out the door, I can still see the sympathy from Josh’s parents’ faces. I can still see the anger in my dad’s eyes, and I knew I needed to do something. It was one thing for me to put up with him hurting me over and over, but not to even show up to his son’s first birthday party…”
My face flamed at the memory. Nate had gotten really still, his back ramrod straight as he stared at me, his lips pressed into a tight line.
“I put everything away and sat on the sofa waiting for him. At just after one in the morning he crept in, trying to be quiet. He didn’t need to say anything, we both knew where he’d been, and he didn’t even try and apologise for it. He just smiled as if nothing had happened and asked me what I was doing up.”
I laughed as I played out my exact words to him in my head – how I had told him I was waiting up so he could try our son’s birthday cake, and then I’d thrown it as hard as I could at him. Unfortunately, it missed and splatted on the wall. He’d just looked at me shocked because he wasn’t used to me being angry about what he was doing. He’d cheated on me the whole time I was pregnant and for a whole year of our son’s life yet he’d never thought anything of it. I gritted my teeth.
“It was then that I told him I’d had enough. I’d already packed up his bags and had left them by the front door. I’d always thought I was doing what was best for DJ, but that j
ust made me see I was wrong. Having a dad like that, one that would rather be off screwing girls than go to his first birthday, that couldn’t be the right thing for DJ. I hadn’t realised it until that point, but I knew there and then that we would be better off on our own. Josh and I had a blazing argument. He refused to leave the apartment, so I had to call Ashton. Ashton had to literally throw him out, and that was it. From that day on I refused to allow another man to hurt me or my son.”
I swiped at the lone tear that fell down my cheek as the whole thing played out in my head. I’d never really spoken to anyone about it all before. I’d told Anna that he’d cheated a couple of times, but she didn’t realise the extent of it. It seemed like the only one who knew, was Nate. I looked up at him, waiting to see his reaction. He just carried on staring at me for a couple of minutes and we sat in an uncomfortable silence. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully.
Finally, he seemed to gather his thoughts enough to speak.
“I’m sorry for what he did to you, Stripes. You shouldn’t have had to go through that, and I wish I’d been there for you to talk to when you needed it. But thank you for telling me the truth now.”
He bent his head and kissed my cheek. The feel of his lips lingered there for much longer than his mouth actually did.
He pressed his forehead to mine, and my heart seemed to thump in my chest. I’d not felt anything like this for so long that I almost didn’t know how to cope with it. Come to think of it, I’d not even been kissed for years, so this was all new to me. Actually, I wasn’t sure I’d ever been kissed this passionately, this tenderly, this beautifully. It made me feel like someone else, like I was living someone else’s life, a person who got everything they ever wanted, a person who never had to go hungry, or cry themselves to sleep because of worry or loneliness. With Nate’s forehead pressed against mine, I felt like I could do anything.
I hadn’t had that feeling of confidence or self-worth for so long that it was actually frightening me. Sure, I put on an act for everyone, so people thought I was confident, but they couldn’t have been more wrong. Nate seemed to be the only one that saw past that front that I put up, and saw the scared, tired girl that just needed someone to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be alright. As much as I never admitted it, I did need someone to take care of me for a change.
Looking into Nate’s blue eyes, I knew he was right in what he’d said earlier – I did want him. I wanted him to want me. I wanted him to look at me just as he was, and make me feel things that I was too frightened to even dream of since Josh. But I was still terrified to let go and open my heart up completely. Nate Peters was not a long-term commitment kind of guy. It was surely only a matter of time before he got bored and ran in the other direction. I couldn’t let him take my heart with him when he left. I needed to be careful, if I didn’t watch myself then he would steal my heart and I’d be left vulnerable and hurt again, and I couldn’t cope with that. Last time had been unbearable, but I’d had a long time to harden myself to being on my own. Josh and I broke up on my terms; I was the one that said enough was enough. When I looked into Nate’s eyes, I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that this wouldn’t end on my terms; this would end with him crushing me beyond repair.
Even with this belief in my heart, I still couldn’t stop my face from tilting upwards and pressing my lips against his softly. He responded immediately, kissing me harder. His yearning was easy to feel in the passionate way he was kissing me. My hormones were in complete control and, although my heart was telling me to get as far away from this guy as possible, my body needed him closer. I gripped his shirt and moved, settling back onto the sofa, pulling him on top of me.
The way his tongue moved with mine, the way his hands slipped down my side to grip my hips, the way his body heat made me feel both hot and cold at the same time, everything he was doing was making me feel a little crazy. I couldn’t get him close enough to me quickly enough. It was almost as if I were drowning and clutching at that last breath, trying to keep my head above water.
I ran my hands down his back slowly, feeling him shudder under my fingertips. When I got to the bottom of the T-shirt he was wearing, I slipped my hand up the back. When his muscles tightened under my hand, I felt a rush of excitement. Just as I started to pull it up higher so I could tug it off over his head, I heard a door open. My blood froze in my veins.
Please, no! Please, please no!
“Momma?” DJ said quietly.
I shoved Nate off me quickly, catching him off-guard and causing him to fall off the sofa and onto the floor with a heavy bump and a small yelp. I didn’t have time to apologise though; I couldn’t let DJ see me out here making out with a stranger. Luckily, the couch was facing the other way so Nate was hidden from view.
I jumped to my feet and looked over the back of the sofa towards the bedrooms, trying to act like nothing was going on even though I could feel my face burning.
“Hey, Baby, what are you doing out of bed?”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Nate go to sit up. Acting instinctively, I put my foot on his chest, pinning him to the floor. He laughed softly, so I risked a glare down in his direction, which made him mime zipping his mouth closed.
DJ pouted a little, giving me his best pouting face so he wouldn’t get into trouble for getting out of bed. “I was thirsty, and my arm hurts.”
My heart started to ache because my baby was in pain. I held my hand flat towards Nate in a ‘don’t move’ gesture, and then quickly headed to DJ, picking him up and taking him to the kitchen to have some water and more medicine. When he was settled back in bed, I made sure to close his door before heading back to the lounge to Nate.
He was still lying on the floor in the exact place I left him, looking adorable with one arm bent behind his head like a pillow. Where he had his arm raised, his T-shirt had ridden up a little so I caught sight of an inch of exposed skin just above his belt buckle. I gulped as I caught sight of the little treasure trail there.
Oh man, what I wouldn’t give to trace that line with my tongue!
Trying not to let the dirty thoughts show on my face, I reached a hand down to him to help him up. His hand closed over mine, but as I pulled to get him up, he pulled at the same time and I lost my footing, stumbling down on top of him heavily, chest-to-chest, nose-to-nose. I gasped, and his resulting smile told me that was exactly what he’d meant to have happen.
“I didn’t realise you were into roughness. That actually hurt, Stripes,” he teased, weaving his fingers into my hair, pulling my face closer to his.
“Sorry.” I sighed at the silly little girl that seemed to have taken over me entirely. I used to be so composed, but I couldn’t be around Nate.
“Don’t worry about it. Is he okay?” he asked, stroking my face with his thumb.
“Yeah, he’ll go back to sleep. I’m thinking maybe you should go,” I said, looking at him apologetically.
His eyes searched mine for a few seconds before he spoke. “But we’re okay though, right?” he asked, looking at me hopefully.
I smiled and pushed myself up, sitting on his stomach, straddling him. The feel of him pressed so intimately between my legs was making me even crazier. I had always been a sexual person, but since Josh I just hadn’t wanted to put myself in that situation again.
“We’re fine,” I confirmed, smiling.
He laughed. “Yes, we are,” he said, grasping my thighs in his hands.
“Get out of my place,” I teased, getting to my feet and holding both hands down to help him up. This time I braced myself in case he pulled me again, but he didn’t.
I led him over to the door, leaning against the wall as he stepped closer to me again, one hand on the doorknob ready to open it.
“Rose?”
I chewed on my lip at the sound of that word. No one had ever called me Rose before, always Rosie, but I loved the sound of it in his smooth silky voice. “Yeah?”
“I was won
dering…” He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck, frowning uncomfortably.
“Wondering?” I prompted when he didn’t carry on.
He sighed and his baby blue eyes locked right onto mine, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up because of the level of intensity I could see there. “I was wondering if you would be exclusive with me.”
Shock radiated through my body. I hadn’t expected that word to come from his mouth, ever. His hopeful expression was so unlike the cocky, overconfident guy that I’d met at the hospital a few weeks ago.
I hid the smile that was trying to break out on my face. “I’m not sure. I’ll have to think about it,” I replied, reaching for the door handle.
He swallowed loudly. “Er… right… yeah… of course… that’s fine…” He rubbed the back of his neck a little harder as he stepped past me, out of the door. “I’ll call you tomorrow, if that’s okay?” He suddenly looked a little unsure of himself. He’d probably never been rejected before.
I nodded, and he turned to walk off. He got about two steps away from me before I called him to stop. “Officer Peters?” He turned and looked at me. “I’ve thought about it and I’d actually really like to be exclusive with you.”
A slow smile stretched across his face, the cockiness back in full force as he stepped into my personal space, pressing his chest against mine.
“Of course you would. There’s not a girl in the world that can resist me. You’re the only one that’s made me work for it,” he joked, gripping my chin and tilting my head up. “But I have a feeling that you’re worth waiting for, and I know I’m worth waiting for. So it’s all good.”
His words were repeating in my head, the promise in his words made my body respond to of its own accord. ‘I know I’m worth waiting for’. My mouth started to water as places in my body that hadn’t been touched by anyone for so long, started to wake up and ache, begging for attention. I knew one thing for sure – Nate was going to be incredible in bed. I guess I’d find out at some point, if he could stick to his word and wait for me.