Leo, Sierra, and Beckham looked up from the couch when she walked in the room.
“Hi, Mama!” Leo said, taking a bite of a hot fudge sundae.
Beckham and Sierra had ice cream too. He looked guiltily at Roxie as he took a bite. “Come here, we’ll share. And we can order you one too. Were we too loud?” he asked, bopping Sierra with a throw pillow. “It’s her fault!”
“No, it’s fine … I can’t believe I fell asleep!” Roxie said sheepishly. “You act like me and Chloe … I need to check on her, by the way.”
“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” Sierra said, shyly, silently offering up her own truce. “Chloe was having her own fun with Taz. She’s fine, trust me.” She smiled.
“Looks like I’m missing a party in here,” Roxie said with a grin. “I’m not usually around you both at the same time.”
“I know! My brother’s been hogging you and Leo!” Sierra pinched Beckham. “I was gonna come skating today, but sounds like it’s a good thing I didn’t—I heard you took a bad fall. You feelin’ it now?” Sierra asked.
“I’m so sore,” Roxie admitted.
“Beckham texted me and I picked up some Motrin on the way over…” Sierra pointed at the bag of medicine.
“Thanks! Perfect timing.” She opened the bottle.
Beckham handed her a bottle of water.
“You guys are quite the team,” she said.
Beckham and Sierra looked at each other.
“We’ve fooled another one,” Sierra said.
“Come on, you know you love me.” Beckham got in her face. “Come on, say it, say you love me!” Sierra was about to take a bite of ice cream and bumped the spoon so it landed on her chin.
Leo laughed his belly laugh and had to set his ice cream down so it wouldn’t spill.
“Oh, you’ve got someone on your side now, don’t you?” Sierra said, laughing. She put a big dollop of ice cream in Beckham’s hair.
Leo’s eyes got huge and then his laugh took over. He stood up and tried to catch his breath but couldn’t stop laughing.
“Wait. Stop! Stop. Can’t breathe. Oh my goodness. They’re crazy, Mama!”
Roxie was laughing almost as hard. “I know it!”
Beckham stood up. “Oh, you think we’re crazy, huh?” He put the whipped cream on Leo’s nose. There was so much that the cherry stayed upright in the whipped cream.
Leo started the duck dance, trying to keep the cherry on his nose.
They all lost it then.
Sierra and Leo were playing Mario Kart and Leo kept winning, much to Sierra’s aggravation. While they were battling it out, Beckham motioned for Roxie to come in the other room. He leaned against the doorjamb and touched her cheek.
“Are you feeling okay?” he asked.
She nodded. “I’m feeling better.”
“Good. I’ve gotta get ready to go see Fallon in just a little bit here, but I’m wondering … would you want to come with me? I’d love for you to meet Jimmy. He’s great. Leo’s good here with Sierra. She mentioned earlier she was free to watch him, if we wanted. Or if you don’t feel like getting out, would you … stay … here? With me? I’ll be late, but we can watch a movie when I get back or something.”
“I don’t know, Beckham. This is … weird. I probably shouldn’t. Things are still not resolved with us, you know…”
“I know. I know.” He rubbed his hand over his head, making his hair go every which way. “I promised myself I wouldn’t let myself get sucked in by you today, but I just can’t … stop.” He shut the door and pulled her against it. He rested his hands against the wall and pressed his body against hers. “I’ve stopped thinking rationally,” he said. “I just … as much as I try to fight it, I need you, Roxie. I need to touch you. I need to be with you. I just want you in my space, making yourself at home with my things.” His mouth was an inch from hers. “I want to eat your lips. They drive me insane. That thing you do with your hair when you get nervous and you tug on it. I can’t take it anymore. And I know, believe me, I know we have a lot of issues to deal with, but when I’m with you, it just all fades away…”
He leaned back to look in her eyes and she couldn’t take it anymore either. She wanted to stay angry at him, but she just couldn’t. She grabbed his face and brought his mouth to hers. When his tongue touched hers, she moaned and then prayed to God that Leo and Sierra hadn’t heard her. She pulled back.
“No, please don’t stop. Please,” Beckham whispered, kissing her neck.
He went back for her mouth, kissing everywhere but right on her lips. For such sweet kisses, it was so intense. Like drowning without fighting to break the surface again.
Sink, sink, sink.
Let me drown if it means this.
She lived for more and when his mouth teased her lips, she stopped fighting it and kissed him with every shred of attraction, anger, and lust she felt for him.
Actually, it felt like a lot more than that.
It felt like breath.
Fuel.
Home.
It took every scrap of strength Beckham possessed to leave her in his hotel room. He could still feel her lips on him. Just a taste and he was ready to move heaven and earth to get another. He couldn’t convince her to come out with him, which was disappointing, but he thought he had talked her into staying there, so he was already looking forward to that.
Beckham and Ian had a blast with Jimmy. He knew Jimmy and Ian would hit it off. The three of them were completely in sync and did a segment where they sang everything like Elton John. Everything clicked into place like it was supposed to—improvisation came so easily when he was comfortable. His band joined The Roots, and that was a kick. If every night could be exactly like this one, he wouldn’t want to leave the business.
He shut the show down and was saying good-night to Ian and his band, when he checked his messages. There was a missed call from the lab. He called the technician’s number immediately and was happy when it didn’t go to voicemail.
“Do you have the results? This is Beckham.” He loosened his tie, so he could breathe better.
“I do. The results are negative. You are not the father.”
Beckham leaned against the car, feeling like he was just sucker-punched. He motioned for Howie to unlock the door. As soon as he did, Beckham sat down and leaned his head between his legs.
“You’re sure?” he asked.
“We’re 99.8% sure,” was the reply.
“I guess that’s pretty sure,” he said softly. “Thank you. I appreciate you letting me know.”
He ended the call and put his hands on his head. He didn’t know what to think. Part of him wanted to redo the test at least a dozen times, even though that was nonsense. The other part raged for not believing Roxie in the first place. And another, very small part of him, hated her for being right.
He wanted so badly for Leo to be his. Had he imagined everything—the similarities, the bond, the rightness of it all—just because he so desperately wanted it to be? Was he that fucking lonely?
“Drive around, Howie. I can’t go back yet,” he said.
He was so ashamed of how he’d treated her. He couldn’t believe she’d had anything to do with him after he’d been so hateful. He imagined her earlier that night, pressed up against him, as hungry for him as he was for her. At least it had seemed that way. But he didn’t know what to believe anymore.
They drove for hours. He wanted to go in every single bar they passed, but instead gripped the edge of the seat so hard it hurt.
“You ’bout ready to call it a night, Beck?” Howie asked.
Beckham hadn’t spoken in at least a half hour.
“I guess so,” he said.
He went in the back entrance of the hotel and said goodnight to Howie at his door. He walked in quietly, hoping he didn’t wake up Leo and Roxie. Everything was neat and tidy. All the mess from the ice cream had been cleared out. He peeked in the bedroom, and they weren’t there.
He cursed, frustrated that she??
?d left, but really it was probably for the best. There was no telling what mood he’d be in tomorrow. He needed some time before seeing her again.
The guilt that he’d stayed out so long weighed him down. How long had she waited for him? Shit. It was 3:30. He wouldn’t blame her for being mad at him. He deserved it.
He sat on the edge of the bed and dragged his hands through his hair.
This was just all so fucked up.
He didn’t leave his room or talk to anyone until it was time to start the show the next night. The sound check had been taken care of without him. Nate and Anthony both called a few times, but he didn’t talk to either one of them. He’d stared at the mini bar until 6 that morning and finally fell asleep. The only person he’d called was his sponsor, Troi. They agreed to talk a few times every day, at least until Beckham felt stronger.
He felt the hurt emanating out of Roxie as she danced that night. It was his fault and he couldn’t stop it. She’d let herself be vulnerable with him the night before and he’d crushed it. But his own pain was just under the surface too. He was riding on the edge of self-destruction and didn’t want her caught in the crossfire.
The next day was a repeat of the day before. He had an early morning talk show to do and then his show that night. He stayed in his room until it was time to perform and came back the minute it was over. He’d asked the front desk to make sure the mini bar was cleared out, so he wouldn’t have that staring him in the face when he got in that night.
He stayed up late, packing for his flight to L.A. the next morning. He should have just stayed up, because when the alarm went off at six, he’d only gotten two hours of sleep. His head pulsed with pain as he rode to the airport. They’d chartered a private flight for his crew and Roxie was the first person he saw when he got on the plane. She was sitting next to Sierra. He knew she saw him, but then she hadn’t looked at him again.
Sierra called out, “Hey, you’re the last one on … was starting to wonder if you were gonna show. Late night, little brother?”
He nodded. “Hey, Rox,” he said softly. “Where’s Leo?”
“Chloe and Leo flew out already. My parents are meeting them and they’re going home with them for a day or two.” She looked like she was going to cry and looked out the window.
“I wish I could have told him goodbye,” he said softly. And then under his breath, “I got the results back.”
“I know,” she said just as quietly.
He waited for her to say something else, but she didn’t look at him again.
“Roxie, I’m sorry.”
She nodded but kept looking out the window and didn’t say a word.
Dejected, he sat down a couple rows ahead of them and buckled his seat belt. He didn’t think he’d be able to, but he fell asleep not long into the flight and slept most of the way. Before he’d opened his eyes all the way, he stretched an arm out and bumped into someone.
“Oh, excuse me,” he said, looking to the side. “Hey…”
Coco sat facing him, holding a pillow.
“How are ya?” he asked groggily.
“Tired. S-sorry. It was noisy in the back and I … saw you sleeping up here. Thought maybe I could sneak in a nap too,” Coco said. “I’ll go back now,” she said shyly.
“Don’t worry about it. I need to get after this.” He ran a hand through his scruff and grabbed his bag. He smiled at Coco. “Go ahead and stretch out.”
She nodded, put her pillow on his side, and laid down. He got up to shave and brush his teeth before they landed. The flight attendant followed him into the bathroom. It was barely larger than most airplane bathrooms.
“Uh, what are you doing?” he asked.
“Just seeing if you need any assistance,” she said, running her fingers along the back of his neck.
“I’m good, thanks,” he said.
“I’ve heard,” she whispered seductively in his ear.
He took a step away and held up his razor. “Excuse me while I shave.”
“Just let me know if you need me. Now or anytime,” she said.
“I’ll be sure to do that,” he replied, shaking his head no to say otherwise. “Go ahead and shut the door behind you.”
“Do you mind if I just stay here and watch?” she asked.
He shrugged his shoulders and started shaving. “Knock yourself out.”
It was like he had a flashing sign pointed at him, saying, ‘Eat the apple.’
When he came out, the girl was practically on his heels. Ian flashed him a look, and then Beckham realized how suspicious things seemed. He looked at Roxie, and thankfully, she was asleep, leaning peacefully against her window. Coco wasn’t asleep, but watching him from her pillow. When she saw him looking at her, she sat up and moved her pillow, making room for him to take his seat.
“Thanks,” he said.
She didn’t answer, but her cheeks turned pink.
He could have sworn he’d never seen the girl blink.
The weather was perfection in sunny California. Seventy-two degrees and warming up later in the day. Beckham took out his sunglasses and shed his scarf and sweater. Everyone got their luggage and he noticed Roxie taking flip-flops out of her bag. He smiled in spite of himself.
Everyone was excited to be back in California and planned to either stay home or to check into the Beverly Hilton. Sierra, Brooke, and Vanessa were talking about how happy they would be to sleep in their own beds for a couple of nights.
Ian and Sparrow were going to check on the progress of their house and then come over. Beckham had invited them to stay at his place so they could get a break from their bus, and they’d agreed. He gave them the code to get inside, just in case it was late.
He looked around for Roxie. She was standing next to Brad and Shelton. Most of the tension had faded between her and the rest of the group. He guessed they’d heard about the test results too, and imagined they all felt bad about the way they’d treated her. A cab came up and she waved as Brad and Shelton got in and drove away. He moved beside her.
“I should’ve called,” he said.
She shrugged. “It’s okay. I figured you’d…” she trailed off.
“It’s not okay. I’m embarrassed, Rox. I don’t know why I latched onto the idea so hard of him being mine. I’ve just—I’ve never clicked with a kid, or even many adults, the way I have with Leo.”
She nodded. “He’s special, and so are you. It doesn’t surprise me. And I never thought I’d be telling you this, but … watching you with him … I really wish he was yours, Beckham.” She looked at him then and her sincerity nearly knocked him over.
“Thank you,” he said, choked up. “Roxie. I don’t even … thank you,” he said.
“It’s the truth.” She looked over his shoulder. “My cab should be here any minute. See you tomorrow night!” she said lightly.
“Wait. Come home with me, Roxie. Please?” He raised both hands. “We’ll just hang out. The Sterlings are staying too. It’ll be fun. I have several bedrooms you can choose from…”
“Beckham,” she sighed, “I can’t keep doing this manic thing we have going. It’s wearing me down. I know you just got caught up with things, but now that you know Leo’s not yours, you can move on from me too. We have too much baggage. Let’s just leave it at that.”
A cab pulled up. She got in and didn’t look back.
She wrapped her hands with gauze and ignored the familiar pain. She’d been experimenting with acetone and hydrogen peroxide for the last few weeks. Making ammonal wasn’t as difficult as she’d expected—she finally had the mixture of ammonium nitrate and aluminium powder down pat. The fun part was testing to see which measurements caused the best results. However, it was becoming more and more difficult to hide the burns from all her experiments.
She tested her limits, careful to not get too close when detonating, but then seeing how long she could endure smoke, the length of time her skin could taste the heat before it became unbearable.
&n
bsp; She was ready.
What she was having a hard time getting past was the fact that Leo wasn’t Beckham’s son. And just when she’d made her peace with him having a child and come around to wanting him, too. It just didn’t seem fair.
Maybe this was all for the best. Beckham was vulnerable right now. And soon, she would be the one to give him the child he so desperately wanted. He would never want anyone but her again.
Tonight. It had to be tonight.
She’d waited for the perfect timing, and she knew there would be no better opportunity than this. It was risky, but she felt confident it would work.
Beckham would forget about Roxie when she wasn’t constantly in his face. And getting rid of Roxie would finally pave the way for her.
The difference between a successful murder and a botched one was all about planning and patience. She’d done her time and research.
It was now or never.
It felt strange to be in L.A. without their bus or even their old place. Ian knew it would be nice at Beckham’s house, but he wanted to make sure Journey didn’t keep them up all night like she sometimes did when they were in a new place. So he took Sparrow and Journey to Beckham’s as soon as they left the airport, made sure Journey went down for her nap on time, and then left to run errands.
Tomorrow was their second wedding anniversary and also the Grammys, so he wanted to make tonight special for Sparrow. Sierra would be watching Journey at her mother’s house while he took Sparrow out for dinner to Providence. Sierra had offered to take her to her place overnight, but Sparrow wasn’t quite ready for that yet. They hadn’t really had babysitters, being on the road together, so it would be interesting to see how it went.
He couldn’t wait. As much as he loved his little family and loved hanging out with everyone on the tour, he needed this time alone with Sparrow. He picked up her present—a Tiffany jazz ring in platinum with diamonds. She loved her wedding ring, but he knew she’d love this, too. It looked like her, unique and exquisite.
He had one more stop to make. The instruments they’d be playing at the Grammys had been sent to the warehouse to store overnight and one of Ian’s guitars had accidentally gotten in the mix. It wasn’t crucial that he get it today, but he was close and he’d feel better having it on hand to practice the next day.