* * *
I woke up at about 3. Shaun wasn’t beside me.
I found him outside, sitting by the pool.
“Shaun…”
“This is where I talked to you for the first time. I don’t know how I did it, how I got up the nerve. Everyone had been telling me I needed to be clean for a year before getting into a relationship – but I saw you and I wanted to talk to you so much, just talk to you.”
He took my hand in his and kissed it.
“Shaun, it’s freezing out here. You’re gonna get sick.”
“I can’t sleep.”
“Everything is going to be OK.”
“I don’t remember anything about before, just waking up and you and Mike crying. But nothing else, none of it.”
“It seemed like you were in surgery forever.”
“Yeah?”
“Mike and I just sat in the waiting room. Then Dr. Matthews came out and told us you had made it. No one thought you would. I didn’t care what the doctor had to say. I just wanted to see you. So Mike talked to him, and I went into your room. It didn’t even look like you. But I knew your eyes were going to open. It just took a little longer than I thought.”
“Hey Harleigh.”
“Hey what?”
“I’m scared.”
“I know, Shaun.”
“I’m so scared.”
“It’s gonna be fine.”
* * *
It was Noah’s second night at home after his surgery.
There were seven messages from a Jessica on his cellphone.
“Noah…”
“Harleigh…”
“Who’s Jessica?”
“Just some girl.”
“Now I’d expect that kind of answer from Drew. But I expect better from you.”
“Different standards for your brothers, that’s awfully unfair, especially when I’m in the condition that I’m in.”
“Out with it.”
“Out with what?”
“Who is Jessica?”
“I think I need a nap.”
“Noah…”
“What?”
“Who is she?”
“I met her at the gallery downtown a couple months ago.”
“And?”
“And we hit it off. She’s an amazing painter, just crazy beautiful stuff. So we went out a couple times. That’s it.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it is.”
“If that was really it, you wouldn’t have made such a big deal about it.”
“She thinks she might be pregnant, and she says it’s mine.”
“Noah…”
“You asked.”
“I just didn’t… I just didn’t think…”
“Sorry, I hate to ruin your perfect image of me.”
“Noah, that’s not it. Do you think it’s yours?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know why she’d lie about it.”
“Are you gonna call her?”
“I guess I have to. But I’m so scared, Harleigh. I’m so scared of what she’s going to say.”
“So you don’t love her?”
“I barely know her.”
“What if she is, Noah?”
“I don’t know.”
* * *
Shaun was all ready for surgery that morning.
The curtain enclosed me, him and Mike.
“You’re looking pretty good in that gown, little brother.”
“I’m glad you can make jokes at a time like this.”
“You’re gonna be fine.”
I hadn’t let go of Shaun’s hand practically all morning.
And I had barely said anything.
Shaun looked up at me.
“You OK?”
I nodded.
He reached up and drew his hand along the side of my face.
“I love you, Harleigh.”
I started to cry.
“Hey, what about our promise?”
“I’m so sorry, Shaun. I love you so much.”
“Don’t cry.”
“Don’t leave me. Please, Shaun.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Please don’t cry, Harleigh.”
“I’m so scared, Shaun. I’m so scared.”
Seeing him in that hospital bed brought too many memories back.
I was shaking now.
Shaun looked at his brother.
“Mike, please…”
Mike took me in his arms, and I buried my head in his chest.
“Shhhh, Harleigh. It’s OK. Shaun’s gonna be fine. Everything’s gonna be OK.”
I couldn’t even look again at him lying in that bed.
I ran out of the room.
I heard Shaun’s voice.
“Mike, make sure she’s OK. And tell her that I love her.”
* * *
I heard Noah’s doorbell ringing.
He finally had fallen asleep on the couch so I ran to get it.
I opened the door, and I knew it had to be Jessica.
“Hi, umm, is Noah here?”
“Yeah, he’s here. Umm, he’s sleeping.”
“Ohhh.”
“I’m Harleigh. I’m his sister. I’m just staying with him for a few days because of his knee and stuff.”
“Ohhh, his knee, I forgot about that. I’m sorry. I’m Jessica.”
“Do you wanna come in? Have something to drink? Wait until he wakes up?”
“No, thanks. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
A groggy voice from the living room.
“Harleigh, who are you talking to? Is somebody here?”
“Come on in, Jessica.”
“Are you sure? Are you sure he’s OK?”
“He’s OK.”
I led her into the living room
“Ummm, Noah, Jessica’s here to see you.”
He looked like he wanted to kill me.
Neither one of them said anything.
“So I’m going to go for a walk or something, leave you two alone. OK, I’m leaving now.”
I left, but I could still feel the awkwardness.
* * *
Kristin stayed in the waiting room.
Mike took me on a walk outside.
I had finally stopped crying.
“I feel like such a fool.”
“You’re not a fool. You’re just in love.”
“Yup, I am.”
“It was hard seeing him like that again. It kind of freaked me out, too.”
“It did?”
“Yeah.”
“I just love him so much, Mike.”
“I know you do. And, you know, that stupid soap opera he watches is the only reason you don’t have a ring on your finger?”
“What?”
“Some character or something went to the doctor for some kind of operation like wart removal or something, and she ended up having a sex change and becoming a mute or something like that. Shaun just wanted to make sure that didn’t happen.”
I started to laugh.
“You’re kidding, right?”
“You know Shaun.”
I was still laughing.
“Only Shaun.”
“He had the ring with him when he took you out for your anniversary and when you were at Greg’s cabin. He really loves you, and he really wants to marry you. Trust me.”
“He started talking about us having kids.”
“Well, that’s not gonna happen after the sex change.”
He put his arm around my shoulders, and we went back inside the hospital.
* * *
Noah was alone when I got back to the apartment.
I sat down on the edge of the couch.
“Please don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you, Harleigh.”
“So?”
“So?”
“So is she?”
“No, she’s not.”
I took ahold of his hand.
“You OK?”
r />
“Yeah, I’m OK.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“Harleigh, can we just forget about this?”
“Yeah. You got it.”
He turned his head away from me and closed his eyes.
“I love you, Noah.”
* * *
Shaun and I were getting ready to leave the lodge and head home for the first time as Mr. and Mrs. Parker.
But as Shaun started driving, I realized we were heading in the opposite direction from our place.
“Shaun, where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.” He grinned.
About 20 minutes later we arrived at his parents’ house.
Shaun walked me through the house, pointing out all the things he and Mike had worked on. Everything looked so new and perfect.
“It looks great, Shaun.”
I was still confused about why we were here.
“It’s weird because I can still see the house the way it looked when Mike and I were growing up. This really big and ugly plaid couch in the family room. This crazy floral wallpaper that my mom was in love with in that bathroom. The bright-blue shaggy carpet I had in my bedroom.”
“It’s really different now, huh?”
He took my hand.
“Come on. I wanna show you something.”
We went upstairs to the room that used to be his bedroom.
As soon as he opened the door, I knew.
I stood beside the crib and cried.
“Shaun…”
He took me in his arms.
“Harleigh, I want this for us. I want this to be our home.”
“Hey, Shaun.”
“Hey what?
“I love you.”
epilogue
It had been six years since Harleigh and I had gotten married, six of the best years of my life.
I never imagined that I would have – or deserve – the kind of happiness I had with her.
And Maddie. She wasn’t even 6 yet, but she had me wrapped around her finger.
She looked just like Harleigh – just like Harleigh. But she acted just like me – just like goofy, stubborn, wild me.
I spent every day trying to make them feel like they were the two most special girls in the world because, to me, they were.
“Throw it higher, Daddy! Throw it higher!”
I lobbed the ball higher in the air and watched Maddie run around before snatching it up in her tiny glove.
“Good catch, Mad.”
“You’re throwing it like I’m a girl. Throw it higher AND harder!” She threw her glove down, kicked the grass and put her hands on her hips.
It was all I could do to keep from smiling.
“Come on, we gotta go in. We’ll play again tomorrow, OK?”
“I’m not happy.”
It was becoming more apparent every day that she hadn’t inherited Harleigh’s personality.
“You’re not happy, huh?” I said as I scooped her up and flung her over my shoulder. “Your Uncle Mike and Aunt Kristin are going to be so upset that you’re not happy.”
“Put me down, Daddy!” she squealed as I headed toward the house. Her little fists pounded my back, while her feet kicked my sides and stomach.
Harleigh rolled her eyes at us, as she stood on the porch holding the door open. I stopped and kissed her.
“Gross! Gross! Gross!” Maddie shouted.
I carried her into the living room and dropped her down on the couch where Mike and Kristin were sitting. She giggled and climbed onto Kristin’s lap.
“I love you, Mad. We’ll be home later. Be good for your aunt and uncle, OK?”
“Sure, I promise,” she said as she waved her crossed fingers in front of her face.
Harleigh and I said our goodbyes and then headed out to dinner to celebrate our six-year wedding anniversary.
At Elliott’s, of course.
As I drove, Harleigh looked out the window, but I could see the grin on her face.
“What are you thinking about, Harleigh?”
“Maddie’s a handful. I think she gets it from you.”
“You think?” I was grinning. Even though my handful years had been a long time ago, I still thought about them almost every day – and realized just how far I’d come. I was sober. I had gotten my degree and was teaching at my old high school. I was married to the most amazing woman. “I don’t want to even imagine what she’s going to be like when she’s a teenager.”
I was pulling into Elliott’s as Harleigh took my hand, kissed it and placed it on her stomach.
“Or when she’s a big sister.”
I looked at her and saw the tears in the corners of her eyes.
We had been trying since Maddie was about 2 – trying without any luck.
“Harleigh…”
“I’m pregnant, Shaun.”
I wrapped my arms around her as best I could.
“I love you so much, Harleigh.”
Even now after all these years together, it still surprised me sometimes how my love for her could be so overwhelming.
“I love you, Shaun.”
And hearing those words from her was even more overwhelming.
They were part of what saved me.
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