I lowered my lips to the base of her neck, pressing my body into hers. So close against her skin I felt every quick beat of her heart against mine. Brushing my lips along her skin made me high.
Breathless.
Her body shivered beneath my lips. Her movement made me yearn, wanting to touch her all over, cover her with my fingers, taste her with my tongue, and sink deep inside her with so many other parts of my body.
There was no control. I had none. None. I darted out my tongue and an explosion of taste and need erupted in my mouth. She gasped and her breaths came harder, faster. Her fingers squeezed mine as she leaned her head back, arching her body against my mouth. Her skin was warm and silky soft, and the low hum of beautiful moans rumbled deep inside her body.
I was doing that to her. My body...my hands...my lips. I wanted more. I needed more. Gently, I rolled my hips against her soft curves and heat burst low in my stomach. My hands tightened over hers; my entire body clenched in anticipation. Inside my jeans, I twitched and swelled, hardened to an almost painful ache. My brain fogged over, clouded with images of her lips on me, her hands touching and squeezing me. A deep growl rumbled from somewhere deep inside me.
A knock on the door interrupted us. “YoooouWhoooo. Hello in there! Did you find anything you like?”
Bad, bad timing lady. Come back in an hour, no two. Two hours. Please leave us alone.
“Heeellllooo,” she sang, jiggling the door that I FORGOT TO LOCK. “Miss, are you okay in there? Do you need any help?”
“Ah, um. No, ah…thank you. I’m…I’m fine. I found the perfect one!” Charlie croaked, staring at me with those big green eyes.
Wait.
Was she talking about the dress or me? Because, she was looking at me when she said that.
“Okey dokey,” the lady cooed. “Why don’t you throw it over and I’ll just ring it up for you? I’ll meet you up at the register.”
Um, I... Yeah, I think I loved that old wrinkly sales woman.
“Ahh, yeah. Okay,” Charlie replied in a small voice.
Charlie exhaled and leaned her forehead into my chest. Warm puffs of her breath heated the skin under my shirt. Letting go of my hands with a shaky gasp, she softly placed her hands on my shoulders and gently pushed me back.
Excitement surged through my veins and left me gulping for air. I gritted down on my teeth, clenching my jaw, forcing my body to move away from her.
I staggered back, slumping my back against the fitting room door, body trembling. Warmth flooded across my skin and my hands turned clammy and cold.
Her eyes lifted and slowly locked on mine. They were a dark smoky green, sensual and lustful; they were made to look at me. Their gaze burned a trail of heat down the center of my body.
With hesitant, trembling fingers, she reached behind her head and slowly unzipped the back of her dress. The snap and the soft zzzzzip sounds of the metal teeth of the zipper and its fabric pulling apart, combined with both of our heavy breathing, filled the confined space.
She didn’t ask me to turn around.
She didn’t ask me to close my eyes.
She didn’t. I was even listening for it. Waiting for it. Expecting it.
But, she didn’t. So, I didn’t.
God, she was beautiful.
My head thudded back against the wall as she stilled her movements. A soft sound fell past her lips–half sigh-half gasp. One hand held the dress in place across her breasts and the other came to meet it.
God, I wanted her to take off that dress.
I wanted to see every inch of Charlie.
My knees buckled and my body slipped down against the door until I was sitting in front of her—looking up. The skin covering every inch of my body tightened and hardened. My heart stuttered and stammered, and my eyes begged her to take off the dress.
Take off the dress.
Then, she slid the dress down her body, slowly, deliberately, letting it fall to the floor and pool in a silken heap around her feet.
She paused for a moment, standing there in a pair of panties and a matching bra; I swear she was letting me look at her. Her skin, my God, her skin was like ivory. Across her cheeks and across the plump rise of her breasts splashed a crimson blush, like a sunrise. I tried to talk, I did. I tried. I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, how breathtakingly perfect, how much I loved her. God, I loved her. My mouth was filled with too much saliva and I couldn’t seem to swallow fast enough.
I looked up, searching her eyes. She looked so vulnerable and so on fire at the same time. I wanted to say a million things, let her feel a million more, but I couldn't stop watching her. My chest tightened, drew together so strongly it choked the air from my lungs.
Bending down, she carefully picked the dress up off the floor and grabbed its hanger from its little metal hook just above her head. Then, holy shit, then she leaned her body over mine, stood over me on her tippy toes, and handed the saleslady the dress over the top of the door. The hammering in my chest started to hurt. Her skin was so close; I could just about taste her body lotion. She smelled of watermelons and Charlie and something so primal and hot, it made me want to plunge my flesh deep inside her. The lace designs of her panties were almost eye level with me and I caught a delicious glimpse of the dark patch of hair that lay just underneath.
“Charlie,” my voice murmured, hoarse and low.
She backed up slowly, picking up her clothes along the way, watching me watch her as she lifted each smooth, perfect leg into her pants and pulled her shirt over her head, covering all that she had just bared to me.
I’m man enough to say that I almost cried.
She held out a shaky hand to me. “Come on, let’s just go so I can pay for the dress—then we’ll go find Joey.”
Getting to my feet was a struggle, but she stood there and waited until I rose in front of her. We were so close that I could feel the heat of her body through her clothes. The way she looked up at me as I opened the door for her made me want to keep her inside that stupid, small room and kiss every inch of her beautiful face.
Of course I didn’t. I was stupid and young and terrified.
Joey was standing in front of the fitting room, arching his head around, searching for me, probably. When he noticed us coming out together, he froze, did a double take, and shook his head, smiling. “Ahem,” he said, pretending to clear his throat. “Find anything you like in there?”
Charlie glanced at me quickly, dipped her chin down, and answered, “Yeah, that black one. I have to go pay for it now,” Rubbing the back of her neck, she left us and walked toward the register.
Tilting his head to the side, Joey raised his eyebrows. “Hey, Jase. Why is she still going to buy a dress to go to a dance with another dude? Didn’t you talk to her?”
“No.”
“You just came out of the dressing room with her,” he stated.
“Yeah.”
“What happened?” Joey asked, confused.
“I have no idea, but it was un-fucking-believable,” I said, walking away.
The three of us walked through the mall in silence; the only sounds were from the crowds of families that strolled past us, and low rock music that drifted out from the stores. Even the walk to the bus stop was devoid of conversation; only the sounds of the cars driving past or their horns could be heard.
Joey kept a curious eye on the both of us.
And I was hoping Joey would be able to figure out what the hell was going on, because I had no damn clue as to why neither one of us said a word after what just happened.
The bus ride back home was worse.
She didn’t even look at me once, and I just that there with my shirt sticking to my skin until the soda I spilled dried, which took the whole damn ride.
Sitting across the aisle from us, Charlie just stared out the window with her forehead smashed up against the glass.
“What the hell did you do to her?” Joey whispered to me.
“I didn’t do shit
,” I whispered back.
Pursing his lips at me, he hissed, “Maybe that’s the problem.”
I shook my head, not wanting to share what I saw in the dressing room. I was taking that moment to the grave, and dying a happy man.
After the bus dropped us off, we went straight to Joey’s house, where Charlie showed Joey’s mom, Mrs. Graley, her dress. Both of them giggled and squealed like five-year-old kids as soon as the dress was out of the bag. While Mrs. Graley fixed us some dinner, she made Charlie try it on and walk around the room, bending every which way and pretending to dance around.
I was getting myself sick. Why the hell was she still going to go to the dance with Mason? I didn’t understand girls; I mean, didn’t we almost kiss?
Joey and I sat around the dining room table and watched the spectacle. Waiting for the girly crap to stop, we rolled an orange back and forth to each other across the table.
Then, when Mrs. Graley said in a dreamy voice, “So, tell me all about this Mason boy. What does he look like?” I squeezed the orange so hard in the palm of my hand juice squirted everywhere.
Joey howled in pain, “Holy shit, you shot that shit in my eye! Ah, that freaking burns!”
“Oh, my. Watch your mouth, young man!” Mrs. Graley came running at him with a kitchen towel and narrowed her eyes at me like I did it on purpose. Yeah, like I was the grand champion of orange squirters everywhere, able to hit any target I freakin’ wanted from five feet away.
Charlie just sat herself down on the couch and looked at me with her eyebrows all squished together and raked her teeth over her bottom lip.
I sucked my cheeks in and stood up, flicking the juice of the orange from my hand all over the floor. “Yeah, let’s hear all about Mason La Douche,” I said through clenched teeth.
“Damn it! Does nobody care that I’ve been blinded by orange juice?” Joey yelped.
“Sweetie, you’ll be fine. Just watch that mouth. Let’s hear all about this young man while I clean this mess and set the table.”
Then, I had to sit through an entire biography lesson of Mason La Douche. On and on, Mrs. Graley asked questions about him; I wanted to stuff an orange in her mouth to stop her.
“I still can’t freaking see, dude,” Joey mumbled.
“Hell, you think if I pour that crap in my ears I’d go deaf so I won’t have to hear how perfect La Douche is?"
I barely ate any dinner.
Hell, I barely made it around the corner to Ava’s house, because my lungs couldn’t pull in enough air.
We hung out with a few other kids from school in Ava’s backyard, all sitting on lawn chairs around a small, metal fire pit. Some of the girls were roasting marshmallows, and most of the guys were just throwing garbage in the flames to watch the burning embers burst up into the sky.
I sat and sulked.
Soon the conversation led to Mason and Charlie going to the dance together. Of course, one of the girls asked Charlie point blank, “Mason is a senior. He’s going to want to do a lot more than just dance with you, ya know? What are you going to do?”
“It’s just a dance,” Charlie offered.
“Have you kissed him yet?” Ava asked.
Charlie’s face turned bright red, but she didn’t answer.
I leaned forward in my chair, rested my elbows on my legs, and clenched my hands together tightly; the searing heat of the fire fell harshly against my skin. “Yeah, Charlie. Tell us, did you kiss him yet?” I asked, glaring at her.
She said nothing as she stared at me wide-eyed.
My breathing grew ragged. My lips pinched and tightened against my teeth, and I felt my nostrils flaring as I tried to contain my rage.
Then, she shook her head and looked down.
“Hey, kissing is no big deal anyway,” Rachel Jenson shot out, “not to a senior, anyway. And besides, how many times have we played those stupid kissing games between us? I mean, I think I’ve kissed every boy here.”
Charlie’s eyes snapped up to mine and narrowed.
“Bullshit,” I said. “I never kissed you.”
“That could easily be changed,” she smiled.
“No, thank you.” I snapped.
“Yeah, let’s play something like we used to. Let’s pair up!” Ava squealed.
No way.
Joey’s eyes fixed on mine and nodded toward Ava.
I stood up, “Yeah. Sounds good. Rachel and Kevin, Tracy and Luis, and Ava and Joey should pair up. I dare you.”
Joey stood up and crossed his arms and smiled at me, “Fine, then, Charlie and Jase. I double dog dare you.”
I pretended to be shocked. This was working out great. Joey and I didn’t even plan this out and we were seriously making this happen.
You could have said I was happier than a pig in shit.
That is, until Charlie stood up.
“I’m going home,” she mumbled, and walked out of Ava’s backyard.
Oh, my God. Charlie didn’t want to kiss me? But, she wanted to kiss Mason?
Running after her, I silently followed her down the street and up to the roof of the tree house.
The sky darkened above us and the wind swept through the trees harshly, like a storm was approaching. The surroundings matched my mood; uncertainty, anger, pure jealousy. I just wanted her to be mine.
She was leaning back on her hands, eyes facing the sky, and tears streaked down her face. My heart stuttered, palpitated like I was having a coronary as I sat down on the roof next to her. Stretching my legs out in front of me, I leaned back on my hands just like her, our hands about an inch away from each other. I wanted to take her hand and hold it. I wanted to kiss her. I wondered what she would do, what she would say if I did.
I looked down at her hand, slowly sliding mine closer to hers, and then I chickened out and froze. What the hell was I doing? This was Charlie; I touched her all the time. I held her and hugged her. Why was this so damn hard all of a sudden? I looked up at her, but she'd already been watching me.
“You ever going to get enough courage to hold it?” she challenged me, and the air blew out of my lungs like she’d hit me in the chest with a sledgehammer.
“Come here,” I whispered as I slid my hand underneath hers and braided our fingers together. She scooted up next to me and molded her body into mine. I buried my face in the soft hollow of her neck and breathed her in. After a while, she leaned back and searched my eyes, and it took everything in me not to kiss her.
I wanted to kiss her.
I really wanted to kiss her.
Screw this. I was going to kiss her.
My stomach went freaking haywire and my heart just about flew out of my throat. Charlie was staring at me like I was the next Messiah. Her lips were parted. Her breathing was heavy, and her fingers were sweating and crushing the crap out of mine.
Yeah, I was going to kiss her.
Slowly, I leaned in and lowered my lips to hers. She tasted like her watermelon lip-gloss and orange soda, and it got me instantly drunk. Letting her hands go, I pulled her gently against me. Her lips were soft and wet, and when she slowly started moving them against mine, I just about lost myself in her breath. Her head tilted slightly, and I slowly slid my tongue between her lips and touched her tongue against mine. I had never touched a girl’s tongue with mine, and it was suddenly my new favorite taste in the world.
“Jase, what are we doing?” she breathed into my mouth, sliding her tongue over mine.
“Shh, don’t stop.”
“Why did Joey dare you to do this with me?”
I shrugged, kissing the side of her mouth.
“That’s all you got for me? A shrug?”
“I like kissing you. God, Charlie, I really like kissing you. I want to be able to do it any time I want,” I dipped my tongue into her mouth again and pulled back, “Don’t go with Mason to the dance.”
“Why?” she whispered.
“Because he’s a dick,” I said, kissing the other side of her mouth.
&n
bsp; She scooted away from me and leaned back. “Maybe to you he is, but not to me. I need a reason, Jase. Give me a reason not to go with him.”
“I said it, Charlie. He’s a dick.”
Staring up into the sky, she shook her head.
“What? You’re still going to go with him?” I yelled. “Are you going to let him kiss you too?”
She looked so mad at me. I hadn’t seen her look that mad since the last time Drake Fischer tripped Joey and she went all ape shit in his face.
“That’s none of your business, Jase Delaney.”
“Yeah, it is. You’re my best friend. You’re as close to me as a…as a sister.”
“I’m like a sister?” she screamed at me.
“No, I mean… Damn, Charlie, he doesn’t deserve you,”
Standing up, she dusted off her pants and looked down at me, “Yeah, well Jase, he was the only one who asked me. He didn’t have to be double dog dared to do it, so I’m going.”
“Fine then, I’m done with this conversation and with kissing you,” I snapped, getting up and shoving my hands deep in my pockets. I jumped off the roof, walked through her backyard, back toward Ava’s, and looked for Joey.
Weaving my way through our friends as they laughed and talked, not one of them realized that my insides were dropping from within me, and my heart was shattering against the ground.
Charlie was always good
At shattering my heart.
She was the only one
That ever could.
Even still.
To this day.
Chapter 8
Charlie
Flowers were delivered to my apartment at ten o’clock every morning. On Monday, it was five-dozen, deep-red roses. Tuesday, it was a slew of white lilies. Wednesday, it was pale, pink orchids. Thursday, it was enormous, bright yellow sunflowers, and on Friday, it was wildflowers.
This happened for a month straight. A month straight.
Have I told you about my allergies? The one I have to flowers? An allergy Bren has known about for ages. Ages! Therefore, I had an intimate relationship with three bottles of Benadryl that month. Obviously, Bren didn’t listen to my pleas to cease and desist the flowers, and I almost lost my mind on him.