Michael left, taking the girl with him, and Kai looked back at me. He released my arms, planting his hands on the ground instead.
“Pick it up” he ordered me. “Or run.”
I picked it up and flung it away from us, somewhere behind him.
“We don’t need it,” I told him, calling his bluff. “You’re just trying to scare me.”
But then he moved his body, nudging his groin into me, and I felt the rock-hard ridge inside his jeans.
“Ah,” I moaned and then clamped my mouth shut. What the hell?
“We might need it,” he said, a cocky smirk on his face.
My clit throbbed, and I shifted under him, wanting more.
“Who are you?” he asked.
But I couldn’t tell him. The confessional was an accident, and I didn’t have any intention of running into him again. I didn’t think I’d ever have to face him.
I stared up into his dark eyes, wanting to talk to him again like we did today. Wanting him to know me. But I wasn’t allowed.
Instead, I uttered in a small voice, “I’m cold.”
It was all I could think to say.
Kai rose to his feet and took my hands, pulling me up. But he didn’t release me. Instead, he led me in the opposite direction from where we’d come.
Into the Bell Tower.
I looked around, still hearing the music in the distance, and I could make out shouts and laughter, too. We were close to the party. What was he doing?
I stumbled along anyway, though, not resisting. My insides were twisting and knotting in the most exciting way. This was what I wanted, right? A chance to be close to him?
The gray stone structure was about half as tall as a lighthouse, with a bell chamber at the top. I wasn’t sure if the bell was still there, though. The clock had long since stopped working, and an archway welcomed us with a gated door.
I stepped inside, looking around and taking in my surroundings.
The walls were lined with a few windows, and a couple of stone benches were built into the room. There used to be some kind of house or meeting place attached to the tower, but it was long gone now.
Black vases hung from the walls with decaying roses the color of ash sitting inside. Who knew how old they were?
A little light streamed in, making the red, blue, and gold of the stained-glass windows dance off the walls, and wooden stairs wound around a wall and spiraled up, disappearing from my sight.
Kai released my hand and pulled out a book of matches, lighting the small stub of a candle sitting on the windowsill. The small room glowed a little warmer, and I suddenly became very aware of how quiet it was, the music nearly inaudible in here.
His presence—the anticipation—was a weight on my chest. God, he was beautiful.
His skin was a little darker than mine—warm, tanned, and glowing—and I bit the corner of my lip, gazing at his neck. I could see the ridge of the vein coming through the skin, and I wondered what it would feel like to touch it.
I’d seen his mother once. He had her lips and smile and lashes.
But Kai definitely took after his father, too. Angular jaw, lean body, straight nose, and while his hair was thick like his mom’s, it was coal black like his dad’s. He also inherited his father’s sharp gaze…. So sharp and stern it intimidated me.
Kai turned, the candlelight flickering in his eyes, and I heard the wind howling in the trees through the open gate.
“How do you know me?” he asked, walking toward me.
“Everyone knows you.”
“Do you go to our school?”
I shook my head. “I’m…homeschooled.”
Which was, I guess, the best way to describe it. I’d only made it through the sixth grade, missing more school than I attended, when my brother moved me in with him and made me start doing all of his homework, while I stayed home all day. And that’s how I learned Algebra and Spanish and how Shakespeare used corruption, betrayal, and deception as themes to portray guilt, sin, and retribution. He attended the classes, absorbing just enough to pass tests, while I did the written work, absorbing just enough to not be completely ignorant. There were gaps, of course, but I’d done a really good job of disciplining myself to do the work and his assigned readings. I had always been less than everyone around me, and it made me want to be more. I’d try to get my diploma, at some point.
“I see you around, though,” I explained. “My bro… my mom cooks for the Torrance’s.”
I swallowed, my throat like a desert. That was a lie. Marina wasn’t my mother, but it was the explanation we decided to give people, since my father didn’t want anyone outside the house to know who I really was.
Neither did my brother.
I finally looked up, seeing Kai just watching me with probably a thousand more questions in his head that I hoped he wouldn’t ask.
“I should go,” I told him.
I moved to head around him for the door, but he blocked my escape, stepping in front of me again.
“No.” He placed his hands on both sides of me, on the wall, locking me in. “The thing is, you heard my all my shit today, and I like my privacy. How do I know you won’t talk? How do I know you didn’t Instagram yourself in that confessional, bragging that you were punking me?”
I shot my eyes up. “I wouldn’t…I…” I rushed out, stammering. “I would never do something like that.”
“Why should I believe that?”
Because it wouldn’t have even occurred to me! I wasn’t devious. I’d been elated when he started talking in that confessional.
“Because I…” I trailed off, searching my brain. “I don’t even have Instagram.”
He cocked his head, his eyes scolding me for such a stupid response.
“I don’t even have a cell phone!” I blurted out. I didn’t even have the capability to record his confession, dammit.
“You don’t have a phone?” He didn’t look like he believed me. “Everyone has a phone.”
Apparently not.
But before I got a chance to retort, he reached out and put his hands on my hips, squatting down, and trailing his hands down my thighs.
I sucked in a breath, jerking. His hands drifted around to my ass, sliding over my back pockets and his fingers digging just a little.
“Are you kidding me?” I complained. He was searching me?
But an electric current shot through me, and the room in front of me started to spin anyway. He was touching me.
Holding my eyes, his gaze hardened as his hands ran up my back and then over my stomach, searching for the hidden cell phone he apparently assumed I was lying about not having.
Then he stood up, leaning in close and holding my eyes, as one of his hands cruised slowly up the inside of my thigh, and a throb hit me between my legs. I sucked in a breath.
“Stop it,” I gasped, knocking his hands away.
A cocky little grin crossed his face. “Your knees are shaking,” he said. “If I’d known you were this innocent, I wouldn’t have let Michael and myself tease you before.”
I breathed shallow and licked my dry lips.
“Have you ever even been kissed?”
I kept my mouth shut, but I knew that was answer enough for him.
“Turn around,” he instructed.
I looked at him skeptically.
He laughed under his breath and turned me around, leaning into me and hugging my back. I could feel him over almost every inch of me: my spine, my legs, and my arms. He dipped his head next to mine, his cheek on my ear, and he grazed my fingers with his.
“Do you feel that?” he whispered.
“What?”
His long arms blanketed mine, my hands resting inside his. “You fit me like a shirt. It’s a perfect mold.”
I smiled to myself, feeling a blush of heat my face. “For now,” I said. “I’m done growing, but you’re probably not.”
Men typically kept growing a little longer than women.
His breat
h hit my ear. “Then we’re on borrowed time, aren’t we?”
I closed my eyes, goosebumps spreading down my arms as he ran his lips over my lobe.
Oh, God. It suddenly felt like my body was a thousand matchsticks, every one sparking to life, one after the other.
Taking my hands, he placed them on my thighs and scaled them up my body.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
My body trembled, and I nodded. Yes.
“You’ll have to go to confession again tomorrow,” I joked.
“Why?”
“Kidnapping.”
His chuckle hit my neck as he ran his lips over my skin there. “Hate to break it to you, kid, but I got that place rigged. No penance for me. Unless you want to go with me,” he added. “Purge some of your own sins, maybe?”
“Not Catholic, remember? I wouldn’t even know what to do in there.”
“Well,” he began, sounding suddenly mischievous.
He took my hand and led me to the wall with one of the benches. He sat down and then grabbed me, pulling me in. I yelped in surprise as I fell into his lap.
“First, you go in and sit down,” he instructed, squeezing my hips. “Are you sitting?”
I turned my head to look at him, and he pinched his eyebrows together, looking serious like a teacher.
I rolled my eyes. “I am now.”
“Then you make the sign of the cross.” He took my right hand in his and touched my fingertips to my forehead. “And you say ‘Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned’.”
I let him guide me, my own touch to my chest sending tingles through me as he showed me how to make the sign of the cross.
Our lips hovered an inch from each other, and I tried to talk, but only a whisper came out. “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”
“This is my first confession,” he said, telling me what to say next.
I inched in, our lips nearly meeting as I stared at his mouth. “This is my first time.”
He sucked in a breath. His eyes dropped to my mouth, and he placed my hands on my thighs, threading his long fingers through mine.
“Jesus,” he growled under his breath.
A smile pulled at my lips.
“Then he’ll say, ‘And what would you like to confess?’” And then he cleared his throat, his stern priest voice sending a flutter through my stomach. “What would you like to confess?”
I folded my lips between my teeth. “I don’t know if I can. I…” I sucked in a deep breath. “I’m nervous.”
“Relax, my child. You’re in God’s hands now.”
I laughed softly. I liked this foreplay. I knew I shouldn’t care, but I didn’t want to say something stupid to ruin the game. I didn’t want to bore him. Every girl eventually lost my brother’s interest. I hated the thought that Kai would get tired of me and just want to leave.
“A boy got a hold of me, Father,” I told him, looking into his eyes.
“Did he?”
I nodded. “Inside the dark Bell Tower, by the cemetery. I know I shouldn’t have let him, but he grabbed me and…”
“Did he steal you away from everyone else?” Kai taunted. “Get you alone?”
“Yes, Father.”
His fingers dug into the tops of my thighs and his eyes thinned, turning heated on me. “What did you let him do to you?” he accused. “Hmm? What did you let happen?”
“He kissed me on the neck first,” I confessed.
And Kai threaded his hand into my hair, taking the hint as he gently pulled my head back and out, his lips on my neck, slowly nibbling.
I released a breath, closing my eyes. “I liked it when he did that.”
“You know those boys…” he scolded, kissing and biting me up and down. “They like the sweets too much. You have to be stronger and resist.”
“And if I like the sweets, too?” I moaned, feeling my skin tingle.
“Was he the first man to touch you?” Father Kai asked.
“Yeah.”
He groaned.
I bit my lip, scared, but I pushed further.
“And then he put his hand under my shirt,” I said, my chest caving at my own words. “I was so scared, but I knew he’d feel good. I craved it so bad.”
I wanted more. I wanted him to touch me places my brother would want to kill him over.
He pulled his head up and looked at me. His teeth were slightly bared, and I noticed a bulge underneath me.
Reaching around me, he slowly lifted my brother’s old sweatshirt over my head, dropping it to the ground, and then he slipped his hand under my T-shirt, keeping his eyes on mine the whole time.
“I’ll bet you wanted it,” he said, his fingers grazing my stomach. “I’ll bet you even rubbed yourself on him to show him how much you liked what he was doing.”
I groaned, noticing the wetness between my legs. “Yeah.”
I leaned my head back on his shoulder and rolled my hips, grinding my ass on him just a little. The hard ridge underneath felt so good, the ache of the emptiness inside me grew.
I reached back with my hand and took his face, wondering if he was going to kiss me. He still hadn’t kissed me on the mouth.
But instead of that, I felt his hand trail higher under my shirt, and I snapped my eyes open wide, remembering. Oh, God, the wrap. The ACE bandage I wrapped around my chest to flatten myself.
Shit! I shot up, pulling my shirt down and covering myself. He hadn’t seen, had he? Tears sprang to my eyes, embarrassment heating my skin.
Other women wore bras. He’d be confused and definitely turned off if he saw what I wore. He’d think I was weird.
“It’s okay,” he said, his hands suddenly gone. “It’s okay. You don’t have do anything you don’t want to. This place, these games, they’re not for you anyway. I shouldn’t have brought you here.”
Yes, I know. It was a laugh for him and a fantasy for me. What was I thinking? I couldn’t do this with him anyway. It could never happen.
He took my chin and turned my face toward him. “I didn’t mean to push you, okay? I’m an asshole,” he said. “I don’t want to seduce you in here. You’re different.”
“Different how?”
“I talk to you,” he replied. “And I like talking to you. That’s rare for me.”
My shoulders relaxed just a little, and he nuzzled my ear again, making me tremble.
“And I want it to be special,” he continued. “I want to take you to movies and hang out and go for drives and sit you on my lap like this whenever I want. And when we’re ready, we’ll take a long drive down to the inlet and to my family’s boathouse, and I’ll go slow with you.” His whisper caressed my ear, sending chills down my body. “Taking my time where no one can interrupt us. Taking all night.”
God, I wanted that. I wanted to believe it could ever happen.
But—I looked down at my brother’s old shoes and my chewed fingernails—I was deluding myself. Trying to escape my life and dreaming that I could ever look like I belonged at his side.
“Well, well, I’m shocked,” a deep voice spoke up somewhere behind us. “Saint Kai, about to get his dick wet this early in the night, huh?”
My eyes went wide, and we both stilled.
No.
A dark laugh I knew all too well followed, and I hurriedly fixed my shirt, knocking Kai’s hands away.
No, no, no...
“I knew you’d come around,” Damon said, his voice getting closer. “Who do you have there?”
I shrunk in on myself, trying to hide in front of Kai.
“Get out,” Kai ordered over his shoulder. “This one’s off limits.”
I closed my eyes, praying silently and willing myself to be invisible. Please, go away. Please.
Kai must’ve felt me shaking, because he squeezed my arms, giving me reassurance.
But then I felt him.
He was there.
The heat of his glare fell on the side of my face, and I slowly opened my eyes and cast
a glance out of the corner, seeing the black shoes on the ground to my right. Looking up, I saw Damon at Kai’s side, his stare meeting mine.
A wave of nausea hit me.
He looked calm, but I knew better. His slightly open mouth closed, and his jaw flexed. It was a subtle gesture, but I knew the signs.
My brother was never calm. If he wasn’t having it out with me now, he would eventually, and I wouldn’t see it coming.
He let out a scoff, continuing the charade of not recognizing me. “Like I would bother,” he bit out at Kai. “She’s a fucking mess. Are you kidding me?”
His eyes fell down on me in a show. He wasn’t taking in my appearance. He knew what I wore every day. They were his old clothes, after all.
He was keeping up pretenses. Outside of the house, I wasn’t supposed to know him. I was a ghost. He didn’t want me to have friends, and he didn’t want his friends to notice me. If anyone knew I was his sister, they’d question why I didn’t go to school with him, dress as nicely as him, or go to parties with him. And if anyone knew Gabriel Torrance was my father, they’d question why I wasn’t treated like a daughter. Too much of a story for people who didn’t need to know.
“There’s beautiful girls out there, man, and you choose the one who looks like a boy?” He pulled out a cigarette and packed the tip on the top of his hand. “Who is she, anyway?”
“None of your business,” Kai snapped, “and don’t be a prick.”
“Relax.” He popped the cigarette in his mouth, lighting it as he spoke. “I wouldn’t touch the dirty, little rat if you paid me. Clean yourself up, honey.” He took the cigarette out of his mouth and blew out a stream of smoke. “Women are good for one thing, and you’re failing at even that.”
I shrunk, wanting to disappear.
But Kai jerked in front of me, his body going rigid as he yelled. “Knock it off.”
“Oh, fuck you. I’m leaving anyway.”
I heard Damon’s footsteps retreat across the dirt floor, and I didn’t look, but I guessed he’d left the tower.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. It was one thing for my brother to catch me somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be, but finding me here with Kai? There would be no mistake in Damon’s head about what he’d walked in on just now.
I stood up, combing my hands through my hair and righting my clothes.