I’m not like this guy Josh, I swear!”
She shrugged and looked away from me. “It’s fine, honestly. Don’t worry about it. We weren’t exclusive or anything, so you’ve done nothing wrong really. This isn’t going to work out though, so if you could just leave that’d be great.”
I frowned; she didn’t even look angry, just disappointed, and that actually made it even worse. I would rather her shout and scream at me rather than being all calm and collected about it. Clearly she’d been expecting something like this to happen anyway. By the looks of her tough exterior, she was over it already, over me already. But the tiny twitch to her eye told me that this was mostly just an act and that she was hurting inside.
“Rose, please. I know I’ve done wrong, and it doesn’t matter that we weren’t exclusive, I shouldn’t have done it.”
She nodded. “You’re right, you shouldn’t have, but it’s done now. Just leave and we’ll agree to be friends. We never started anything; not really, so we’ll just forget it happened for the sake of our best friends. I don’t want things to be awkward around them, and we’re bound to run into each other now and again.”
“Why can’t we try and talk it through?” I asked. I couldn’t walk out of her place without making this right, I would beg her all night if I had to, but we needed to try and talk it out.
“Because I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to get over it and go back to what it was. I don’t want to get hurt again. I shouldn’t have agreed to go out with you in the first place, you’re a player, and I knew that, so I guess I was kind of waiting for this to happen. I don’t want a man because all guys are useless cheaters that can’t keep their dicks in their pants,” she retorted. Her angry frown showed me the force of her words.
“What did this Josh guy do to you, Rosie?” I asked, looking at her apologetically, as if I could somehow make up for what that jerk had done to her.
“It’s none of your business what he did! Just leave for goodness’ sake, Nate. Please, just go!” she cried, throwing her hands up in exasperation as she glared at me.
“No.” I stood my ground as she shoved on my chest and tried to get me towards the door.
She almost growled in frustration as a tear fell down her face. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out and wiping it with my finger. She snorted and slapped my hand away from her face, scowling at me.
“Leave!” she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest, obviously deciding that the pushing me wasn’t going to work.
“Not until you tell me what he did that screwed you up so badly.”
She growled in frustration. “He was a cheating, lying scumbag, just like you are! The day I told him I was pregnant he left. Literally left. He packed up his stuff and moved to another county to get away from me! He left me on my own, nineteen and pregnant, and he left me. That’s what he did!” she spat, the look of anger that was on her face turned to hurt for a split second before she rearranged it back to anger again.
I couldn’t help but hate this guy that I’d never met. “Asshole,” I whispered.
She laughed humourlessly. “Yeah, he is. But I’m the bigger asshole, because when he came back after four months of silence, begging me for another chance, telling me he was sorry, I forgave him, just like that. I jumped into his arms, so grateful that I wasn’t on my own that I didn’t even care that he’d left. That was the worst mistake I’ve ever made in my life.”
Rosie was nearly shaking, she was so angry.
“I was stupid and scared of being alone, so I took him back, only to have him cheat on me time and time again. From the day he came back he was seeing other girls, and I didn’t even care. I let him walk all over me just so that I wasn’t a single teenage mother. He was a cheating, lying player, just like you are, Nate.”
“You can’t compare me to him! I’d never shirk responsibilities, ever. I’m willing to give it a shot, I don’t care that you have a child, I like you, Rosie… how can I be a player if I want to be exclusive with you?” I asked, stepping closer to her, making her shoulders stiffen defensively.
She rolled her eyes. “You just want to get in my pants, just like every guy I’ve ever met. Just leave. I don’t need a man. I don’t need anyone. I’ve learnt how to take care of myself and my son, I’ve learnt the hard way and I won’t make the same mistakes again, not ever.”
“I’m not a mistake, you can trust me,” I whispered, looking at her pleadingly.
She snorted. “I can’t trust you; I can’t trust any man. All they think about is personal gain, they just want to get what they want and be done with it. They just think about themselves all the time, and I hate that!”
That statement made me a little angry. She wasn’t even trying to look at it from my point of view; she wasn’t even toying with the idea of giving me a shot. Clearly she wanted to be on her own forever, just so she didn’t get burned again.
“If I were just thinking about myself I would have run out of here by now! I would have bolted as soon as I found out about you having a kid, wouldn’t I? Why would I be here asking for a shot, if I were just like him? He ran away, I didn’t!” I said fiercely.
“Yeah, you’re right, you didn’t run away. You just went and slept with some whore instead,” she snapped sarcastically.
“I’m sorry! What do you want me to do? Do you want me to get on my knees and beg? I’ll do it, I swear. I’m so sorry, Rosie, please, please give us a shot. Look at it from my point of view, just for a second. I saw you with a kid that you hadn’t told me about, with a guy stroking your back; you’d told me you had a man already, what was I supposed to think? I jumped to conclusions and I was really hurt. I know I’m stupid, but sex is the only thing I know! Sometimes it’s like a way of taking my mind off something bad. It’s like a habit, like biting your nails or something,” I rushed out, trying to explain that sometimes it was just a kind of release for me, something easy to do just so I didn’t have to think or face the reality of a situation. Bury the pain in pleasure – that was usually how it went for me.
“Yeah, nailing women, biting nails, I can see the similarities!” she hissed sarcastically.
“Please give me a shot; I won’t cheat on you, I promise. You think I just want to get in your pants, but I don’t! I really like you, and I’m happy to go along with your no sex before love thing.” I would do that, she was worth it.
“Of course you’re happy to do that, because you’ll be off getting it from somewhere else!” she cried, frowning at me as if I had said something stupid.
I shook my head and cupped her face in my hands, looking into her big brown eyes as I stepped a little closer to her. “I won’t. Just give me one chance. Give me one shot, that’s all I ask for. If I screw up then what have you lost?”
She sighed and frowned dejectedly. She was wavering a little, and I felt hope bubbling up inside.
“The last of my dignity?” she suggested quietly.
“Please? Just one shot. I’m not messing you around. I won’t cheat.” I stroked her cheeks with my thumbs as I moved my body a little closer to hers.
“I don’t need you. I don’t need any man.” She shrugged, looking away from me.
I pulled her face back to mine. “You might not think you do, but I can tell that’s not true. You need me as much as I need you,” I said quietly.
I felt extremely vulnerable in that moment. I’d never opened myself up this much to anyone, ever. I liked the ‘roll on, roll off’ approach, it was easy, but this, this was hard.
“You’re wrong. I’ve been on my own for a long time now; I don’t need any man to complete me and I won’t be made a fool of again. Josh ripped my heart out with what he did to me, and I refuse to go there again. I understand that you were hurt and confused; I don’t even blame you for sleeping with someone else. Hell, it’s probably even my fault that you did it. But here’s the thing, I don’t ever want to get hurt again. I’m happy on my own now; my life is finally back on track after fiv
e years of shit. I don’t need a man to make me happy anymore. I. Don’t. Need. You,” she stated, breaking the last sentence up for emphasis.
I could see she meant it, and I was going to have to work my ass off to change that. Could I get behind the huge defensive wall that she’d obviously built around her heart? Could she make herself vulnerable again? And could I trust myself not to hurt her? For a split second I considered just leaving, like she’d asked, just walking away in case I wasn’t man enough for this task. But I didn’t want to leave. I liked her, probably way too much for my own good. I could easily see myself falling for her, hell, I’d probably fall for her long before she let down her defences for me, and I would be the one with the broken heart in the end.
“You don’t need me, but you want me,” I whispered, inching my face closer to hers, begging her with my eyes to give me a shot.
Her breath seemed to catch in her throat, her face turned to complete panic as she struggled to stay composed.
She didn’t say anything, so I continued. “You want me to fight for you, you want me to stay here and tell you that everything’s going to be okay. You want me to promise that I’ll never hurt you. You want me to keep begging you for a shot.”
I pressed my lips to the corner of her mouth, kissing gently. She whimpered and closed her eyes as her whole body tensed against mine.
“You want me to prove to you that not all guys are lying, cheating scumbags.”
I kissed her nose lightly.
“You want me to restore your faith in men.”
I kissed the other corner of her mouth; I could feel her trembling.
“You want me to need you back…” I whispered, my lips brushing against hers. I wasn’t going to kiss her though; I wanted her to do that. I wanted her to take down the first brick in that wall that she’d built and then I’d work on the rest, she just needed to make the first move and take a chance. “Don’t you?” I whispered, silently praying for a yes.
She didn’t say anything, didn’t open her eyes, but she didn’t pull away from me either which I thought was a good sign.
I swallowed my nerves and continued. “You need me to need you too. Don’t you, Rose?” I whispered again.
She opened her eyes at that. She looked like a deer trapped in the headlights again; I literally terrified her, by the look of it. This Josh guy really had ripped her heart to pieces, and not just once, either.
“Don’t you?” I repeated, looking into her eyes, praying that she would just give me one chance, just one.
“Yes,” she croaked, her voice all husky and sexy.
Without saying anything else, she pressed her lips to mine making a small whimper as she did it. My heart constricted as I wrapped her tightly in my arms, crushing her body against mine as I stepped forward and pressed her against the wall. I smiled against her lips as her hands gripped the back of my hair, pulling me to her closer, kissing me almost desperately.
The kiss was sweet, but hot at the same time. It made my whole body ache because of how good and right it felt. When the kiss finally broke, I pressed my forehead against hers.
Her big brown eyes opened slowly and locked on mine, they were shining with excitement but fear at the same time. I gulped at the fierce intensity I saw there, it would have scared me a month ago if a girl had looked at me like that, but right now scared was the total opposite of what I was feeling.
“Just one chance,” she whispered, her arms tightening around my neck.
I nodded and smiled, dipping my head and kissing her again. This time her lips curled into a smile against mine. In that moment, I could almost feel the angels smiling down on me. I had another chance, and there was no way in hell I was wasting it.
Chapter Thirteen
~ Rosie ~
With Nate’s mouth pressed against mine, my knees weakened. Luckily though, he was pressing me against the wall otherwise I would have surely sunken to the floor like a quivering mess. His kissing just seemed to set my whole body on fire. One of his cocky little smiles and I was reduced to a silly little schoolgirl again, crushing on the bad boy.
His tongue slid along my bottom lip, and I couldn’t not kiss him back. It was like some magic pull that he seemed to have. It was no surprise to me that he’d had so many girls – he was beautiful. I knew he wouldn’t appreciate that word much, because it wasn’t manly enough, he would have probably preferred something along the lines of ‘ruggedly handsome’, but he was way beyond that. The way his natural blond hair seemed to have a mind of its own and stick up in a sexy, ‘I just got out of bed’ kind of way. The way his piercing blue eyes locked onto mine, and held a confidence, a self-assuredness that said he knew exactly what he was doing to my insides, but at the same time they seemed somehow scared. Maybe he was just as scared as me. I was pretty sure he’d never put himself out there like that before, and in some strange way it made me feel special. I was the one that made him give that little speech, I was the one he was looking at like he wanted to know all of my secrets, I was the one that he was kissing like he wanted to devour my soul.
Instead of opening my mouth to allow him access, I gripped his bottom lip between my teeth and bit down lightly, pulling a little. As a result, his fingers dug into my back as he crushed his groin against my hip. I gulped when I felt how hard he was for me already. The lonely part of my body that hadn’t been touched for way too long, was begging for him to rip my clothes off and give me the Nate Peters special, the full works. My body desperately wanted him to make me fall into oblivion with his name on my lips.
My mind started to wander to all the things he could do to me, what his, obviously skilled, hands would feel like caressing my skin. I could hardly breathe. For a couple of seconds I actually considered allowing myself one night of passion with him, letting myself feel that closeness to someone else. But then I started to panic that I hadn’t been with someone for so long that I might have forgotten what to do. Had I forgotten? When he was kissing me the way he was my body seemed to respond of its own accord, I didn’t need to think… but maybe things had changed since the last time I’d had sex.
Another part of me was terrified of him taking off my clothes and seeing the look on his face when he saw my body for the first time. I was a mother for goodness’ sake; it showed on my body that I’d had a baby. I had a couple of stretch marks on my stomach that, although faded, still were imperfections on my skin. Would he take one look at them and think they were disgusting and a turn off? Josh was the only person I had been with since having DJ. He hadn’t exactly thought they were disgusting, but obviously my body wasn’t enough to keep him interested. I obviously wasn’t woman enough to hold a player like Josh, so what exactly made me think that I was good enough to hold Nate?
Nothing. I didn’t think I was good enough, and that was the problem.
I said I would give Nate one chance though; I just needed to protect my heart from him while I gave him that chance, before he left me anyway, which I knew he would. Problem solved. Rosie and DJ back on their own, back to the hard but uncomplicated life of being a single mother. That didn’t mean that I couldn’t enjoy his time and his personality while I was waiting for him to run away from me though.
I traced my finger along his strong jaw as I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth, nibbling on it gently making him moan breathily. He had slight stubble on his chin, fine little blond hairs. The rough, scratchy feel of his stubble against my finger made me shiver and long to do naughty things to his body. Things that I’d been thinking about doing to him since the first time I met him. Hell, things I’d been dreaming about doing to him for five years, since I saw the photos of Anna’s wedding, with Nate as the best man.
Years ago, I’d seen photos of him standing next to Ashton on the beach, wearing cream pants, a white shirt and a sexy little smile. I clearly remembered stopping at that picture and my mouth watering as I dragged my eyes over Nate’s face. I’d been with Josh at the time, eight months pregnant, but that hadn’t stopped
my mind from wondering what Nate’s fingers would feel like trailing down the small of my back, heading lower and lower…
I pulled myself out of the little fantasy I was starting to play in my head. The funny thing was, when I saw that photo of him all those years ago, all I wanted was his body, his touch, his kiss, but now that his body was pressed against mine, as he kissed slowly, sensuously, down my neck, all I wanted was to hear him talk some more.
I gripped my hands in the back of his hair and pulled his mouth back to mine; my brain was too fried to talk right now. He was slowly turning me into a mindless shell, a body that couldn’t think, only feel. I was so turned on that I could barely remember how to breathe. It was like he invaded all of my senses, and I was struggling to differentiate where I stopped and he began.
Nate pulled away from me too soon, way, way too soon. My heart was crashing in my chest with need and desperation for the pent up sexual frustration – that I didn’t even realise I’d been carrying around with me for so long – to finally be relieved. Nate looked at me softly. A little smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, not a smirk, a nice smile. The way his eyes seemed to hold a passion, a burning need to match my own, made me tremble from head to toe.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
Oh God, is my voice going to work if I try to speak? I’m going to make myself sound like an idiot…
“Just one chance, Nate,” I repeated my earlier words, my voice husky.
He grinned and nodded, brushing his hand across my cheek before pushing a loose curl of hair behind my ear. That one gesture, that one soft little act, was actually more sensuous than the kissing we had just done. My body felt ready to spontaneously combust.
Be strong, Rosie, do not let this player take your heart. Do not let him take your heart…
He rubbed his nose against mine in a little Eskimo kiss, and I couldn’t help the little whimper that escaped my lips.
Don’t let him take your heart…
“Want to watch a movie or something with me?” he asked, slipping his hand down my arm before taking my hand and interlacing