"Tolvin, I'm really worried about Betty Ann."
JD froze in his tracks. Aleece and Tolvin were on the other side. Though he didn't want to eavesdrop, he felt compelled to hear the reason why Aleece might be concerned about Betty Ann. He held his breath and inched closer to the thick row of bushes.
"Yeah, I know. I don't think she and JD are doing the right thing."
JD steeled himself realizing they were discussing his wedding. He allowed a short breath to escape and held another one.
"Betty Ann is my best friend. I know what it's like to be in love. After all, that's how I feel about you," she cooed.
A short silence followed. A kiss? "You make me dizzy." Tolvin's breathless voice answered.
"And you make me wish we were married right now."
A pang of conscience waylaid JD. He was listening to a private conversation, yet Tolvin's words pelted him. JD wasn't attracted to Betty Ann at all … nothing like the way he felt about Joella. He'd told himself passion would grow someday, and in time he'd forget the statuesque, interior designer and the peace she exuded.
"You're worried about Betty Ann?" Tolvin replied.
"I asked her a couple of questions. You know me. Nosey." She laughed. "For one thing, he's only kissed her once. When I asked how she felt about him, she said she's too busy to think about that right now." Aleece blew out a breath. "If you want my opinion, Betty Ann is in love with love and marriage and not JD."
A tumultuous rush of emotions flooded JD—anger, for one. His future wife had talked to Aleece about their private lives. But hadn't he taken the liberty to listen to a personal discussion? He had to get out of there before they discovered him spying. He crept back down the path again to the parking lot. Surely, Aleece wouldn't have made that up.
The simple fact stunned him—why hadn't he considered it before? Betty Ann didn't have any more feelings for him than he for her.
But what could he expect? This hurried-up engagement hadn't been based on romance, anyway. No, it was all about chalking up points on the Scale of Balance.
Sweat drenched his body as he got into the truck. The wedding date loomed, and he was no closer to falling in love now than when he first met her. What were the alternatives? Continue on and be a hypocrite? Make Betty Ann and everyone else believe he loved her? Or break off the engagement?
The truck's interior became a prison, a trap without answers. He pounded the dashboard. Where was his life going? He had to be faithful to EB and the Scale, which meant only one thing—marriage to Betty Ann.
*****
JD took the elevator down one floor and quickened his stride through the Ormond Building. He'd made it through another Monday.
The dream hadn't come again. At first he'd suspected it meant more than a random occurrence in his subconscious mind. Now, after more than two weeks, he finally decided that the dream had been a fluke. He wouldn't give it another thought, though the memory still flooded his mind.
With a mental pat on the back, he acknowledged the facts. He was getting good at ignoring the unruly thoughts in his head. Like his feelings for Joella.
He'd mulled over Aleece and Tolvin's conversation so many times, he had it memorized. Guilt for listening in hadn't gone away. But what did Aleece know … or Tolvin? They were both kids—immature kids. He couldn't allow dreams or eavesdropping dictate his decisions. What had he been thinking—placing importance on both?
JD massaged his aching forehead. The wedding was less than a month away. He snapped his fingers. The groomsmen's gifts. Betty Ann had specifically given him orders to go to Shelby's Jewelers. They had the best selection, according to her.
A walk would do him good. The jewelry store was only six blocks from work. Maybe the exercise would relieve some of the pre-wedding jitters.
Hmm. His brother Tannon, cousin Arvin, and Jarred Wright. What could he buy to thank these guys?
From the courthouse, he crossed Magnolia and walked up three blocks. Maybe the sales clerk would have some suggestions.
Something—or rather someone—caught JD's attention. One of those crazy street people who proclaimed the end of the world stood on the corner. JD focused on a sporting goods window display and walked faster.
An elderly black man smiled and clutched a Bible to his chest. "Hear the word of the Lord. 'Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with Me.'"
JD stumbled. Goose bumps ran down his arms. The old man spoke words about a door—like in JD's dream. He slowed, not daring to look at the guy. Couldn't allow the elderly preacher to think he might be interested in the message. A hanging basket of petunias became the center of his focus.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not parish but have eternal life." The old man continued talking as if to an audience of thousands. His eyes glistened with enthusiasm.
Desire to hear more filled JD and gripped his soul. He moved closer, no longer caring if the preacher noticed his curiosity. Finding out about the door seemed more important than anything else.
A few cautious steps took JD even closer. Tight coils of white hair crowned the preacher's head. Dark-brown age spots dotted his kind face.
An old plastic nametag holder attached to the man's shirt said Pastor Joe Baker. One shoulder hung lower when he shifted his feet on the sidewalk.
The man's look thrust a blade into JD's heart. The fire in Joe Baker's eyes, so like Joella's when she talked about her God, transfixed him. Honking horns and revving car motors faded. What did the preacher mean? My voice, open the door, eat with him.
"Excuse me." JD approached him, heart pounding. "I want to know more about that other part, what you said about the door." Though he pretended the dream didn't matter anymore, it still smoldered in his mind.
"I was quoting from God's word, the Bible. Jesus Christ, God's only Son, stands at the door of your heart. He wants you to invite Him to be your Savior."
"But I don't understand." Joella had used similar words the night of their starry picnic but the meaning hadn't sunk in. "I need to know more. H … how do I ask Him to be my Savior?"
"You tell Him you're sorry for all the wrong things you've done and acknowledge that He died on the cross to pay the price for those wrong deeds. Son, when you ask Him to be your Savior, He's faithful and will come into your heart. I can pray with you right now if you want me to."
Praying on the street? No way. What if someone he knew saw him? "I'm not sure it's something I want to do."
"Tell you what, son. We have a meeting Saturday night at six at the Seventh Street mission." He pointed north past the Federal Building. "Why don't you drop by, and afterwards we can talk more. My wife and I would love to have you."
"Well, I don't know if I can … " JD's mind reeled. What was he saying? Sure he could.
All his determination to dismiss the dream and ignore the street preacher dissolved. In his mind, he walked the forest path again and heard the knocking. Nothing else mattered. "Uh … yeah, man. I'll be there."
JD continued down the street toward Shelby's. He shoved his hands in his pockets. Saturday night. He'd told Betty Ann he'd take her to dinner. Well, he could go to the meeting at six and pick her up by seven-thirty. It'd work, wouldn't it?
*****
Downtown seemed busy for a Saturday evening with shoppers strolling the sidewalks and milling in and out of stores. JD drove around the block a couple of times, second guessing his decision to come to this meeting. The guy on the street corner had been dressed in shabby clothes. Would this be nothing more than a bunch of street people hanging out? A place he shouldn't be?
A parking place on Oak near Sixth opened up, just a block from the Seventh Street Mission.
Sweat broke out on JD's forehead. That pesky voice inside his head advised him to steer clear of the old man, told JD what a complete idiot he was for making the trip downtown. Yet the recollection of
the door hounded him. He could still hear the tapping and couldn't let this go until he understood more of Pastor Baker's message.
A sign above the entrance read, "Seventh Street Mission." He reached for the doorknob but jerked his hand back when he heard the noisy singing inside. Sounded like a lively group in there. Don't go in. You'll lose everything you've ever worked for.
He paused, mopping his brow with the back of his hand. I am knocking at the door of your heart.
Filled with confusion, he didn't know what to do. An urge to cry overpowered him.
He reached for the handle again and inched the door open then stepped inside. Straight rows of chairs were filled with men and women, some with dark skin, some Hispanics, and others white. An aisle ran down the middle between the chairs. Pastor Joe had invited him to a meeting, but this looked like a church service.
He backed toward the door, his courage waning, and came face-to-face with a poster on the wall. I am the first and the last. Apart from me there is no God.
The same message he'd heard at the sunrise service. If it were true, if no other God existed but the God in this room, then Exalted Father wasn't a god at all.
A soft hand fell on his arm. "Welcome, son. Please come in. Here's a chair near the back."
He turned to stare into a face. A familiar looking woman about his mother's age smiled at him—the grandmother who lived on Almond Street next to Henry's old house.
She smiled and held out her hand. "It's okay. You're welcome here." Did his face reflect the fear smothering him?
JD tried to smile and slid past the door to the offered chair. A woman at a piano in front plunked the keys while the rest of the people joined in song. The singing reminded him of a gospel CD he played in his truck on occasion. Enthusiastic people stood, clapping along with the music and displayed the same energy as the sunrise service attendees.
"For it is by grace you have been saved and not by works lest any man should boast." He whispered the words written on a banner to his right. If only the message were true. The burden of the Scale practically buried him these days. Especially with the knowledge that he didn't love Betty Ann. Yet he had to marry her or take a chance of being lost to the Land of Shadows.
The sign on the opposite wall challenged him. God created man in His own image. Did that mean humans hadn't evolved from primates?
These new ideas threatened to drown him. If the implications held truth, then all his life he'd believed a lie. Yet EB warned against such misleading doctrines.
He stood in the rear. He could still sneak away. Maybe he should—or should he stay? Indecision ruled his mind while chaos churned in his stomach. His gaze flitted around the room.
Well-dressed black people lifted hands in the air. A few bearded men in tattered clothing seemed as comfortable as the others.
Chills trailed down JD's arms. The thought that something extraordinary was going on tugged at his emotions. Part of him still doubted the legitimacy of this meeting. Another part pleaded, wanting him to stay.
After the singing died down, Pastor Joe stood up in front wearing the same worn nametag. A cross hung on a white wall behind, framing his bent body. "Please be seated."
The elderly man opened a book on the pedestal before him. "My beloved, everyone has done wrong and no one is worthy to stand before a righteous God. But the Lord provided a way so we can have fellowship with Him. He came to earth in the form of a human to pay a price for our wrongdoings. Jesus Christ died on a cross and arose again, presenting us with this free gift."
JD melted into his seat. A free gift. Something you didn’t have to work for. Just like a kid on his birthday.
"No one can earn it." The old man's eyes drilled through JD.
No one can earn it? Exalted Brethren taught the opposite.
"You can do nothing to be right with God. The only action you can take is to reach out to the powerful Deity who created all things by His own hand and say … I am helpless. I need Your power, Your love, and Your forgiveness. No amount of works will get you to heaven."
A shiver traveled from his head to his toes. He needed a daddy, a powerful father who could comfort him. Lift him from his fears and doubts and insecurities. Tell him everything would be all right.
"Jesus knocks at the door of our hearts waiting for us to open it and invite Him in." Understanding flooded him. In the blink of an eye, JD understood the meaning of his dream. Jesus stood on the other side of the door. Jesus wanted him, JD Neilson, to open his heart. Not the Jesus of the Exalted Brethren, but the Jesus who was God.
Pastor Joe's words sent freedom to his soul. "Where are you? Do you need God's free gift?" The preacher's gaze seemed to scope the room as he looked from one side to the other.
JD yearned for that gift. He didn't fear Dave and Joella's God any longer.
"If anyone wants to receive Jesus as his Savior, I invite you to come down in front so I can pray with you."
Truth penetrated his heart. Like waves of cool, refreshing water, peace gushed over him. He was a little boy again … like the day at Mom's—weak and needy. He didn't have what it took to work for his place in heaven and never would—no matter how many good deeds he did. But it was okay.
JD darted out of his chair and hurried down the aisle to face Pastor Joe.
The old man smiled, his dark-brown eyes twinkling. His wrinkled black face looked more beautiful than anyone JD had ever seen.
He wiped moisture with the back of his hand. "I heard Jesus knocking on a door … it's the door of my heart, isn't it? Please tell me what to do."
Joe smiled and placed his hand on JD's shoulder. "All right, son. Say after me. Lord, I confess I've done wrong and need a Savior. You took my place and paid for my mistakes." He paused for JD to speak the words. "Thank you for knocking on the door of my heart. I ask you to be my Father and my Savior—for all eternity."
JD's shaking voice didn't bother him. With every word he spoke, more of the heavy load lifted from his shoulders.
The street preacher cast his gaze on him. "Son, the angels in heaven are celebrating right now. God has birthed new life into your spirit." Joe gave him a bear hug. "I'm here for you if you need me."
JD nodded, shaking the man's hand. He couldn't restrain the wide grin on his face as he returned to his chair. He now had a Father who loved him and would take care of him. The day he'd sought out his mother, he'd yearned for a parent's unconditional acceptance. God loved him like that now. Had all along.
The woman returned to the piano, and JD's heart soared as the group sang "Amazing Grace," a song he'd heard on TV. I was blind, but now I see. A new awareness entered his heart. He could only describe it as pure joy. How true those words were.
Pastor Joe raised his hand to the group. "May the God of all power and grace bring you peace as you walk with Him. Amen."
The crowd stood and began to shake hands with one another. If JD never had to leave this place, he'd be happy. The kindly grandmother neared him and gave him a hug. "Welcome home, young man."
JD grinned at her. "You might not remember me, but I spoke to you one day out on the sidewalk in front of my friend's former home. I knew there was something different about you."
She laughed. "I hope it was a good difference."
"Oh, yes ma'am."
"Well, praise the Lord. He can even use chance meetings on the sidewalk for His glory. You're welcome here anytime."
He glanced to his left at the long table set with a plastic cloth.
A woman placed two trays of sandwiches in the middle. A couple of men with holey jeans and a several days growth of beard helped themselves.
The woman with the trays turned to him. "Would you like to stay for a cup of coffee?"
"Yes, I believe I will."
*****
JD needed to think. Because darkness had settled over El Camino, he headed to Smith Point to see the lights. He cut the ignition and the truck's beams dimmed.
What happened to him tonight? Whatever it
was, it had been real, not some hokey religious activity. Heaviness had lifted from his shoulders. Though he didn't completely understand everything Pastor Joe said, in his heart he had assurance the words were Truth.
To think—he no longer had to perform good works on the Scale of Balance, never knowing how many deeds would be enough. Joy filled every space in his body—and peace. Was this the same peace he'd always sensed in Joella? He wished he could talk to her.
The mystery became clearer with every passing minute. He wanted a God bigger than him. JD wrapped his arms around his shoulders. He was a small child cuddling with his father.
A chill made hair stand up on his arms. Did EB teach falsehoods? Of course they did, and he'd been deceived. The doctrines he'd learned weren't for him any longer. He'd never been strong enough to embrace them, never had enough muscle to pay for his own crimes and get into the next life.
He allowed another truth. The night he'd spent in the hospital had impacted him, though at the time he didn't want to admit it. Joella's prayers meant more to him than anything then. Deep down he'd acknowledged she prayed to an almighty God—One who probably healed him.
Just as he had trouble seeing after the biking accident, he'd been blind all these years. Then Joella spoke to God as if He were real and personal. In the same way JD's vision had cleared the next morning after the accident, he'd found spiritual eyes tonight.
But a thought he didn't want to entertain prodded him. If he had been deceived, so was his family—Mom, Dad, Arlene, Tannon, Glor … No! His little sister believed in Jesus the Savior, too. That day beside the house, she'd tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen. Glorilyn had found the peace he had. Unbelievable.
Joy swamped him again, yet his eyes burned. "Dear God. Thank you for coming into my life. I'm sorry for hiding from you all these years." The prayer flowed easily from his lips. "Thank you for Dave—and Joella. God, my heart hurts for my family. Thank you for allowing Glorilyn to find the truth."
JD sat back in the driver's seat and rested against the headrest. Praying. Something he figured he'd be doing a lot of in the future. Every muscle in his body relaxed on a slow exhale. "Joella, I've come to know your secret—God's peace in my life."