“Sarge! Long time, no talk.” A smile spreads on my lips because it’s been too long and oddly I’ve missed his stiff demeanor and dry sense of humor. More important, I miss the favoritism he shows me.
“You chose to come back to this paradise? Shit, why don’t you just enlist if you want to put yourself through the punishment?”
“And steal your glory? Nah, I couldn’t do that to you.” I laugh at our long-running joke.
“Thanks for your humility.” He chuckles. “So, uh, you want to tell me your source’s name?”
And here we go, right back in the continual dance of him asking and me refusing.
“You know I can’t do that, but I did let you know what I’d heard,” I say as a means of an apology. I had to let Sarge know it’s known to locals that his guys are privy to an upcoming meet, because if locals know, then possibly the opposition does too, and that puts Sarge’s guys in danger.
“Thank you.”
“No thank-you needed. A story is a story, but our guys’ safety comes first.”
“I’m sorry about what happened to Stella.”
“Thanks.” The line falls quiet and I hate the silence, so the next step of our dance. “So I have a favor to ask you.”
“Ahhh.” He laughs. “No, you cannot go out on the next mission.”
“C’mon, Sarge. I’m bored to tears here. Help out your favorite journalist.”
His sigh comes through loud and clear, and I know he’s thinking about it. At a time when the military hates the post–Iraqi Freedom world where embedded journalists are allowed, the press are considered both a blessing and a curse. When things go well, our presence is a good thing for the men in office because they have an unbiased commercial to use to rally support for the millions of dollars they are spending to combat terrorism. On the other hand, when things go to hell in a handbasket, there’s a documented blow-by-blow of the botched mission that can either turn public tide against the military objective as a whole or find a single person or unit as a scapegoat to blame the error on.
It’s a fucked-up position to be in: to tell the truth and gain trust, all the while having the pressure from the public and the politicos to skew it to their liking. But I’m also aware I’ve earned a reputation with Sarge for not oversensationalizing situations and being fair to his men and their missions.
And I’ll use this unique status to my advantage every chance I can get. He’s required to have so many embedded reporters with him a month, and he prefers to use me over others. His silence tells me that he hasn’t had anyone ride with him in a while, and that means I’ll get my turn sooner rather than later.
“There’s nothing going on but knock and talks right now,” he says, referring to U.S. military knocking on neighborhood doors and talking to the residents to try and gain information on what the political undercurrent is in that specific area. “My guys are lying low.” I groan because this means I’m going to be stuck in this goddamn hotel. “But, how about you come out, hit the range?”
“Are you throwing me a bone here? Something to get me out in the sunshine for a bit?”
“As long as you don’t start humping my leg, we’re all good.”
I don’t hold back the laugh, excited that I get to leave the confines of the hotel and the overly paranoid eyes of my counterparts. “Deal. But I have a plus one. My new photog. She has clearance and everything, but —”
“She? How come you’re the only one who gets to score female photographers?”
“Because I’m just that good,” I tease.
“Is she hot?”
“Sarge…”
“Ah. So you’re humping her leg, then.” I snort because his comment is pretty funny. “Dude, I’m stuck here in what feels like Hades. Can you at least tell me you’re bringing me someone nice to look at to put in my spank bank? My stash of porn is getting old.”
As much as his comment irritates me when I shouldn’t care, it does, but I get it. I’m in the same boat most of the time when I’m abroad as well. Nothing but the same pool of women to look at.
“Yeah, she’s no hardship on the eyes, that’s for sure,” I answer reluctantly before we firm up where to meet.
Beaux’s shooting the shit with some other people in the lobby when I find her. And how in the hell does she manage to look hot in camouflage cargo pants and a tan tank top? I mean what female can wear masculine colors like that and have the word gorgeous come to mind when you see her? Obviously Beaux Croslyn.
Shut it down, Thomas. Just because you think she takes great photos doesn’t mean you have to like her. Or like anything else about her.
I wait behind her, expecting her to sense that I’m there, and watch her hair ripple down her back as she moves her head. It’s a bad idea, because that affords me the chance to take notice of every line of her body and how those ugly pants hug her as she talks to the group around her. The thoughts that flood my head are going to get me into nothing but trouble, so I decide to intervene.
“Hey, Chatty Cathy? Let’s head out.” I see her stiffen at my words before she slowly turns around to face me, one eyebrow lifted and lips pursed.
“You must have the wrong person. I quit. Remember?”
“Yeah well, Rafe refuses to accept your resignation and I was wrong, so let’s go.” I lift my chin over my shoulder toward the front doors. I figure it’s better to say it and get it over with. Then we can move on.
The problem is, she doesn’t move. Nope, she just crosses her arms over her chest and looks at me like I’m crazy. Even better, she’s got an audience around her to witness the emasculation that comes with admitting I was in the wrong regardless of whether they know about the circumstances.
“I think I’m hearing things because that sounded sort of like an apology, but in no way did I hear the actual words I’m sorry fall from your mouth,” she says, holding her hand to her ear in a childlike manner.
Shit. She’s going to make me work for it. Then again, why would I think she’d just roll over and let it go since we’ve butted heads since day one? Or I guess I should say since the first orgasm.
I shift uncomfortably, but then recall the pictures she took of me and her undeniable talent. I’ve been a prick to her, doubting her skill when she obviously can hold her own. Man up, Tanner.
“I’m sorry,” I offer at the same time I hold her memory card out to her as some kind of lame peace offering. She looks down at my hand and then back up to meet my gaze, her eyes asking me if I looked at the photos.
“You’ve got a good eye.” It’s not much, but I’m not big on compliments and fuck if I’m going to start pulling off my jacket to cover puddles for her just yet.
She stares, hands on her hips, head angled to the side while her eyes measure whether or not I’m sincere. I guess she decides that I am, because her eyes flicker to everyone around her as she gauges what she can ask with an audience. “Where are we going?”
“I thought it was time that I show you the lay of the land.” I nod my head toward the door.
“Okay…” She draws the word out, clearly unsure what I’m telling her. But it looks like she’s on board.
The security at the base can be daunting the first time you experience it, but Beaux handles it like a pro. What she’s not liking is how I’m not telling her why we are here.
As we’re escorted via Humvee through the maze of tilt-ups and plywood barracks, I glance over and watch her take in the enormity of this military city for the first time. She leans toward the window to see better, eyes hidden by sunglasses, and when she finally looks over and meets my assessing gaze, she smiles softly before immediately turning back to take in the nonstop hustle and bustle of the base.
I stare at her a bit longer while her focus is elsewhere, allowing myself to get lost in the lines of her posture and wonder what she’s hiding from, when she steps behind the camera herself. Stella used the device as a shield to protect her from the fucked-up reality of her life before she was adopted. I wonder
what it is that Beaux hides from.
It’s none of my business. Not prying is a noble notion, but I’m curious nonetheless.
Once we reach the outskirts of the base where there’s a secured shooting range, Sarge is already standing there, stiff and dressed in desert camo head to toe. I ignore the inquisitive look that Beaux gives me as we climb out of the transport, and I extend my hand to him in greeting.
“Good to see you, man.”
“Likewise. Sarge, this is BJ Croslyn. BJ, this is Sergeant Jones… or Sarge for short.” I catch her inquisitive look over my introducing her as BJ, but I don’t plan on him knowing her well enough to use her full name.
Sarge extends his hand to Beaux.
“Nice to meet you,” she says with a wide smile, but her eyes are still taking stock of her surroundings.
“The pleasure is mine,” Sarge says with a nod before motioning to the empty range behind him. “Everyone must have found out you were coming today, because they cleared out.”
“Funny. Very funny.” While my tone is teasing, I hate that a part of me is pissed at the dig at my abilities in front of Beaux when I’m a damn good shot. It has to be my ego caring because I’m most definitely not here to try and impress Beaux. She’s a colleague. My partner. A royal pain in the ass.
“You ready to prove me wrong?” Sarge asks as he walks toward the staging area.
I start to follow him, but Beaux grabs my arm and tugs on it. “What are we doing?”
“Target shooting.” When her eyes widen at my matter-of-fact comment, I know my assumption was right, that the sight of my gun scared her yesterday. And if she plans on not flinching at the sights we will see on an embed mission, then she’d better get comfortable with guns. Hence the whole purpose of being here today.
“Have you ever shot a gun before?” Her lack of an immediate answer is answer enough. She just stares at me momentarily as she swallows, noticeably looking like a deer caught in the headlights. I continue before she can recover. “Look, you’ve got to get used to the sound of them if we’re going out on a mission, so it’s easier like this rather than by surprise outside the city’s walls. C’mon. It’s not as scary as you think. I’ll show you.”
She nods cautiously before following me over to where Sarge has a table set up with ear protection and a Glock resting there for our use. I’m not allowed to bring mine on base, so he’s let me use his gun the few times he has granted me access to the range. This special privilege seems to be his way of thanking me for giving him information in quid pro quo fashion.
Beaux’s nerves start to show as she stands there fidgeting while I check the weapon for safety measures. I know from experience with having a sister that if I feed into her fears, it will most likely only make them worse, so I don’t glance at Beaux when I hand her the electronic ear protection. “Put these on.”
The fact that she does as she’s told without arguing tells me she really is nervous about the whole setup. I remove the gun from the table, then glance over to where Sarge is gearing up to shoot some targets. When I look back to Beaux, I motion with my index finger for her to follow me. Despite the hesitant look on her face and the fact that her eyes keep flickering down to where I hold the weapon at my side, she obliges without any attempts at resistance.
“Put your feet here,” I instruct as I put my hands on her shoulders and turn them square with the target on the opposite end of the lane where we stand. So much for ignoring the desire to touch her. I guess I didn’t think through this part of my plan very well; although I don’t want to touch the woman, I’m going to have to do just that in order to teach her to shoot. Trying to put a bit of distance between us so that I can find my equilibrium again, I use my foot to kick hers a little farther apart into a wider stance. She turns to look at me, but I point to where the target is. “That’s where you’re aiming. I’m going to stand behind you and help you hold the gun the first few times so the recoil doesn’t surprise you.”
If she responds, I miss it, because I’ve stepped up against her, and the temptation of her body flanking mine, my front to her back, distracts me momentarily. I can feel the heat of her body, feel that electric jolt of chemistry between us ten times stronger than when it was just my hands, but I shove the thought away as quickly as possible.
“Put your arms in front of you like you’re firing,” I instruct, and she complies, lifting her arms in front of her at chest height with her palms together. I lift my own to mimic her, but I have the Glock in my left hand.
My chest is pressed against her back, my chin brushing just over the crown of her head so that the scent of her shampoo fills my head, and my arms frame hers so that we are literally touching in every possible way. And sure, my mind is focused on the task at hand, but in the silence from the headphones, everything my senses capture is magnified: her perfume, the warm breeze blowing so that her hair tickles my cheek, the feeling of her back expanding as she takes in a fortifying breath for the first time since we’ve been touching. And there’s something about my touch causing her to hold her breath that takes hold of me and doesn’t let go.
I lower my mouth to her ear so that the electronics can pick up my voice. “I want you to replace my hands on the gun.” She hesitates momentarily. “C’mon, rook. Take it from me,” I encourage her.
Beaux cautiously repositions her hands one by one, her arms dipping a bit when she first feels the weight of the weapon for herself, but I help reposition her hands before I close mine over hers. “See the little ridge right here? That’s the guide, and you aim that where you want to hit the target.” She nods her head ever so slightly. “Okay, so you’re good. When you’re ready, pull the trigger. There’s going to be a recoil, but I’ll help you so that it’s not too wicked.”
She nods again as I start to relax my muscles so that she can adjust the sight to her eye level. We stand like this for a few moments as I wait her out. I know she’s about to shoot when I feel her spine straighten and arms stiffen. She takes a deep breath and pulls the trigger.
When the recoil hits, I hold her hands as steady as possible, but her body shunts backward into mine from the force before the sound even echoes around the range. My feet are planted so that I absorb the impact for her, but goddamn, it doesn’t do shit to protect me from the feeling of her ass pressed against my dick.
Normally I’d give myself a second to enjoy the feel of her even though I’m trying to tell myself I don’t like it because… well because it’s her and I’m not supposed to like Beaux on principle, but damn. I’m supposed to be showing her how to shoot a weapon. The thought of sex with her should not cross my mind at all…
Her laugh vibrates through her chest and into mine, pulling me from the physical thoughts that have no place on a shooting range. I focus on deciphering what she finds so funny and notice she didn’t make a mark on the target at all.
“You’ve got to keep your eyes open, Beaux,” I say in her ear, earning myself a laugh and confirmation that my hunch was correct. “It doesn’t do you any good at all if you can’t see where you’re aiming.” She reins in her amusement and nods her head in silent understanding. “You want to try again?”
“Yes.”
So we go through the motions again of getting the right stance, and I swear a part of me feels like she’s drawing out the time from when our bodies are pressed close to the time when she pulls the trigger. I know it’s all in my mind, though. But having her so close is an unexpected seduction all its own.
And just when my thoughts begin to run through the memory of how her body felt wrapped around mine, she pulls the trigger and shocks the image from my mind. My conscience, guilty of nothing more than belonging to a red-blooded male, appreciates the jolt before my body starts reacting to the wayward sexual thoughts. I don’t think Beaux is likely going to appreciate having my dick hardening against her ass.
I’m telling myself I need to step away from her at the same time she lets out a little whoop over actually hitting the edge
of the target. It’s the perfect distraction, and I release her hands to give us the physical space that I desperately need to prevent myself from acting like a prepubescent teenager.
“You hit paper!”
She looks over to me with a little bit of panic in her eyes. “What?” She turns her body, gun still in her hands, without thought, and I immediately step in and push her arms back toward downrange.
“Keep it pointed that way,” I instruct. Her eyes go wide with panic as she realizes what she’d almost just done. “It’s okay… Your turn to do it all by yourself. The kickback will be stronger, but you know what to expect now.”
She looks at me with an expression of uncertainty, but my only response is to step farther away from her to emphasize that she can do this on her own. I watch her turn back toward the target, see her shoulders rise as she concentrates on what she’s about to do, her small frame tensing just before she pulls the trigger. Her body jars with the recoil, but she does well holding her stance, and I have to say I’m rather impressed with both her shot and her form.
I retreat toward the staging area as she glances over to me, a smile spreading on those lush lips of hers, and there is something about her in the moment that causes my feet to falter. Maybe it’s her regal beauty mixed with the rough elements around us: black hair against soft cheeks, cold metal in the hands I know are smooth, emerald eyes standing out amid the sea of camouflage netting around her. I can’t pinpoint the exact nature of it all, but the excitement in her eyes combined with the softness of her smile has that familiar feeling dropping through me that I don’t want to feel – not here, not with her.
In my head, I immediately hear Stella chastising me, telling me to step back from the ledge because my libido is leading the charge in a way that makes me want more from Beaux than just her photographs. It doesn’t seem to help to remind myself this feeling is straight lust fueled by loneliness and desire. A total fuckup of a combination.
What sane man wouldn’t be attracted to her? Shit, I fell for her ruse, so I can’t feign innocence, but at least I learned my lesson.