Ian was waiting for Simon as he walked into the office, sitting idly on his office chair. He seemed to be deep in thought as he rested his chin on his palm. Although faint, color had returned to his cheeks, but with a wan, tired smile, Simon noticed, distressingly, that this was not the same Ian. He seemed to be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Simon approached Ian, his hand reached out in mid-air to gently touch Ian’s shoulder, but he quickly retreated before Ian noticed his clumsy indecision.
“Hey Ian. How are you?” Simon said, trying to inject a coldness in his tone of voice.
“Hey tiger. Good to see you. I’m right as rain, thanks. How was your meeting with Zuko? And when can I see the article?”
“Woah, hold your horses there. I have it with me.” Simon took the pages out of his brown leather satchel. Ian pulled out a chair for him, and Simon, hoping he wasn’t blushing, sat down. Now being closer to Ian, Simon noticed the dark circles stained under Ian’s eyes, and he felt a pang of regret. Ian seemed so happy to see him, calling him by his pet name (swoon!). Was Simon ruining his happy ever after? What a fool! Simon winced at his own naiveté. Margeaux’s words echoed in his mind… there was no way Ian could ever feel the same way about him.
“Excellent. I can’t wait to dig in. I just want to tell you before I get started that… it’s been good working on this story with you. It’s been good having something to focus on. To keep my mind off of my injury and all of these silly thoughts. You’ve been a kind friend to me, Simon.” Ian paused, his gaze sharpening as he carefully regarded Simon with his coffee brown eyes.
“And Simon, if I did something to offend you, you really can tell me. I’ve noticed that you’ve been pulling away from me lately, and I know it must be for a good reason, but I just can’t think of it. If you tell me, I’ll figure it out with you. I just thought I’d say something because this distance is definitely… not fun for me. It sucks, in fact.” Ian bowed his head, and Simon’s heart melted at Ian’s show of vulnerability.
Ian’s sincerity caught Simon completely off guard. He looked straight into Ian’s eyes, and his heart yearned and ached with longing. He could swear he was experiencing heart palpitations. Only the cause was heartache.
But what could Simon tell him? How could he tell him how deep his feelings really were? Surely Margeaux was right, and Ian would run for the hills at the very suggestion.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ian. I think things are perfectly fine between us.” Simon couldn’t look Ian in the eye while saying this. Simon steeled his jaw, determined not to meet Ian’s eyes, determined not to weaken his own resolve again.
Ian met Simon’s gaze, his eyes dim. “Okay. I… If you’re sure there’s nothing wrong. Then I guess we’ll just focus on the story. It was silly of me to get so deep; sorry about that. I’m probably just projecting all of my issues onto you. I’ve become a neurotic mess these past few weeks. Not even Margeaux wants to spend time with me anymore, and she was all over me in the start.”
Simon waited for the moment to pass, willed it to pass, and finally Ian came to his mercy.
“Anyway, let me get to the story right now. I’m excited to read it. The front page of next week’s edition, I’m sure!” He began reading the story, and Simon went to make some coffee. He waited for Ian to finish reading the story, feeling suddenly very nervous. Despite everything, Ian’s opinion was still extremely important to Simon, and Simon realized how much he needed Ian’s approval. The minutes passed slowly, with the consistent hum of Ian’s computer and the ticking of the office clock providing little comfort to soothe Simon’s nerves. Finally, Ian reached the last line of the article and looked up at Simon. He put his hand on Simon’s shoulder again, as he had done so often when he was praising him, and said, “Excellent job, Northbrook. You’ve done it. We need to get this on the front page of next week’s edition. I’ll get to the edits immediately.”
Simon began to feel a sense of apprehension. The moment of truth, quite literally, had arrived, and it was time to face the music. Simon felt a tightening in his chest. “Thanks Ian. But not next week yet.” Simon blurted out.
“I want to run through a few more facts and see if I can get any more interviews. Let’s put it off just a little bit longer so that I can make sure it’s really perfect.”
“It’s not going to get any more perfect than it is right now. I mean, after my edits, of course. But it’s exactly the story we need to tell right now. Are you sure you won’t be ready to publish by this week’s edition?”
Simon considered Ian’s suggestion. He knew that the story was ready, but he was unsure of whether or not he was ready to publish it. Of course, exams were not too far away so he needed to publish it soon. And Zuko deserved to have this story told as soon as possible. “Tell you what, give me one more week. Let’s put it in next week’s edition. I’ll definitely have it ready by then.”
Ian hesitated. Eventually, he nodded thoughtfully, “Okay Northbrook. But don’t sit on it too long. You’ve done good work here. Don’t let the opportunity escape you. Remember, perfection is the enemy of good. Ian winked at Simon.
Ian and Simon sat working through the article then, Ian offering some useful edits. Simon relished the time they could spend together, and seeing Ian being in control, taking on the role of editor again, comforted him. There were glimmers of the old, confident Ian, who didn’t let anything bring him down, whose smile could instantly inspire confidence in Simon. But they had both been through so much and their relationship was no longer the same.
Simon looked at the clock hanging from the wall. It was almost 1 in the morning. They had been working for hours, and it had felt like mere minutes. “Wow, looks like we’re really burning the midnight oil here,” Simon said. “It’s fun doing a real investigative piece like this. And, of course, it’s great having an editor who I can bounce ideas off of.”
“Well, I’m having a great time too, tiger,” Ian said with a wink.
Simon indulged in the moment, for once just forgetting all of his worries. “I don’t want it to end,” he said, and despite his desire to kick himself, he went with it.
Ian seemed taken aback by the comment. “Well, tiger, there are many more stories we can do together.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean, I don’t want to stop spending time with you like this. I don’t want us to be distant. I was lying before when I said that I didn’t think that we were drifting apart. There are some things going on with me. But you shouldn’t be the one to suffer for it. I know I’ve been hot and cold with you. I’m sorry. I really do value you as a friend.”
“Wow, Simon, I don’t know what to say. Listen, let’s put all of that behind us and just make a promise that we won’t let anything drive us apart. I don’t want to go that long without seeing you again. I don’t even know if you remember this, but I said something to you on that day when we hosted the rally for Harry Baleka. I said that I need to keep you close because I can always trust you to have my back. I hope that’s still true. It might have sounded like nothing at the time, but there was a lot more behind that comment than you know. In fact, I had wanted to say it to you for a while. But when it finally came out, it sounded stupid. I hope we won’t drift apart again. I hope we can remember what’s really important. And that’s being there for each other.”
The conversation had turned much more intimate very quickly. Maybe it was just the tiredness and the sense of accomplishment of finishing the story, Simon thought, but he felt like they were both saying things they had wanted to say for a long time.
“We’d better get some shut eye,” Simon finally said. “I have a big week ahead of me if I’m going to be on the front page of the Ridgemont Weekly with a headlining feature.” He smiled and walked over to Ian. “I’m glad we had this talk. Really glad.”
“Me too,” Ian said, and he stood up from his seat and gave Simon a hug. His big arms were firm around Simon’s slight frame. It felt comforting and safe to be embraced by
Ian like that. He remembered the moments they had shared, how Ian had called him to sit by him on the floor when he was drunk after the staff party, how he had given Ian a kiss on the cheek when he was distraught after his accident. A real intimacy had developed between them, and the hug, in the office together at 1 a.m., felt like an acknowledgement of their closeness. Simon couldn’t let his head get in the way anymore. He couldn’t let himself be pushed away from Ian because of his fears. He resolved, in his tired, euphoric haze, to do better.
“Oh,” Ian said, “I don’t know if Olivia told you that she invited me to her engagement dinner. I guess I’ll be seeing you there.”
Simon almost rolled his eyes. Of course Olivia would not stop trying to push the two of them together every chance she got. But he was grateful that he would be able to share more time with Ian, especially when they had worked so hard to finish the story about Riley. “Great, I’m looking forward to seeing you then, boss,” Simon said. “I mean, tiger.” He tried the pet name for Ian, but he immediately realized he was making a fool of himself.
Ian laughed, “Hey, that’s my name for you! You need to find your own!”
“Ha! I guess I’ll have to think about it.” The color was definitely coming back into Ian’s face, and his eyes seemed more alive. Simon felt optimistic for the first time in a long while. Maybe things would work out. But first, he had to concentrate on getting the story published.
Chapter 20