Gio heard Noah let out a low whistle. “I guess you have fallen hard.”
He ran his hand through his hair completely frustrated. “Yeah, and you of all people know what that feels like, so help me out here. What do I do?”
Noah exhaled. “Damn it. I had a bad feeling the moment you first told me she was even up there. Whatever happens this isn’t gonna end well. You know that right?” Gio nodded as if Noah could see him. “Have you talked to Felix?”
“About this?” Gio stared at his own stunned expression in the mirror.
“No. Remember we talked about maybe you telling him not to be such a heartless ass. He may not even be that into her. Maybe he is seeing that other chick in Chicago. Find out. It might not be such a big deal if you wait for him to dump Bianca and then go after her.”
That had been Gio’s only thread of hope since the beginning. But after getting to know Bianca even better, the idea that Felix wouldn’t really be into her seemed even more impossible now.
After talking to Noah for a little longer and not getting much more help, the only conclusion he’d come to was he needed to talk to Felix and find out exactly where things stood. How concrete was the relationship between him and Bianca? And what chance, if any, did Gio have of walking away from this with his heart still intact?
CHAPTER 18
It kept happening. As much as Bianca tried to act normally, she couldn’t help but tense up every time Felix snuggled up to her. It was just a matter of time before he noticed there was something very wrong. He’d already noticed it earlier when he kissed her neck on their way into the bedroom and she all but moved away. When he asked what was wrong she played it off but she saw it in his confused expression, though he let it go.
After a day away she’d normally be all for a quickie before she had to leave to go work but today she’d told him she was in a hurry even though she didn’t actually have to be at her grandmother’s shop for another hour.
What had she been thinking? That it would all go back to normal? That being with him again after yesterday would feel the same? Nothing felt the same now. This was all wrong but Bianca didn’t know how to fix it without calling the whole thing off and walking out of not only Felix’s life but Gio’s as well. That was a sacrifice she just wasn’t willing to make—didn’t think she could.
Bianca was just finishing putting on her shoes when Felix walked out of the bathroom wearing only his training shorts. Before she could finish he was by her side on the bed caressing her face. “You have no idea how much I missed you,” he said before kissing her lips softly. She immediately tensed up and he stopped and pulled away looking at her very seriously. “Okay, we need to talk. I know why you’re acting like this. My gig wasn’t canceled, Bianca. I canceled it so I could get back here as soon as possible.”
Bianca stared at him, her heart speeding up a little. He couldn’t possibly know.
“There’s something I need to tell you. I was gonna wait until tonight but I gotta get if off my chest now.” His nervous eyes went from hers to the ceiling and all around the room until they came back to her, unnerving her even further. “I did go out with Shelley even after I started seeing you.” Bianca pulled back and he tried to take her hand but she pulled it away. “It was way back in the beginning,” he said urgently. “Back before I knew how serious things were gonna get between me and you.”
Bianca thought back to his words ‘way back in the beginning.’ Back when he made her promise she’d wait for him.
“Before you knew? You mean when you told me you were going to be dating me exclusively and so I should promise to do the same?” She stood up from the bed and he stood with her.
It amazed her how if they would’ve been having his discussion just days ago, she might’ve cared more. As angry as she was that he’d lied to her all this time—assured her she had nothing to worry about and that all those stories were just to sell magazines and boost TV ratings—the hypocrisy she felt was just too blatant. Though the anger helped blanket her guilty conscience.
“Listen to me, please.” He reached out for her and she pulled back, glad she had good reason to reject his touch now. “This was in the very beginning, Bianca. I saw her just a few times. It was so insignificant I wouldn’t even be telling you about it now but the damn tabloids are blowing all this up. I didn’t want you to find out that way.”
“So that’s the only reason you’re telling me now? Because you knew I’d find out?”
“Yes and no. I’ll admit it I was a selfish prick, okay? I had a different girl in every city. But that was then. That was before you. You changed everything. I’m begging you—”
“Don’t!” Bianca wouldn’t be able to stand there and listen to him beg for her forgiveness knowing she was just as guilty if not worse.
“I will, Bianca.” He started to get down on his knee.
“Stop that.” She reached out for his hand. “You don’t have to.”
Taking advantage of her outstretched hand, he took it and pulled her to him and spoke so close she thought he might kiss her. “Please forgive me. I’ll do anything to make it up to you. I’ll prove I’ve changed—changed because of you. You mean everything to me now. I even told Andy to cancel half the shit he had planned for me in the coming weeks so I could spend less time away from you.”
Bianca couldn’t take it anymore. She was drowning in guilt now. Guilt because here Felix was saying everything she would’ve been thrilled to hear just a few weeks ago, because his surprise arrival this morning should’ve been as exciting as the night he showed up with the mariachis. Instead all she felt now was disappointment. Disappointment that now she’d have less time with Gio.
She pulled away. “I need to think.”
“Think all you want. But please don’t leave.”
Leaving was the last thing she wanted to do. She could hardly stand knowing that Gio was just a few rooms away and she couldn’t run to him like she wanted to. But to be away from him for good with no chance of even seeing him, that thought alone nearly suffocated her.
How had this happened so fast? She still cared about Felix but what she felt for Gio was a whole other monster. She’d never felt anything like it and right now all she wanted to do was get out of there. Run away and try to regain some composure. Her mind was spinning and she could barely think straight anymore. “I gotta go to work.”
“But you’re coming back, right?” He squeezed her hand, his pleading eyes burning into her.
She nodded and he began to hug her but she pushed him away. “Don’t,” she whispered and he lifted his arms away immediately.
“Okay. Just come back… please.”
She grabbed her purse from the nightstand and started to the door. “Bianca.”
Bianca slowed as she reached the doorway then stopped and turned around. “What?”
“I love you.”
After spending a day like yesterday with Gio and feeling something so much more powerful than she’d ever felt for Felix, Bianca couldn’t return the sentiment. She vanquished the idea that what she felt for Gio was love only because it was clear that she’d already been too hasty in her declaration of love to Felix. Something she was now certain was untrue. Deep down she’d always known what she felt for Felix wasn’t that profound feeling she’d read and heard so much about.
She obviously didn’t know much about love. What she did know, without a doubt, was this thing she felt now for Gio was something so incredibly strong that even as wrong as it was, she knew with all certainty that the moment she got the chance she’d be back in his arms.
A strained smile was all that she managed. That and a nod as she turned and walked away.
There was no way she could face Nana and her mother right now. They’d know immediately something was wrong and as close as she was to them she couldn’t tell them about this. Both of them had always been very liberal when it came to Bianca’s personal life. They trusted her and the choices she made.
The only times they ever had seri
ous issues with was anything that compromised her safety. This situation now had dangerous written all over it, but Bianca felt helpless to pull herself out of it. She couldn’t stay away now.
With just under forty-five minutes to spare before she had to be at the shop, the obvious direction to head was to Toni’s place, to tell her about the mess she was in now. But she had a feeling even Toni would attempt to talk her out of going back and that’s the last thing she wanted to hear. No amount of reasoning was keeping her from going back.
The fact that this was so unlike her was what scared her the most. Growing up Bianca had always been the voice of reason in her crowd—the good girl. She never took risks or did anything that would disappoint her mother even before her father died but more so after.
When her father was killed her mother made a huge sacrifice to keep them in the same house by taking on an extra housekeeper job during the week and another one on the weekends. This after her grandparents had offered to let them move in with them in their more than ample Big Bear home. Bianca knew it was tough on her mom but her mother said she wouldn’t traumatize Bianca further by uprooting her from the only home she’d ever known and from all her friends.
To show her mother her gratitude Bianca never even dreamed of doing anything bad. She never ditched, snuck out or even drank before she was of legal age. What Bianca was doing now felt so wrong—so bad. Something she knew her mother wouldn’t approve of but even that couldn’t stop her now.
With nowhere else to go, Bianca parked in front of a coffee shop, and got out. That morning when Felix walked in so unexpectedly just as she was pouring her coffee she’d been so crushed about her day’s plans with Gio being ruined she’d all but lost her appetite and barely got in a few sips. She needed the caffeine now. It would help her think.
Taking a seat in one of the booths after getting her coffee she took a long swig and closed her eyes. Then it came to her. Here she thought she’d have to wait until she had a moment alone with Gio to find out what, if anything, more was going to happen between them. She’d forgotten all about the fact that they’d exchanged numbers that first day on the slopes.
Feeling the butterflies in her stomach going wild, she pulled her phone out of her purse and searched her contact list for Gio. Always the fast thinker she edited it to read the first name that came to mind—Lala—the name of the coffee shop. She always locked her phone anyway but had been known to forget on occasion and she wasn’t chancing Felix accidentally coming across any texts between her and Gio.
After changing the name on the contact she stared at her screen not sure what to text him. Three words came to mind over and over. The same words she’d said to him last night. So she typed them in.
I miss you.
Her heart fluttered as she hit send. And then she waited, her stomach churning. She’d seen the look on his face that morning. Saw how after the initial shock of walking in on her and Felix just as he was about to kiss her, his eyes traveled immediately to Felix’s hands caressing her. She wondered now if perhaps he was upset with her but how could he be? He knew what he was getting himself into when he first kissed her. Knew just like she did how impossible this situation was.
Despite the impossibility of it all and knowing the huge risk she was taking just sending the text, here she sat eagerly awaiting his response. This was crazy. She felt like she was back in middle school waiting for the boy she was crushing on to pass the note back in class. But this was so much more than a crush.
The phone beeped and a tiny squeal escaped her. She covered her mouth glancing quickly around the small coffee shop feeling silly. No one seemed to have noticed her ridiculous little outburst. Fumbling with her phone nervously she hit the envelope from “Lala.”
I miss you too.
Her heart nearly doubled over as she brought her hand over her mouth again. How was it possible she could get so excited about something like this? Toni was right. As excited as Bianca had been in the past about anything with Felix she’d never felt anything quite like this. She was still thinking of how to respond without sounding too needy when a second text came through.
SO much.
If Bianca was excited before she was bursting now. She didn’t care how needy she sounded she was telling him exactly what she was thinking. Her fingers couldn’t type the words fast enough.
I can’t wait to be alone with you again. I can’t! This is insane. It’s all I’m going to think about from now until then.
She held her phone after sending her message, staring at it obsessively, willing it to beep. After an excruciating few minutes, he responded and she read it anxiously.
You and me both. We’ll think of something. We have to. Insane? Don’t get me started. You have no idea! But I gotta go for now. We’re about to go for a run. I’ll text you later. MISS YOU!
G.
Her only response to that was a very excited set of x’s and o’s. She stood up, her lips outstretched to capacity. Now she could start her day and just like she’d felt that morning when she woke, the butterflies swarmed around her belly in anticipation of when she’d see him again. She wasn’t exaggerating when she said it to him. This was pure insanity. Insanity that now seemed to fuel her heart and run through her veins but the craziest thing about it was that she welcomed it.
~*~
Gio’s magic pill had come through again. Just reading those three little words had been enough to calm him from the torment he’d been feeling ever since he’d seen Bianca with Felix earlier. Then reading her follow up text confirming that she was feeling just as anxious as he was about being forced to be apart was enough to convince him that staying here was the right thing to do. Even a moment alone with her would make it all worth while. Though he still worried about how he would handle seeing them have their moments together. He didn’t even want to think about that right now. For now, he’d concentrate on the positive news that she was feeling just as tortured by all of this as he was. That had to be good thing somehow.
Since Gio started training with Felix, between the other trainers and Bianca always being around, he hadn’t had a moment alone with him. Because Felix showed up unexpectedly early Gio finally had time alone with him. The other trainers wouldn’t be back until later that afternoon.
From the moment Felix had met him at the gym, Gio had picked up a strange vibe from him. He wondered if by any chance Felix had noticed anything between him and Bianca. But he couldn’t have. Gio had been in the same room with them for just seconds before he’d bolted out of there. The real test would be later tonight and every evening from here on that Gio would have to spend time around them.
After his taste of what that might be like Gio wasn’t beyond feigning sudden illness to leave the room abruptly if he had to. Judging by his reaction this morning it wouldn’t be hard to fake feeling sick to his stomach.
They wrapped up their run and were enjoying a water break in the gym. Felix sat on the edge of the boxing ring and Gio sat across from him on a bench. After downing his water, Gio decided to just go for it. “I saw you on TV the other night. So what’s up with you and that chick they keep talking about? Any truth to that?”
Unlike most of the times when Gio or any of the guys inquired about gossip they’d heard on TV about Felix he didn’t smirk and give his generic response of “You know me.”
Slam dunking his crushed water bottle into a box next to the ring Felix frowned shaking his head. “Not anymore. But now that the word is out about Bianca the media is having a fucking field day with old photos trying to generate a story when there isn’t one. I hate having to explain this shit to her over and over.”
Gio thought about the photos of him and the girl the day he got stranded in Chicago. “So all that is old stuff? What about the stuff in Chicago the day you got stuck out there?”
“That’s the only recent one. And that was just dinner and a few drinks. Sort of a farewell thing.” Felix stood up and shook his arms in the air loosening them up. “I exp
lained to Bianca about that. It’s all this other shit they’re bringing up that sucks. What girl wants to hear about her boyfriend’s exes right? I sure as hell don’t wanna hear about hers.”
Or about who she’s currently messing around with on the side. Lost in thought Gio pondered what Noah had said. She was the only one in the equation getting everything she wanted. He was the guy on the side. This wouldn’t be his first time but in the past he actually liked it that way—no need to even talk about committing—he was just the guy on the side having his fun and then waving goodbye. No hard feelings. Only now, he didn’t want to be that guy. He didn’t even want to be the main guy. He wanted to be the only guy.
“Hey, Bravo!”
Gio looked up a little startled by Felix’s sudden raised voice. “Huh?”
Felix laughed. “Did you even hear what I said?”
Gio peered at him feeling stupid and smiled. “Sorry, my mind was…” he shook his head. “I don’t know. I didn’t hear you.”
“Yeah, no shit. I asked what you thought of Bianca’s meadow?”
Gio had no idea how they’d gone from talking about Bianca’s exes to the meadow but the thought of the meadow, especially the one this morning in his sleep made him smile. “It was cool. I liked it.” Understatement of the decade.
“Really?”
Gio stood up when he saw Felix walk over to the cabinet and pull out the hand wrap. His mind was still enjoying the memory of his dream as he walked toward Felix ready to help him wrap his hands. Felix turned around to face him making a face. “I thought it was kind of boring. I guess I’m not the hiking type.” A smirk replaced the face he was making and he chuckled. “Although rolling around in the grass, having my way with my girl was fun.”