12: Realizations and Responses
There sounded a knock.
Alice straightened with a clearing of her throat and smoothed her silky, pastel lavender skirt and matching top. A floral scarf embraced her waist for a splash of color, and her dark hair had been thoroughly curled and coiffed to hang in a mass of ringlets from the crown of her head.
“Come ahead.”
The door slowly opened. Setzer Gabbiani stepped in. He surveyed her wardrobe and sent her a velvety smirk as he leaned against the door jam. “Well, well, well. Doesn't someone look ravishing tonight?”
Alice flushed and looked down at her leather, thong-like sandals. “I feel like a dress-up doll.”
Relm crossed her arms with a slight scowl. “Well, that’s gratitude for you.”
Setzer chuckled and presented his arm, giving a motion of his head toward the door. “Come, my lady. Your chariot awaits to take you to the castle.”
Alice glanced up shyly and wrapped her arm around his. He led her from the room and headed for the stairwell. “Is Relm really going to make you take me to Border next weekend?”
“She is.” He sent her an easy smile. “And it will be my pleasure. No need to feel guilty.”
Alice sighed, pausing as he opened the door to the stairwell for her. “I can't help it. If I wasn't such a baby about going away to this Academy, she wouldn't have thought she needed to arrange my escape.”
Setzer chuckled. “Relm has an uncanny knack of seeing what is less than obvious. No matter how brave you're trying to be, she would have seen straight through it.”
Alice sighed again. “Maybe it's for the best. I have a tendency toward denial.”
Setzer smirked and opened the bottom stairwell door for her. They stepped out onto the ground floor of the Academy. “Denial is a protection, Miss Alice. What do you feel you need protection from?”
“Myself.” Alice blinked at him with a slight blush. “I can't believe I just said that aloud.”
Setzer patted her hand as they continued toward the airship parked outside the field of buildings. “Saying that proves you're beginning to see yourself for what you are.”
“And what's that?”
Setzer shook his head. “You'll have to find that out for yourself.”
Alice sighed. “I guess so.”
He ushered her on board and then made his way to the helm. A few minutes later they were on their way to the castle. I can't believe this is happening. I'm studying at the school of my dreams. I've got access to almost all the Empire's scientific research on the Veldt. I've got enough money set aside to buy more than enough supplies for whatever I plan on doing. I'm about to have dinner with the King and Queen of Figaro on their invitation, and I'm still more on the miserable than happy side of life. She leaned against the railing with a slight sigh.
They arrived at the desert just south of Kohlingen a few moments later, Setzer lowering the airship to the ground with hardly a jostle. Once he escorted her from the ship, Alice was surprised to find King Edgar at the entry of Figaro castle waiting to meet them.
He bowed in true royal fashion, to which she gave a surprisingly graceful curtsy, and then presented his arm. Alice transitioned from Setzer's right to Edgar's left with a shy smile, waving over her shoulder to Setzer as he watched them enter the castle.
“You are an entrancing vision of sophistication,” King Edgar told her. “You remind me greatly of Terra.”
Alice's face flamed red. “Thank you, your highness.”
“I'm certain that the special one in your life would have a hard time recognizing you.” Red reached her hairline. King Edgar chuckled and patted her hand. “I apologize, Alice.”
“It's all right, your majesty. I need to loosen up anyway.” She glanced toward the King, meeting his gaze. “Everyone says I take life too seriously.”
“At times this is a wise policy, but not when you are 16 years of age with your entire future ahead of you.”
She looked away. “I know.”
“I suppose I should wait until dinner for conversation, but I would very much like to know what you have planned for your future.”
Alice cleared her throat. “Well, I want to finish classes at the Academy and put what I learn to practice at the Veldt, and wherever else it's needed.”
“A noble cause for a noble lady.” King Edgar seemed to examine her expression. “But what of matters of the heart? Don't you wish to have a strong arm and shoulder to work alongside you?”
Alice cleared her throat again, fighting the queasy upset in her stomach. “I haven't really given it much thought. Too much other stuff going on.”
“I understand that well. I was nigh past the years of the marrying age before I opened my eyes and realized my soul light had been there beside me for the greater part of two years.” His lips raised in a slight smile. “That realization was pain and beauty in one. I cursed my stupidity for weeks, I believe. Denial had become a close companion, and it became a difficult chore to banish it without sacrificing my pride.” King Edgar glanced over at her. “Love won in the end, and denial and pride were vanquished. Now I am the happiest man to breathe air.”
Alice's mouth went dry and the queasiness worsened. “I can tell,” she said softly.
“But I believe that's enough of me. I am quite curious to know how these first few days have found you.”
“Life here will definitely be . . . different.” Her nose almost wrinkled at the use of the sadistic word. “Always something new to see and learn. Always an adventure.” Kind of like Gau's Veldt. Sheesh. Kind of like Gau.
“Yes, but how are you? Acclimating can be difficult.”
“It's not so bad. Relm helps.”
King Edgar chuckled. “Acclimating to Relm can be a challenge as well.”
“Actually,” Alice began slowly, “I've liked having her around. She doesn't hold back in anything. She says what she feels and gets me to do the same.” She glanced toward the King. “It's been nice.”
His smile remained. “Yes, she and Gau were both vessels of surprising wisdom and innocence. Many a time I found myself taken aback at the pearls of guidance they had to offer.” They halted outside a set of double doors leading into the deeper part of the castle. He turned and took both her hands in his. “If either Relm or Gau have bestowed upon you such a gift of knowledge, I would suggest you listen carefully. I believe you will be amazed at what you discover about yourself and others.”
She lowered her focus to the stone floor at her feet as each and every conversation she shared with Gau sped through her mind. “I'll keep that in mind, your majesty.”
“Well now.” He gave her hands a squeeze. “Enough seriousness. Let us eat, drink, and be merry. For tomorrow you study.”
She smiled and turned, moving past him into the throne room beyond. Three tables were arranged in a 'U' shape and stacked high with plates of meats, fruits, breads and biscuits, vegetables, and desserts. Queen Terra finished arranging the silverware when they entered.
She straightened with a smile and came toward them. Dressed in a simple gown of pale mauve, her hair had been swept up off her shoulders in a mass of curls much like Alice's. Queen Terra took Alice's hands in hers. “You look lovely, Alice.”
“Thank you, your highness,” Alice said. She returned her smile. “So do you.”
Queen Terra flushed. “Thank you.” King Edgar came to stand beside his queen, wrapping his arm around her waist. She gestured to the plates and utensils at one end of the table. “I've set it up like a buffet, so you can help yourself. There are little tables by the walls where we can sit and talk. And don't worry about all the food. The children are having a party here later this evening. They'll finish what we can't.”
Alice nodded and followed them to the plates and utensils. “It all looks wonderful. I don't know where to start.”
Queen Terra smiled. “I don't know about you, but I'm planning on taking a little bit of everything.”
True to her w
ord, she placed a variety of meats, fruits, and vegetables on her tray. Alice's lips twitched in a smile as she placed a few of the lighter vegetables on her plate. She missed the simple meals her mom used to make, and camping trips and campfire roasted bits of meat floated in and out of her memory as she put a few slices of something brown and juicy on her plate. Just don't let it be Adamant.
“Is that all you're eating, Alice?” the Queen asked with a concerned expression. “Aren't you feeling well?”
Alice shook her head. “I'm just not very hungry. I think it's all the excitement with the Academy and all.”
Queen Terra and King Edgar exchanged a glance before urging Alice to follow them to a table on the left side of the room. Dread ate at the remainder of Alice's appetite, but she forced herself to nibble on a carrot or two once she sat down.
Queen Terra began arranging her napkin and utensils with deliberate movements. King Edgar stood and went back to the tables to get her and Alice some pudding. “Edgar and I were talking about your report while we waited for the airship. We wondered what Gau's reaction was.”
Alice swallowed the last bit of carrot and nearly heaved it back up again.
Queen Terra noticed and raised a hand to her chest. “Oh no.” The queen reached out to take Alice's hand. “You didn't ask him, did you?”
“I never even thought about letting him read it.” Alice brought a hand up to her forehead. “Oh man. I would have loved to know what he thought about my plan for the Veldt. After all, it's his home.” She sighed and lowered her hand.
Giving Alice’s hand a brief squeeze, Queen Terra watched her expression. “I'm sure you'll have another chance,” she said as King Edgar returned with the promised pudding. He set a bowl in front of the queen and Alice. “Do you know why you didn't have Gau read the paper before you turned it in?”
Alice cleared her throat as she took the offered bowl. Then she started adjusting her napkin on her lap. “Well, I, uh, didn't really get the chance . . . sort of.” Alice took up a spoon and started swirling the whipped topping into the body of the pudding. “I got a little . . . distracted.”
“Oh, yes. The Adamant,” King Edgar commented.
Alice's grip on the spoon tightened. “Yeah.” She took a small bite of pudding. Then she wrinkled her nose and set the spoon down to trace its handle's intricate design. “A lot of things changed that day.”
“Brushes with death have a tendency of doing that.” The Queen looked over at King Edgar and smiled as she reached across the table to take his hand. “Believe me. I know.”
Alice's hand wrapped around the spoon as she kept her eyes averted. Her heart twisted. “I'll try and remember that when I go back to the Veldt,” she mumbled. Alice immediately felt their gaze on her.
“You're going? When?” the queen asked.
“Next weekend. Relm thought it might be a good idea.”
“Don't you?” Queen Terra asked in surprise. “It would give you a chance to show Gau your report.”
Alice's throat tightened. “Yeah--I mean yes, your majesty.” But will I be welcome on the Veldt again? And he's been gone . . . . Alice cleared her throat as her mind tried to understand what it meant. Sounds blurred to a fuzzy murmur. But why is he hiding in the first place? I thought things were going great between those two. Wasn't she all set and fired ready to set up curtains in his cave?
Alice's heart twisted, and her thoughts delved deeper inside as she tried to soothe and solve her confusion. Her expression melted to one of wistful agony when she remembered the dream. “A little cutie of a boy,” she mumbled to herself. “I always wanted a blond baby boy. But Carol has all the luck. In everything.”
A voice tickled the edge of her pathetic misery. “Why?”
Alice moved a hand from a warm grasp to shade her eyes, tightening her grip on something in her other. It gave a little. “Because she's been flirting all her life. Because she knows how to make guys feel about a thousand feet tall.” There was a rhythmic stepping sound and then a creak and a click. “I've never been able to do that. Maybe that's what he meant by different?”
“How were you supposed to know what he meant?” The voice sounded surprisingly kind.
Alice's grip tightened even more, and she barely recognized the twisting shape of the spoon. “I don't know. I didn't even think to ask until today, and now he's missing.” She glowered and the spoon completely collapsed within her grip. “Of all the subjects to be slow in, did it have to be this one? Geez! Last year I at least tried to flirt with Eric. So he was lost on Terra Branford, at least I gave it a shot! Now I'm rolling over and dying like a leafer with barely a bite at her ankle as she runs after him! I'm not even trying to get him!”
“Trying to get who, Alice?” The voice paused. “Gau?”
The word faded in like a swallow of curdled milk, tracing its way out of the denial of her heart to the expectancy of her soul as her eyes glazed over. Her skin became a sickly shade of yellowish green.
“Alice?” the voice asked gentler still, “trying to get who?”
Alice faded back into reality with a blink as she stood. “Gau,” she answered absently. She dropped the spoon. It clattered to the floor. “Gau.” The queen nodded and smiled, leaning back in her chair as she folded her hands in her lap. Alice focused her eyes on the queen as if she just realized she was there. “Your majesty--I'm really sorry--but if you'll excuse me, there's something I need to do.”
“Of course, Alice. Go right ahead.”
She gave a curtsy and turned to run for the door, slamming out of the throne room to sprint through the courtyard of the castle and burst into the enclosed hallway on the other end. She passed by King Edgar, barely noticing his knowing smirk as he waved and called out “Good luck and god speed.” She only hurried across the flagstones and out the double doors of the exit, rushing down the steps to the desert outside Figaro.
The airship hovered right where she remembered.
She balled her hands into fists and ran, charging up the plank to the helm. She looked at the controls with a determined expression and then put her hands on the wheel. Carol. Gau. She clenched her jaw. “Right. He's mine.” Alice pushed the throttle forward and turned the airship toward the Veldt.
“What in blazes--? Alice! What are you doing to my ship?” Setzer stumbled across the deck of the ship. “Keep it steady!” He tried to free her hands from the wheel.
She shot him a dark look, and he immediately backed off. “There is no way I'm going to let her have him without a fight. We're the ones that have so much in common! I'm the one who loves the Veldt as much as he does! Carol's more a groupie than girlfriend. Besides, what if she's the one that's different and not me? It could happen, couldn't it?”
Setzer examined her face. “Of course, Alice.”
She turned back to stare at the quickly passing scenery. They were coming on the Veldt faster than she thought possible. “But what am I going to say? What if I botched up our friendship because I was so dense?” She stomped her foot and gave a little sob. “No wonder he was so frustrated. I was being dumber than a doornail and he didn't know how to explain everything. I wasn't exactly giving him a chance either. I had myself convinced that he was head over heels for Carol just because he was being so nice. I'm such an idiot!” A tear traced a cold trail down her cheek and she blinked. “Now he has disappeared without even finishing school, and all because of me!”
Setzer placed a hand on her shoulder. “Gau probably needed time to think. Men do, especially when they have a heart as big as Gau.”
Her throat tightened. “Yeah, and he might have thought himself straight into a relationship with Carol. Or Paytha. Or Raquel. Or any of the other hundreds of girls in town that I know would give their left eye for a night on the Veldt with him.”
She blinked more tears out of her eyes. “Me and this blasted Academy! There's nothing wrong with living at Border with friends and family. There's nothing wrong with what my parents decided. But I was such a nincompoo
p, I didn't see it. Queen Terra was right, I would have been happier just staying at home and helping her and the King with replanting the Veldt. But I thought I had to do it all myself.”
Her shoulders started to tremble with her tears, and she blinked several times to try and clear her vision. Finally, she released her grip on the wheel and tried to wipe the tears away. “Me and my damn pride!”
Setzer stepped up to the wheel. “It's all right, Alice. I'll have you to the Veldt before it's too late. I know where his cave is.”
“He won't be there. He goes to the south beach when something's bugging him.”
Setzer glanced toward her with a smile. “You know him really well, don't you?”
Alice lifted her arms in a helpless gesture. “I don't know. I thought I did.” She sunk to her knees and covered her face with her hands. “What am I going to say?” 'If your heart sorry, then you tell him this thing. No think too long of what say. Too many words make more trouble. Speak clear and little, but from heart.' Gau's words. Alice's hands slowly lowered from her face.
“We're coming up on the southern beach. I'm going to get as close as I can to the Veldt floor. Get to the bow and keep your eyes out. There's a spyglass in a cabinet on the way.”
Alice nodded and scrambled to her feet, hurrying toward the bow after she grabbed up the spyglass. She extended it and started the search. 'You help just as good here as away. Better if you study Veldt like say you want. You go? Then forget what learn. Forget friends left behind.' Alice blinked away some tears. 'Why Alice do this thing? Why think I want be with Carol? . . . Flowers from Veldt. From heart of both. You go, you lose heart. You lose self. Make sure do thing for Veldt and not for fear of life.'
Alice wiped away her tears with the palm of her hand. "I was afraid of life, Gau, but not anymore. I wanted control of what was happening, but I'm over it. Please. Tell me where you are."
“We're getting toward the Deep Veldt, Alice,” Setzer called. “Are you sure you don't see him yet? He doesn't like going this far.”
Alice squinted into the glass, realizing it was getting closer to twilight. If she didn't find him soon, she wouldn't find him at all. She put the glass down with a clatter and hurried back to the helm. “We need to land. Do you have any torches, so that we can see where we're going when we get off?”
“Alice, I'm not going to land this ship in the middle of the Deep Veldt when it's getting so dark. It would be suicide without the others.” He looked back to the horizon and changed their course back to the Academy. “I'm sorry, Alice, but the search will have to wait until tomorrow.”
“We can't wait until tomorrow! It might be too late!”
“Alice,” Setzer began as he shifted his gaze to her, “it would only be too late if you were hurt or killed on the Veldt. Would that be of any help to Gau? Or for yourself, for that matter? Trust me, Alice. Let's wait for tomorrow. Then we can have Terra and Edgar come with us.”
Alice pressed her lips together and ran toward the bow of the ship, slipping out of her sandals before hurrying to the side of the ship and lowering the rope ladder. I'm going to find him.
“Alice! Alice, what are you doing?”
Alice heard Setzer running across the deck toward her as she scrambled over the edge of the ship, gripping the rope ladder as a gust of wind tried to loosen her hold. She clenched her jaw and lowered herself one careful step at a time, barely conscious of the squeal of the propellers as Setzer pulled down hard on the throttle to slow the ship's speed. Her foot slipped, and she gripped the rope until she was able to get both feet under her again. Then she began stepping down rung by rung once more. When she reached the last, she studied the speed of the ground, the height from which she hung, and let go.
Alice rolled and then slid to a stop, spitting grass and dirt from her mouth as she rubbed the grime off her hands onto her now stained and torn pastel skirt. Her eyes had already acclimated themselves to the thickening darkness and, much to her surprise, the Deep Veldt was surprisingly quiet. They're probably wondering what the devil I'm thinking, jumping out of a moving airship. Alice pushed herself to her feet and slapped her hands together to loosen the more stubborn bits of dirt. Then she started trekking deeper into the Veldt.
“Gau!” Alice's voice sounded thin and choked. She cleared her throat. “Gau! It's Alice! I need to talk to you. Please!”
A rumble sounded in the distance, but Alice ignored it. Baskervors, Adamants, Dragons, and Doom Gaze himself could attack her and she'd still hoof it as far as she needed in order to track him down.
Her hands began to sting, and when she looked down she noticed her palms had begun to bleed. So, she took the scarf from around her waist, tore it in two, and wrapped her palms with the material. Sorry, Relm. I'll buy you a new one.
“Gau! Gau, please! I'm sorry I was an idiot! Can we talk?”
The roars and growls that accompanied her shouts seemed to edge closer, but they also sounded irritated and bothered by the urgency in her voice. She pressed her lips together. I don't care about them. I just want to find Gau--A faint glimmer of a fire about 100 feet to the northeast caught her attention. Gau. Setzer had said Gau didn't usually come this far deep, but Alice could tell she was as near to the center of the Veldt as a person could get.
It was oppressive, pressing at her so much so that she found it difficult to breathe. How did he survive within this darkness by himself? And for so many years?
She cleared her throat and slowed to a walk. "Right. Girl, listen up. You say exactly what you think. Exactly what you feel. And exactly what you mean. No beating around the bush. No hedging. No vagueness. You speak from the heart and make sure he gets it." Alice balled her fists and cringed when they throbbed in pain. But what was a little blood when she put him through hell and back again?
As she drew closer, she saw he crouched near the fire roasting some little thing on a bit of a piece of wood. It must have smelled delicious, but it only made her stomach turn and her mouth go dry. The last thing she could think of right then was foo--A twig snapped under her bruised and bloody feet, making Gau twirl and crouch in one motion. A veil of red dropped over him just before he made a quick movement with his hand and launched a rock. It hit her in the shoulder and sent her backward to lay flat on the ground. A moment later she heard a collection of soft thuds as Gau made three long jumps and crouched above her. His hands surrounded her throat--
Their eyes met and the red disappeared. He went white and then yellow. “Alice!” He gathered her into his arms and hurried to the fire. “Alice, why so quiet when co--” He broke off and examined her face, his feral eyes the dark of the roughest soil of the Veldt. “Why come to Deep Veldt? Danger here.”
She squelched the surge of joy at the sight of his face. “I had to talk to you,” she told him, arms draped around his neck. His warmth felt more wonderful than she could have imagined.
Gau set her down with gentle care and brushed aside the collar of her blouse. He winced, features tightening in a slight cringe. Then he noted the bits of scarf wrapped around bloodied hands and met her gaze again. “What you do, Alice? You fight Veldt to find Gau?”
Alice flushed but held his gaze. “I would have if it came to that, but I just dropped too far from the airship is all.”
“Drop? Why you no wait 'til land? You crazed like--?” Gau shook his head and pulled the bits of scarf from her hands. “This no good. I go. Back soon. You stay.”
“I will.”
He disappeared into the darkness, still shaking his head. Alice sat up and peered down at herself: skirt was in tatters, blouse bloodstained and torn. Even Relm's scarf hung in bloodied ribbons. Her curls were full of grass and tumbled every-which-way. Her feet were a mess. She sighed and pushed the thought away. It doesn't matter what I look like. I found him, and now I'm going to tell him how I feel.
Gau re-appeared beside her as quiet as ever. She smiled up at him, heart thudding in her chest at the memories. “I've missed that.”
H
e didn't change his focus from her hands as he chewed up bits of herbs and then applied it to her hands. “You miss what?”
“The silence. The simple words that mean so much. The deep conversations that take place in just a few sentences.” He glanced over at her with a gaze full of concentration, and her eyes were there to meet it. “I've missed you, Gau.”
Gau's focus lowered again to her palms as he finished wrapping them up with the scarf pieces. “I miss you, too.” He placed her hands out of the way and reached out to her shoulder, carefully pulling her blouse from the wound to begin applying the same mixture. “You come to Veldt to say this thing? You almost be killed to say you miss?”
“Yes.”
The motion of Gau's hands stopped as he shifted his gaze to meet hers. “Why?”
“Because it's the least I could do to make it up to you. I've been a blind idiot . . . .” His eyes are the most glorious shade of gold--She flushed and lowered her eyes. “No. I've just been in denial. I may be smart enough to get into the Academy, but I'm not smart enough to find a red mark in a field of green.”
“You say strange thing--”
Alice! She blinked up at him. “I'm sorry, I'm spouting off a bunch of nonsense, but, what I'm trying to say is--” She swallowed hard. “What I'm not saying very good is that I like you, Gau.”
He shifted his focus back to his work on her shoulder. “I know this thing, Alice. Why you feel must say again?”
“Because I don't think you know how much I like you.” She covered his hands with one of hers and met his eyes. “I'm glad we met, sure, but only because I finally found someone who doesn't think I'm as odd as a melted button. I finally found someone interested in the same things I am.”
He lowered his hands as he sat back on his heels, examining her face with a slightly confused expression. “What you say, Alice?”
“I want to get to know you better.” She looked out at the Veldt and made a wide motion with her hand. “I know the Veldt pretty good,” she changed her focus back to him, “and I guess I know you pretty good. But I want to get to know you both a lot better. I . . . .” She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Gau, I like you so much more than a friend, and I want to learn everything about you. Everything.”
His eyes twinkled with a slight smile as he gave a couple shakes of his head. “You take long to say what easy, Alice. Why so hard to talk from heart?”
She flushed and changed her focus to her tattered skirt. “I don’t know.”
Gau moved with fluid grace until he hovered but a few inches from her face, not speaking until she raised her eyes to meet his. “Alice like Gau?”
“Very much.” Her eyes misted. “Gau like Alice?”
The smile remained on his lips as he leaned in closer, gently rubbing the tip of her nose with his in the most wondrous caress she had ever felt.
“With all of heart,” he told her, his voice as soft as his touch.
Alice sniffled and pulled him into an embrace, snuggling her face into his soft shoulder as his arms went around her. "Gau . . . I am so sorry."
"No be sorry, Alice. Just be here."
She nodded against him, relishing his warmth and safety and the soft sounds of the Veldt around them.