Simon found himself panting in front of the offices of the Weekly. His feet were sore and his chest aching from running so fast. He couldn’t believe how he had reacted, but something had come over him. He had never felt that scared in his life before. He had never felt so out of control. Ian had a way of completely disarming him and making him act like a two-year-old. And he had just run out of Olivia’s party. He would have to apologize to her when he got the chance. Embarrassment flushed over him, and he sat down at his desk.
His phone started ringing then and he pulled it out of his pocket. He didn’t want to talk to Ian or Olivia right now, but the number on his screen was one he didn’t recognize. He decided to answer, and heard an unfamiliar voice on the other end of the line.
“Simon Northbrook?” the heavy voice with the thick Afrikaans accent said to him.
“Yes. Who is this?” Simon was still struggling to catch his breath, and he felt sweat on his forehead.
“You are the one asking all the questions about me for the Ridgemont Weekly?”
Simon’s eyes widened and he froze in terror. It was Conrad Riley himself. Simon had been trying to get him to agree to an interview, but after the threatening meeting with his father it seemed highly unlikely that he would want to talk to Simon. But here he was, on the phone.
“Listen here,” Riley said, sounding increasingly threatening, “everyone who you spoke to in my res is being taken care of. They will be taking back their statements soon. And you will stop this nonsense if you know what’s good for you. And if you know what’s good for your friend, the ladyboy. Believe me, what we did last time was merely an appetizer for what he’ll get if this story ever sees the light of day.”
The phone was put down in Simon’s ear then, and he sat there, shell shocked. Riley had threatened him. This would be perfect to include in the story as well, and then to speak to the newspaper’s lawyer about, of course. But despite these rational thoughts Simon was still chilled by the threats of Conrad Riley. He could understand why Zuko was intimidated enough to leave campus after being harassed and abused by such a strong presence. Simon felt scared for his safety until the story was published, but he knew that once it was out there, there was little Riley could do. It sounded like Riley and his team were ready to take more drastic actions to make sure that the story did not come out.
Simon got up from his chair, ready to go home and sleep off the confusion of the day. But he was not expecting to see Ian standing at the doorway, breathing heavily, still looking impossibly handsome as he walked into the room.
“I lost you for a bit there. But I figured you probably came here. Looks like I know you quite well.” Ian stood in the center of the room, waiting for Simon to say something. Only half of the lights in the office were switched on, creating a haunting effect, and it was completely silent in the room.
“I… I’m sorry,” was all Simon could manage.
“Why did you freak out like that? What happened? Did I totally misread the signals?”
“I… I just got scared. I couldn’t deal with it. With you acting like that towards me.”
“I’ve wanted to do something like that for a long time. But I was the one who was scared, trying to hide from what I was really feeling.”
Ian stepped closer to him then, standing only a few feet in front of him. “Don’t you see, Simon? There was always someone who made me want to be more than just the person my father wanted me to be. There was someone who made me want to be something I was always taught was wrong. But I don’t care anymore. I want you to know how I feel.”
He took a single step closer to Simon. Simon felt weak then, like he was ready to faint. “I need to sit down for a second, Ian. I need to think about things.”
“What’s there to think about? Are you telling me not to say what I want to say?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. There are just other things involved. Other people.” Simon thought again of Margeaux’s threats and how she had told him that he would never be good enough for Ian.
“There’s someone else?” Ian asked, dejected.
“No!” Simon exclaimed, in a higher pitch than he intended. He cleared his throat. “No, there’s no one else.” Simon paused, and he gave Ian a studied glance. “Not for me, at least.”
“Silly man!” Ian couldn’t resist himself as he pinched Simon’s cheek, tempted not to take the bait. But he smiled at Simon, and brushed his cheek at the spot that reddened. “You know there is nobody else for me either.”
Ian paused, as he became aware of how vulnerable he was making himself. “Simon, I want to say it, please let me say it. Every time I push forward you pull away.” Ian turned around then, and whispered, “I can’t take it anymore.”
Simon moved over and touched Ian’s arm. He wanted to say the right thing, but he didn’t know what that was. Here was Ian, ready to pour his heart out, and Simon couldn’t accept it because he was afraid of what would happen to them afterwards. He was afraid of the unknown.
“Just give me some time,” Simon said, finally. “I just need to get my mind clear of this story. Then I can process everything. I just feel like my head is swimming. I got this threatening call from Conrad Riley a few minutes ago, and I’ve had a few glasses of wine, everything just feels…”
“What? He called you? Tonight? What did he say? Are you okay?”
Ian’s eyes softened with concern and gentle care.
“I’m okay. I know he can do nothing to me once the story is out there. But he’s in a corner, and he sounded dangerous. I don’t know what he might try to do.”
“You need to publish the story right now. You know it’s ready. You know you don’t need to wait another week. We can have it on the front page for this week’s edition if I give the go-ahead tonight.”
“I can’t yet. I just need a bit more time to make sure everything’s perfect.”
“Simon, at some point you just have to take the plunge. Everything won’t always be perfect. You won’t always be able to control every detail. You just need to do it at some point. You know: perfect is the enemy of good.”
Simon took a moment to absorb Ian’s words. They rang true, and although not intended as such, they stung. He wanted to be that person who could just follow his instincts, and stop overthinking. He wanted to be the type of journalist that Ian was, and be the type of man that Ian deserved to be with. But he was neither of those things. He was just neurotic Simple Simon. He was still afraid of the consequences of diving into something he couldn’t control.
“That’s not how I live my life, Ian. I can’t just do things because I feel like them. I need to consider the dangers, not just to myself, but also to the people I really care about. Everything doesn’t just miraculously work out with a happily-ever-after ending. This is real life, with real consequences, and these decisions could cost us a lot more than you think. I know you want me to just be reckless for a change. I know Olivia wants that for me. But that’s not who I am. There’s too much to think about.”
Ian studied Simon, and if Simon was not so hyper alert to every gesture, look, and affectation from Ian, he would have missed it, but Ian slightly shook his head with disappointment. “At a certain point, Simon, using your head so much will cost you the things you really want.” “Send me the final version of the story when it’s ready. I’ll see you, Northbrook.” He raised his hand and waved goodbye to Simon without turning to look at him.
Simon sat down at his desk again. He felt empty.