After Kelly and Mike got home, Kelly put her bag in the bedroom, and they embraced again.
“It’s been too long since I’ve seen you,” she said, holding Mike more tightly.
“You’re right about that,” Mike laughed. He let her go and looked at her. Her cheeks had more color, and her smile looked genuine. The doctor had said she was still fragile, and Mike could see that she was. But she looked so much better than she had two weeks before. He took her hand, and they exited the center.
After they got home, Kelly said she wanted to lie down. The medication was still making her slightly sick, and she tired easily. Mike kissed her good night and went to the study to do some work. He knew that Kelly was better, but he still couldn’t shake the fear that she would harm herself someday. The trip to the emergency room and her admittance to the crisis center had affected him deeply. He didn’t want to lose her. He sat for a long time trying to type before he gave up and went to check on Kelly.
Kelly opened the bedroom door to find that Kelly was not in the bed any longer. His heart skipped a beat, and he tried the bathroom door. It was locked.
“Kelly, open the door. Please open the door.”
Kelly unlocked the door and looked at Mike curiously. “What’s wrong? I was just going to the bathroom.”
“You locked the door.”
“I’m sorry. I guess I just got used to doing that at the center. Don’t worry, Mike. I am not suicidal anymore.”
“Well, I still want to be close. It makes me feel better. Are you going back to bed now? Can I do something for you?”
Kelly sighed. “Mike, I want to take a bath.”
“But I want a bath. I feel sweaty from the medicine. And,” Kelly paused, “and I still sometimes feel…dirty. A bath helps.”
“Okay, but I’ll have to come with you.”
Kelly sighed and nodded. She filled the tub with bubbles and turned away from Mike to remove her underwear. For some reason, she couldn’t bear to let Mike see her body, not after another man had touched it. She still felt dirty, like she had a stain that would never come clean. She settled into the tub and laid her head back against the tile. After a few minutes, Mike got on his knees beside the tub. He took Kelly’s bath sponge and began washing her. He washed her arms and shoulders, then sat her up and washed her back. He took her feet and washed them while Kelly cried. He took a cloth and wiped her face, and then he kissed her forehead. When Kelly was ready to get out, he handed her a towel and turned his back. He could tell that she was self-conscious, and a pain shot through his heart. Kelly still felt so dirty and sinful that she didn’t want Mike to look at her. For one of the first times since Kelly told him about the affair, he felt compassion for her pain. Yes, she had hurt him in the worst possible way. But he could see that she was suffering as well. He led her back to the bedroom, covered her with a blanket, and then watched her sleep until Karen brought the kids home; she had picked them up from school and let them play at her house for a while.
That night, after Kelly was asleep again, Mike crept into the den and sank onto his knees beside the couch. He cried out to God, recalling verses of comfort. He asked God to protect Kelly and to give him wisdom. He prayed for the strength to somehow forgive Kelly. He prayed for his children who he knew must be confused and insecure given all of the recent upheaval. After he finished praying, he stayed on his knees for a long time, waiting to hear God’s voice and receive direction.
For the next few days, Kelly was still a little dizzy and nauseous. It was the medicine, and there was little either of them could do about it. Overall, Kelly seemed to be much more at ease than she had prior to her stay at Covenant, but Mike still worried. Each time she went to bed, he spent time on his knees, praying for both of them.