***
Grace and I didn't say anything to each other as we packed her things in her car. I could barely look at Grace. I was embarrassed for being so sensitive. We only talked with Ethan about our fun day while she drove me home. I didn't think twice about leaning over giving Grace a kiss on the cheek when I said goodbye, thanking her. I even lingered for a moment, allowing my hurt and anger to control my needy urge for affection, until Ethan started laughing at us.
What was I thinking? Ugh.
I couldn't act that way in front of him. What was wrong with me? I mentally slapped myself as I walked through my front door, confused and heartbroken.
I sat in my living room, staring up at the white ceiling fan that whirled around over my head. Trying not to think about Alyssa and Nathan. She really was with him, and it was killing me. I just didn't know how to let it or her go, but I had to figure it out. I couldn't let not having her consume me, but it did…
She wasn't married yet. I still had a chance. I would figure out her volleyball tournament schedule and go to a game. I would go to her university graduation.
Switching gears now that I had a sort-of-plan, I lifted my legs up onto the coffee table and stared at the pile of Sienna's stuff. I looked at the time and laughed, because it didn't matter what time it was. I really didn't have anything going on. The songs Bobby and I had recorded were being mastered. Notting was finalizing my European tour with my booking agent, and all I was supposed to be doing was writing music…and I did that, I told myself, trying to not feel like such a lazy loser.
"Sienna, what are you up to?" I said to no one, and reached for the manuscript and pictures.
I stared at the pictures of Sienna and her sister, Stephanie. The chick she was with was definitely her older sister, and the man and kid must have been Steph's family. I don't know how long I stared at the pictures in a trance, but a knock at the door rattled me to wake up. I sat there for a long moment, hoping the person would go away. Only three people knew where I lived, and all would have called before coming over. But the person didn't go away, and kept knocking. My throat closed thinking it might have been Mr. Todd again.
When I opened the door I was shocked to shit to see Grace standing there. "What are you doing here? You okay?" I stepped toward her, searching her face.
Concern leaked out of her eyes. "Are you okay?"
"Where's Ethan?"
"He's at home, with Ester."
"I'm fine. I'll be fine." I backed inside the door. "Come, come in."
Grace passed me, wringing her hands. "I wanted to talk more, but Ethan…"
"I know, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act that way." I shook my head. "I'm sorry."
She followed me into the living room, and I collapsed on the sofa next to the Sienna stuff. "This is the book." I held up the bound stack of white papers. "And this is her and her sis." I tossed the pictures onto the table, and Grace reached for them as she sat down next to me.
Embarrassment filled me. I still couldn't believe I tried to kiss her goodbye in front of her kid. "Grace, I'm really sorry. Ethan shouldn't be witness to shit like that, I know better…I swear I know better."
"It's okay."
I sunk down into my seat, pulling my hair, and flung my legs up on to the coffee table with a loud thud. "It's a tough pill to swallow. You know." I threw my hand out to her. "You plan your life, and then it all goes to shit. Just like that." I felt stupid for comparing my life to hers, because there was no comparison at all. "You know what I'm trying to get at. It's all relative."
I glanced over to Grace. She looked so pretty, staring at me with deep, caring eyes that pulled me in. "Grace, you shouldn't be here. I…"
"What do you mean?" She looked away from me, running her hands over her thighs, smoothing her dress. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You were pretty upset, and you said you've always had a hard time dealing…"
"I know," I sighed heavily. She was referring to my drug problem. "I'm okay now." My arms fell to my sides and I took Grace in with my eyes.
She really shouldn't be here.
And as if she read my mind, she said words that warmed my heart. "I want to be here, Jake." Her voice was low, soft and sweet. She shook her head. "I know I shouldn't be here either, but I want to be here…right now, I want to be here." She sat up straight. "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I mean, I have a plan, but I don't really want to talk about it right now." I reached over to her and took her hand. I wanted to, I needed to hold her. I needed her to hold me back.
She scooted closer to me, then hesitated and took my chin in her other hand. "Just for now." Then she covered her lips with her fingers, as if shocked at hearing her own words. I pulled her to me.
"Yeah," I agreed. She curled up next to me, resting her head in the crook of my neck. Her warmth sent a comforting sensation through me, spreading like fire, melting away the cold emptiness I'd been feeling.
Just for now, this felt right.
Love Amplified
A Heavy Influence Novel
3
The final installment
COMING FALL 2015
Visit online retailers for other
Heavy Influence Series books
First Kiss
Fever Pitch
Broken Notes
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