“I hate you. Do you hear me?” Tears stream down her cheeks. “You’ve sold your soul to the devil.”
“Maybe I did.” He grips his hair in frustration. “It was always inside her, through you. I never told you.”
My mother drops to the floor at this news, sobbing. I stare at the man’s face as he turns to me. His jaw drops and his gray eyes turn gloomy. He bends down to me. “Ava. How long were you standing there?”
I stiffen from his scolding tone and my body goes cold. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”
Daddy? How could I dream about my father when I’ve never known him? I wanted to know more, to see more, but ...
The bright light blinded me and my mind went blank.
“Ava. Open your eyes, damnit.” Justine’s concerned voice sent warmth to my core.
Wow. She actually cared about me.
I tried to say something, but no sound escaped my lips.
“She’s not going to be brain dead, is she?” Tamara’s worried tone concerned me.
The words brain dead scared the life out of me. Why couldn’t I speak? And where the hell was I? My body shifted and something warm gently pressed my chest and temples.
“Ava is going to be fine,” Mitch answered finally, and then something tightened around my leg. “She’s going to need stitches.”
My body rocked back and forth. The sub-glider hummed, ready for takeoff. My eyes became heavy again, and then everything went dark.
“Ava. Stay close to me.” He sounds unfamiliar, but his voice beckons my attention. Then his body presses into mine, so I peer up, but can’t see his face.
My dreams sucked. Knowing I was attracted to him, I at least wanted to see what he looked like. Then my dream flashed to another time and place.
“Ava.” The same guy sings my name tenderly as if it were a song. Caressing my cheek, he continues. “The only good thing about this place is you.” He takes my hand and places it on his chest. “Do you feel that? No one can take away my beating heart for you. You’re imprinted right there. You are my forever.”
I answer him, but I don’t know what I said. Sadness floods me and tears warm my face. I jump into his arms and hold him tightly. My heart overflows with completeness, and takes me to another level of euphoria. I can fly, soar high to the sky, and never fall ... because of him.
Then he is gone.
* * *
My eyes fluttered open. I lay on a thin mattress inside a clear rectangular case. Blue and green laser lights crisscrossed up and down my body. When I craned my neck to the side, Brooke’s face came into my view. Clear. Clean. No blood. The guards I had shot, bloody and dead on the floor flashed in my mind. Oh God. How many had I killed?
“It’s about time you woke up.” She scowled playfully. “Don’t you know sleeping on the job can get you fired?”
“I think I want to get fired.” I grumbled. My muscles ached like I had worked out beyond my limits, but I would rather take the soreness over pain. “What happened?”
I glanced about the dimly lit room. On the wall to the left of me were monitors. Above me, another monitor scanned the length of my body. And on my right leg, two mechanical machine hands had just finished sewing me up.
“What didn’t happen?” She arched her brows. “Where shall I begin? What do you remember?”
I opened my mouth to speak when the mattress I laid on flipped me over by mechanical hands connected to the case. A soft and flexible material wrapped around my body, like an enormous bandage. After the machine evaluated my body, it set me back in place.
“The last thing I remember ...” I trailed off when Russ, Mitch, Justine, and Tamara entered.
“Next time you decide to jump out a window, do it on your own time. How are you feeling?” Russ lit a small grin, but his green eyes flashed a look of concern.
“Awesome,” I drawled. “What happened to Thorpe?”
Mitch came to the forefront. “Thanks to you, the case is closed.” He gave a victorious smirk. “You were all brave. We saw blood this time around, but considering the unforeseen circumstances, you all handled yourselves professionally. After we left, a team of sweepers came in and disposed of the bodies. Our technician also tapped into their system and erased any video evidence.”
“What happened to Roxy’s team?” I asked hesitantly. From what I could recall, they were in bad condition or worse.
“Roxy’s fine,” Russ replied, but his eyes told me something else.
I tensed. “How about the others?”
Nobody said a word. The soft whirring of machines answered my question.
I didn’t like Roxy, but I felt sorry for her. I knew what it felt like to lose someone. She had lost three of her teammates. No matter how tough Roxy played it, she had to be devastated.
I lowered my eyes, overwhelmed with dread.
“It happens. When it’s your time, it’s your time. It’s the nature of what we do. Don’t dwell on it or it will set you back. It won’t be the last time.” Mitch brushed it off like it was no big deal.
I winced. When it’s your time, it’s your time?
My blood boiled. Maybe it was no big deal to him. He didn’t care about the girls who had died. Or perhaps he was trying to ease my mind. But a life was a life.
Russ must have seen my frown. He changed the subject. “You’ll be dismissed in five minutes. You’ll need to report to Lydia for a debriefing. She’ll want to know how you’re doing. Then, you’ll need to stop by to see Vanessa in counseling. She’s going to help you deal with psychological distress. Don’t forget about Friday night. You’ve earned your free night. Mitch and I will be on our way so you ladies can have a private moment to recap.”
Then they left.
“Were any of you hurt?” I asked. I recalled the blood on them.
Justine came around to the other side of the case. She had tied her hair back, exposing her fair skin. As always, her lips were pencil straight with no expression. I prepared for her sly remark, but then her face softened.
“No. We’re fine. We had some cuts and bruises, Tamara more than us, but nothing that the Dr. Machine couldn’t fix.” She gently tapped the metal. “Besides, Mitch injected us with pain killing serum, so we’re all good.”
Tamara extended her arm to me and wiggled her fingers. “Oh, don’t forget I fractured my pinky, but Dr. Machine fixed me up.”
“How long was I out?” I attempted to get up, but the case held me in place.
Brooke held out a hand. “Stay down. Not yet.” She glanced at the time on the machine. “To answer your question, you were out for an hour.”
Tamara cleared her throat and wrung a few strands of her hair about her ear. “Mitch had to drug you. You had some glass embedded in you from the impact. Thank God you landed on Thorpe. His fat body saved you.” She giggled lightly. “You bounced off him and landed on top of more glass. What were you thinking?”
That explained the weird dreams. Drugs could jumble the mind I assumed. Ignoring her question, I tried to bring the night’s action to the forefront of my thoughts, but I only remembered the powerful need to save my friends and kill my enemies.
“All windows are supposed to be made of fiberglass. I should’ve bounced off the glass and not gone through it.” I wondered if I’d even gone through the glass at all.
“You shouldn’t have done what you did.” Tamara’s scolding came as a surprise.
Brooke narrowed her eyes at Tamara. “Hey, newbie. Watch your tone. Ava is right. None of us could’ve known.”
“Sorry.” Tamara shrugged sheepishly. “I thought I’d lost you.” Her tone became somber, and her eyes glistened. “After the girls from Roxy’s team got shot, I ... I froze.” She dipped her head as if in shame. “When fear overpowers you, I don’t think anything can help, even Helix.”
The machine lowered me. As my team moved to the side, my bare feet set on the floor and I stood upright. I shivered. The cold beneath me stung through my bones. I hated the tile floors on my skin. The
y made me feel like I was in a lab.
“It’s all in your head,” I reminded her. “Helix is a tricky serum. It helps you but doesn’t fully take away fear, which is the reason we do those stupid mental missions.”
I had a difficult time taking the first step, like a newborn colt, but my muscles regained their mobility soon after. Thank goodness for inventions like Dr. Machine to speed up the healing process.
Brooke handed me a clean top. “I know what I signed up for, but I don’t know if I can do that again. We’ve never killed people. I mean ... except for Tamara.”
“Geez, thanks for pointing that out.” Tamara spiked her eyes to the ceiling.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. We spoke to Vanessa while you were healing. She wanted us to express our feelings and get everything out of our system. She said time would help and the first time is the hardest. She also said we should keep in mind it was self-defense, and we had nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I’m glad you had a talk with Vanessa. We didn’t have a choice.” I pulled my shirt down, trying to help Brooke feel better, even though I felt the same way. As their leader, I needed to say something to make her snap out of it. “I don’t think we have a choice whether or not we do this again. They own us. We gave our lives to ISAN. Now we have to deal with it. At least we’re doing something to help society, instead of picking our noses in jail.”
“What if I tell them I don’t want to go on the next assignment?” Justine asked.
“Maybe that’s what Roxy’s team said.”
Tamara’s words froze me in place.
Brooke whipped around to face Tamara and stopped her in her tracks. “You think that’s the reason they were terminated?”
All these questions seemed to have stirred her into a frenzy.
“Brooke, they weren’t terminated.” I needed to keep her calm. “How could you say that? Thorpe’s bodyguard shot them. I saw him do it.”
“Were your eyes glued to the bodyguard at all times?” Brooke challenged. “What if Mitch took the shot? And which bodyguard was our source? If Roxy’s team got the same amount of Helix as us, why couldn’t they escape their hold?”
One of the guards inside is our source. He’s been keeping me informed of all of Thorpe’s activities. Lydia’s voice rang in my head as my imagination ran wild.
“What’s causing you to be suspicious?” I asked. Though I wondered about her last question.
This was the first time I had killed. No amount of therapy and reminding myself it was self-defense would ease my heart and mind, and I could assume Brooke felt the same which was the reason for her outburst, ridiculous or not.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just freaking out.”
I glanced at the ceiling, wondering if there were any cameras, or if somehow they could listen to our conversation.
“You’re going to be fine. Let’s get out of here.” I put on my pants and shoes.
Brooke didn’t move. “They say there’re no side-effects from Helix, but what if it’s a lie? What if I develop a tolerance for it? What if I need double the dosage? Then what? Can my body handle that much more?”
“Not here, Brooke. Let’s talk later in private,” I whispered curtly in her ear and tugged her along.
Brooke gave me a sidelong glance, and then her eyes grew wider in understanding.
The doors slid open as I approached them. “Let’s keep this conversation to ourselves. It’s better if we find our own answers instead of asking our superiors, just in case.”
“Fine,” they all said in unison.
I headed in the opposite direction.
“Where’re you going?” Brooke asked.
“To Lydia, then to Vanessa. See you at dinner.” I tried to sound cheerful. I needed to maintain my composure, to convince my team everything was going to be fine, but I suspected it was just the beginning of something huge.
* * *
After meeting with Lydia and Vanessa, I went back to my room. Though Sniper had stopped messaging me, I still checked. I had to wash the thoughts of Sniper out of my mind. The possibility I would get kicked out of ISAN if I got caught made me dislike that person even more. However, I couldn’t fight my curiosity.
Waiting for a message made me question my sanity. I scolded myself for letting an anonymous stranger get to me, though in my fantasies, he was a hot guy. I had better things to do, like complete my homework or train on my own. Just as I scrolled to shut down to go to dinner, a message appeared. My heart pitter-pattered in a pleasant way and blood rushed to my face.
Strange timing for Sniper to ask such a question.
For all I knew, Sniper could be ISAN’s enemy or a spy. Suspicion overcame curiosity. I made a decision to never reply again. Knowing Brooke waited for me by the door like she had been doing the past week, I shut down my TAB. When the door slid open, Brooke’s smile greeted me.
After dinner, all the girls gathered in the meeting room, patiently waiting for Mr. Novak to make a few announcements. Curiosity nagged at me when I didn’t see Roxy during dinner. If Mr. Novak didn’t address Roxy’s absence, I’d have to visit Russ. I didn’t know why I bothered to care, only that the answer would give me better insight of how ISAN ran.
Lydia, Russ, and Mr. Novak walked out of the top floor shadows. Mr. Novak filled the air with his arrogance, like an actor commanding the stage. He intimidated me with the ability to send me back to juvie.
“Good evening,” Mr. Novak announced through a mic pinned on the lapel of his fine, tailored suit. “As you all know, ISAN takes pride in our network. We take pride in sending out our best. We have proven Helix is successful. There will be more incentives coming your way. I know some of you have doubts about our program, but I want you to know we’re highly classified and we’re working under a secret operative group. Nothing we do is illegal. If you wish to leave this project, you are free to go. However, you’ll be sent back to juvenile detention or the same foster care you came from.”
Loud ruckus erupted in the room.
Brooke and I exchanged wearily glances.
His words seemed to answer my concern, as if he knew, or maybe just had good timing.
Mr. Novak raised a hand to stop the commotion. “If you have any questions, please feel free to ask your superiors.” Then he was gone.
The tension in the air eased.
Lydia took over the stage, looking prim and proper as usual. “Starting tomorrow, we’re going to increase the dosage of Helix. If anyone has any kind of reaction, please let me know.”
“Can it kill us?” one girl asked.
“Yes, it can.” Russ raised a hand to silence the murmuring crowd. “Which is the reason we need to be notified. Vomiting, fever, rashes, hot flashes, blurred vision, and restless sleep are some of the side effects. Regardless, I need to be aware so I can help you and treat it immediately.”
Bastard. I recalled Mitch giving me a higher dosage without my consent when I’d gone to terminate Thorpe. But then again, I guessed, being my superior, he didn’t need my permission. He hadn’t warned me about side effects, either. I reasoned he knew I’d be fine. If I found out he’d gambled with my life, I planned to give Mitch a piece of my mind.
“You’re dismissed. Enjoy the rest of your evening. You are allowed to visit your friends until bedtime.” Lydia concluded the meeting.
Everyone dispersed.
Brooke grabbed my arm when I stepped away from her. “Where’re you going?”
I leaned into her. “Meet me in my room in thirty minutes.”
I weaved around others, keeping my head low as I headed to Russ’s office. The door was already ajar, the scent of lavender drifting out.
“Russ?”
“Come in. I was expecting you.”
I scampered in to see Russ at his desk, pouring two cups of water.
“You were expecting me?”
“I figured you would have a lot of questions.” He slid a glass toward me.
I took
a seat and folded my hands on my lap. “You know me so well, boss.”
Russ pressed his lips together and cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t call me that. I’m not your boss. I’ll do my best to answer your questions.”
“Justine calls you boss. You don’t seem to mind.”
“It’s different. Justine isn’t my friend. I didn’t bring her into ISAN.”
“Fine.” I furrowed my brow. “Be a good friend and answer my questions honestly. No holding back, because that’s what friends do.” I picked up the glass and took a sip. “What happens to the girls who ask to leave?”
“You already know the answer.” He released a taut breath. “Mr. Novak answered that question tonight.”
So vague. What are you hiding, Russ?
I scooted the chair closer to his desk. “What happened to the girls who died on our mission?”
“They were incinerated. ISAN doesn’t do a ceremony. There will be unfortunate incidents. We move forward.”
“Where’s Roxy? I didn’t see her at dinner.”
“She’s not well. She needs more rest.”
From that answer, I had a feeling in my gut I would never see Roxy again. My confidence diminished. Listening to Russ’s sharp answers, I knew he wouldn’t tell me the truth. Every reply sounded rehearsed.
Russ leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed. “Don’t start asking questions about things you know nothing about. This is bigger than you can comprehend. Now, I think it’s time for you to go.”
I gaped. I didn’t like Russ’s harsh tone or his words. Sometimes he treated me like a friend, and other times he sounded like he didn’t care. I tried to hide my hurt when I rose from my chair and headed for the door.
Russ gripped my elbow, stopping me in my tracks. Then he stepped back, as if he noted he stood too close.
“Ava, have a good rest.” His eyes softened and he lowered his eyelids.
Thinking about what Brooke had said, even though my gut told me I would regret it, I opened my big fat mouth. “One of Mr. Thorpe’s bodyguards was our spy. He killed Roxy’s girls, didn’t he? Or Mitch did? They wanted out and they had to be terminated.”