“What’s going on, Brook?”
I was digging in my drawer, looking for some sweatpants and a t-shirt, when my hand came across one of Cade’s shirts he’d left here after one of our all-nighters. I quickly shoved it under some others, and pulled out a long sleeved Henley to wear with my sweats.
I stiffened at his words. “Nothing. I told you five times, I’m tired.”
“Yeah, well, I could see the way Carlisle was looking at you all night, like he was a starving man sitting in front of a huge steak dinner.”
I rolled my eyes and walked into the bathroom, hoping he wouldn’t follow. “Don’t you think you’re being a little over dramatic?”
“No, I sure as hell don’t. Wendy told me how he follows you around like a dog, and that you let him.”
I pulled my shirt up over my head and donned the one I was planning to sleep in. David showed up in the doorway to the bathroom and leaned on the doorframe. I could feel the heat rising up under my skin, and knew it would be flushing red.
“Wendy should mind her own fucking business,” I said sardonically. “And, you shouldn’t be gossiping about me behind my back. She has ulterior motives. Jesus!” She obviously wanted Cade and wanted him bad. “If anyone should be following anyone, I should be following him!”
“Something’s different. You’ve changed.”
I dropped my jeans, not caring that he was there. He’d seen me naked numerous times. I pulled on the sweats.
I nodded, grabbed a scrunchie, and wound it in my hair several times to secure it in a knot at the top of my head. “Yeah, maybe I have.” I shrugged. “People change.” I knew the tone in my voice was disinterested, disengaged and maybe if he didn’t have that accusatory tone to his voice, I would have given a damn.
“Is he the change? Are you fucking him?” he asked forcefully. His face was angry and flushed. He was breathing hard with his fists clenched at his sides. I knew my next words were going to make him even more pissed, but figured it wouldn’t matter what I said. He and Wendy had already judged me.
“Look, you need to relax. You’re going to have a coronary,” I said dryly, and went about pulling out my toothbrush.
“Brooklyn! Are. You. Fucking. Him?” he yelled at me.
“Yeah, right. Well, I’m sure you and your little partner in crime have already decided what I’ve done, so why does it matter what I say? I don’t particularly feel like answering right now, so why don’t you go ask Wendy? She seems to know everything.” I shrugged and loaded my toothbrush with too much toothpaste. My indifferent demeanor was only making him more furious.
“He wants you, you know.”
I shrugged, getting into the game now. He was pissing me off, making me feel more justified in building the wall between us. “Yeah, I know.”
“Why are you being such a cold bitch? I came up here to be with you, and you couldn’t care less that I’m here. You’re more concerned with him than me!”
I sighed heavily, my anger finally coming to the surface and I threw my toothbrush into the sink. “Fuck you, David. In all the years we’ve been dating, shit like this has never come up, so why now? Frankly, I’m fucking tired of the little conspiracy theories that you and Wendy have cooked up.” I turned, storming past him into the other room, then whirled around. “Are you sure you two still aren’t in junior high? Yes! Cade and I spend a lot of time together, but we are the two principals in this film. Yes! We’re friends. Yes! We care about each other. No! We aren’t having sex! Satisfied?” I was breathing hard, tears of frustration welled up in my eyes. David came toward me and tried to put his arms around me, but I pulled away.
“Please don’t touch me right now,” I said, my eyes looking straight into his. I could see the regret flash across his face when he reached out to put his hands on my shoulders.
“Brook,” he began, but I backed out of his arms. “I’m… Look, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be jealous but something about that bastard just makes me crazy.” My heart hardened at his use of the derogatory name for Cade. “I love you, and all I want is to make love with you right now.” He came up behind me, and pressed his pelvis into my ass. I could feel him getting hard against me.
I felt sick to my stomach, and the last person I wanted touching me now, was David.
“You’re kidding, right? You were screaming at me thirty seconds ago and now you expect me to roll over with my legs in the fucking air? Not likely.”
I turned, and pushed him away. He looked at me with stunned eyes.
“But, it’s been months.”
“So what? I don’t feel like it right now! In fact, I just want to be alone.” I went to the end of the bed where he’d left his clothes, picked them up, and thrust them in his arms.
“What the fuck? You’re kicking me out?”
“I guess. Just go back to L.A. We’ll talk when I get back.” I walked back into the bathroom, slammed the door, and picked up the toothbrush I’d thrown in the sink. I took a deep breath, and turned on the water. My chest was tight and, with the breath I’d sucked in, sharp pain shot through me.
I rinsed the brush and put new toothpaste on it, and stared at my reflection. My eyes were wide, and there was a bright red flush on my skin. I was so screwed up, and David was so insensitive. Pawing at me all night, and in between that, buying into Wendy’s lies.
Stupid Bitch. If she wanted Cade, she shouldn’t have been causing problems between David and I, I thought.
I brushed my teeth and decided to take a shower, hoping that when I went back out into the other room, David would be gone. Thankfully, he was. My body started trembling. I didn’t want to hurt David, but I just couldn’t stand the thought of sex with him. Maybe I had changed just like he’d accused me of. I had hurt both of the men I cared about tonight, but I felt out of control of everything.
I glanced at the clock; it was almost midnight. Cade and I had been up for eighteen hours, and I was tired, but the look on his face when I left with David haunted me. My instincts told me what he’d been thinking, and I couldn’t let him think that, not if there was the slightest chance it caused him pain.
I went to my jeans, and dug out my phone. It rang three times when he finally answered.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked anxiously. “I didn’t expect to hear from you anymore tonight.”
“I’m fine. What are you doing?” I sat on the floor at the end of the bed, leaning up against it.
“Ethan is here. We’re just having a drink and talking. What about you?”
“I just wanted to call you. David left,” I whispered into the phone. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting for a response, I just knew I needed Cade to know.
Silence.
“We got in a fight.”
“I understand if you don’t want to tell me, but um… what about?” He was hesitant and pensive. I could almost see his face just by the sound of his voice; the low tenor of it flowing like silk through the phone. He was so fucking sexy. “Uh, I mean, you looked… he was very attentive tonight.”
“I guess he was too attentive for my tastes. We argued about a few things.”
“Like what, Brook?”
“Apparently he and Wendy had a little soirée, and talked behind my back. I was tired and didn’t want sex, and just…. You,” the last word ripped from me.
“Oh.” I could hear him breathing, and the sound of Ethan calling him from across the room. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey, you didn’t do anything, so don’t apologize. Will Ethan be there long?”
“Not sure. Why? Do you need me?” The velvet timbre of his voice dropped another level, and it made me catch my breath.
My heart leapt in my chest. You have no idea.
“I don’t want to interrupt you guys, but if he’s leaving soon, can you—?”
“Yeah. I’ll be right there.”
“How—?”
“I just will. Ethan knows… well, he’ll understand. Can I bring your birthday gift?” he asked hopefully.
I smiled, ran a hand through my hair and pulled a knee up to my chest. Leave it to Cade to make me feel better, with his sensitivity and thoughtfulness, once again. This was what I found lacking in David now. After Cade, he seemed so much less than before, even though it wasn’t his fault. Caden Carlisle was a damn tough act to follow… or precede. Whatever.
“Okay.”
“Be right there.” With that the phone went dead.
I flipped the phone off, quickly pulled on a dark blue button-down over my rumpled T-shirt, and went to the bathroom to dampen my fingers and run them through my hair. God, there was nothing for it. I shrugged. Brook wouldn’t bloody care anyway.
“You’re leaving?” Ethan looked at me incredulously. “What the hell?’”
“That was Brooklyn,” I said, as I bent to tie the laces on my Nikes.
“No shit. Why else would you be high-tailing out of here like your ass was on fire?” he raised an eyebrow, and smirked. Grabbing the remote, I tossed it to him since he’d just started a beer.
“Yeah, I guess David left. Feel free to stay as long as you like.”
His eyes widened at me. “What does that mean?”
I shrugged, trying not to get my hopes up. “I don’t know. She just said they had a row.”
“A what? What the hell is a row?”
“A fight, okay? An argument. Jesus,” I laughed. “You should get out more.”
“The hell I should. This is America! Talk American,” Ethan teased.
I went to grab the guitar case from behind the chair in the corner. “No, it isn’t. It’s Canada, you wanker,” I shot back, and Ethan grinned.
“Did she say what it was about?”
“Uh, no.” I decided to keep it to myself. Brook didn’t need anyone else to know, unless she decided to tell the story herself.
“Well, it’s her birthday, but you just got a gift from heaven. Have fun.”
I shook my head at him in disbelief as I headed to the door. “It’s not like that. We’re friends.”
“Yeah, sure you are. Who are you trying to convince?”
“No one. We are friends. Cheers,” I said, and with that, I was out the door. It was chilly in Vancouver, since it was only early April, but I hardly noticed as I walked the two blocks to Brooklyn’s hotel. Another of Martin’s futile attempts to make sure I didn’t cross the line. What a bloody joke. We were together constantly.
I walked through the lobby, and the concierge nodded at me. “Good evening, sir,” he said. He knew me well enough. I was here more than I was at my own hotel.
“Good evening, Trent,” I smiled as I rushed into the elevator. “How are you?”
My heart started to beat faster as I got closer to Brook’s room, and finally I was at her door. I set the guitar to the side so she wouldn’t see it when she opened the door, then knocked very softly.
I could hear her coming to the door, and when she opened it, a big smile split her face. Suddenly, I found my arms full of her. I wanted to crush her to me, but restrained myself, and just hugged her back gently. She smelled all Brooklyn… shampoo, a light dusting of musky perfume and something slightly sweet. I turned my head into her neck, allowing myself the small pleasure of breathing her in.
“Thanks for coming. I hope Ethan wasn’t mad,” she said sheepishly as she moved backward into the room.
“Who bloody cares? It’s your birthday, not his.”
She smiled, and pushed her hair behind her ear on one side. “So are you going to stand in the doorway all damn night, or what?”
I reached to my right, and pulled the guitar in with me. I had a big red bow tied around the neck of the case and her eyes lit up.
“Oh, my God! Really?”
The pleasure I felt at the look on her face was beyond words. My heart swelled with the love I felt, and her obvious joy at the gift, and she hadn’t even opened it yet.
I walked toward her, and handed it to her. “Open it,” I said softly.
Her right eyebrow raised and she bit her lip as she took it. “Well, it’s either a guitar or you’re totally creative in wrapping whatever it is.”
I burst out laughing, and shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans. “No, it is a guitar,” I said stupidly. “I thought we’d be able to play together, and you said you wanted me to teach you some stuff, so I just thought…”
She’d moved to the bed and set the case down, flipped the locks and pushed open the red velvet lined case. The guitar was mahogany and very dark, with the wood grain visible on its shiny surface. It had been delivered to me, only two days earlier by Federal Express.
She raised her eyes to mine, as her hand went to her mouth. “Cade! Oh, my God, it’s gorgeous!”
“More importantly, it sounds amazing. I tuned it for you.” I sat down next to her, and she reached out to touch my cheek, so gently that I wanted to close my eyes. Her eyes were glassy, and filled with tears.
“It’s just… perfect,” her voice sounded thick.
“Yeah. I wanted to give you something that you wouldn’t get from anyone else.”
She blinked a couple of times to push back the tears, and shook her head. “Only you would take the time to listen to me enough to understand what I really wanted. Thank you.”
She took the guitar out of the case, and strummed across it. The perfect chord filled the room.
“You don’t have to play it now. I know you’re tired.”
“Are you tired?”
I nodded. “Yeah, beat. Today was rough.”
“Too tired to play a song for me?” she asked hopefully.
“You want me to play it before you do? It’s yours.”
“Yeah, but somehow it feels like it’s ours, so yes, I’d love to hear you play. Just one song?”
I smiled, shedding my coat and kicking off my shoes, as was my habit when we hung out together. I pushed back on the bed until my back was resting against the headboard, and reached for the guitar.
“You know I can refuse you nothing.” My words were telling, and a little too revealing. I tried to cover. “It is your birthday, after all.”
“Nothing?” she said softly, and my heart thumped in my chest. She’d just had a fight with David but who knew how she’d feel in the cold light of day. I felt it best to ignore the comment and try to distract myself from the implied meaning of her question.
I softly strummed the guitar, and watched Brooklyn’s face. She looked thoughtful, like she was thinking about something, and I longed to know what it was.
“Do you want to talk about what happened with David? I’ll listen if you need to talk about it,” I said over the chords I was playing; then started to pluck out some individual notes. Her eyes came up to meet mine, and she took a breath.
“Um… it’s not that important. Just, I guess I was just tired, and I didn’t want…” Brook bit her lip and went to the little refrigerator, pulling out a soda.
I nodded silently as I watched her back. She brought me a beer. I stopped strumming, and cracked it open to take a long pull. I felt a measure of satisfaction knowing what she was implying, like a huge weight had been lifted from my chest, and I could suddenly breathe again. She told me on the phone that the argument also had something to do with me. I could only guess that he could sense the connection Brook and I shared, and was jealous. I couldn’t bloody blame him, but knowing he had a right to be with her, only served to put me in hell. I decided not to press her, mostly because I didn’t need the details to add to the torment I felt whenever he was in town. My imagination was bad enough.
“What should I sing? Something soft, so you can relax, and sleep?”
She crawled onto the bed next to me and curled up on her side, her head resting on the pillow next to me. “That sounds good.”
Here was a golden opportunity. Brook and I connected over music, and this was a chance to tell her how I felt, to use the song to communicate what I couldn’t talk to her about. I knew she was trying to push down her own feel
ings, and close her eyes to what was happening between us. I knew what I wanted to say, and which song to sing.
I picked out the first few notes of the bluesy tune, and then started to sing… words that said I know you don’t want to love me, and even though I know it, I can’t stay away…
I felt Brook’s hand come out to rest on my leg just above my knee, and she moved closer to me on the bed. My heart started to jump around inside my chest, but I kept on singing. These were words I couldn’t speak to her, even though I was dying inside.
She was closing her eyes every time she chose to ignore or fight the feelings I knew deep down in my gut that she had for me. I knew she was fighting falling in love with me. It would be easier not to, and I knew that, too, but she needed to know I would still be in her life… always waiting and hoping; no matter what.
When the last of the notes died out, I slid off the bed and moved to put the new guitar back in the case. I felt her eyes watching me until I came back to the bed and resumed my position next to her, only this time I laid down, and turned on my side toward her. I could drown in those deep blue eyes and I wanted to. I wanted this to be my life… not David’s or any other man’s. In my heart, she belonged to me.
I picked up her hand and brought it to my mouth, barely brushing my lips across the top of her knuckles. Her eyes became liquid as she looked at me. “I know you don’t want to see it, but I know you can feel what’s happening between us, Brook. It’s real.”
She slid the hand I’d kissed across my stomach, and snuggled in tighter, resting her head on my shoulder. She didn’t utter a sound for at least ten minutes. I tightened my arms, and turned my face so my lips were resting on her forehead. I kissed her softly and she nodded against my mouth.
“I know, but I’m scared.”
“You don’t need to be. You know, if you’re going to marry me, you’ll have to trust me,” I said softly, waiting with bated breath for her response. I’d asked her to marry me before, but always in a flirty or teasing way. This time I was serious. Seeing her with David, once again, had a way of strengthening my resolve. The seconds ticked by in silence before she finally spoke.