Maris was silent.
I decided to tiptoe back to Sam’s room.
I didn’t even get started. This was because Maris broke her silence.
“You cannot go on like you are.”
What did that mean?
“I can do whatever the fuck I wanna do. It’s my life, Ma. You gave it to me but that doesn’t mean you get to lead it.”
Um… ouch.
“You have no focus, Sam, no purpose, no drive. You’re drifting through life. That is not my son,” she returned instantly.
“Honest to God?” Sam fired back and I knew by his tone she’d pushed him close to the edge. “You do not know what I got or what I don’t got, Ma. And I’m tellin’ you whatever that is, it’s none of your damn business.”
God, I needed to get out of there.
So I did. Carefully rushing back to Sam’s room so as not to make any noise, I stopped in it and frantically tried to figure out what to do. Then I noticed the floor was empty except for the rug. As usual, Sam had picked up his clothes and taken them to the walk-in. So I went to the closet and rooted around in the pile of Sam and my tangled, dirty clothes. I got a bunch of darks, enough to make a load and headed out.
On the landing, I called, “Maris, see you’re up. I know you just got here but I’m doing a load of darks. Do you have anything that needs to be cleaned?”
Memphis yapped and ran up the stairs to meet me halfway.
Hap grunted, “Fuckin’ A, am I at a bus depot? What’s up with all the noise?”
I made it to the bottom of the stairs and saw him hanging over the back of the couch, scowling. I smiled brightly at him and hoped he was hungover enough not to notice it was forced.
“Morning, Hap,” I greeted cheerily.
“Fuck,” he muttered, flopped back and thus disappeared.
I kept the grin pinned to my face as the clothes I was carrying, my dog and I turned into the kitchen.
“Morning,” I said to both occupants, neither of whom were hiding that they were still pissed. So I thought it safe to let my fake grin fade and venture, “Is everything okay?”
Maris looked to the floor.
Sam came to me, wrapped his fingers around the back of my head and pulled me in and up to my toes then commenced in laying a hard, short, closed-mouthed kiss on my lips.
He let me go but didn’t move out of my space when he muttered, “Hittin’ the gym. Be back in a couple of hours.”
A couple of hours?
Sam didn’t mess around working out. I knew this because he was never back before an hour was up and usually didn’t return for an hour and a half. The same with when he ran.
But a couple of hours, never.
“Okay,” I whispered then kept trying, asking softly, “You okay?”
“Great,” he lied, moved away, jerked his chin up at his mother and disappeared behind the stairs.
I looked to Maris. “Did I interrupt something?”
She was watching the back of the stairs, the residual anger on her face now mixed liberally with concern.
She wiped it clean, looked at me, gave me a small smile and didn’t lie so much as evade when she answered, “We’re family. We talk a lot. We share a lot. And sometimes we fight though luckily not a lot. It happens, we get over it. My Sammy’s like his Mama. We sometimes rub each other the wrong way but it doesn’t last long. Promise. Now do you want coffee?”
She was trying to change the subject.
And I was still reeling from what I heard, the tone, the words and most especially that it now seemed very clear that Sam was intentionally keeping something from me.
So, cautiously, I replied, “Love some, Maris.” Then I moved toward the utility room but stopped when I came abreast of where she was across the kitchen from me and I said quietly, “But if you ever need to talk,” her eyes came to mine, mine locked on hers, my heart clenched and my mind made a terrifying, split-second decision. Therefore I continued on a whisper, “I love your son. But I know he can be annoying. You want to talk, I’ll listen and while I do, you’ll know nothing you say will change the way I feel about Sam.”
Her lips had parted, her eyes went bright with tears and I decided I was done. I’d been fearless, taken a risk and threw it out there.
Now it was time to get the fuck out of there.
So I dipped my head to the clothes in my arms and asked, “Any darks?”
Maris shook her head.
I nodded and muttered, “Okey dokey.”
Then I got the fuck out of there.
* * * * *
I had pushed the footstool aside and pulled the Adirondack chair up to the railing of Sam’s deck so I could rest my feet on it.
Memphis was nosing around on the deck for the first time out without a lot of company to keep her occupied. It was a test. But as Sam said she’d do, she was enjoying the space but staying close. I was keeping an eye on her in case she got a wild hair and wandered.
It was late afternoon and Maris was in the kitchen starting dinner. Luci was helping her. Celeste was at the bar keeping them company. And Sam and Hap had gone to the store to pick up some things Maris needed and more booze.
That morning, after Maris and I chatted for awhile over coffee, breakfast and Hap’s resumed loud snoring, Luci and Celeste showed. They did it with Luci’s flashy, red Corvette stuffed to the gills with beach paraphernalia, as in, stuffed so full her trunk wasn’t shut. Coolers filled with drinks, sandwiches and snacks, bags filled with beach towels and a variety of suntan lotion, chairs and umbrellas.
Maris and I got changed and we carted all of Luci’s stuff down the wooded walkway that led to the beach that Sam and his neighbor shared. Hap, wearing a pair of cutoff jeans as trunks and proving he was indeed made entirely of muscle from jaw to toes, joined us a half an hour later. That was to say, he joined us by arriving then collapsing facedown on a beach towel Luci laid out for him then he again passed out.
Sam joined us an hour after that wearing a loose-fitting tank that to my delight he immediately took off and loose-fitting trunks he left on.
Hap resurfaced, ate four of the sandwiches Luci and Celeste brought and somewhat revived. This included him jogging to Sam’s house and bringing back a football. Sam and Hap played catch while I watched with no small amount of fascination. This was mainly because Sam wasn’t so much playing catch as existing with movement. I found it stunning – throwing, catching, running, reaching, it was all so fluid and graceful, it seemed natural. Not practiced. It wasn’t like a dance. It was like breathing.
Except breathing beautifully.
Watching him, I wished my Dad was there. Dad would love to play catch with Sam. Sam was definitely Sam to Dad, heck, to my entire family. But there were times he was Sampson Cooper and this was one of those times and Dad would get something huge from that.
Then Luci joined them and essentially played run after the ball you dropped which only Luci could make cute and seem like fun. Which she did.
Not long after, Sam came to me, yanked me to my feet and we played two on two beach football, a game I didn’t know existed. I was teamed with Hap which I found a surprise until I realized it was because, if I was on an opposing team, Sam could tackle me. Which he did.
A lot.
Hap and I, by the way, lost. This Hap did good-naturedly but then again, he probably knew we had no shot.
It was a blast and it was then I wished Kyle and Gitte were with us because three on three would be an even bigger blast.
Maris and Celeste chatted in between cheering us and indifferently reading their eBooks.
We gave up on the game and Luci and I frolicked in the ocean for awhile, Sam and Hap joining us therefore the frolicking became horsing around. Then, exhausted (or at least Luci and I were), we dragged ourselves out of the surf, collapsed on our towels, laid out and soaked up some rays.
Early afternoon we packed it in which was to say the women hoofed it to the house while Hap and Sam carted up all our stuff. Luci
and Celeste went back to Luci’s place for showers while Maris and I did the same at Sam’s, Sam hitting the shower after me. The women returned looking prepared to sweep into a slightly casual Cordon Bleu restaurant and Maris emerged from her room much the same. So it was lucky for me I chose a pair of dark green, tailored, cuffed short-shorts and a kickass melon-colored tee that was sleeveless and had awesome drapey bits crossed tight at the neckline as well as light makeup, light perfume and a touch of cool-as-hell jewelry I’d picked up at a boutique in Paris.
The day was fun and clearly Sam nor Maris were going to spoil it for anyone by holding ill-will about that morning. It was like it didn’t happen. Sam was Sam, Maris was who I was getting to know was Maris and that was it.
But now, sitting on Sam’s deck with a moment of solitude and a glass of chilled white wine, try as I might, it was creeping back on me.
What Maris said was true. Sam was a professional football player. Then Sam joined the Army and became a freaking Ranger.
But now what did Sam do?
I had no idea except he said he was in Italy on business, business he never explained. And, thinking back on it, he had a lot of phone calls. Not only when we were in Indiana but also when we were on Crete and even when we were on our trip to view La Scapigliata.
And most of these he walked away from me to take.
When someone was out there maybe then definitely out to kill me, I didn’t think about it. Sam had a mission. Sam had a focus.
Now, there was nothing.
And Maris was right. Sam was not that kind of man.
So what did he do?
I could not imagine Sam was a guy who worked out, frolicked at the beach, hung at Skippy’s and followed his girlfriend around.
What I didn’t know was what was next, not only for me but for him.
What I knew from his conversation with his mother that morning was that whatever was next, or, indeed, currently happening with Sam, he wasn’t going to share it with me. I had not been spending much time trying but I hadn’t really broken through. Now I knew my small victories were not small.
They were puny.
“Do you wish to have some time alone, ma belle?” I heard, I turned my head and tipped it back to see Celeste wearing fabulous sunglasses and holding her own glass of wine standing beside me.
“Absolutely not, not while you’re here to spend my time with,” I told her, she smiled then she moved to drag a chair beside me. When she settled, I said, “I love it that you’re here.”
“I do as well, my Kia, and not only because I get to spend time with you and Sam but also because Thomas received his next assignment and he’s in Lago di Como dealing with packers and movers and I am not. I fear, as much as I have done it, I have never grown to like it. But I am fortunate that my husband loves me so he doesn’t mind me flying over an ocean to avoid it.”
I turned my head to look at her. “Where are you moving?”
She looked at me and answered, “London.”
Drat. That wasn’t Chicago or even New York.
As much as I wished she was moving closer, I still smiled and remarked, “Well, I’ve never been there so a new place to visit.”
“Oui,” she murmured on a small returned smile but it died as she turned her head to look over her shoulder then back at me. “We must talk quickly in case Luci joins us.”
Oh man.
“Why?” I whispered.
She tipped her head to the side and I knew she was thinking.
Then she stated, “It is odd…” She trailed off then quickly went on, “You and I, we have discussed it. I sense your anxiety. And Maris’s, Hap’s, Sam’s… but, ma chérie, since our return yesterday, something has changed.”
I twisted my torso to her and leaned in. “What?”
She twisted to me and also leaned in. “You and Sam.”
I blinked. Then I repeated, “What?”
“She watches you both when you’re focused on each other. At first, I thought this was wistful, as it would be. Then the pain started to be more visible. I think watching your relationship blossom with Sam reminds her even more acutely of what she has lost.”
“That’s not good,” I muttered, not wanting to be the cause of even deeper pain for Luci.
“No it isn’t,” Celeste agreed. “But it’s more.”
Oh man!
“What?” I prompted, leaning deeper into her.
“Our flight, our travel from the airport, getting settled in her home she shared with her husband and also I noticed a time this morning… she retreats. But this morning, it was different. Kia, ma belle, it alarmed me.”
Shit!
“Why?”
She shook her head but answered, “Such despair. Not hidden. I do not think her being in the house she shared with Travis is a good thing. She was much livelier in Italy. She was, of course, hiding grief but now…” she trailed off again.
“Do you know if her father spoke to her?” I asked.
“She mentioned several times since you and Sam departed Italy that she’s had lunch or dinner with her mother and father. But she did not share much about it.”
Hmm.
I looked through my sunglasses directly into Celeste’s and asked quietly, “Do you have any ideas?”
Celeste nodded. “I think the time has come that the ones she loves stop dancing around this and confront her directly. You and I spoke briefly about your friend Missy and yes, I do agree with your assessment, it is much the same. However, it is also very different. Missy found something to turn her attention to, her fitness and her career. Luciana does not even have these types of anchors. Our Luci is drifting.”
Drifting.
Drifting.
That was what Maris said Sam was doing.
Travis Gordon was gone and the two people closest to him that he left behind were drifting.
Oh God.
“Kia?” Celeste called and I looked at her. “What are you thinking?”
I had a decision to make and I had very little time.
So I made it.
Celeste wasn’t going to blab what I said to anyone but Thomas who I instinctively knew would share it no further. Celeste was safe to share with and Celeste was worldly wise.
Celeste could help.
“I’m in love with Sam,” I blurted and watched her lips curve up.
“This is not news, ma chérie,” she told me.
It wasn’t?
Oh God.
Was I that obvious?
I felt my brows go up. “It isn’t?”
“If you’re trying to hide it then I must admit I am very surprised and therefore, I hate to tell you this, my darling Kia, you are failing at your endeavor.”
Great.
She smiled big at me and finished, “Spectacularly.”
Fabulous.
“Well, um… I don’t know if I’m actually trying to hide it so much as…” I hesitated, not knowing how to explain it then I decided to tell her just that. “I don’t know what to say, how to explain it. I’m in love with him and I know he cares a lot about me. He’s great. It’s great, what we have, but something is missing.”
“And what do you think is missing?”
“He’s keeping something from me.”
Even with her sunglasses on, she didn’t hide her surprise.
“You’re surprised,” I noted.
“Indeed,” she murmured. “That is not to say that I do not think Sampson Cooper is a man who has secrets. This is obvious, ma chérie. It is to say that I’m surprised that, like you have with him, he has not shared his with you.”
“I am too,” I muttered.
“This is causing problems,” she deduced.
“Not exactly,” I replied. “Like I said, things are great, he’s great and I’m in love with him. I told you what was happening with me and he sorted that. It’s all done. It’s all good. Except it’s, well… not.”
She reached out a hand and curled her fingers around my fore
arm, whispering, “Patience, my Kia.”
“But –” I started, she shook her head so I stopped.
“Always,” she whispered then leaned in even further, “always, when you earn the secrets of someone worth knowing that deeply, you will feel rewarded when he eventually offers you these treasures. So, my darling, patience. You will earn them, I have no fear. He will give them to you and when he does, they will feel like the gift they are.”
Right. That was good advice.
I was on the right track.
I just needed to be patient.
I nodded.
Celeste squeezed my arm, let me go and leaned back, continuing with her advice, “Just keep doing what you’re doing. I will say that it is obvious that you are in love with him and, my Kia, it is equally obvious that he is the same with you.”
I felt my heart clutch and breathed, “Really?”
She smiled at me. “Kia, that man adores you.”
Oh God. I hoped so.
“Patience,” I whispered, hoping with everything I had, hell, everything I was, that Celeste was right.
“Indeed, ma chérie,” she whispered back.
We both heard the door open, we both twisted our necks to look between the seats and we both saw Sam sauntering our way. After his shower, he put on a pair of exceptionally and, no other way to describe them, deliciously faded jeans and another long sleeves rolled up, button up the front, lightweight shirt. This one a green so light it was nearly white.
He looked beautiful.
I smiled at him.
He smiled back.
Yep. Beautiful.
Then he made it to us, bent deep at the waist and touched his mouth to my upturned lips.
When he pulled back he asked, “Am I interrupting girl time?”
“Absolutely not,” Celeste answered then rose, murmuring, “but I need to powder my nose.”
Powder my nose. Totally, Celeste was so cool.
She slid a small smile between the both of us and moved to the house.
Sam moved to the railing.
I left my wineglass on the arm of the chair and moved to Sam. He delayed a nanosecond before his arm slid around me and he pulled me into his body.
“Walkin’ out, you two seemed intense. Is everything all right with Celeste?” he asked.
“She’s extremely concerned about Luci,” I semi-told the truth.