Chapter 18
Sunday morning my eyes were still red, so I hid out in my room until I heard Jessie get up. I wondered if she was going to take a long shower.
Dad had put in one of those showerheads on a hose with different pulses and spray patterns. He said we were old enough to really enjoy it. Jessie and I agreed that at a certain setting and aimed just right, it did feel awfully good, but I doubted that was what he’d meant.
I sat at my desk in just my robe, drawing a plan for one of my mantle boats. I planned to make spending money by selling the sailboat models at local tourist shops in the summer. I had tried making quilts to sell, but they didn’t come out right – both of us had one of the ugly things on our beds. But I figured the boats would be popular, and decided to make several so I didn’t run out mid-season.
I wasn’t really thinking about boats, though. I had to talk to Jessie about what I’d discovered, and I dreaded it. I couldn’t even fathom how to break it to her. Einstein seemed to jeer at me from the wall. I used my inhaler, but it didn’t relieve the tightness in my chest. So this is what Daniel meant. Maybe I should call him first.
Jessie screamed in her room and then ran past my door.
“Cory? Help!” There was panic in her voice, something I had never heard. A thud came from the bathroom, so hard that I could feel it through the wall.
“Jess?” There was no response.
Dropping the sketchpad, I ran into the bathroom. To my total shock, she was on the floor with her pants around her ankles. There was blood on her clothes and down her leg. In her haste to undress, she had gotten a toe hooked on part of her underwear, and there was a head-shaped dent in the drywall.
I started to call for Dad, but realized he’d had to go into work early that morning. I’d have to manage this. Instinctively, I rushed in and knelt next to her.
“What happened? You’re hurt! Stay right here – I’m calling nine-one-one.”
She freed her foot from the tangle, reached for my hand and stood.
“Move over,” she demanded, and then stepped into the tub, naked from the waist down. A neat funnel of fine, dark... well, of course, she’d have pubic hair now. A lot more than me. Why should that be startling? She yanked the shower curtain closed.
“Get out of here!”
“Sit down,” I ordered. “You’ll fall again. I’ll grab the phone.”
“Wait! Cory, Stop. No, no, no – I’m okay, I’m okay.”
Unconvinced, I glanced down at her clothes on the bathmat. A disembodied hand reached out from behind the curtain and added her shirt to the pile.
“Are you sure? You don’t look okay.”
“I’m alright,” she repeated, a little more calmly this time. “I’m not hurt; I was just a little... scared. Please, Cory, just leave me alone, okay?”
I heard the shower go on and almost immediately the squeak of slipping feet. The hand reached out again, grabbing at the curtain. This was too much for the rubber end of the curtain rod, which sprung free and crashed to the floor. Jessie sat naked in the tub where she’d landed, with the water cascading onto her.
I stared for a moment at the trickle flowing toward the drain, and then slowly back to her face, which was a bright russet. Even her ears flushed. She moved to cover herself with her hands. Her breast buds were so small that it worked.
She looked so vulnerable; I just wanted to make things all right for her. I looked away, climbed onto the toilet seat cover, and busied myself with rehanging the curtain.
“I’m not hurt. Really. It’s just my first period,” she explained. “Well, maybe my second, technically. But it was so sudden. I just... freaked out.”
I glanced down and her face now burned even brighter. Giving up her attempt at modestly, Jessie stood up to fix the liner. It wasn’t like when we were skinny-dipping the year before. Her body looked different. Her areolas were the color of coffee, and bumpy like mine get when I’m cold. I’d always thought she was cute, and now I could see she was becoming a beautiful young woman.
Looking at my little sister nude didn’t make me feel uncomfortable; it was actually really nice. It felt funny, but sort of exciting. I could feel my body react.
When our eyes met I almost dropped the rod.
Those eyes! The narrowed rims of her dark irises were barely visible, and her even darker pupils were open wide. I could see my reflection in them, breaking into a bashful smile. Then the most amazing thing happened. She smiled back at me. It was like her whole face – her whole being – lit up. I felt a surge of joy; I felt my life change.
Suddenly I understood why couples looked so googly-eyed at each other. I wanted to kiss her; I’d never wanted to kiss anybody like that. I wanted to be her hero and save her from a bear. I wanted to marry her – but not like before. For real, to love for always, to hold her naked every night and to wake up beside her every morning for the rest of my life.
My mind reeled and seconds ticked away. What should I say? What should I do? Should I try to kiss her, maybe just on the cheek, or would that be too... If only I could freeze this moment, or at least not ruin it.
Too late, the moment had already passed. Still smiling, she turned back to straighten the liner. I stepped down. Damn, I should have done or said something. Safely separated again by the shade, I realized that I’d literally been holding my breath, and exhaled.
Oh shit! My robe had come loose. I yanked it closed and tightened the knot. Did she see? No, probably not, I don’t know. It occurred to me that at worst we were even, but that didn’t seem much comfort.
“Oh my God, Cory!” she giggled nervously, “I’m so sorry. That was too much information. Way more than you wanted, huh?”
“Uh, it’s okay, Sis, no problem. That was nice,” I started... Nice? My brain screamed – why did I say that? Where could I go with that? My heart hammered against my ribs. “I mean you have a really nice... smile. It makes your eyes sparkle.” Wow, that was really lame.
She giggled nervously.
“Did you... Do you need anything?” I asked.
“No, except to die quickly of embarrassment.”
“Yeah, um,” I understood that. “Then you, ah, you go ahead and get cleaned up, and, um, and I’ll, uh, take your things down to the laundry, okay?”
“No, I’ll take care of it.” She peeked around the curtain, still bright red and smiling weakly.
“Thanks, Cory.” Then she added, a little more surely, “I like your eyes, too.”
What did she mean by that?
Ignoring her instructions, I wrapped her clothes in the bathmat, and slipped out of the room.
That radiant smile burned in my heart. I felt really weird. Excited, a little dizzy. The picture of her undressed burned behind my eye sockets. I was painfully erect. I had to adjust things before I could comfortably walk down the hall.
On the way to the laundry room, all I could say to myself was “Wow.” I understood periods, at least in a general, mechanical sense. I’d never contemplated the reality. Like she said, too much info.
Downstairs, I started the washer. Socks, bathmat, shirt... I looked around. No bra. Okay, not that she needed one. Both horrified and fascinated, I untangled the panties and dropped them in. I removed the belt from her jeans and checked the pockets.
Back upstairs, I set the belt on her dresser. I noticed some dark spots on the carpet. I got carpet cleaner from under the kitchen sink and went back to spray some on every spot I could find. Each one turned into a little pile of white foam with a pink dot in the middle.
I slipped into shorts and a tee shirt. When the shower turned off, I double-checked my fly and then knocked softly on the bathroom door. Sis opened it, wrapped in a big towel.
“I got the carpet, so be careful of the wet spots. And I threw in the laundry...”
“I said you didn’t have to.” It sounded curt. She tried again. “I mean, thank you; that was nice of you. Hang on – can you add these to t
he load?” She passed me a couple hand towels. “Thanks, Cory,” she said again.
In the basement, I sat on one of the freezers to think. It was full of venison from our hunting trip last month. I stared at the drill press. I noticed some sawdust that I’d missed under the workbench, and made a mental note to clean it up before Dad came down.
I stared at the gun safe where the rifles waited, cleaned and oiled, ready for target practice and hunting next fall. There were also handguns and bows in there; Dad taught us to use and care for them all. Jessie was an amazing archer, but she was so strong; even before the fire my arms got tired too quickly.
Jessie. I stared at the washing machine. Nothing came into my head. Just that naked smile.