He bristled and clenched his jaw. It took a few seconds for Russ to meet my eyes.
“That’s not true. I don’t like Mitch, but he’s not a cold-blooded murderer. And ISAN does not kill our own. Please, Ava, for your sake, I’m begging you, don’t ask these questions.”
I scrubbed my face and forced my anger to subside. “I don’t understand why Roxy’s team couldn’t fight back.”
“There are many possibilities. Maybe they needed more training. Maybe I was wrong to think they were ready. I can’t foresee the outcome. I prepared you the best I could, but there are many factors I can’t predict. Maybe—”
“Maybe they needed more Helix. Or got too much. Mitch gave me double the dosage. I didn’t think anything of it until you mentioned the side effects. Something could’ve happened to me during the attack.” I stopped after my voice rose disrespectfully.
“Ava ...” He closed the space between us and rested his hand on my shoulder.
I rolled my shoulders back, causing his hand to slide off. He was not going to soften my rage with tender touches and soft voices.
“I checked your blood sample’s reaction to a high concentration of Helix. It was Mitch’s idea. He was worried the dosage I suggested would not have been enough for you. This was your first kill assignment. You were their map. They relied on you to get them in and out.”
My face flushed. I flicked phantom lint off my shirt just so I could dip my head down to hide my embarrassed expression without making it obvious.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you tested the double dose.”
Russ’s shoulders slacked, seemingly less intense. “No, don’t be. I should’ve told you. But I didn’t think of it until this morning. I had to work fast. I had planned to discuss this matter with you, but I didn’t have a chance. You’re welcome to come see me anytime, but please don’t discuss this with Mitch. He’s not good at answering questions, especially if you are questioning his actions and motives.”
I leaned against the wall. “I won’t. You don’t have to worry.” I was about to leave, but paused. “Have you ever killed anyone before?”
Russ raked his fingers through his hair, and then a few heartbeats later, met my eyes. “Yes. I’ve been on assignments that didn’t go as planned. It was self-defense, just as it was for you. If the question was their lives or yours, I’d rather it be theirs. It gets easier, I promise. Just keep in mind they’re the bad guys.”
“I had double the dosage of Helix, so I wasn’t afraid. There was no hesitation. I didn’t even blink or care I was taking their lives. I probably should feel guilty, but in a way, I don’t remember what happened.”
“Because you were defending yourself and your team. Helix helped you. It’s okay. I hope your session with Vanessa helped. If you need to discuss this more, come see me tomorrow. My door is always open. Have fun Friday night with your team. You need to release some stress. Going out to the real world will help.”
“Yes, boss.” I smirked, knowing how much he disliked me calling him that. Without waiting for his reaction, I left.
* * *
Brooke and Tamara were waiting by my door. Had it been thirty minutes?
“What took you so long?” Brooke scowled, leaning against the wall. Scooting over, she gave me access to place my hand on the scanner. “I brought Tamara with me. She doesn’t have any friends.”
Tamara glared at her. “Thanks, Brooke. You make me sound so popular.”
Brooke raised her hands to surrender and winked. “Just kidding.”
“Welcome to my beautiful home,” I said when the door slid open.
“Love what you’ve done with the place. It’s just like mine.” Tamara giggled.
Brooke pushed a button. The bed slid out from the wall. She glanced around and then plopped down. “Looks just like mine, too. What’d you find out from Russ?”
“You went to see Russ? For what?” Tamara’s eyes widened in surprise.
Great. Thanks, Brooke. I wished Brooke hadn’t brought it up in front of Tamara.
“I asked him what would happen if I wanted to leave ISAN. He said I already knew the answer.”
I sat on my chair and opened my TAB. Not having much to do in my small space, I figured I’d check out the fashion world on the net.
“You want to leave?” Tamara asked timidly.
I put the screen to sleep. Instead of answering, I asked a question. “Let me ask you something. Have you ever thought what your life would be like if you lived somewhere else?”
Tamara twisted her lips and squinted as if in concentration. “Since I have no family, I would be stuck in juvenile detention or in the homeless shelter with a bunch of strangers. At least here I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and I have friends.”
“Brooke?” I asked.
She bobbed her shoulders. “I don’t know. Never thought about it. I don’t know what I would be good at to make a living on my own. I think I’m good at being an assassin. I mean, I know I freaked out, but ... How about you?”
I turned back to the screen and played a section of the Fashion Show. “I think I would’ve loved to be the designer of that dress. I would love to travel the world and live a glamorous life. One day, I know this sounds strange, but I want to be on top of the highest building and see the city lights. I want to feel the breeze and be a part of society. It would make me smile.”
“It all sounds amazing,” Brooke said. “Maybe I could travel with you and hook up with hot models. It’s too early to think about marriage, but maybe I would get married to a model, and we’d build a family together. I would have at least two children, and he would be a great father and husband. I would be a better parent than my foster parents ever were. I would make sure to help my kids with school so they wouldn’t feel stupid. I would give them everything I wish I had.”
“I like your plan, Brooke.” Tamara’s eyes sparkled, as if she pictured her future. Then her face lit up. “I wish for better things for myself, too. I wish I’d had good foster parents who would’ve helped me when my boyfriend beat me. I was alone and had no friends. I’m so glad both of you are nice to me.”
Brooke nudged Tamara’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here with us. I’m glad you’re nice, too.”
I smiled to agree, but was mostly surprised at how much we were sharing.
Brooke sat up taller, humor gone. “Did it freak you out to kill someone today?”
Tamara leaned to her side, patting her leg on the mattress. “I’m not sure. I feel bad, but at the same time, it was their lives or mine. I assume after so many kills, you become numb to it. I killed my share this time, but Ava did most of the killing. I think you should ask her that question.”
I stiffened, my eyes bouncing from Tamara to Brooke.
“Ava, do you remember?” Brooke studied me carefully. “You did fall out the window.”
I chewed on my bottom lip, contemplating how to answer. “To tell you the truth, I don’t remember much. I wanted to be out of there.”
I wanted to tell them Mitch had increased my dosage, but I thought it was best they didn’t know. If what they were telling me was the truth about me doing most of the killing, I didn’t want them to think I had morphed into some kind of anomaly. Though a part of me felt like I had. I recalled the overwhelming rage and power pumping in my veins. What if I’d lost it and shot my team?
I didn’t want to think about it anymore. It was done and over with. I wouldn’t be able to bear the gruesome details.
“I think life is about your choices.” Brooke clicked her tongue, seemingly a world away. “What if I hadn’t signed my contract with ISAN? My destiny would’ve led me to a different path.”
Tamara wrinkled her nose, shifting her eyes back and forth. “What if life made you think you had a choice, but instead, the choice you made was really your destiny? Have you thought of that?”
Brooke lifted her brow. “I’d never thought of that. If you’re right, then I was meant to be here. This is
where I belong.”
I don’t belong here, I wanted to say.
Something held me back. Like Tamara and Brooke, and Justine, I should want to be there. Something was missing. Maybe destiny had done wrong by me. The hole my mother’s absence had created settled in. I changed the subject to create a more cheerful atmosphere.
Staring at the screen, I pointed at the girl gracefully swaying her hips down the runway like she owned the stage. “It’s too bad I don’t get to wear clothes like that. I’m sick of wearing black, white, and khaki. Doesn’t it bother you?”
Tamara and Brooke exchanged knowing glances, then looked back to me. “No,” they answered in unison.
“At least I’m not naked.” Tamara giggled.
Her bright side cheered me up and unnerved me at the same time.
“Oh, God. I wouldn’t want you to be.” Brooke covered her eyes for emphasis.
“Hey.” Tamara elbowed Brooke.
Brooke fell off the bed. I laughed out loud, and so did my friends. Belly busting laughter rarely happened at ISAN and it felt good ... so freakin’ good. Tamara helped Brooke up, and they planted on my bed again still giggling.
“Have you read any interesting books lately?” Tamara asked. “I started one, but the list they allow us to read sucks.”
“I have to agree with you,” I said. “I started reading about zombies, though.”
“I bet Mr. Novak approved that one. He even looks like one.” Brooke grimaced. “I don’t read much. You shouldn’t ask me.”
“Mr. Boring, straight by the book, dead in romance, and no personality.” I laughed. “Mr. Novak lacks creativity, humor, and action, the components you need for a good read. I read a lot of those before I went to juvenile detention. They were my escape. I wish libraries still existed with paper books. It’s too bad we only have access to digital books.”
“When you come across one, let me know. I held a book once. There’s nothing better than holding a book in your hands.” Tamara hugged herself and inhaled, as if she could actually smell one.
“Well, we would have to visit the museum and I don’t think ISAN would just take us to one so we could admire them.” I shrugged and snorted. “I wish I had tons of money. Only the rich still have books, so I’ve been told. It’s too bad most of the books were burned or destroyed after the meteors.”
I twitched my nose and got back to the fashion show on screen. I stayed alert for any messages. Though the TAB would shut off automatically in five minutes, I prayed Sniper wouldn’t message me. I didn’t know how I would explain it to my team. I trusted Brooke, but I didn’t know Tamara well enough.
My blood pressure rose, so I shut down my TAB. I talked about places I would like to visit one day and the junk food I wanted to try, like chocolate, since ISAN didn’t allow us to have it—if and when I ever got out of ISAN.
“I would like to visit the West, except I don’t like the earthquakes,” Tamara said. “Before my grandmother passed away, she told me it was important to know my roots, because only then can I truly become the person I was meant to be. I think my grandmother wanted me to be a doctor like her. I wonder what she would think of me now.”
Just as Brooke opened her mouth, soft instrumental music echoed in the hallway, signaling curfew.
Tamara pushed off the bed. “Time goes by fast when you’re having fun.”
“Well, until next time.” Brooke got up as well.
“Too bad we don’t get visiting time more often,” I said. “They should make it longer.”
“I agree, but this was fun. Thanks for letting me join in.” Tamara smiled.
Then both of them scurried out.
I recalled how other girls in juvenile detention had envied me when I had been chosen to join ISAN. They had no idea what happened behind closed doors and thought I had been adopted. If only they’d known they had nothing to envy. They were safe, and I wasn’t.
I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. I figured I should expect a short lifespan if I stayed with ISAN, not that I had a choice. I might be stronger, faster, and better at strategic thinking, but I was no Superwoman.
There were no guarantees I would not die on an assignment, as I had seen firsthand. But it was good to know I wasn’t alone, and I had friends—real friends for the first time.
Friday night couldn’t come soon enough. It was hard concentrating during classes when all I thought about was going out with my team.
We coordinated outfits, each wearing slim-fitting, dark pants and colorful tops. I wanted to wear red; Justine picked blue; Brooke chose purple, and Tamara went with pink. Borrowing clothes from Lydia’s wardrobe and getting ready in her room made the outing a lot more exciting. With light makeup and my hair in soft curls, I slipped on my boots and was set to go.
I took the elevator down to the front entrance where I would make my way to the sub-glider. Exhilaration couldn’t even come close to describing how I felt to finally spend time in the real world with my team. It took every ounce of my energy to keep calm, cool, and collected. My team wore happy smiles, and no one talked smack about anyone or anything. Peace and unity filled the air.
“Ladies, you’re beautiful.” Lydia greeted us with a smile.
“Be careful.” Russ gave a pointed look. “Don’t do anything foolish.”
Justine tossed her hair to the side and leaned into her hip with her arms crossed. “We have three hours, boss. That’s just enough time to eat. There’s no time for misbehaving.”
“Exactly.” Mitch came out of the shadows. “Your bodyguards will be escorting you tonight. Pretend they’re not there.”
“Great.” Brooke planted her fists on her hips. “A night with our bodyguards. This should be fun.”
Mitch leaned in with a snarl. “Just be glad you get to go out. I’m sure someone else would love to take your place.”
Brooke kept her mouth shut.
“Look.” Tamara pointed.
I turned. To my surprise, a black limo drove up in front of us. The engine made no sound.
“We get a limo?” Tamara’s eyes widened.
Cars were a rare commodity, and even rarer to find a flying limo. It appeared to be in perfect condition, and I couldn’t wait to get in. I’d only seen pictures of them, but to physically be in one ... there were no words to describe my excitement.
“I had to kill someone to get here, but hey, at least I’m doing it in style.”
Justine threw in an unwarranted comment, but I let it go. Nothing was going to stop me from having a great time tonight.
Russ offered a small grin. “Have fun, ladies. You deserve it. No talking to strangers.”
“I understand, Dad.” Justine sighed.
Russ’s lips pinched to the center. Inhaling a deep breath, he shook his head in annoyance.
Sometimes I wished he would reprimand Justine, but he wasn’t the scolding type.
Three bodyguards were already seated when I got in, while the one who had opened the door for me went around to the driver’s side. I found out his name was Hank when Russ instructed him to drive carefully. The thick arms and necks of the bodyguards—like they had been injected with dangerous doses of Helix—proved without a doubt I was safe.
Like in the sub-glider, the limo jetted from underground. The windows remained dark until the transporter approached the city. From then on, I soaked in the beauty of the scenery.
The twenty-minute ride went fast. I kept myself occupied with conversation. I didn’t want to say much in front of the bodyguards, not that I had much to talk about. My topics were limited to classes and training.
When I stepped out of the limo and onto the rooftop landing pad, I shivered in a sudden brisk wind, a contrast to the perfect weather inside the ISAN complex.
The magic began when I entered the eightieth floor. The aroma of delicious food engulfed me, making my hunger pangs even worse. Star-shaped lights sparkled along the entrance archway, blinking to the rhythm of the music’s beat. Farther in, planets
were painted on the walls.
Perfectly lit, not too bright and not too dim. The atmosphere seemed hospitable and enticing, giving the impression of being in space. A streak of light started from one corner of the room and zoomed across.
“Did you see the shooting star?” I drew a line in the air in the direction it traveled.
Justine looked up at the wall. “Where?”
“I saw it, Ava. That was cool,” Tamara said.
Brooke glanced around, taking in the twinkling silvery lights. “It’s amazing beyond words.”
Customers were dressed in their best. Some wore uniquely colorful, large designer hats, while others wore hats that projected butterflies dancing about in 3D. Another wore a hat arranged with flowers. Some men wore pants and shirts that puffed out like a clown’s suit.
“Can I help you, ladies?” a woman asked.
I had never seen hair that shade of red before. Her eyes lit up when she gazed behind us to the bodyguards.
“Yes, I have a reservation under Ava Novak.”
I examined her dress. It reminded me of the dresses I’d seen in the fashion show. Her top formed into a heart, emphasizing her figure. The back of her dress, my favorite part, flared out into a train of blue and purple.
“I hate we have to use Mr. Novak’s last name.” Brooke’s breath brushed against my ear.
I met her eyes, darker in the dimly lit restaurant, and frowned to agree.
The lady glanced at her screen, asked me to place my chipped hand on it, and then peered down on the screen again.
“Yes.” She flashed her gold teeth. “There you are.” Then she asked my team and the bodyguards to do the same as I had. “Two tables for four. Helen will seat you.”
Another waitress approached us, dressed in the same outfit, but yellow and red, and her teeth stained completely silver. She led us to our table.
“Here you go.”
A hologram popped up in the center of the table.
“You can order your dinner from there.” She waited for us to settle into our seats and then left to take our bodyguards to the next table.
The upbeat music—jazz and pop—created a blissful ambiance. In ISAN, music was censored—I was only allowed to listen to music during my free time. My choices consisted mostly of classical.