PART 2
Saturn
When the stage lights flashed back on, the boys were back in their normal positions, including Friday. The "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" mask he was wearing earlier was replaced by his fake afro and his bad-ass, shit-eating grin. People in the crowd saluted him for his stunt as he prepared to stand in front of them and do nothing again.
For a change, Vin did the talking before the band cranked up three brand new tunes in a row.
“Stan, where are you? You OK man?” Vin asked with a laugh.
The crowd laughed, too, as the spotlight focused on Stan, who had recovered enough to manage a smile and wave from the relative safety of the rear bar area.
“Here’s a song about a stalker who didn’t stop, even after her man kicked the bucket,” Vin said. “It’s called, ‘Hell Phone,’ and it’s perfect for Halloween.”
Craig, who actually improved on his ugly mullet with the afro wig, led into the song with some creepy keyboards as Vin sang:
Hey girl I just died
Don’t keep tellin’ me what to do
So she crossed the great divide
And stalks me in the next life, too
She’s a psycho ghost clinger
Still puttin’ me through the ringer
Yeah, she dug me up, dug me up, dug me up
Every clinger digs a singer
She’s tap-tap-tapping on my tombstone
She’s ta-ta-texting me on my hell phone
She’s got me lookin’ around corners
And hidin’ in back alleys
Chillin’ up in the hills
And laying low in valleys
All my worldly possessions
Consumed by her obsessions
There’s no ghost of a chance
I’ll escape her spooky glance
She’s tap-tap-tapping on my tombstone
She’s ta-ta-texting me on my hell phone
Won’t stop haunting me with her Ke$ha ring tone
I’m not sure that song worked very well. It was just plain weird, but the crowd rolled with it. Some loved the reference to new pop it-girl Ke$ha. Don’t worry, Vin. I won’t stalk you, but Morgan might. The little red-headed genie was now ogling Vin from the side of the stage, probably hoping to land a post-show interview.
Freeway used his persuasive guitar on “Bucket of Blues” to return the show to its earlier bluesy vibe, slowing down the down and singing:
“Every time you paint the town, girl
You leave me with a bucket of blues
Every time you paint the town, girl
You leave me with a bucket of blues
You’re a no-good dive bar diva, girl
Ruling the dance floor with those dagger-heel shoes
Just trample my heart a little harder, girl
And I’ll drown myself in this bucket of booze
Bucket of booze for a bucket of blues
Yeah, a bucket of booze for a bucket of blues
Go ahead, girl, I can take it
I was born to mop the floor
With this here bucket of blues”
Freeway followed that up with “Wayward Wanderer,” a tune that seemed to reignite Friday, who smiled proudly and reveled in the gangster references. He bopped to the beat and flashed various gang signs to the oblivious crowd:
“She’s the wayward wanderer
On the side of the road, hitchhiking
She’s the wayward wanderer
Could be an Indian, or maybe a Viking
She’s the muse behind the scenes
The news inside the paper
That we roll when we rock
The stage of our dreams
Damn the river, beware the streams
Sometimes she comes in drips
Most times in floods
Sometimes she comes in Crips
Most times in Bloods
How she comes, it don’t matter
She’ll always get you in the end”
Alas, love songs were hard to find in this Halloween set list. Death, death and more death.
Next, the band fired everybody up again with its uplifting anarchy song, “Medieval Upheaval.” Buck went wild on the drums throughout the onslaught, and Vin tossed his microphone stand around as he screamed the chorus over Freeway’s soaring guitar:
“What we need right now
Is a medieval upheaval
Of cataclysmic proportions
I’m talking muthafuckin’ earthquakes
Of volcanic distortion”
Then Vin added a few new lyrics at the end of the tune:
“Do you feel our energy
Burn from green to black?
Now go tell your momma
That rock is back!”
The crowd went berserk for that song as usual. Too bad the show didn’t end right there, on a high note. Nope. Vin had to push his luck by wrapping it up with “Papa Was A Gravestone.” Some of his cohorts in the band knew his Uncle Al was somewhere in the crowd (I had no idea what he looked like until later) and they egged him on to try out some alternative lyrics with his uncle in mind. Vin, who already wasn’t very adept at anticipating the consequences of his actions, apparently had smoked enough pot before the show to go for it without fear.
“This last one’s called, ‘Papa Was A Gravestone,’” Vin announced to the crowd. “You guys have been great tonight. Stick around for The Afterglows and we’ll see you again next time.”
With that, the band jammed hardcore and Vin sang with more edge in his vocals than ever before:
“Packing sixes and rolling sevens
Living hells and dying heavens
Chasing moons and seeing stars
Shooting beams and smashing cars
Gambling todays and paying tomorrows
But I’m still stuck on yesterdays
Yeah, I’m still stuck on yesterdays
Then came the chorus with the controversial lyrics and the other band members gleefully providing backing vocals:
Papa was a gravestone (still is)
Mama worked the brass pole (still does)
Uncle was a mobster (still is)
Auntie preferred the butt hole (still does)
Ouch. Vin pronounced it very clearly and the crowd totally got off on it. So the band rocked that same chorus again, but this time Uncle Al was listening. It was kind of hard to see from my vantage point, but a short, stocky guy who definitely looked like he could be a mobster and a much bigger goon next to him were shoving their way through the crowd, bull rushing toward the stage and wildly pointing at Vin. I could see Friday and Pepe, the band’s driver who was on the side of the stage not far from Morgan, converging toward the two men from different directions. Heartbreak security people also noticed the potential fracas and started jumping into the crowd. Once again, camera phones were popping up to catch the action. I propped my ass up on the bar. Amy rushed next to me and tugged on a lock of my long, brown hair. We could see fists flying not far from where Vince was singing on the stage. The band cut the song short, cops started rushing in from the club entrance and someone screamed, “Guns! They’ve got guns! Get the fuck out of here!”
I immediately jumped behind the bar with Amy and we ducked down together holding each other. We could hear the sounds of a stampede and plenty of screaming, but thankfully, no gun shots rang out. A minute or so later, Tyler, a cute security staffer with a buzz cut, joined us behind the bar and crouched down to give us an update.
“You ladies OK?” he asked, studying us with his attractive hazel eyes.
“We’re fine,” Amy replied, still hugging me close.
“What the fuck happened?” I asked.
“Two guys pulled guns, but they were both subdued
quickly and the cops just removed them and arrested them,” Tyler said. “They’re throwing them in a paddy wagon as we speak.”
“Good,” Amy said.
“Is the band OK?” I asked, wondering what happened to Vin.
“Yeah, they’re fine,” Tyler said. “They’re back stage, but that chainsaw guy got arrested. He drew a gun when the other guy flashed his.”
“Friday got arrested,” I said.
“Friday? That’s his name?” Tyler said.
“Yup,” I said. “Probably not his first time being arrested either.”
“The police said they are going to clear this place out, so when you feel safe, Amy, you can start cleaning up and get the hell out of here,” Tyler told us.
“What about the headliners?” I asked.
“No Afterglows tonight ladies,” he replied with a grin.
“Thanks for the update Tyler,” Amy said.
“You’re welcome,” he said. “It’s safe to stand up now and do what you gotta do.”
I knew what I had to do: go find Vin, yell at him and remind him how accurate my crystal ball was. Perhaps I should’ve been the Wicked Witch of the West for Halloween.