“I’m not going to pry,” Jax said. “But I will say this: if she makes you want to be a better man, and she gives you what you need to accomplish that, don’t let her go.”
We made a little more small talk before ending the call, both of us promising that we would talk again soon. And it wasn’t just something to say. We both meant it.
I stayed in the chair after we’d said goodbye, thinking about everything we’d said, and everything we had left to say. I’d had an idea in the back of my mind ever since I’d talked to Jax while I was in Texas. An idea that was now starting to feel more like something I needed to do.
If Jax and I were really going to mend things between us, and do it right, we couldn’t do it over the phone or in weekend visits. I’d left Jax before, forcing him to carry a burden I hadn’t realized he’d had. He couldn’t come to me, but I could go to him.
The CDC had a branch in Boston, and Dr. Fenster had connections there.
If this had happened right after the funeral, I would’ve applied for a transfer without a second thought, because all I’d had here was work.
But now, I had Addison, and I wasn’t sure I could leave her.
Thirty-Two
Addison
“This is fabulous.” Codie let out a moan that made me a little uncomfortable. “Can I marry you?”
I laughed as I leaned back in my seat. I patted my stomach, feeling delightfully full. “I think Dorly might have something to say about that.”
“I don’t know,” Dorly countered. She scooped up the last of the peach cobbler I’d made. “For access to food like this, I’d be willing to share.”
“Where did you learn to cook like this?” Codie asked. Her tongue stud clinked against her spoon as she licked the utensil clean. “Your mom?”
“No, Mom was always too busy to do more than heat up frozen dinners or bring something home.” I scraped my spoon along the bottom of my bowl. “She worked full-time, and there were a lot of us kids. We all pitched in, but none of the rest of them could cook. When I was eleven or twelve, I decided to try my hand at cooking. I talked to this old woman who lived across the hall. Mrs. Dressen. She offered to teach me if I’d walk her dog, Puddles.”
“I’d like to send Mrs. Dressen a thank you card,” Codie said.
“Does your secret beau know you can cook like this?” Dorly asked with a sly grin. “And don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about, because you two were top of the gossip chain at the club.”
“Dammit.”
“What’s going on with you?” Codie asked. “I mean, you went from single virgin to dirty dancing with a tall hottie and then heading to a room with him.”
I gulped down the rest of my water. I told them some of what happened in Pecan Grove, but I’d stuck with the work part of things. How I’d gotten exposed. Pansy getting fired. But I hadn’t told them about what I discovered about Cai, or the arrangement we’d come to. Neither one of them knew that Cai was a gorgeous thirty-one-year-old, so when I’d mentioned that my supervisor had stayed with me. For all they knew, he was a balding, middle-aged man.
“The guy at the club was the same guy I slept with there that first time.” I started with the easy part.
“Seriously?” Codie’s eyes went wide. “How did you two meet up again? I mean, the likelihood of you two both showing up at the club at the same time, recognizing each other–”
I held up a hand. “That’s not how it worked.”
Dorly gave me a searching look. “I have a feeling this is a story.”
I nodded. “It is.”
“You need a beer to tell it?” she asked.
“That would be nice,” I said. Alcohol wasn’t called liquid courage for nothing.
She came back with three bottles and settled back onto the couch. She put an arm around Codie and then faced me expectantly.
“When I was in quarantine in Texas, I was talking to Dr. Hunter. He made a comment about the head of the hospital – a woman – flirting with me. I made a joke about my gaydar improving since I started spending time with you. I mentioned you both by name, and that’s when Cai realized that he knew the two of you.”
Both Codie and Dorly were staring at me.
“I figured it out first,” I continued, “but as soon as I said the safe word he’d given me, he knew who I was.”
“Wait a minute.” Dorly leaned forward, eyes flashing. “Your boss fucked you?”
“Dorly!” Codie smacked her girlfriend’s arm.
“Neither one of us knew who the other was,” I admitted. “He told me to call him ‘Sir,’ and I gave him my middle name, ‘May.’ And, if you remember, you guys put bronze glitter in my hair so he wouldn’t have even had that clue, and we both wore masks.”
“Still.” Dorly scowled. “It’s not okay.”
Heat flooded my face, and my usually dormant temper flared. “Then I guess you’re really going to be pissed at me when I tell you that we’ve been fucking since Pecan Grove.”
“Addison,” Codie leaned forward and put her hand on my arm, “we’re just worried about you. Your boss…that’s not okay.”
“He didn’t force me or coerce me!” I snapped. “Cai’s not like that.”
“He’s still your supervisor,” Dorly said, her voice harsh. “You’re an intern. Plus, you’ve been going on about how amazing Dr. Hunter is since you got here. Of course, you wouldn’t see it if he was applying pressure.”
“We discussed it like adults,” I said, pushing myself up from my seat. I had to make them see that this wasn’t a case of someone in power pressuring me to have sex with them. “Everything that happened between us was one hundred percent consensual. Cai respects me and my opinions. We’re friends and co-workers first. Sex is separate.”
“And what happens when one of you wants more?” Dorly asked. “Do you honestly think you’ll be able to go back to working together if…when things end badly?”
“We agreed that when the time came, we would talk about it, and then we would end the sexual part of our relationship.”
Dorly rolled her eyes. “I thought you were smarter than that. No couple breaks up and then works together like nothing ever happened.”
“We aren’t a couple,” I said.
She raised an eyebrow. “So, you’re both fucking other people?”
“No,” I said, facing her, my arms crossed over my chest. “We’re being monogamous by choice. If we ever want to get involved with other people, then we talk about it. We’re both logical, intelligent people. Emotions beyond friendship and respect don’t play a role in what we’re doing.”
Dorly shook her head. “You’re making a huge mistake.”
Codie came over to me and put her hand on my shoulder. “Addison, don’t you think it’s possible that he could be manipulating you? Taking advantage of your hero worship?”
“He’s not like that. Come on, Codie, you’re the one who thought he’d be perfect for my first time because he was a good guy.”
“For an anonymous encounter, yes, but if I would’ve known he was your boss, I never would’ve suggested it.”
I shook my head. “Cai is an honorable, respectful man who would never take advantage of anyone for anything. The fact that he’s my supervisor doesn’t change his character.”
“Shit,” Codie breathed, her eyes wide.
“What now?”
“You’re in love with him.”
“What?” I shook my head. “You’re crazy. We’re friends who work together and have sex. That’s all there is between us.”
“Addison, you need to take a good, hard look at yourself, because if you don’t acknowledge how you really feel, you’re going to get in way too deep, and you’ll be devastated when things end.” Codie wore a sympathetic expression that was somehow worse than her anger. “I know how much you value your work, and I’d hate to see you do something that would hurt everything you’ve worked toward.”
“I’m not in love with him,” I sai
d firmly. “Hell, I don’t even know if I believe in love.”
“It doesn’t matter if you believe in it or not,” she said. “It’s true, and the sooner you accept it, the better.”
She was wrong. She had to be. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with Cai when I knew it would only end with heartbreak. Neither one of us wanted a romantic entanglement. We’d agreed.
Work. Friends. Sex.
Nothing romantic. Nothing emotionally intimate. Freedom to leave at any time without any hurt feelings.
My text tone went off, and I turned away from Codie and Dorly to pick up my phone. It was a text from Cai.
I’d like you to go to dinner with me tonight. There are a few things I’d like for us to talk about.
He wanted to talk.
Was he ending things already, thinking that taking me out to dinner would soften the blow? Or maybe he thought that if we were in public, I’d be less likely to make a scene. How had he met someone else? Maybe he hadn’t met someone. Maybe he’d just gotten tired of me. Or maybe he’d realized that sex with me wasn’t worth the risk for us at work.
And that was when it hit me.
I cared.
I didn’t want him to break things off with me for any reason. I didn’t care about work or what anyone else thought, for that matter.
Shit.
Codie was right.
I was in love with Cai.
Thirty-Three
Cai
This wasn’t like me at all. I planned things out, carefully weighed the risks and rewards. I didn’t rush headlong into things. Except that character trait of mine didn’t seem to apply to Addison. I’d barely thought through a single step of our relationship, from the moment she’d run into me at work to me asking her about having an exclusive sexual relationship. All that had mattered to me was that I didn’t lose her.
Talking with Jax had made two things perfectly clear to me. One, it was time to go back to Boston. Maybe not forever, but for a while. Long enough to get to know my brother again. The second thing I’d discovered was that I couldn’t continue with Addison the way things were going now. We’d never been only about sex, and I needed to make sure she saw that, because I was going to do something rash.
I was going to ask her to come to Boston with me.
I tugged on my suit jacket and wondered if I should have worn a tie. I didn’t own many of them and generally reserved wearing them for occasions like presentations or fundraisers. The jacket I wore only on formal occasions when it was too chilly for just a dress shirt. Tonight, felt like one of those nights clothes-wise, but I’d never been this nervous before any other social event.
Probably because my entire future had never been dependent on one person’s answer to a question before.
With one hand, I held up the flowers I’d bought, and then I knocked with the other. When the door opened, however, Dorly stood there, scowling, her arms crossed.
“If you hurt Addison, I will cut off your balls and give them to her as earrings.”
I blinked. “Wow. That’s an oddly specific threat.”
She shrugged. “I believe in fair warnings.”
She stepped aside, and I walked past her. Codie was here too, perched on the arm of a loveseat. She didn’t look any more pleased to see me than Dorly did.
“What Dorly said, about the earrings,” Codie glared at me, “after she’s done, I’ll cut off your dick and feed it to a pig.”
Despite the fact their threats were enough to make me want to back away with my hands over my crotch, I appreciated the fact that they cared enough about Addison to promise bodily harm if I hurt her.
“Both duly, noted.” I said.
“Addison, your date’s here!” Dorly called without taking her eyes off me.
“You’re early,” Addison said as she rushed out of what I assumed was her bedroom. She pushed curls back from her flushed face. “I need a couple minutes to get this mess under control.”
I smiled at her. “Please don’t. I like your hair wild.”
Her cheeks grew redder, but her eyes sparkled. “Are those for me?”
I held out the flowers, and when her fingers brushed against mine, a little jolt of electricity moved up my arm. “I remembered you saying you liked sunflowers.”
“They’re my favorite,” she said as she cradled the flowers in her arms for a moment. “Dorly, would you mind putting these in water for me?”
Dorly took the bouquet, throwing me one final dirty look before heading to the kitchenette.
“Shall we?” I asked, holding out my hand.
When Addison’s fingers laced between mine, I knew I had to convince her to come with me. I needed her as much as I needed my brothers. She was what would keep me sane when things with them got difficult – and I knew they would.
“You look amazing,” I said as we stepped into the elevator.
She wore a simple pencil skirt and a fitted sweater, both in the same deep green that made her eyes stand out, but she couldn’t have been more beautiful if she’d been in a designer gown.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” she replied with a smile.
I leaned down and gave her a soft kiss, my fingers brushing her cheek. “I missed you.”
She looked surprised but pleased. “Me too.” She laughed. “You’re taking all the good lines.”
We stepped into the lobby, hand-in-hand, then headed outside and down the sidewalk to where I’d parked. Once we were settled and I pulled away from the curb, she reached over and took my hand again.
“I was surprised you asked me to dinner,” she said, her free fingers tracing patterns on the back of my hand. “You don’t have to, you know.”
“Don’t have to what?”
“Take me to dinner. Don’t get me wrong,” she added quickly, “I’m happy to be here with you. I just don’t want you to feel like I expect it. We were clear that this thing with us isn’t a romantic relationship. You can ask me over for sex without all of this.”
I glanced over at her, wondering if I should take the opening. “I wanted to spend time with you.”
I could hear Jax in the back of my head telling me to man up.
She squeezed my hand. “I’d like that too.”
When I’d done my research on romantic restaurants in Atlanta, Nikolai’s Roof was near the top of the list, and I’d liked the look of the place. When Addison and I were seated at a small table near the windows, I knew I’d made the right choice. The view would’ve been great during the day, but at night, the city glowed.
“Atlanta is much more beautiful than I’d expected,” Addison said after I placed a wine order.
Shit. Maybe this hadn’t been the best place to go. I didn’t want her falling in love with the city and not wanting to leave. I should have made a list of all the reasons why Boston was better than Atlanta. She was logical like me. She’d have appreciated that.
I didn’t know how to do this.
“Are you okay?” She reached across the table and took my hand.
I nodded. I needed to find something to talk about. Anything.
“I called my brother this afternoon,” I blurted out.
Dammit. That was going to lead straight to my question, but not in the way I’d wanted. This wasn’t going the way I’d envisioned it at all.
“Which one?”
“Jax.”
“That’s great!” She shifted in her seat, her knees brushing against mine under the table. “How did it go?”
“Really well,” I said. “Being engaged seems to agree with him.”
“I’m happy for you.” She squeezed my hand again, and something in her expression made me wonder if she wanted to say something more.
The waiter came back with our Merlot, and the conversation paused while he poured us each a glass. After thanking him, I took a healthy drink. It wasn’t as intoxicating as hard liquor, but it was enough to relax me a bit.
“What did the two of you talk about?” Addison asked as she sipp
ed her wine.
And here it went.
“He told me about Syll, and how being with her changed him.” I reached for her hand this time, holding her fingers so that I could run my thumb over her knuckles.
“Love can do that, I suppose.” Her gaze slid away from mine, and her smile seemed forced.
I took a deep breath. “I know it can,” I agreed. “Because it’s done that for me.”
Her eyes snapped back to mine, wide and hopeful. “Cai?”
“When I asked you about us having a physical relationship, I was taking the easy way out.” My fingers tightened around hers. “I’ve known I was in love with you from the moment you and Pansy came back from the field and you told me you’d been exposed. I didn’t want to admit it, of course, but now, I can see it. The thought of losing you…” I shook my head. I couldn’t think about it. “I should have told you then how I felt, especially after I realized that masked woman at the club was you. I’d been thinking about her – about you – constantly, and I should have seen it for what it was.”
“Cai,” she interrupted, her smile back to being genuine. “I think you’re babbling.”
A laugh burst out of me. She was right. I was babbling.
I needed to stop dancing around this and just say it.
I got up and walked around to where she was sitting, crouching down so that we were closer to eye level. I took both of her hands in mine.
“I love you, Addison. And maybe it’s not fair to tell you this way, but I don’t want to lose you. I’m moving back to Boston to be closer to my brother, and I want you to come with me.”
Her mouth fell open, and she stared at me.
“I’ll understand if you say no, but I had to tell you before I put in my transfer request to the Boston office.”
“You love me,” she said quietly.
“I do.”
“And you’re moving back to Boston.”
My heart gave a painful twist. “I am.”
“But you want me to move back there too so we can be together.”
I reached up and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. “Yes.”