“A surprise, what is it?”
I take her hand in mine. When we walk back to the bedroom, there is a cart in the corner of the room. It takes Diane a few seconds to realize what’s on the tray, hot chocolate in a carafe and snickerdoodle cookies. She jumps up and down and runs over to the cart.
“Who did this for us? I can’t believe this!”
“I called the hotel after the wedding and asked them if they could make a batch of snickerdoodle cookies for us, and to make sure we have hot chocolate to go with them. When I explained the significance of what I had asked for, the hotel was more than happy to accommodate me.”
“Wow, this brings back a lot of memories. Let’s get into bed, turn on the television, and end this perfect day with the perfect memory.”
At three in the morning, Diane and I sit up in bed, eat cookies, drink hot chocolate, and watch the comedy channel. High on sugar, we fall asleep holding each other. This is my idea of heaven.
Chapter Forty-One
Diane
I feel like I am slowly dying. I’ve thrown up every day for the past week. I recognize the signs, and I don’t want to get my hopes up until I pee on a stick. I call my mother-in-law because I need her help. “Hi Mom, can you come over, I need your help.” My throat is raw from the vomiting, and I sound bad.
“What is it, Diane? Are you sick?”
“Yeah, I can’t get off the bathroom floor. Ethan’s already gone to work, and I don’t want the kids to see me sick. I need your help.”
“I’ll be there in five minutes, honey. I’ll take care of you.”
Less than five minutes later, Mom is knocking on the bathroom door. “Come in Mom.” I must look like shit judging by the look on her face.
“Oh baby, what’s wrong?”
Four words reduce me to tears. Mom helps me off the floor and back into bed. I sigh in relief as I hit the mattress.
“You don’t have a fever. Do you want me to call Ethan?”
“No. I need you to go to the drug store and pick up a few pregnancy tests. I think I’m pregnant.” Mom’s eyes fill with tears, and I start to cry with her.
“It’s okay honey. I’ll take care of you. Would you like a little tea and toast? It will settle your stomach.”
“That sounds good Mom. Thank you, and don’t say anything until I’m sure we’re pregnant.”
Mom holds my hand. “Don’t worry. I won’t say a word.”
After I’ve had my tea and toast, I hold my breath and pray it stays in my stomach. An hour later, Mom leaves to pick up the tests, and I fall asleep. I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep when I hear knocking on the door.
“It’s me, honey, I have what you need.”
I sit up and thankfully, the room doesn’t spin on me. “Where are the kids?”
“Dad took them to lunch. I had to tell him, but I made him swear on a stack of bibles to keep his mouth shut. Come on; I’ll help you into the bathroom.”
I pee on three sticks and hold my breath in anticipation of this life-changing event. The five minutes that I must wait for the result passes so slowly; I feel like screaming. Mom sits on the edge of the bathtub and waits with me. After the required waiting period, I stand up and walk over to the vanity. When I look down, all three tests say ‘pregnant.’ My hand instinctively goes to my abdomen, and I cry like a baby. Mom stands beside me and holds me in her arms.
“I am so happy for you honey. Are you happy?”
“Oh, God yes, I am so happy. I need to see my gynecologist as soon as possible.” I call Doctor Richards, and she agreed to see me this morning. Mom comes with me, and two hours later, I am walking on clouds, and about three weeks pregnant. I know exactly how I want to tell Ethan. “Mom, I need you to take the kids tonight. I want to tell Ethan about the baby.”
“Give me a minute to text Dad, and we’ll take care of the kids. I think they need a sleepover at the shore and some beach time.
Congratulations, Grandpa!
OMG…really?
Yes. Diane wants to tell Ethan tonight. Let’s take the kids to Cape May for a little beach time.
Hold on while I ask them.
Green light for the beach. We’ll be home in thirty minutes.
Okay. I’m so happy for them.
So am I honey.
“It’s all set. Dad will be home in thirty minutes. It shouldn’t take long to pack a few things. I’ll take care of Kellie’s bag. Take a nap for a little bit, and I’ll wake you when we leave.”
“I will in a minute. I have to get something from the storage room.” Two hours later, the house is empty, and I’m making a light dinner of pasta and chicken, with a little surprise in Ethan’s wine glass.
Ethan
The smell of home-cooked sauce hits my nose when I walk into the kitchen. Diane is in front of the stove wearing a cute sundress with flats, and she has an apron wrapped around her. I walk up behind her and nibble on her neck. “Are the kids in the house?”
“Nope, we are all alone until Sunday. Mom and Dad took the kids to the summerhouse for a little beach time. This is Mommy and Daddy time.”
“I like Mommy and Daddy time very much. What’s for dinner?”
“I made a pot of sauce, and I have chicken and Italian bread on the warming tray. Go upstairs and put on something comfortable. Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes.”
It’s hard to believe how two months can change a person’s life. I love coming home to Diane every day and see a smile on her face. She’s happy, and that’s all I want in life. I’ve started the process of reducing my patient load while I put the wheels in motion for my private practice. Gerald Landers retires at the end of the year, and I have agreed to assume his practice. My lawyer and his are working out the details. He has a large patient list and capable staff, and it shouldn’t be difficult for me to fill his shoes. I take a quick shower and change into cargo shorts and a tee shirt. When I walk into the dining room, the table is set, and the lights are dimmed.
“What’s the occasion?” I ask somewhat confused. “Did I miss something?”
“I thought it would be fun to use the good china since we’re alone. Have a seat, and I’ll serve dinner.”
Diane
I am so nervous it takes a lot of effort to stop my hands from shaking. To steady myself, I place my hand over the tiny baby growing in my body. I already love this child more than my own life. Once I have the food on the table, I go back into the kitchen for Ethan’s wine glass. He doesn’t know it yet, but at the bottom of his glass is the yellow pacifier that I used to tell him I was pregnant with Joey. I know he doesn’t like red wine but won’t complain.
My eyes are glued to his wine glass, and I want to scream, drink the goddamn wine! We take our time eating dinner, not saying much to each other. Ethan doesn’t like to talk while eating, and I’d rather keep my mouth shut until he drinks the damn wine. Finally, I see him pick up his glass and drink some of the wine. Then, he drinks more of it, and I can see the top of the pacifier, and so does Ethan. His hand freezes in mid-air as he stares into the glass. I wish I had my phone to take a picture of his face. His expressions range from shock, disbelief, happiness, and back to shock. He looks up at me as he takes the pacifier from the glass and holds it in his hand.
“Is this for real Diane? You’re pregnant?” Ethan is up and out of his chair before I have a chance to answer his question. Ethan kneels in front of me and places his hand on my abdomen. “My precious baby is nestled safely in your beautiful body. You’ve made me so happy Diane, so incredibly happy.”
“It’s very early in the pregnancy, about three weeks. I’m so excited I could cry.” Ethan leans in and kisses my stomach. I run my fingers through his hair, and I feel him crying on my lap.
“This is our rainbow baby Diane. We’ve created a new life, and I can’t wait to meet my new baby. How do you feel? Are you sick? Do you need anything?”
“I am okay, and no, I’m not sick now, but I was this morning, and all I need is
my family.”
“The kids are going to go nuts when we tell them you’re pregnant. When do you want to share the good news with them?”
“We’ll tell them in a few weeks.”
“I love you, baby.”
“I love you too Ethan.”
Diane
It’s the Labor Day weekend, and it’s time to tell the kids about the baby. Ethan and I decided to spring it on them the same way I told Ethan. We bought at least fifty pink and blue pacifiers, strung them with ribbons, and hung them along the deck railing. This morning we are having breakfast on the deck. I made baby cookies and decorated them with pink and blue frosting. Joey is the first one out the sliding door followed by Kellie, and he freezes mid-step. He turns around to look at me, and I smile and hand him a cookie. He looks at it as if it will explode in his hand.
“Are you serious? You’re having a baby.”
I smooth my hand over my little bump and laugh so hard; tears run down my face. “Well, judging by how many pacifiers decorate the deck, my answer is yes.” Joey picks me up and spins me around a few times. The sudden movement makes me a little sick. “Put me down Joey before I throw up on you.”
“Oh, sorry Mom, I’m just excited about the new baby.”
Kellie is confused by all of the excitement. “Who is having a baby, Mommy?”
“I am, sweetheart. Daddy and I are having a baby.”
Kellie looks at me horrified and points to my stomach. “In there? How will the baby fit in there?”
“Don’t worry honey. The baby will fit perfectly. Are you excited?”
“Yeah, now I won’t be the baby. Can I help with taking care of it?”
‘Yes, you can. The new baby will need a big sister.”
That made her day.
*****
I’ve debated with myself several times whether I should call my parents. I’ve had no communication with them for so long that maybe now is the time to heal old wounds.
“What do you think?” I ask Ethan as we lay in bed. His soft hand gently rubs my expanding belly, and the movement of his hand calms me. I don’t like confrontation, which is the main reason why I’ve avoided my parents for so many years. My mother’s acid tongue and blatant hostility towards me are the primary reasons why I’ve avoided her. The casualty in all of this mess is my father, who I miss terribly.
“I won’t lie to you and say that I like your parents because I don’t. That being said, they are your parents, and I think it’s time to discuss their behavior towards you. Maybe if you understand what’s in their minds, you can accept how they treat you. Don’t expect miracles, honey. It’s been too long, and there is too much water under the bridge to mend fences.”
“I’ve thought about this for a long-time Ethan. I’ve tried to remember when our relationship changed. My mother never was an outgoing person. Most of my childhood memories are of my father and me, and I have very few memories of my mom. It’s sad because I’m sure there is a reason behind why she is the way she is. I just wish they would tell me. Do you think if I force the issue, they will be honest with me?” I feel Ethan tense against me. I take his response as a firm no.
“If you do this, I want to be with you. I don’t want you alone with either of them. You’re pregnant, and the last thing you need is added stress. I won’t compromise on this honey. You and the baby are my primary concern.”
“Oh, believe me, after what happened the last time I had contact with my parents, I don’t want to be alone with them. I’ll call my father tomorrow and invite them for dinner.” Ethan tensed again.
“Just make sure the kids are out of the house. Your mother is unpredictable, and I don’t want the kids to be hit with the backlash of her animosity towards us.”
“That’s not a problem. Once I’ve set up the meeting, I’ll ask Dad to take them to dinner.”
“How are you feeling honey?”
“I feel good now that the morning sickness has subsided somewhat. I’m not barfing every morning if I keep eating bland, boring food. I really miss ice cream, but it makes me so sick.”
“Ah, my poor baby, I know you miss eating chocolate in any form. It’s only for a few more months. I think you can hold out for six months.”
“Ugh! Six months without chocolate is a sin; it really is, but I endeavor to persevere.”
“I really love you, baby.”
“I love you too, Ethan. More than you know.”
Chapter Forty-Two
Diane
The next morning, I call my parents. My father picks up the phone. He doesn’t know I’ve regained my memory. How will he react? I’m not sure, but I’ll find out soon enough.
“Hello,” he answers gruffly. This is not a good sign.
“Hi, Dad, it’s Diane. How are you?” I hear silence on the other end of the phone. Did he hang up on me? Then I hear his voice.
“You called me Dad. Does this mean you remember me?”
I hear something in his voice. It sounds like he’s about to cry. God, I hate this. I hate it, and I want it to end for all of us. “Yes, Dad,” and I start to tell him what happened on our wedding day.
“Why didn’t you invite us to the wedding?”
“I think you know why Dad. Have you forgotten what happened on my birthday?”
“No honey, I haven’t forgotten what happened that day, and I am so terribly sorry for all of it, especially how your mother treated you that day.”
“Where is Mom? Can I talk to her?” Again, there is silence between us.
“Diane, I don’t want to tell you this over the phone. Can I come over to see you later today?”
“Yes Dad, Ethan will be home after five. I’ll cook dinner for us.”
“Okay honey, I’ll see you later.”
I call Ethan to let him know he needs to be home early today because my father is coming for a visit. I then call Catherine to ask if they could take the kids to dinner tonight. I don’t want them in the house. I hear the concern in Catherine’s voice.
“Are you sure this is wise honey? You’re pregnant, and I don’t want anything upsetting you.”
“I’ll be okay because Ethan will be here with me. I need to know why my parents treat me the way they do. I deserve an explanation, and I should have done this a long time ago.”
“Okay, it’s your decision, honey. Let me know if you need me.”
“I’ll always need you, Mom. Love you.”
“Love you too sweetie. Call me later.”
“I will. Thanks again.”
*****
Ethan is making me nervous with his constant pacing back and forth. “Honey, please sit down. You’re making me nervous.”
He walks over to the sofa and sits down. “Sorry honey. I know you need to do this, but I keep remembering the fist in my face the last time we saw each other.”
“I know it was unpleasant, but like so many other things this past year, I have to confront this to put it behind me, and if I never have contact with my parents again, at least I’ll know I offered the olive branch.”
“That’s very magnanimous of you darling,” Ethan said sarcastically.
“This is the new and improved me. I won’t let anything get in the way of our happiness.”
The doorbell rings and my anxiety level ramps up considerably. Ethan answers the door.
“Hello William, please come in.”
My father offers his hand. “Thank you, Ethan. How are you?”
“I’m fine; it’s good to see you again.”
My father shakes his head. “You’re a good liar Ethan, and I’m sorry I hit you. I’m sorry about a lot of things.”
My dad has a huge bouquet of roses in his hand. He bends down to kiss me. “Hi, honey. How are you?”
I take the roses and stand up to hug my father. It’s then that he notices my little bump. A smile forms on his face. I smile back and hug my dad for the first time in close to twenty years. It feels so good being in his arms. I never knew until this momen
t how much I’ve missed him. A sob escapes me, and he holds me tighter.
“Oh baby, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry about everything. I love you, honey, so much.”
“I love you too Daddy. Can we sit down and get the ugly business out of the way before I lose my courage?” My father sits next to me, and Ethan pulls up the ottoman to sit in front of me.
“I did not want to discuss this on the phone Diane, but I’m tired of hiding it from you, and once I explain what’s going on with your mother, I think you will have a better understanding and maybe a little compassion for your mom.”
“What is it, Dad? I’ve never heard you talk like this before. Is she sick?”
“Yes honey, your mother has been ill for a very long time. A few years after you had been born, we were pregnant again, and I was so happy. Your mother wasn’t, and one day a neighbor called me at work to tell me Mom was walking down the street in her underwear, and she had blood running down her legs. I was terrified Diane, and when I got home, I took her to the hospital. We lost the baby, but what happened after that changed all of our lives. Your mother became argumentative; she would wander the streets at night, and she became very confused. We fought constantly, and then she began to ignore you. When I came home from work, your diaper hadn’t been changed all day, and she would forget to feed you. Once, she left you in a shopping cart in a department store. The police became involved as well as child protective services. She forgot you Diane, and I was so angry with her.”
“That was the breaking point for me, and I had your mother admitted for psychiatric evaluation. Honey, your mother suffers from schizophrenia. The diagnosis floored me, and the next few years were tough for us. My mother moved in with us, and she took care of you while I worked. Barbara spent most of her time in bed in a confused state. She would either lash out or regress. It took a long time to get the medication right for her to function normally.”
Ethan’s face turns red, and he is about to lash out at my father. I shake my head no because I know what is on his mind. I need to confront this issue. “How does this affect my children and me? Do I have the recessive gene? Why did you keep this a secret? This is serious Dad. I had the right to know that I may carry the same gene and at any point in my life; I could suffer the same fate as Mom. I’m so angry with you Dad.” My father’s face pales, and I don’t care about how he feels. He kept this from me. I want answers, and I want them now.