“Hey, fuck him,” Kai told me, trying to ease what had just happened. “He’s an asshole.”
“He’s your friend.”
“And he is for a reason.” He approached me. “He’s just got a lot of ugly inside of him, and he takes it out on people. Just ignore him.”
I swiped my sweatshirt off the floor. “I have to go.”
I had to get out of here. I hated it when he was mad at me. I’ll go home and stay in my room, and when Damon gets there later or in the morning, he’ll find me sleeping right where I’m supposed to be. Waiting for him.
“Hey.” Kai took my arm.
But I jerked away from him.
“Don’t leave.”
I didn’t want to, but I had to. I pushed away the longing still raging through my body and brushed past him, bolting from the room.
“Hey!” Kai shouted after me.
But I just ran, hurriedly pulling the sweatshirt over my head. The tears pooled as I raced back into the woods, diving into the dark shadows of the trees.
“I don’t even know your name!” I heard his shout behind me.
The muscles in my legs felt like they were on fire as I dashed toward the parking lot and the road we came in on.
But then a hand grabbed my sweatshirt and yanked me back, the scent of my brother’s cigarettes flooding me as my body slammed into his.
I sucked in a breath and watched as Damon towered over me, his carefully constructed calm now gone.
“Oh, you’re off limits, alright,” he growled Kai’s words back to me. “I should rip off every single piece of clothing on your body right now. Everything I’ve given you. I told you all women were selfish, lying cunts. He doesn’t get to have you, and you don’t get to have him.” He bore down on me, the liquor on his breath wafting through my nostrils.
“Damon, please?” I begged softly, laying on hand on his chest. “I didn’t—”
“Don’t touch me.” He slapped my hand away. “I told you not to get dirty.”
“I’m not,” I assured him, shaking my head.
But he just looked down on me, fury in his eyes and pain he tried to conceal in his voice.
He grabbed my jaw, and I whimpered as he pressed my back to a tree. “Why did you do this?” he gritted out. “I told you to never let a man touch you.”
“I didn’t mean to let it happen,” I breathed out. “But he didn’t touch me anywhere, I promise.”
“Oh, yes, he did.” His eyes narrowed on me. “And you liked it. All you sluts like it. You’re going to let him take you away from me. You’re going to screw me over, and if you do, I will kill you. Do you hear me? I will fucking kill you.”
My stomach rolled, looking up at his dark eyes that stared at me like I was dirt. Like I was his mother.
I’d lost his respect. He thought I was nothing. He hated me. The last time I did something he didn’t like I was thirteen, and he wouldn’t look at me for a week. I’d treaded very carefully since then.
Until now, that is.
“Please. Damon.” I’d never seen him this angry. “I love you. You’re all I have. Please. I made a mistake.”
I wanted so many other things, but not if it meant losing him. I couldn’t lose him.
I pushed his hand away and dived in, wrapping my arms around him and burying my head in his chest. I hung on tight with every muscle I could muster.
Forgive me.
“I’ve always been good,” I pleaded. “I won’t do anything wrong again. I promise.” I squeezed him tighter. “I’m yours. I love you.”
He reached up and gripped my arms, like he was ready to push me off, but then he stilled, and I kept my eyes shut, hoping. Please, love me again.
No one else in the world loved me except him. He protected me, took me away from my mother, kept my father away from me, and if anyone ever tried to hurt me, he hurt them worse.
I still felt unsafe sometimes, but at least I never felt alone anymore.
Damon’s breathing calmed, his chest moving up and down, slower and slower. His fingers around my arms loosened.
“You can’t take him away from me,” he said in a low voice. “And he can’t take you away from me, either. You understand?”
I nodded quickly, an ounce of relief starting to settle in. “I know. I’ll be good.”
Raising my head, I looked up at him, the tears drying on my face as I kept my arms around him.
“I don’t want him. I just got bored,” I said. “When you’re not home, I don’t want to be there.”
When he’s not home, I stick to our room as much as possible, so I don’t run into our father. But the older I’ve gotten, the more restless I’ve become.
His face softened, and I see a small smile appear. “I know.” He caresses my hair. “Someday we’ll have our own house, and you can be free. I’ll surround you with a hundred fucking acres, and you can go wild. No one will ever look at you wrong or treat you badly.”
I forced a small smile at that dream of ours. The one where he’d go to college and come back for me and we’d disappear to some house, far away, in the middle of a forest or at the edge of the world, and I didn’t have to hide from anyone.
But I knew it wasn’t real. It never would be.
“What’s wrong?”
I dropped my eyes. “Someone’s going to take you away from me, though, aren’t they?” I asked. “Eventually, anyway. She won’t want me in your house.”
Forgetting the fact that the older I got the more I wanted things that Damon didn’t want me to have, but also, he was growing up, too. We weren’t thirteen and twelve anymore. We were eighteen and seventeen, and Marina was right. We couldn’t stop time. Wouldn’t he eventually want a family? I couldn’t tag along and crash the party forever.
But he just laughed at me. “You’re such a dumb shit.” He pinched my chin, nudging my head and forcing me to meet his eyes. “What’d I tell you? There’s pawns and rooks and knights and bishops, but only one queen.” He smiled playfully. “We’re a pair, Nik. Everyone else comes and goes, but you never escape blood. Blood is forever.”
The corner of my mouth lifted in a smile. And I let out a breath, feeling relief that he had forgiven me.
He dug his phone out of his jeans and started dialing. Probably for David, Lev, or Ilia to come and pick me up.
“I can walk home,” I explained, trying to stop him. “It’s okay.”
But he just raised the phone to his ear, staring at the air over my head as I heard the other line ring.
They answered after the first ring. “Damon.”
I recognized David’s voice.
“You’ll never guess who I wrangled five miles from the house, in the dark, without protection. You’re fucking fired.”
“Damon, I can’t watch her every second!” David barked. “You want me to tie her up?”
“Fuck you.” My brother’s cool voice was like the slow slice of a knife. “You and the guys get down here to the Bell Tower and get her now.”
I couldn’t help but drop my shoulders a bit. I knew I had to go home. I just still didn’t want to.
“And bring her to the cemetery,” Damon finished.
I popped my head up, my stomach somersaulting. Really?
Damon gave me a small smirk as he spoke. “She can come to the bonfire, but keep her quiet and keep guys away from her.”
“Alright. We’ll be there in fifteen.”
“Five,” my brother ordered and hung up.
I bit my bottom lip, but he still saw my smile trying to escape.
He tipped up my chin again, warning me with his glare. “They’re going to surround you like a fucking wall, you understand? Don’t piss me off, and don’t let Kai see you.”
I nodded, trying hard not to look too excited.
“That way you get to see what he doesn’t want you to see.” His smirk disappeared. “Who he really is.”
Banks
Present
“I’m not part of the deal.” I st
ared at Gabriel sitting on the other side of his desk. “You can send Lev or David or anyone else to work for him.”
“Yes…” My father laughed under his breath, puffs of his cigar smoke escaping before he blew the rest out. “Because that’s exactly what he wants you for, isn’t it? To clean toilets in his dojo and to chauffeur his ass around.”
I tipped my chin up at his sarcasm. “He doesn’t want me for…” I breathed out, hesitating. “For that. And if he does, he’s not getting it.”
Kai might very well want me to wait on him hand and foot, but my father had other ideas. In his head, if Kai was demanding me in particular then he wanted me for nothing less than a little fun.
And he wasn’t fucking getting it.
Gabriel didn’t know that I’d met Kai before. Gabriel didn’t know that I’d already played Kai’s version of fun. I refused to be his tool. Or his toy.
“You’ll do what you have to do,” he told me.
“I won’t—”
“You’ll do exactly as you’re told!”
Every muscle tensed, and I locked my jaw together, shutting up. A sudden light sweat covered my forehead where my hat sat.
Damon.
This was all for Damon. He was the only reason I stayed in this house. Remember the end game. Find him, get him home, and keep Kai and the rest of those pricks away from him.
My father’s dead eyes stared off, barely paying me any mind now. Kai was right about one thing. I was only as valuable as what I was good for to Gabriel Torrance. I knew it the moment I’d left Kai’s office tonight at the dojo. I knew it when I stepped into this office an hour later. I always knew my value here.
A woman wasn’t good for much in this house, so I did everything I could to make my father and brother forget that I was one.
Gabriel rose from his seat and slowly walked around his desk, the night wind howling outside his office windows. Coming to stand in front of me, he leaned back on his desk, slightly more relaxed as he offered me a patronizing look. “You’ve been useful,” he said, blowing out smoke and turning to set the cigar down in the ashtray. “You’re smart, and it took a long time for you to earn my trust, but you did. I know I can count on you. Your entire world is Damon.”
Even though it was true, it wasn’t flattering to hear. My brother was my world. But while I loved him more than I loved anything else in my entire life, I hated the way my father said it.
Like I was Damon’s pet dog.
“But now,” Gabriel continued, “you have an opportunity to prove yourself invaluable. Irreplaceable.”
Important.
Despite my hatred of my father, my loathing of Kai Mori, Michael Crist, Will Grayson, and Erika Fane, I couldn’t help the shred of pride that seeped in.
I was irreplaceable. If my father didn’t see that yet, he would. Even if it’s the last thing he ever sees.
Gabriel inhaled a deep breath and stood up, his expression turning somewhat pleasant.
“This is actually perfect,” he said as he walked back around his desk, sounding almost chipper. “You’ll be able to keep an eye on him. You’ll get his house ready for Vanessa when she arrives. You’ll spend time at the dojo, working for him, training, whatever... You’ll be where he is and let me know if there’s anything I should worry about. With him or the rest of those little cunts.” He picked up his cigar and took a few puffs. “And if you’re brother comes out of hiding and provokes them again, you’ll protect him. Right?”
I averted my gaze. Of course, I would. I always did. But I didn’t want to do this. I couldn’t be around Kai every day.
Anger boiled under my skin.
I could argue. I could even leave. I didn’t love my father, and I was probably better off for it.
But I could best protect Damon with a seat at the table, and if I left I had nothing, goddammit. He needed me. Whether or not my father ever admitted it, he knew that.
When Damon got arrested in college and was sent to prison, I was on top of the situation before Gabriel. I bought all the muscle I could on the inside to make sure no one touched my brother, and when he got out last year, I cleaned up all of his messes. And whenever our father tried to rein him in and he couldn’t be controlled, I did what I always did. I exhausted my older brother and broke him until he collapsed and all the anger was gone. For a while anyway. It always came back.
Damon, Gabriel’s only son and sole heir, was only at his best when he had me taking care of him. Only when my brother had his keeper.
Gabriel stood there, looking at me with a rare interest all of a sudden. “How many men have you been with?” he asked.
I remained silent and steady, but my patience was getting harder to muster. How many men have I been with… Jesus.
My father came back around the desk to me, crowding my space and forcing me to look at him. I raised my stare, not bothering to hide the distaste in it.
“Do you know how to fuck?” he demanded plainly, getting to the point. “Do you know how to please him?”
Him.
Kai.
My insides shrunk, and I jerked out of his grasp, looking away again.
But he didn’t relent. He slowly pulled my hat off, letting it fall to the ground, and began unbuttoning my jacket. A jolt of fear hit me, but I didn’t fight, and I didn’t resist. I watched him through the long, dark strands now hanging over my face.
My father had never touched me, but I knew the reason most likely had nothing to do with the fact that I was his daughter and more to do with the fact that Damon didn’t want anyone touching me.
He pulled the jacket down my arms, and I sucked in a quick breath as he pushed my hair out of my eyes, the smell of diesel in the strands from working on one of the trucks earlier today drifting into my nose.
His fingers ran down my skin, and he sat back, studying me, tipping up my chin to take in my face like he hadn’t seen me nearly every day for the last eleven years.
He circled me, his hand drifting around my waist, and I ground my teeth as he lifted Damon’s old T-shirt to look at my stomach. He let it fall back down and his eyes came to rest on my chest, nodding in approval.
“You’re not still a virgin, are you?” he asked, probably suspicious when I didn’t answer. “I mean, Damon took care of that a long time ago, right?”
Bile rose up, swelling my throat, and I pushed his hands away. “You’re disgusting,” I gritted out, my eyes burning with tears.
How could he be so vile?
But he just laughed me off and walked back around his desk. “That boy would fuck a brick if it was wet enough. Don’t think we all didn’t know what was going on up in that tower.”
I could feel the tears springing up, but I just snarled and snatched my jacket off the ground and charged from the room.
My stomach churned with the prospect of what he expected from me. I could shoot, I could fight, I could convince every man in town to spend a thousand dollars on a twenty-dollar whore if I wanted to…. But I would not be turned over from one man to another like I’m chattel to be gifted at will. I was more. I was invaluable. This was my home.
I didn’t want to be around Kai Mori or his friends.
Swinging around the corner, I bolted up the stairs, hearing David’s voice coming from below. “Banks, I need to talk to you.”
“Later.”
I ran up to the second level, skipping stairs, and dug in my heels as I turned a corner and headed for the dark wooden door to my right. Taking my key out of my pocket, I unlocked the dead bolt and opened it.
I walked in, the soft glow of the wall sconces lighting another set of stairs as I closed the door and turned the lock again. Jogging up the second flight, I came right into a circular-shaped bedroom, the only room on the third floor.
Walking across the shiny hardwood floors, I unlocked the window and softly pushed open both panes of glass. The unusually warm October evening was made just a little crisper by the sudden winds, and I closed my eyes, inhaling the smell of e
arth and burning leaves carried on the breeze.
My skin started to buzz, and I already felt better. This room was another world. Our world. Damon’s and mine.
Leaving the window open, I walked across the room and opened the laptop, clicking on a playlist. Like a Nightmare began playing, and then I leaned over the bed, picking up a pillow.
Raising it to my nose, I inhaled, the faintest hint of fabric softener making my nostrils tingle. I knew I wouldn’t smell my brother’s scent on it, but I was disappointed anyway. I’d gone without him long enough. I was tired of being alone.
The bedding was new—I’d replaced it several months ago, and I cleaned the room regularly, just to make sure it was spotless if he ever showed up. But even though he hadn’t slept here in over a year, I still hoped every time I stepped foot in here that I would find some evidence he’d been home.
I placed the pillow back in its spot, the blacks, whites, and grays of the bedding crisp and perfect as I pulled the corners of the pillow, taking out the wrinkles.
Everything had to be perfect.
Gazing around the room, I took in the pristine floors, the dark walls and gold sconces, the black and white photos he’d hung up in high school…. Women and legs and glowing skin, not distasteful really but sex, nonetheless.
I didn’t like looking at them.
And then, raising my eyes, I looked toward another small set of stairs in the corner of the room. Shrouded in shadow, the flight led to the “tower” as we called it, a small alcove with an even smaller landing at the top. It was surrounded by windows, almost like a lighthouse up there, where you could see over the trees outside for miles. That was my space. When I lived here.
It still housed my mattress, a lamp, and a few clothes, just in case I ever needed it again. Not that I ever used it much anyway, even when I lived here. Damon kept me close.
I walked toward the window again, and planted myself against the wall next to the window, sliding down it until I rested on the floor. Taking my hair, I wound it around and around like a rope and twisted it up on top of my head before pulling out my hat and covering my hair again.
I let my shoulders finally fall, and I closed my eyes, safe in the knowledge that no one could see me right now.