Sandra is now in charge of the helps ministry for our conferences. It is a big responsibility, and she does an outstanding job. She also helps me with some things in the pulpit (offerings, announcements, exhortations, and so forth). She has a genuine call on her life to the helps ministry. She absolutely loves to help! She helps her brothers and sisters by baby-sitting for them. She helps my widowed aunt by spending time with her and taking her places.
The devil had Sandra convinced in the early years of her life that she was not gifted or talented. She believed him, and as long as she did so, she was miserable and felt worthless. What a liar Satan is, but as long as we believe his lies, we are unfulfilled and never succeed at being ourselves.
Sandra was and is, a precious individual who rejected herself for a period of time, but through God’s Word found truth that has made her free. Her perfectionist personality caused her to pressure other people for a while. She had unrealistic expectations of them just as she did of herself.
Anytime we expect someone else to keep us happy all the time, we are in for some disappointment.
When Sandra got married, it was to a man who is a lot like Dave — very easygoing and a lover of peace. He is very easy to get along with, but he does not like to be nagged. He came to a point where he told Sandra to stop acting like his mother. She was very mad and hurt, but as the days went by she realized he was right. She has taken the pressure off of him, and as a result is experiencing less pressure herself.
Our youngest son Daniel missed most of my “fiery days.” By the time he came along, I was more mature in the Lord. I had learned the lessons of accepting people as they are, allowing God to make the changes in them He deems necessary.
Daniel’s personality is a lot like Laura’s, but he and I have had very little conflict in all these years. I accept him because of who he is, not because of what he does or does not do. I correct him when he needs it, but I don’t reject him because he has not pleased me.
Like Laura, Daniel did not like school, and all twelve years it was push and shove to get him through — but he made it. He graduated and is a regular member of society now. He works in the television department of our ministry and has a vision to work with youth. I am so glad that I finally learned how to be peaceful.
Peace is much better than pressure!
Perhaps you need to take the pressure off of some people in your life. Think it over. If God shows you situations where you are out of balance in this area, I urge you to make the necessary changes.
You and I reap what we sow, as does everyone else. If we sow freedom in other people’s lives, we will reap freedom. If we take the pressure off of others, we will not only take the pressure off of ourselves, but we will notice other people pressuring us less also.
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS__________________
And He did not need anyone to bear witness concerning man [needed no evidence from anyone about men], for He Himself knew what was in human nature. [He could read men’s hearts.]
John 2:25
We have discussed unrealistic expectations concerning people to some extent, but I want to take a deeper look at the subject. It seems that our expectations are what sets us up for disappointment with people and situations.
Am I saying, then, that we should not expect anything? Of course not! We should expect the best out of people, but at the same time we must remember they are people.
When Jesus’ disciples disappointed Him, it did not devastate Him because He already knew and fully understood human nature. Jesus expected His disciples to do their best, but He knew that even their best would still be imperfect.
I have come to realize that we are always looking for the perfect marriage, perfect friend, perfect job, perfect neighborhood, perfect church, and the truth is, it does not exist! As long as we are in earthly bodies we will manifest imperfection. God must have known that to be true, because He gave us many instructions in His Word regarding how to handle people who irritate us or disappoint us.
For example, in Galatians 6:2, we read: Bear (endure, carry) one another’s burdens and troublesome moral faults, and in this way fulfill and observe perfectly the law of Christ (the Messiah) and complete what is lacking [in your obedience to it].
In John 13:34 Jesus said, I give you a new commandment: that you should love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another. The law of Christ is the law of love. If we love one another as He loves us, then we must love without conditions and without pressure.
In 1 Peter 2:19-21, Peter tells us that we are to love those who are difficult to get along with, saying further that we are actually called to this type of life.
Another Scripture that teaches us how to treat those who hurt or irritate us is Romans 12:16, in which Paul writes: Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty (snobbish, high-minded, exclusive), but readily adjust yourself to [people, things] and give yourselves to humble tasks. Never overestimate yourself or be wise in your own conceits.
Finally, 1 Peter 3:9 tells us, Never return evil for evil or insult for insult (scolding, tongue-lashing, berating), but on the contrary blessing [praying for their welfare, happiness, and protection, and truly pitying and loving them]. For know that to this you have been called, that you may yourselves inherit a blessing [from God — that you may obtain a blessing as heirs, bringing welfare and happiness and protection].
There is no place in God’s Word that we are told to reject people. Instead, we are to love them, we are to give them understanding, mercy and compassion.
I admit it is easier to talk about how to treat the irritating people in our lives than it is to do it, but if the Lord has told us to do it, then we can do it.
Unrealistic expectations affect us in many different areas. First, we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves. We expect that we should be able to do what others do. Yet if we are not gifted in some area, we cannot excel in it. When we do things poorly, we feel bad about ourselves. That seems to set in motion a never-ending cycle of reaching for things that are out of our reach, hoping to prove something that we don’t have to prove at all.
I am free to be me, and you are free to be you. All we need to do is personally obey God, we don’t need to prove anything to ourselves or anyone else. If we obey God, He will take care of our reputation. When we expect to perform in areas outside of our gifting and calling, we set ourselves up for major disappointment.
Unrealistic expectations also affect us in our relationships with other people. As we have already mentioned, people are people, and all people come with strengths and weaknesses. To be in relationship with people we have to take both. To expect others to be responsible for our personal happiness is a big mistake.
As Abraham Lincoln said, most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be. If they don’t decide to be happy, we can’t keep them happy, no matter what we do.
During the years that I had all the unrealistic expectations of Dave and my children, I frustrated everyone with my unreasonable demands. Dave, being a peace lover, tried to keep me happy by doing the various things I said I wanted done, but somehow I was never permanently happy. Finally, one day he said, “Joyce, I have realized that no matter what I do, I cannot keep you happy; therefore, I am through trying.”
I was not happy because I was not looking at life realistically.
There are times when we like to believe that faith removes realism, that no matter what is going on in our lives, we can reverse it by believing God to change it. Many things can be changed by God’s power and His Word, but there are some issues in life we must face and deal with ourselves, and one of those issues is what I am talking about right now.
People are not perfect, and to expect them to be is frustrating for everyone involved. We must learn to be generous with mercy and to sow seeds of mercy so we can reap mercy when we need it.
Unrealistic expectations concerning our circumstances can also be a tool used by Satan to bring us into disco
uragement and despair. In John 16:33 NKJV Jesus said, “…In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” What was He saying? “You might as well cheer up because as long as you are in the world you will have some tribulation. But don’t worry about it, because I have everything under control.”
We all like to plan our life and have it go exactly the way we planned, but that rarely happens. That is not negative — it is truth. As believers, we are given the power of the Holy Spirit to help us do difficult things, not to make our life so easy that we never have to use our faith.
I urge you to expect good things to happen in your life. I certainly would not tell you to expect bad things. I also urge you to be realistic and realize that we all have to deal with things that are unpleasant and people who are disagreeable. Our attitude in these trying situations makes the difference between whether we enjoy life or not.
I encourage you to set your mind and keep it set in this area. Be determined never to be defeated again by circumstances that don’t line up with your desires. Stay calm in trials and trust God. What Satan intends for your harm, God will work for your good as you trust Him. Pray in this area and ask for the help of the Holy Spirit. As long as you live in the deception of unrealistic expectations, you will never succeed at being yourself.
8
RECEIVING GRACE, FAVOR AND MERCY
8
RECEIVING GRACE, FAVOR AND MERCY
Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it].
HEBREWS 4:16
There are some words in the Bible that I like to call “power words.” If these words are understood correctly, they can greatly help us succeed at being ourselves. Just as we can never be free to succeed at being ourselves unless we learn about and receive God’s unconditional love, so it is with receiving His grace, favor and mercy.
First, let’s examine the power word receive.
I mentioned that we must receive grace, favor and mercy, but many people don’t know how to receive at all. We are accustomed in our society to working or paying for everything. We struggle to get, but God wants us to freely receive.
Even in our conversations with one another we say things like: “Did you get saved? Did you get the Holy Spirit? Did you get a breakthrough? Did you get free?” These are really inappropriate questions, but are indicative of our mindsets.
Again and again, the Bible speaks of receiving from God. He is always pouring out His blessing, and we should, as empty, thirsty vessels, learn to take in freely all that He offers us. Consider these Scriptures:
But to as many as did receive and welcome Him, He gave the authority (power, privilege, right) to become the children of God, that is, to those who believe in (adhere to, trust in, and rely on) His name.
John 1:12
For out of His fullness (abundance) we have all received [all had a share and we were all supplied with] one grace after another and spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing and even favor upon favor and gift [heaped] upon gift.
John 1:16
But you shall receive power (ability, efficiency, and might) when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you shall be My witnesses in Jerusalem and all Judea and Samaria and to the ends (the very bounds) of the earth.
Acts 1:8
Then [the apostles] laid their hands on them one by one, and they received the Holy Spirit.
Acts 8:17
To Him all the prophets testify (bear witness) that everyone who believes in Him [who adheres to, trusts in, and relies on Him, giving himself up to Him] receives forgiveness of sins through His name.
Acts 10:43
…we beg of you not to receive the grace of God in vain….
2 Corinthians 6:1
Let me ask you this one question: Did you receive the [Holy] Spirit as the result of obeying the Law and doing its works, or was it by hearing [the message of the Gospel] and believing [it]?…
Galatians 3:2
As you have therefore received Christ, [even] Jesus the Lord, [so] walk (regulate your lives and conduct yourselves) in union with and conformity to Him.
Colossians 2:6
…that we may >receive mercy [for our failures]….
Hebrews 4:16
So get rid of all uncleanness and the rampant outgrowth of wickedness, and in a humble (gentle, modest) spirit receive and welcome the Word which implanted and rooted [in your hearts] contains the power to save your souls.
James 1:21
These Scriptures and many others like them bring out the principle of receiving rather than getting. My studies over the years have produced these definitions of the words get and receive: To get is to obtain by struggle and effort, while to receive is to become a receptacle and simply take in what is being offered.
This distinction between getting and receiving helps us understand why so many Christians struggle in their walk with the Lord. They are trying to get everything they need from Him when they should be simply asking and receiving.
ASKING AND RECEIVING
“…Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.”
John 16:24 NKJV
This is one of my favorite Scriptures on the subject of receiving. It sounds so simple, and actually it is meant to be so.
Jesus came to deliver us from struggling, not to invite us to a new way of struggling under the banner of Christianity. When we learn to ask and receive, truly our joy will be full. Once we have freely received, then we can freely give.
FREELY RECEIVE,FREELY GIVE__________________
“…Freely you have received, freely give.”
Matthew 10:8 NKJV
In our society today we find very few people who are able to freely give. Perhaps this Scripture sheds light on why. If we never learn to freely receive from Jesus, we will never learn to freely give to others.
Satan has done a good job of deceiving us into believing that we must earn or pay for everything. We have somehow been convinced that we must struggle and strive to get what we want from God. Yet Jesus said, Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28 KJV).
“Come unto Me” is a comfortable feeling invitation. It is not filled with sounds of struggle and effort.
We must learn more about receiving and come to the realization that according to God’s Word all of His blessings come by grace, through faith.
BY GRACE,THROUGH FAITH__________________
For it is by free grace (God’s unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ’s salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God;
Not because of works [not the fulfillment of the Law’s demands], lest any man should boast. [It is not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory to himself.]
Ephesians 2:8,9
We are saved by grace through faith, and we must learn to live our daily lives the same way. Grace is something that cannot possibly be earned, it can only be received as a free gift.
Grace is the power of God to help us in areas in which we cannot help ourselves. In John 15:5 Jesus tells us, …apart from Me…you can do nothing. Therefore, we need help in every area of our lives. If we are to live victoriously, we must realize our impotence and exercise our faith in God’s grace. He is more than willing to help us if we are willing to give up our independent attitudes.
In Galatians 2:21 the Apostle Paul said that if he did not receive the grace of God, he would be treating His gift as something of minor importance, defeating its purpose and nullifying its effect. Grace is always flowing to us in every situation, but it must be received by faith. In verse 20 P
aul also said that it was no longer he who lived, but Christ Who lived in him, and that the life he was now living, he was living by faith in the Son of God.
I discovered years ago that every time I became frustrated it was because I was trying to do something myself, in my own strength, instead of putting my faith in God and receiving His grace (help). I was frustrated and struggling with something most of time in the early years of my walk with the Lord. Receiving a revelation of God’s grace was a major breakthrough for me. I was always “trying” to do something and leaving God out of the loop. I tried to change myself, tried to change my husband and children, tried to get healed, tried to prosper, tried to make my ministry grow and tried to change every circumstance in my life that I did not like. I was frustrated because none of my trying was producing any good results.
God will not permit us to succeed without Him. If He did, we would take the credit that is due Him. If we could change people, we would be changing them to suit our purposes, which would steal their freedom to make their own choices.
I finally learned to pray for what I thought needed to be changed and let God do it His way in His timing. When I began trusting His grace, I entered His rest.