Chapter 41
“I heard your Current Events paper was quite a hit.”
“Not really. I’d hoped that it’d make people think, but instead they just talked past each other.”
“Can I read it?”
“Sure, just a sec – I’ll get it.”
It was silent for a few minutes. I might’ve given up eavesdropping, but I figured that this could be an interesting conversation.
“That’s pretty good, Jessie. So you think there are times when it’s okay?”
“Sure. Like especially if you were at some health risk, or the baby was going to die at birth anyway. I think that’s a no-brainer.”
“Even that would be hard, I mean to actually kill a baby?”
“I think that has to be left up to the mom’s best judgment. I guess it already is; it’s not like laws will stop abortions. Condoms and education are probably more effective. Rich people will have them done safely, and poor women will find someone, but it won’t be safe; some of them will die along with the baby. That doesn’t make much sense to me. The only real choice’s whether they’re legal or illegal, in other words, whether all the moms get to live or not.”
“No, you don’t understand. I’m not talking about public policy, Jess. How can a person chose?”
“As long as it’s available and safe, I think it’s okay either way. I know I’d have a hard time with that decision, and I couldn’t judge someone. There are just too many... are you okay, Beth?”
There was a long pause.
“I’m in trouble, Jess.”
“You mean you’re…”
“Pregnant, yeah.”
“Oh, Beth! No way, really?”
“Yeah. I really fucked this up.”
“Wait – aren’t you on the pill now?”
“I must have messed them up. If my mom finds them I don’t always remember where I was. I thought I was safe, but now I’ve missed two periods.”
“That might just be from messing up the pills.”
“No, I peed on one of those stick things and got the plus sign.”
“Oh shit. Have you told Dave?”
“No,” she moaned, “Jessie, I don’t even know if it’s his.”
“What?! Oh my God, what happened?”
“Remember when Dave and I broke up for a while in October? I was really mad, and...” She choked. “His brother...”
“Steven? You and Steven?”
Oh, God! I couldn’t imagine her and that little jerk Steven. I couldn’t imagine Beth being pregnant – she always seemed to have her life together. But Steven?
“No, Dave’s older brother, Rick. He was home from college for the weekend.”
“Did he force you or coerce you?”
“No. No, it wasn’t like that. I... at the time... I wanted it. I was just so angry at Dave… At first he wasn’t even willing, but I, ugh, I kinda talked him into it. He was really sweet and gentle. He knew it was my first time and he... I can’t believe I’m telling you. He made me get on top, and go as slow as I wanted. He asked me several times if I wanted to quit and said it’d be okay if I did. I should have quit. I knew it, but I did it anyway.”
“Does anyone else know? Do you think he told anybody?”
“I don’t think so. He promised not to – he said I’d given him a gift, and that it was something he’d treasure. You know him; he’s really nice.”
“What about Dave, though? You must’ve had...”
“Two days later, when we made up. I lied and said he was my first. I always wanted him to be.”
“But what about your hymen? There’d be no blood.”
Leave it to Jessie to get to the details.
Beth laughed nervously. “I lost my cherry years ago,” she confessed, “I was sore for days.”
In a great imitation of Jodi’s voice, Jessie said, “Eew.” They both giggled kind of nervously.
“I’ve told Dave no ever since, so I know I’m seven weeks.”
“Why? I mean, not to be indelicate, but what’s the harm now?”
“I’m too messed up. I can’t even think about it. It’s like I’m afraid he’ll just look at me and be able to tell I cheated.”
“So what do you tell him?”
“At first I said I had a bladder infection and he backed off.”
Too much information, I thought. Some stuff I just didn’t want to know. But yeah, that would’ve made me back off.
“But he knows that would have cleared up long ago. He says I’m just a tease. Maybe I am. But it’s like now he’s entitled or something. He says I’m holding out on him. I guess I am, but I hate when he talks that way.”
“Beth, I’m so sorry! This is awful. What are you going to do?”
“Oh, God, I don’t know. I wonder if it wouldn’t be best to just end it now. Then nobody has to know.”
“Okay, listen – there are only a few possibilities. Let’s figure this out. Door number one: you end it now. What are the pros and cons?”
“Things go on as normal except that I hate myself for the rest of my life. If I have an abortion and tell Dave about it...”
“Wait, Beth, don’t get ahead of yourself. Could you really go through with it? I mean, yeah, it’s logically an option, but is it really an option for you?”
“Maybe, Jessie, I don’t know.”
“That means it’s an option, if you aren’t rejecting it out of hand. Okay, if you do that, would you tell Dave?”
“I don’t think I could. It wasn’t his fault – he thought it was safe. He’d freak on me.”
“If you didn’t tell him, and he found out?”
“I’m not sure he could handle that. He’d probably dump me.”
“Okay, so door number one is aborting it, hating yourself, and lying about it to your boyfriend. If he finds out, you have no baby and no boyfriend, but you can finish school and go to college. Door number two: have the baby and give it up for adoption.”
‘‘No, that’s not going to happen. If I don’t stop it, it’ll rain shit in a million ways. I’m not going through that just to give it up.”
“So that leaves us with door number three: Have the baby and keep it. It rains shit in a million ways.”
“That’s where I get confused. My dad’s not around – he’s always away on a rig in the Gulf, and my mom would disown me before she’d help me raise a baby – she’d be livid. She’s so judgmental. Dave’s folks might help, might even let us live there.”
“What would happen to your life? Would you finish high school? Go to college? Get a job? Go on welfare?”
“Oh, God, Jessie. That’s just it. I don’t want to be that girl – the one other people point out to their kids and say ‘See? That’s what happens when you screw up your life,’ you know?”
“Yeah, I get it. One more question; what if you keep the baby and it turns out to be Rick’s? They might know just by the blood type.”
“What do you mean?”
“What blood types are you and Dave?”
“I’m an A negative, and he’s – um – he’s an O. The Red Cross keeps calling him. I don’t know if he’s positive or negative, though.”
“So he has two type O genes – they’re recessive. You have one A gene for sure, and the other’s either an A or an O. So, if the baby has type B or AB, it can’t be Dave’s.”
“Oh, shit. That’d wreck everything. I’d be totally cut off. Everybody I care about would reject me. I’d be sixteen, have a baby and nobody to help, so Child Services might even take it away.”
“So that’s door number four, worst case scenario. The other option’s lying about the pregnancy to your boyfriend and hating yourself for ending it. Does that help?”
“Yeah, I see it clear... I know what I have to do. First, there’ll be no question about blood types or genetics. I’m going to assume Dave’s the father – any other possibility vanishes right here, right now, okay?”
&nb
sp; “Okay, Beth. I’d never betray your trust.”
“I know.”
“But that means...”
There was a pause. Her voice was calm and steady, maybe even relieved. “Yeah. It means – it rips up my heart – but I need an abortion. I’m sorry, it’s awful, but that’s how I see it.”
“It’s alright, go on.”
“I guess, as the father, Dave still holds half of the responsibility, and I guess he has a right to know. I have to tell him... just not about Rick.”
“He’s going to question whether you were taking your pills. But we all know nothing works all the time.”
“No, this is entirely my mom’s fault. If she hadn’t messed with my pills none of this would’ve happened. I hope Dave understands that. I’m going to ask him to go with me. If he loves me enough, he will.”
“I think he will.
“Jess, I’m so scared. But I’m so blessed to have a friend like you. You’re the only person in the world who could help me today.” Then her voice was shaky again. “Jessie? What if Dave won’t go with me? Will you come hold my hand?”
“Oh, Beth, of course I will.”
The furnace came back on.
How could Beth be pregnant? I felt awful for her. And I was angry. Beth was so smart! How could she have had sex without a condom? Twice! I was angry at Rick for cheating with his brother’s girlfriend. Sure, she got him going, but didn’t he have any self-control?
Mostly I was angry with Rick and Dave for not protecting Beth. There was no excuse.