Page 31
Author: Lisa De Jong
“Are you okay?” I ask when we stop at a red light.
He doesn’t answer, and I don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t hear me, or if he just doesn’t feel like talking, but we continue in silence. We drive around forever, passing the same cemetery four times before Dane finally comes to a stop on the street next to it. “I think this is it,” he says.
I loosen my arms from around his waist and move to get off the bike. “Are you coming?” I ask, holding my hand out to him. He still hasn’t moved from the bike.
“I don’t know if I can do this. ” His eyes are locked on one corner of the cemetery.
“I’m right here with you. Come on. ” I grab his hand and he slowly gets up from the bike, eyes never wavering from the corner with the big oak tree.
We walk hand in hand until we come to a small grave with flowers etched in the top. Dane lets go of my hand and sinks to his knees to trace his finger over the name on the grave. Tears sting my eyes as I watch him fall apart.
I crouch down behind him and run my hand up and down his back. I feel his body shake with sobs as he wipes his face with his arm. I wish there was something I could do for him, but I can’t make this go away. When I glance to the right, I notice a few dandelions in the otherwise well maintained lawn. Dane doesn’t move when I stand up and walk over to pick them from the ground.
I place them in front of him, watching his body tremble as he places them on her grave. “Mom’s coming to be with you, Jenna. You won’t be alone anymore. ”
I continue to rub his back as tears roll down my face. Watching Dane these past couple days has been the most heart-breaking experience of my life, and it isn’t over yet.
The funeral is small since Janet had little family to speak of and very few friends who gave a damn. Nolan resurfaced, but after taking one look at him, I knew how he had spent the last few days. He left right after the service, not bothering to come to the apartment for the small get together we were having. Jade came into town, and Tyler flew in from Europe. The minute they saw each other, the tension in the room multiplied like an epidemic in a third world country. They were both at the funeral but sat at opposite sides. Now in our small apartment, they can’t avoid each other. Gwen is also here, without her husband. She looks so sad, and I can tell it doesn’t all have to do with where she is and why she’s here.
While Dane is off in the kitchen having a heated discussion with Tyler, I corner Gwen. This might not be the time to talk about Reid, but I don’t know when I’ll get to see her next. She needs to know what happened; maybe she can make sense of it.
“Gwen, can we talk?” She nods and follows me to the bedroom. I sit on the edge of the bed, patting the space next to me. I’m not sure how to approach this, so I just go all in. “My boss, Reid Murphy, claims he knows you. ” I stop for a second, watching her eyes widen. “He came onto me the other night, saying I remind him of you and that you guys had a thing after high school. ”
She closes her eyes. “It was more than a thing. We were in love. ”
“Why did it end?” I ask.
“I let Mom and Dad come between us. I wasn’t as strong as you are. I loved him a lot, but I was even more scared of them. I regret letting him go every day. ”
Hearing this makes my heart heavy. I know exactly what that moment was like for her, what it felt like to let Reid go, what it feels like to try to move on from the love of your life. I wish I would have known what I know now so that I could have helped her through. Maybe it’s not too late for her to find it again. I hope it’s not.
“When was the last time you saw him?” A large part of me doesn’t get what she sees in him. Maybe I don’t get to see that side. I’m sure there are a lot of people who say that about my relationship with Dane.
“I ran into him a couple years ago at a charity function. His family has money, but they made it by opening bars and clubs. Mom and Dad didn’t approve, said they weren’t our type of people,” she says sadly, running the fabric from her skirt between her fingers.
“It’s never too late to find love. Maybe you should give it another chance,” I say, taking her hand in mine.
“Alex, I’m married,” she replies, pinching her eyes shut.
“Yeah but are you in love?” She remains silent, pulling her hand away from mine so she can stand up. The situation she’s in is even worse than the one I had with Ryan. I adored Ryan, but I think she just tolerates her husband. He’s never with her, and I never see her smile.
“I need to get home. Phillip and I have an event later tonight. ” She walks toward the door, but stops before opening it. “You’re lucky you know. Dane loves you. ”
She walks out, leaving me feeling helpless. She’s worth so much more than what she’s allowing herself to have, and it hurts me to watch her. Maybe some day she’ll open her eyes.
When I walk back into the living area, Dane stands alone, staring out the window. “Where is everyone?”
He startles, looking over at me before turning back to the window. “Jade said something to Tyler, and then left, so of course he went running after her. I haven’t seen them since. ” He stops and looks at me again. “What happened with Gwen?”
“I sat her down to talk about Reid. It didn’t go very well,” I sigh. “There definitely have unresolved issues. ” I make my way over to the window. The apartment is dark except for a small lamp by the couch and the light from the window. Dane’s been stoic all day, only shedding a few tears during the service. I’m worried about him, but he told me over and over that he’s cried so much the last few days and he just doesn’t have it in him. I understand; I’ve watched every tear fall and caught most of them, but I’m worried that he may be bottling some of this up and what it will do to him.
He pulls me in front of him and wraps his arms around me, resting his chin on my head. Home is not just a roof over your head and a bed to sleep on. Home is where I am right now. Content in Dane’s arms. We’ve been through so much in such a short period of time, but he’s still it for me.
“I talked to Reid today. I convinced him to give us both a few days off. ” I’m completely confused.
“I thought he fired us,” I say, tracing my fingers over the window. Even if he didn’t fire us, I don’t want to go back there. I don’t trust him, and all he has done is cause trouble for me.
“He did, but when I talked to him today, he apologized. He says if we come back, he’ll stay out of there. He’s transferring to the Hamptons. ”
“What are we going to do with our time off? Work in the studio?”
“No, I want to take a trip. Just you and me, on the bike, no place to be. I thought we could bring the tent and sleep under the stars like we talked about. ” I turn around and watch him. He’s serious. “What do you say? Let’s get out of here and forget for awhile. ”
I nod, jumping into his arms. Going on a road trip sounds exactly like what we need right now. We can’t run away from real life forever, but we can escape for a little while.
Chapter Twenty
Five days alone on my bike exploring the Northeast with my girl. No plans. No map. Just the two of us doing whatever we want to do. I’ve wanted to do it for years, but never took the time for myself. Alex finally gave me the push I needed. This trip will make me better, and when I’m at my best, I feel like I’m good enough for her.
“Are you ready to go?” I ask, zipping up my small bag. She complained for hours after I handed her the bag that she’d have to fit everything into. It’s not any bigger than a school bag, but it’s all we can carry on my bike. Her nose crinkled up when I suggested she wear the same shorts a couple days in a row here and there. She may have also earned me a smack across the arm. I may never understand women.
This morning I showed her how I roll my clothes to fit as many as possible in my bag. I even offered to put her shampoo in my bag and told her to leave her m
akeup at home. Yeah, that didn’t go so well, either.
She’s still in the bedroom, trying to get it all sorted out. She’s struggling, and I’m not far away from offering to leave my clothes at home, so she can put hers in my bag. She would probably crinkle her nose up at that too. She doesn’t realize how f**king cute she is when she does that.
“Give me two more minutes. I think I might have it figured out,” she yells. She sounds a little flustered, but I’m not going in there. I think it would just make things worse. “Do you think I need a jacket?”
Oh, hell no! There’s no way she’s fitting a jacket in that bag. “Alex, it’s August. You don’t need a coat. ”
“Fine, I’ll be out in a minute. ”
My mom’s death, and the days between that and her funeral wore me down. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I’m a little depressed and need a pick me up. That’s why I planned this. Alex and I work well together when we don’t have the outside world plotting against us, but we haven’t been able to escape it since we started our relationship. I want a chance to bring a smile back to her face, and then I’m going to work to keep it there for as long as possible.
I know I caused most of this trouble for us. We’re both working on ourselves a little bit now. Not that I thought I was perfect before, but I realize now that I can’t take care of everyone. I can’t hold everyone up when I’m not even standing myself.
That’s my main goal now…standing on my own. But I want Alex standing right beside me.
Alex accepts me for who I am, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be better. I always want to be better for her.
She finally steps out of the bedroom looking like she just finished a five-mile run. Watching her in her current state of hot and bothered just makes me want to pull her in the bedroom and give her something to be really hot and bothered about, but I don’t. She looks cute in little cutoff jean shorts and a white t-shirt. Maybe I should tell her that white isn’t the best color to wear on the road, but I don’t want to wait another thirty minutes for her to change. At least she was sensible enough to wear black chucks instead of sandals. Knowing her, she snuck a pair of sandals into her bag for later.