Said my tongue, "Let's have a snack."
Said my brain, "Let's read a good book."
Said my eyes, "Let's take a nap."
Said my legs, "Let's just go walkin'."
Said my back, "Let's take a ride."
Said my seat, "Well, I'll just sit right here, 'Til all of you decide."
HEADPHONE HAROLD
Headphone Harold wore his headphones Through the night and through the day.
He said, "I'd rather hear my music Than the dumb things people say."
In the city's honkin' traffic, 104
He heard trumpets 'stead of trucks.
Down the quiet country back roads He heard drums instead of ducks.
Through the patterin' springtime showers He heard guitars instead of rain.
Down the track at the railroad crossin'
He heard the trombones -- not the train.
[drawing: child wearing headphones walks along a railroad track, balancing on a rail; behind him a steam train approaches]
THE FORMER FOREMAN'S STORY
We had to demolish the Johnsons' old house.
I brought in the bulldozers, shovels, and cranes.
We tore off the shingles, we banged in the walls, We knocked down the chimney, we tore up the drains, We smashed in the windows, we ripped out the bell, We cut down the rafters, we sawed up the floor, We dug up the basement -- then somebody yelled, "Hey, the Johnsons don't live there -- they live next door."
(Maybe that's the reason I'm not foreman anymore.) [Drawing: person in hard hat pokes head out from behind more or less 105
intact
door, but the rest of the structure is rubble behind him.]
HUNGRY KID ISLAND
Oh, I'm goin' to Hungry Kid Island, Way out in the shimmerin' sea.
There's probably hungry kids out there Who'll share my lunch with me.
But why call it Hungry Kid Island?
There's no kids around that I see, So I'm goin' to Hungry Kid Island To solve this mystery.
[Drawing: A person rows a rowboat (facing the wrong way; if he's going to the island, he should be facing away from it, but he's not) towards a small, hemispherical island with trees and bushes; under the water (which is a dark shade) is the outline of a child whose head forms the island, looking chubby and licking his chops]
STORK STORY
[Drawing: stork carries off old person in sling]
You know the stork brings babies, 106
But did you also know He comes and gets the older folks When it's their time to go?
Zooms right down and scoops them up, Then flaps back out the door And flies them to the factory where They all were made before.
And there their skin is tightened up, Their muscles all are toned, Their wrinkles all are ironed out, They're given brand-new bones.
Ol' bent backs are straightened up, New teeth are added too, Tired hearts are all repaired And made to work like new.
Their memories are all removed And they're shrunk down, and then The stork flies them back down to earth As newborn babes again.
CRAZY DREAM
107
Last night I had a crazy dream That I was teachin' school.
My teachers had turned into kids, And I laid down the rules.
I gave 'em a hundred hist'ry books To memorize each night, And made 'em read 'em on their heads Without turnin' on the light.
I sent 'em on a field trip To the outskirts of Mongolia, And gave 'em an overnight assignment To grow a twenty-foot purple magnolia.
I asked 'em how many awful grades Can cause how many tears?
And if they got one answer wrong, I just hung 'em up by their ears.
And when they talked or laughed in class, I pinched 'em 'til they cried Louder and louder -- 'til I woke up Feelin' very satisfied.
108
[Drawing: child stands at blackboard with pointer; two teachers, one male, one female, hang by their ears from a rope. A large stack of books is labelled "Memorize by tomorrow!" and a clock lies broken on the floor. Not all of the blackboard can be read, but what can says: How deep is the Ocean?; 641,001^2 into 6,345,596,734.19?; Why Did George Cherry Cut down the Washington Tree?; What is the name of the next president of the United States?"; 6x=?; Why is a dinosaur?; What came first, the egg or the chicken?; What is the capital of Magozenopia?; How much does a big elephant weigh?; What are the middle names of every soldier in the civil war?; Where are my mittens?; 142 - 143 = ?; If you had seven apples and you gave me three, how many teeth would a canary have?; 11^2 x 72^3 - 14 = ?; so what?; Who invented the Roobiskanker?; Translate the dictionary into Pig Latin?; How much does a small elephant weigh?; List 1001 ways a measle is different than a weasle.; What happened in 1723 in the afternoon?; Coagulate the verb EECH.; ...if you recite the alphabet backwards...in French...skipping every other letter...]
IN THE LAND OF ...
109
In the land of Listentoemholler Steaks cost a nickel but the tax is a dollar.
How'd you like to live in Listentoemholler?
In the land of Wailinanweepin'
You work for free and get paid for sleepin'.
How'd you like to live in Wailinanweepin'?
In the land of Ragsanpatches The men have babies and the ladies have mustaches.
How'd you like to live in Ragsanpatches?
In the land of Muglywugly You get to be a movie star if you're ugly And your nose is knobby and your eyes are bugly And your neck is snugly and your arms are hugly.
Let's all go live in Muglywugly.
THE CASTLE
It's the fabulous castle of Now.
You can walk in and wander about, But it's so very thin, Once you are, then you've been --
And soon as you're in, you're out.
110
[Drawing: child opens the door of a castle with a big "N" over the door, but the castle is just a front, propped up from behind.]
[Drawing: A fish-faced, bird-bodied, human footed thing stands on a head which looks as if it is half submerged.]
For all their patience and loving care in making this book as good as possible, my deepest thanks to Joan Robins, Robert Warren, Patty Aitken, George Craig, and Kim Llewellyn.
And to the picking committee --
Sarah, Matt, Peg, Barbara, Herb, Rebecca, Sam, and Edite.
Thank you all.
Shel [handwritten on the inside last page]
The end of the Book --
No use to look For any more, my dear, 'Cause if you try finding Some more in the binding, You may just....disappear 111
Bye-bye S.S.
[Drawing: Legs and feet sticking out of the binding....]
'1a
Shel Silverstein, Falling Up
(Series: # )
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