***
Morning rolled around, and it was as if a star exploded in my face. I squinted, looking at the window as I stumbled over to it, muting the sunlight with dark grey shades. I took a piss and located my phone to check the time. It was just after 9 AM. I'd stayed up until 2 AM writing a new song, all inspired by my walk with Grace. I was stoked on the melody, and spent the morning playing around with it. I was almost tempted to name it just that - My Walk with Grace. Maybe I would.
It was Monday, and time for me to call Joe. The number rang to a factory set voicemail.
"Hey, yeah, David Todd gave me your number. I need some info on someone. Please call me." I left my name and number.
Joe called right back, and I wasted no time in giving him Sienna's name, last known address in Miami, and her phone number. She never did text me back, so who knew if that number was still valid. His accent was Spanish in inflection; perhaps he was Puerto Rican, I thought. I explained to Joe that I wanted to find out what Sienna was up to with her book deal, and what she'd planned to expose as the truth.
Three days later, I received a call, informing me that he had the manuscript and asking me for my address. I gave him my mom's address. I didn't want anyone to know where I lived. I then asked Joe how much to pay and how to get it to him, and he informed me that Mr. Todd took care of it.
My blood ran cold. I didn't want to owe Mr. Todd anything. As if my blood running cold was a warning, two days later, Mr. Todd showed up on my doorstep. He held a copy of Sienna's manuscript, her new address, and pictures of her and the people she was interacting with on the day they were taken—which was just a few days prior.
"Mr. Todd." I bowed my head, forcing a smile. He totally caught me off guard, but I didn't hesitate to invite him in, even though I was supposed to be leaving to meet Grace at the beach. "I'm a little confused as to the hand delivery, Mr. Todd. Thank you, thank you. Please, please let me repay you."
"Jake." Mr. Todd stepped around my living area, inspecting everything. He'd come in alone, leaving two big bodyguards outside. "I was planning a trip here anyway. I have business at Universal. I flew in early, and I'm glad I did. Your mother is a lovely woman. It took me a day to find you here. She wouldn't give me any information about your whereabouts."
I gulped. Why was I nervous? I didn't do anything wrong. "You can understand." I laughed it off.
"Of course, of course." He unbuttoned his suit jacket and sat down, tossing the manila folder onto the coffee table. "Some interesting information in there. I didn't read it of course, too much fluff. I had someone else read it and give me the Cliff's Notes."
"And?"
He eyeballed me, leaning back into the white fabric chair, crossing his legs. "You have some drama in your life. I had no idea."
"Why would you?" I shrugged, trying to act casual, but my mouth was so dry I could have spit out cotton balls. "You want something to drink?"
"No, no. Thank you. I have to get going in a minute."
I wanted to shout at him to spill his fucking guts. I was completely coming apart inside as he smirked at me, almost laughing, like he knew. "Mr. Todd. Thank you, but you didn't have to do any of this…paying Joe and coming here personally to deliver that." I pointed at the thick envelope, which was screaming for me to pick it up. "There's nothing in that book that I'm worried about. I know I've done some fucked up things, and the only person I really care about knows every sorry detail of my life."
"That would be Alyssa Montgomery? Correct? The young lady that used to live with you."
"Yes," I confirmed. A curious thought popped in my head, and I decided to get personal. "Mr. Todd. Are you married?"
"Yes. I am."
"How long?"
"Thirty-years."
I nodded, impressed, totally not expecting that answer. "Nice. Gives me hope." I got up, grabbed the envelope and opened it, taking out the thickly-bound paper. Pictures fell onto the table. "Are you sure you don't want me to pay you for Joe's work?"
"Yes."
I was still curious about Mr. Todd's life, as I stared at pictures of Sienna and what looked like her older sister, with a kid and a dude. "Do you have kids?"
"Yes. Three." I nodded, and he got up, smiling down at me. "Only one of them is by my wife."
I tried not to look shocked by his admission, but who knows what my face really looked like. I frowned and nodded, trying to look like I didn't give a shit. He looked proud, and he probably thought I was that type of guy too, based on the information in the book Sienna wrote, probably confirming my affair with her. But that was different than blatantly cheating on your wife. Sure…I was just fucked up, fucking my dead best friend's wife. Ugh - fucking loser move. I hated even thinking about it.
We said our goodbyes, and I walked him out. As he stood next to his car, he asked me one last question. "When are you going to Europe again?"
"I'm actually going in June." After Aly graduates college.
"Good. I'll be having Sloan join you."
Sloan was Mr. Todd's assistant, or some fucking thing like that. He was probably boning her. I groaned loudly after his car had pulled away. I didn't want to object or start an argument, so I just nodded in agreement, and he told me he'd be in touch.
What the hell was that about?
10
It was a hot spring day, with barely any wind. I'd rushed to change into a pair of board shorts and a t-shirt, throwing on a trucker hat and dark shades. It was 2:30 PM, and I was a half hour late. I stood on the Manhattan Beach Pier, searching the area near the south side lifeguard tower, near the water. I spotted Ethan in his little yellow baseball cap and red shorts. Grace was wearing a white sundress and a woven straw floppy hat - just like she'd described. I trotted down the stairs and kicked my flip-flops off, trucking across the sand toward them. I hadn't seen Grace since our dinner together, but Ethan recognized me immediately as I approached.
"Jake!" he screamed, running toward me with a bucket in his hand.
"Hey, buddy." I grabbed the top of his small head and gave it a playful jiggle.
"Mommy, look who's here!" He sounded surprised. She must not have told him I was joining them.
Grace stood near a beach chair and a couple of bright blue and white towels. She waved with a big smile. Her beautiful eyes were covered by dark shades. Ethan collapsed near the towels and began shoveling sand into a big blue bucket. Grace and I said hello and hugged each other, and she engaged Ethan before we could say anymore to each other.
"Honey, why don't take your buckets over there? The wet sand will be better." She pointed to the wet sand just several feet away from us.
He nodded and grabbed two buckets, talking to himself, planning out his steps. He was totally in the zone. "I'm gonna be a builder like Bob the Builder!" he proclaimed, and turned dashing towards the wet sand.
Grace turned to face me, and I plopped down on one of the towels, stretching out my legs. They were white, and it was embarrassing.
Grace sat in the beach chair next to me, removing her big hat, and pulled her dress up over her head, exposing a body that I didn't expect. She was fit and toned. I shamed myself for wanting to look at her and distracted myself by removing my own shirt. I'm not sure what type of body I thought she'd have. She was slim, and looked great in clothes, but bikini ready? Even twenty-year-olds didn't look as fit as her. I was impressed.
"Well done, Grace," I admired. "I think you get out of the house more than you say you do."
I could see her blush as she placed the wide-brimmed hat back on her head. "Oh, stop. I have a few machines in my house, and I do yoga to a video."
"Ah, no human contact," I mused, giving her a hard time.
"Nope." She laughed, too. "Humans are overrated."
We made small talk as we watched Ethan play in the sand and interact with other kids. I felt antsy, like I had to unload what just happened with Mr. Todd.
"Have you done any more research on me?" I asked, laying out flat on my back, tucking my a
rms under my head.
She sniggered. "No."
"So you know about my drummer. He died."
"Yes. I'm sorry." Her tone was consolatory.
"When you were lurking the net, did you read anything about me and his wife, Sienna?"
"Yes."
My stomach sank, disturbed. "Do you believe it?"
"To be honest with you, I read it and thought what the hell, and then didn't think any more about it."
"It's true, and you're only the third person I've told."
Her mouth hung open for a second before she clamped it shut. "Why are you telling me this?"
I sighed. "I don't know. Probably because I need to tell someone who doesn't know me, before the entire world finds out the truth. I know it sounds fucked up, and it is, but I can't change what happened, and we both just kinda lived in the moment."
"I certainly say you did, but I'm not judging you."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. She was probably lonely. I know all about lonely." Her voice trailed off at the thought. I hoped she wasn't lonely anymore. "And he was sick, right? She was probably starved for human contact."
I thought about what she said, and that's exactly why we did what we did.
"Sienna's written a book, and it's gonna be published soon. She didn't tell me or anyone else I know. I found out through a journalist, of all people. She actually won't talk to me anymore. She said she wanted to start a new life and wished me well, disappearing one day from the last rehab facility we were at together. I was totally cool with it. We'd stayed in touch from time to time, then she told me to leave her alone, that it was just too hard for her to hear from me. That hurt, but I understood. Then I heard about the book…and fast forward, I just got the unpublished manuscript right before I came to meet you. That's why I was late. The delivery was unexpected. Our affair will probably be in there."
She nodded. "Wow. You didn't lie about it, did you?"
"Nope, not really, more like skirted the issue. We both just ignored it at every turn. Plus, we were both in rehab. I had limited contact with the outside world, and it just faded out."
"And you're worried the love of your life will find out? Alyssa?" My stomach sank at hearing Aly's name.
"She knows." I pulled the hat off my head and covered my face with it. The story was just too upsetting to recall. "I told Aly the truth right when she asked me. That was the real nail in our coffin. Aly was the only one who knew the truth for three years. She never said anything to anyone. I can trust her like that. She's unlike any chick I've ever known. She's loved me through some fucked up shit, and she's driven, smart and didn't settle with me. She's following her dream of finishing school and finding out what she wants to do with her life." It made me love her more for not taking the easy way out. "And I just admitted my shitty indiscretion to my friend Bobby, who was in my band. He's my best bro and…now you."
"I see. Wow. I don't know what to say." Her voice was small as she absorbed my truth.
"There's nothing to say." I laughed. "This is what I get for being an idiot. I just hope my fans will stay my fans. Dump was a huge, huge deal with my band. He was very loved. This could ruin me."
Grace groaned.
"So I'm gonna try and get ahead of it. I'm gonna read that book, and if she fucks me, I'm gonna just come out and admit it. Fuck that."
"Good idea. Better to get in front of it, if you can."
"I really don't want to damage her in anyway, but what the fuck? Why would she do that? Why?"
"To clear her conscience." Grace leaned over her chair arm, digging in her bag taking out a blue bottle of sunscreen. "Here, your chest is already getting pink."
I smirked. "Are you checking me out, Grace?"
A smile spread across her face. "You caught me."
"You naughty, naughty girl," I teased, covering my chest. She reached over, shoving my arm, and tossed the bottle next to my leg.
"You better cover those white legs, too."
I laughed out loud. She was fucking with me. "If I can recall correctly, Grace, you were just as white when I first met you."
She wagged her finger at me. "Okay. I'll cut you a break on the white legs."
We laughed and watched as Ethan stomped over to us. "Jake, will you help me build?" He pointed at the other kids and pouted. "His brother is helping him, and it's not fair!" Ethan threw an evil eye in their direction.
"Is he being mean?" Grace asked, concerned.
"He's saying his is better than mine." His hands clinched into little fists, and then he threw out his open palms to us. "He's got four hands, and I only have two!"
Damn, this kid was smart.
I sucked in my laugh and copied his mad face instead, saying, "Ahh. Well, now you have six hands!" I looked at Grace and she shook her head no. "Come on, Mom!" I said, and hopped up, grabbing both of her hands, forcing her to stand. "This is serious business."
She laughed reluctantly and Ethan clapped. We spent the next hour building a pretty kick-ass castle, and Jory cried when his mother wouldn't come to help him and his brother. I felt bad for the kid, but that's how life rolls. He got the raw deal this time around. I shrugged and winked at Grace.
Ethan complained he was hungry, and we packed up, with eyes on us. During our hour of digging in the sand I was quick to notice the gawking and spotted picture-takers. It was hard for me to hide without a shirt on, covering my distinctive tattoo of a chick's face, glowing eye, and flowing hair, with blue musical notes floating through it. A picture of it had been published more times than I could count - The Musical Medusa. Grace didn't take notice to the extra attention, except when we ascended the stairs. A skinny dude wearing a wetsuit stopped us. He asked to take his picture with me.
Slowly, we walked up the hill to the pizza joint watching Ethan stick pennies into each and every meter. Grace just shrugged her shoulders, saying, "It's easier to just let him do it than to argue with him. I pick my battles these days."
Then we cruised over to the ice-cream store on the corner. The line inside was long, and Grace piled her chair, bag, and towels onto the wooden bench out front.
"My treat," she chirped. "What's your vice?"
"Mint and chip."
She clucked her tongue, giving me a gunshot gesture. "You got it. Watch my stuff?"
"Sure." She grabbed Ethan's hand, and they disappeared into the store. I turned, sitting, and pulled the hat down cover my face as much as I could and waited. Then I thought I heard her voice, Aly's voice, and my hair stood up. Nah, it was just someone who sounded like her. She was at school, I told myself. I looked around, only seeing people I didn't know, and focused back on reading emails on my phone.
"Hey." The voice sent me zinging, and there she was. Aly stood in front of me. I blinked hard, not really believing it. In an instant, chills ran over me and my palms were soaking wet.
Fuck. My heart raced up my throat, and I swallowed it down. "Hey."
"I didn't want to walk by and not say hello." Her little lopsided grin tugged at me.
"What are you doing? Isn't it a school day?"
"Yeah, but I'm done, graduation is in a few days…finally." The way she looked at me ripped my heart out. We both let that last word hang in the air for a moment, but neither of us acknowledged it. "And I had a doctor's appointment," she finished with a shrug. She looked radiant, as always, wearing signature denim cut-offs and a tank top.
I stood up. "You're okay, yeah?"
She nodded. "Yeah, just girl stuff."
"Ahh." I felt awkward. Looking directly at her ring finger. She wasn't wearing Nathan's ring. I wanted to hug her and say things to her that I knew she probably didn't want to hear, but I did anyway. "You look beautiful."
She sighed, her eyes penetrating me to my core. A tiny smiled twitched at the corners of her mouth. She was just about to say something when Ethan's little voice shouted my name.
"Jake, look!" He came running out of the storefront like a rocket, with his ice cream cone in
hand, and totally ate the pavement just feet from me. His ice cream rolled off the cone, and he instantly wailed. I stepped quickly, pulling him off the ground, crouching in front of him for inspection.
"You'll be okay, buddy, take a breath," I said, trying to comfort him, but he had big red raspberries on both of his elbows and his knee. I picked him up, and he wrapped his legs and arms around me tightly, sobbing.
"My ice cream! It was my favorite," he cried into my neck.
"Shh, hey, we'll get you another one." I said to him tenderly, rubbing his back, trying to calm him down. I turned to face Aly and she was in shock. Then Nathan, of all people, came out from another storefront just adjacent to the ice cream store.
Awkward.
Fire in my stomach instantly ignited. I really hated that guy, and I had no reason to anymore, other than for the jealously he invoked in me.
"Um, uh," Aly stammered. She was breathless from the spectacle, her chest heaving. I was certain seeing me, and having Nathan there, was part of it too. "Is he okay?" she croaked.
"Yeah." I chuckled it off. "He needs to slow down. He only has one speed, and it's fast. This is Ethan." I turned to show his face, but he buried it in my chest, covering it with his hand.
Nathan's face was stern as he rubbed Aly's back, not saying a word to us.
"Oh no. What happened?" Grace's voice was strained as she came up behind Ethan and me. "What did you do?" She nuzzled his wet cheek, holding two ice cream cones in her hands.
"He'll be fine. No broken bones."
Grace shook her head, and pain draped her face. "I told you not to run," she whispered in his ear.
"My ice cream," he whimpered, "and my boo-boos burn."
"Hey, hey, look," I said, detaching him from my chest and placed him on the ground. "You can have mine if you promise not to run when you're not supposed to."
He pouted, eyeballing the mint green and chocolate ice cream in his mother's hand, frowning. "What is it? I don't like that."
"Have you had it before?" I asked, taking it from Grace's hand. I looked at Aly and Nathan, and he whispered something in her ear. What a dick, I thought. Maybe he didn't like kids. "Try it, and if you don't like it, we'll go get you what you want."
Ethan barely licked the mound of ice cream I put in front of his face. I could tell he liked it, but he didn't want to admit it.
"Okay," I said. "I guess you'll have to wait in that long line again." I pulled the cone back and gave it a lick.
"No! I like it. Gimme, gimme," his green eyes begged me, reaching up to me for the cone.
"Um," Aly waved her hand at me. "We gotta go."
"See ya." I nodded, looking away from her like I didn't care. I didn't want to be so short with her, but how else was I supposed to act? Seeing her made me all sorts of confused. Nathan didn't even look at me, only nodding his head to Grace in passing.
"Do you want some of mine?" She offered her cone to me.
"Nah." I removed my hat, wiping my forehead, and watched Ethan as he went to town on the ice cream.
"What's wrong?" Grace's brow furrowed, concerned. She didn't put two and two together. She must not have known what Aly looked like. "You don't look well."
"That was Alyssa…with Nathan."