Chapter 32
While Kelly and Mike were trying to keep the holidays at least a little merry, Andrew was having his own struggles. He knew God had cleansed him, made him new, and his relationship with Christ was stronger than it had been in a long time. But it was December, and the memory of that first dangerous conversation with Kelly was still painfully clear. At times he still wrestled with anger, but he had also taken responsibility for his part; he knew that Kelly hadn’t acted alone.
All of these emotions caused him to long for some time with his family. He had always stayed around town for a few days before Christmas, hanging out with friends or loafing around his house. This year, however, he planned to leave town on three days before Christmas. True, he hadn’t told anyone including his family what had gone on the past year, but family time sounded like the best thing in the world. Besides, with the two weeks of vacation he had decided to take, there was a greater chance that he would run into Kelly, and he definitely didn’t want that to happen. He had seen her once, at the post office, and he had not enjoyed the feeling of having her so close. So, at 4:00 pm on the 22nd, his car was loaded, and he began the drive to North Carolina.
At approximately 9:30 that night, he pulled into his parents’ driveway and took a deep breath. He got his duffel bag and backpack out of the back seat and walked up the front steps. After fumbling for the key, he unlocked the door and stepped inside. From the kitchen, his mother heard the door close and walked to the entryway.
“Andrew!” she exclaimed. “We didn’t expect you until tomorrow.”
“Yeah, well, I decided to go ahead and head out after school today. I thought I’d surprise you.”
His mother hugged him and said, “Well, I’m glad you’re home. After you put all your stuff in your bedroom, come on down to the kitchen. Your sister’s here.”
Andrew walked into his bedroom and tossed his things on the floor beside the bed. The constancy of his old room comforted him somehow. He ran his hand over the furniture and then sat on his bed. He sighed and lay backward on the bed, staring at the ceiling and drinking in the smells, sights, and feelings of being home. He could feel his body and mind relaxing. After a minute or two, he walked into the kitchen.
“Hey little brother,” Andrew’s sister hugged him and then punched him in the arm. “Haven’t seen you in a while. You know, the drive back here isn’t that long.”
Andrew punched her back. “Yeah? Well the road goes both ways, sis.”
“So glad you’re here, son,” his father hugged him and patted him on the back.
“It’s good to be here, Dad.”
They all chatted for a while. Andrew mostly sat back and listened, basking in the normalcy he felt at home. His sister gave him questioning looks a couple of times, so he joined in the conversation. Eventually Andrew’s parents went to bed, leaving Andrew and his sister alone in the kitchen.
“Is Mark on call tonight?” Andrew asked.
“Yeah. He agreed to be on call for the next two nights so that he could be home on the 24th and the 25th.” Sandy refilled her coffee cup, stirred in some creamer, and then looked at Andrew. “So little brother, what’s your deal?”
“What are you talking about?” Andrew asked, genuinely puzzled.
“You forget I grew up with you. When you come home you are usually full of stories about your clients, your friends, and what you’ve been doing. Tonight you barely said a word until you caught me eyeing you.” Sandy put down her cup and looked at Andrew pointedly. “So again I ask you, what’s your deal?”
Andrew sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Until now, he had kept up his end of the vow of silence. But now he wavered. Not only did Sandy love him fiercely, he also knew she would never judge him. He looked at her and shook his head. “It hasn’t exactly been the greatest year of my life.”
Sandy slapped her hand on the counter. “I knew it. Spill it, little brother.”
Andrew looked at his feet and said, “This isn’t exactly a little deal. I’ve done some pretty stupid things this year.”
When Sandy realized how serious Andrew was, she stepped closer and put her arm around him. “What’s going on Andrew? You know you can talk to me anytime, anywhere, about anything.”
Andrew covered his face for a moment. Then he dropped his hand and began talking. He started from the beginning, even before the “December conversation.” As he told Sandy everything, he alternately paced and leaned against the counter. Occasionally Sandy put her hand over his and looked at him with compassion and concern. Finally, Andrew was completely talked out, and he sank into a chair, his face in his hands.
Sandy sat down beside him, struggling for words of wisdom. “Andrew, I am so sorry. I wish you had told me. I would have been praying for you. I would have come down to be there for you. But I can understand why you felt you had to keep it a secret. With me, however, you don’t ever need to be afraid. I love you.” She scooted her chair closer to Andrew and put her hand on his shoulder. “You know that no matter what you’ve done, God forgives you. He loves you…and so do I.”
Then Andrew did something he hadn’t done all year. He wept, keeping his face in his hands. He hadn’t realized how much it had taken out of him to bear all of this alone. After a few minutes, he dried his eyes and squeezed his sister’s hand. “I’m glad I told you. I guess I needed to tell somebody.” He stood up and looked out the window. “And I’m so glad that 2002 is nearly over.” After standing at the window for a few silent minutes, he turned to Sandy and smiled. “Thanks, sis. I’ll see you in the morning.’
Andrew lay awake in bed that night thinking about his conversation with Sandy. He was glad he had told her. He knew she would pray, and he knew he could trust her not to tell a soul, not even Mark. He rolled over, and before he fell asleep, he prayed, thanking God for his family, his newfound closeness to Christ, and the chance to close one chapter and open another.
Even with the pain, that Christmas was one of the best of Andrew’s adult life. Christ’s purpose in coming to earth was closer to his heart than ever, and he and Sandy often talked late into the night. Home was a safety zone, a place to focus on the positive and renew his strength. As New Year’s Eve approached, Andrew felt an anticipation of having a clean slate. He knew God had already made him clean, but somehow the beginning of a new year seemed symbolic. He knew that when he returned to work, he would be refreshed and ready to put all of his energy where it belonged.