The Tables are Turning
When arriving back at our tent, the only one seen was Andrew. Him sitting there, on the ground, and leaning against some kind of tree I didn’t recognize, I spoke to him that it was nice seeing another friendly face. We had chatted only a very short time before he noticed that something was troubling me, and spoke. “Is it that you’re missing your wife?”
“No, it’s not that”, and I hesitated a long moment, “I know God had a purpose for sending me here, but right now, I’m having doubts.”
“Simeon, I never would have traveled this far unless I was assured that the purpose was from God, and I am sure.”
“We’ll see,” is all I could utter to come out my mouth.
Andrew looked at me puzzled, thought for a minute, and then spoke; “You’re right, we will see, we’ll see the value in God’s time, for He is the beginning and the end of all things, and this too will bring His people together, for God is not slothful.”
Later that night, Titus and Barnabas snuck up while I must have been in a trance, or at least deep in thought, and asked if I could come to Paul’s tent shortly after daylight the next morning, at Paul request, and I said I would.
It was one of those rare nights that sleep again evaded me, as I continued in thought of the ‘who’ that I am, but to no avail. I was stuck in this blindness and couldn’t see pass my own nose. At times, I’d think I was on the edge of discovery, but then the process of the tally would again elude me. It was there, almost on the tip of my tongue, but it seemed the more I thought, the more confused I was.
Long before daylight, I was up and stirring, the stars, of the last evening, had for the most part left, and a new set of them sparkled above my head, so I watched them slowly rotate while in wait of the first sign of gray as dawn announced itself. After several hours, Andrew joined me around the small fire I had kindled only an hour earlier, and we both sat quietly allowing the morning dew to settle on our shoulders. Finally, the gray gave way to the first glimmer of the sun’s rays, and I did know that this past night was gone, and gone forever, and I was glad. Was that ray of hope, or the blindness of the dark, or did I really think that I had one more new beginning as the sun crested the hill above the city? I wasn’t feeling good, by any means, but much better than I had when the night was dealing her darkness.
Looking across the flat of the land at these groups of tents were pitched in, I could see the three men that we, or I, were to meet, which was only moments away from now. At least, I wished that Andrew was going with me. At the time, I seemed to desire his support, for at this time in my thought system, I didn’t know what to think or what was going to take place.
Before I could make it all the way to Paul’s camp, he was out to greet me in a very pleasant manner, his arm extended and a peaceful smile upon his face. This helped to alleviate the fear that was welling up inside, and I could now replace them with a genuine hello. Now, the last time that I’d seen Paul was many years ago in Jerusalem, and as a matter of fact, that really didn’t go so well, but I loved my fellow brother in Christ and had a deep respect for what he was doing.
“Peter, I’ve so much looked forward to this.” He said as motioning for me to sit between the other two disciples. “It’s been a long journey for the both of us, and at our age we seem to take things slower.”
“It’s seeing you again Paul; and the road, thus far, has been worth the effort through Christ, and I guess that you can see through these gray hairs that I too, am moving a little more meticulously.”
We sat and talked about our encounters, the people healed, and those delivered, and once in a while would speak about our persecutions, and about those blinded by religion that thought they were doing the world a favor with their attacks.
Paul looking up slowly, spoke even more slowly, when he said; “those without this illumination in Christ are doing what they believe they’re supposed to do, the blame is not on those instructed, but on those that instruct. And even then, through their blindness, they are not at fault, but on a mission for their belief, the blind leading the blind, for they have not the vision of Christ, and Him resurrected.” I just shook my head in agreement, as he continued. “My mission, granted to me by Christ, being a Jew by birth, am sent into the gentiles to show them a better way thru life without the burdens of the law placed on them by the religious sect of their region. For those under the law are instructed by the law, but those in Grace are no longer under the weight of the law; and we can therefore live free without that yoke.”
This same Jesus that speaks to me, speaks also to all that seek Him, I thought pleasantly as Paul was giving his preamble. This same Jesus is one in all, the same, to those that seek, knock, and ask for His, and for his indwelling. And of all the different ministries, there is but one Minister, we are all in this together. A refreshing thought I as listened to one that had also met Him face to face.
“I have met several in my journey,” I now spoke out loud, “that have had a true encounter with the Lord of all who lives, and talking with you this beautiful morning, and hearing these words from you, is like a cool drink for a thirsty man, for the same message given to me, has also been enabled in many others of like-mind, thank you.”
Paul looked at me as if what I’d just said hit a button in his spirit, paused a few moments, and began to speak in a matter-of-fact tone, which I knew to have something in it just for me, so leaning forward, I listened with intent, but not expecting to hear what was to come from his mouth, or should I say, the mouth used by God.
“Peter, I know you to be a man of God, and from Him great works have been achieved thru you, and many of His mysteries have been revealed, but, I somewhat have aught against you. For before certain men came, you would eat with the Gentiles; but when the Jews came, you would withdraw and separate yourself, fear those who were of the circumcision. And the rest of the Jews also played the hypocrite with you, so that even Barnabas was carried away with their hypocrisy.”
I wasn’t expecting this kind of prolog from this man, whom I much admired, and began to hang my head in shame, and at that moment wasn’t about to say a word, I just listened, and I thought from within.
A short instant later, Paul continued. “If you, being a Jew, live in the manner of the Gentiles and not as a Jew, why do you compel Gentiles to live as Jews? We, who are Jews by nature, know God’s truth, and knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law but by faith in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by faith in Jesus Christ and not by the works of the law; for thru the works of the law, no flesh shall be justified.”
These words were hitting home, and what could I say; I sat there listening to this Apostle, surnamed Paul, tell me, an Apostle also, about the things of God with this tone of voice, but all I could think secretly was; he was right. As Paul hesitated for a long moment, with my mind racing, the best thing at this point was to put away my flesh and continue listening.
“But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, and we ourselves are found again sinners’; is then Christ therefore a minister of sin? Certainly not. For if I again build those things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor. For I, through the law, died to the law, that I might live to God.”
My heart ached; my brain was beginning to settle down, but not without my Spirit, with the calming voice within, saying; “take heed of my sound as I nurture you thru this man.” I again began to hear as the Spirit was teaching me, but I still felt shame, not necessarily from Paul, but from the already established knowledge of Jesus’ words that lived within.
As Paul, now sitting, seeming to relax a little, lowering his voice a notch below the already proven efficiency of his words, continued again to speak, with a look of sincerity, and said. “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life
which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. I do not set aside the Grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain.”
“What could I say?” I thought, but have not yet spoken a word as yet, for I knew these words to be true, and I’d known it from our experience at Pentecost. I had already known from the inside that what I was doing was done away with by the vision at Cornelius’ house, but my attitudes of pleasing others to gain status hit me in a place I could no longer avoid. All that was said was true, and now I had to own it. My shame began to melt into a firmness of Spirit that I thought long ago was established, but evidently not, but this seed fell on the good ground of my being.
Titus and Barnabas were still sitting only feet away and heard every word spoken, and it was plain to see that Barnabas too felt the impact of this reprimand, for his head hung low of the reprisal just heard.
Paul, evidently a gentleman in every way, sat quietly, and with no foulness of expression, waited for all this to sink in, as I began to look one way, and then another, before I spoke. The air was not filled with bitterness, as I would have expected in my earlier years, but a peace from pain of the establishment of Gods’ Truth in a man that sought to grow, and I did. For the last, more than several, weeks, God was preparing me for this visit in Antioch, and at the time, had no idea that it might be for this purpose, or am I supposing, but still as yet, the full impact of this learning session, hasn’t fully sunk in.
What could I say, at least at this point in the postscript, I thought with no facial or contrary response, for all that needed said, Paul said it; I had wronged more than a few, but more importantly, I had wronged the Grace in which I’d lived. So I said nothing, at least for a space of some minutes, before getting up, walking to Barnabas, and apologizing to his face; for of a truth, I was sorrowful and had shamed myself with this immature behavior.
Paul knew what this meant, and also knew that the words that, I’m sure, he too toiled with, had taken root and was accepted. And as I turned around, looking in his direction, I could see a glimmer of a smile in the corners of his mouth, with relief now settling upon the face, he knew that this dreaded analogy was from God and had to be spoken.
For the next couple of days, I thought it wise to stay to myself in prayer, and allowing the seed planted, to grow. There were times of turmoil, times of gladness, times that seemed dark, but after all the deciphering, I had an appreciation for the mercy that was shown by God to me through Paul. This was one of those rare events in life, that is, this trial of my nonsense that I had performed in just about every city I’d gone too, and the lesson learned, and learned well, was well worth every pain and humiliation endured that I put myself through; for as of now the tables had turned once again in my life, and now am therefore much farther in my walk with the Lord.
Then after these days of inventorying and cleaning out these, and a few more, skeletons out of my inner cloke, I discovered a man, that for the first time, truly sought the will of God without inhibitions. I am the beginnings of a man, with a reach much farther than the one that had walked these many miles; for more of the blinders were removed, the air clearer, and my focus was much more on the journey yet to come, and not on me.
After these days, Paul again came to me with words, and I again listened with no anxiety, but glad to hear whatever tidings he brings,
“Peter, not many months ago I learned from God a truth that might be helpful to you, an understanding of a factor that has made a tremendous difference in my thinking. And I’d like to share it with you, if I may.”
“Being Apostles in Christ together gives each a privilege that cannot be broken by man, nor principalities, nor of any who are not Christ minded; “speak on.” I said in a clear and assertive voice, for now, nothing will detour me from learning all I can of Truth.
“As we ponder on the things of God, we sometimes wrongly divide His word of Truth, for that of the flesh, is temporal, a carnal thing to consume upon that flesh; and that of the Spirit is not given to be wasted on the carnal aspect of man, but is sent as an exhortation to the eternal man within.” Paul paused a few seconds, and looked to me with smiles, his hands clasped and leaning slightly forward to me in meekness. “The ‘who’ of man is temporal and always earth bound, always seeking earth ways; but the ‘what’ of man is that which was given by God for His glory and must not be confused with the ‘who’ that we think we are. The ‘who’ is that which this world has created thru the people we know, our parents, all that in our environment, it is made up of the strengths and weakness of man.” Paul said as he now moved a little closer to me, but still smiling that genuine grin, and paused again as he sat on a half burnt log next to our pit.
“The ‘who’ of man only matters in this world, but God can use that ‘who’ whenever he wishes; but remember, it is restrained by the dimensions of this world, the dust of this earth, and has but little effect concerning the things of God. For God can make the stones cry out in worship, or can make a dumb donkey speak, or even turn rocks into the children of Abraham; all can and are used by the Lord, we are limited, but He is not. But the ‘what’ of man is that which was made a new creature thru Christ; and all value is bestowed upon it; the ‘what’.”
My Spirit began to blend with these words, and it was like a hand reaching into my bowls to unplug that which was constrained. These were new words to me, but were received as if I’d known them all my life, and, another part of my emptiness was being filled with the Spirit, and began to overflow through my being as I spoke. “The ‘who’ that I am, is as filthy rags, and has no righteousness of itself, but that which was planted by Christ in man, ‘the what’, has from the beginning, been righteous.” This was like the time in Pentecost, when no thoughts of my own proceeded from my mouth, just the fullness of the Spirit as He flowed thru me.
“The ‘who’, that which was given by man,” I continued speaking, “has but temporal value, but the ‘what’ was given to each by Christ, and the indwelling of the ‘what’ that I am, and that alone, matters, to those that truly seek Him. We are the Sons of God, created from the foundations of the world, children designed for purpose, His righteousness, for of truth; God is the ‘what’ of man, His son. And He desires a relationship with each.
Paul knew that I knew, and that was all that was said, we hugged a long time, and without a word, both of us turned to go our designated way, and left walking. The table had truly turned. The self-pity that had, had far too much of a hold on me, was now gone, I was delivered.