“Did you bring your paperwork?” she asked. “The pictures?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Good.” She took in my appearance. “You look nice. Great job.”
“Thanks.”
I clenched my hands together then tucked them into my sides.
“Nervous?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Don’t worry. We have a very good chance of getting visitation today.” She smiled at me. “Be hopeful.”
I let out a nervous sigh and smiled.
“How is the house coming along?” she asked.
I opened my messenger bag and took out the photos. “See for yourself?”
She took them in her hand and started flipping through them. “Wow. Wow. Wow!” she said with every flip of a photo. “Lily, this is incredible.”
I smiled at her. “Thank you.”
She looked at me. “You have an eye for design.”
“Thank you.” I giggled. “Most of everything you see there we got in the clearance section of home improvement stores.”
“We?”
I felt my face grow hot. “Yeah, my friend Salinger has helped me out a lot. I couldn’t have done it without him.”
“A good friend, methinks.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Well, you can’t tell it’s clearance stuff. Seriously, Lily. It’s very pretty. Very, uh,” she said, snapping her fingers and looking up at the ceiling, “boho modern.”
“Thanks and I’m having the roof replaced this Friday.”
“And the floors?” she asked. “Faye Briar will mention those at your eventual custody hearing.”
“As soon as I’m done replacing the roof, I’ll start on the floors. It’s the last thing I need to improve.”
She smiled at me. “Very good.”
My phone indicated a text and I brought it out.
Good luck, Little. Let me know how it goes.
I smiled to myself.
Thank you. I will, I wrote back.
I put my phone on silent when they called our case. My heart beat in my throat. As soon as I walked into the courtroom, I saw Eloise and Callie. I burst out crying, unable to help myself, and ran to them. They started crying when they saw me too and ran up to me. I hugged them both around the neck and kissed their cheeks.
“I have missed you both so much,” I whispered in their ears.
I let them go to get a better look at them. Their hair was shorter, well groomed, something I don’t think they’d ever really had before. They both had headbands in their hair and sweet dresses on as well as new shoes. They looked healthier than I’d ever seen them.
“You look beautiful, girls.” They smiled through their tears and I did the same. “How are you both feeling?”
Eloise looked at Callie. “We’re okay,” she said.
Callie smiled at me. “We miss Mama.”
I burst into tears but stifled it. “I know, baby, so do I.”
“But Hollie and Matt and are really sweet to us, Lily,” Eloise said, pointing behind her.
Two admittedly sweet-looking people, people I’d not really gotten a good look at during my mother’s funeral, stood behind them. They both waved at me.
“Come meet them!” Callie said. Both girls dragged me by the hand over to their foster parents.
“Lily,” Hollie greeted me and picked my hand up, holding it between her own, “I’m so happy to meet you. The girls have told me so much about you,” she said, her eyes glassy, as if she was fighting back tears.
“Have they?” I whispered, barely able to talk.
“They have,” the man added in. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Matthew and this is my wife, Hollie.”
“Nice to meet you both,” I could barely voice.
“We’re so sorry for the loss of your mother,” Hollie told me.
“Thank you,” I told her, wiping an errant tear away.
“Your sisters are very sweet girls,” she added, changing the subject. I thought for my benefit, but I wasn’t sure.
“They’re wonderful,” I agreed.
I stared down at Callie’s hand in Hollie’s and felt a little overwhelmed. Callie swung their hands together like it was something she did all the time, like it was something with which she was familiar. I didn’t know what to think of that. A feeling of sorrow is the only way I could describe it.
Hollie was dressed impeccably as was her husband. They were moneyed, that was apparent, which made me feel a little better just because I’d known so many foster kids whose foster parents were in it for the government check. These people obviously were not.
“Thank you for taking such good care of them,” I told them. “They seem so happy and healthy.” My bottom lip shook at my last statement. I was grateful to them, but it was hard to see them doing so well without me as selfish as that sounds.
“Happiness is their natural state,” Matthew told me, making me laugh a little. Ironic.
“Yes,” I agreed, unable to say anything else.
The bailiff entered the courtroom and we all turned their direction.
“Court is now in session, the Honorable Samuel McFadden presiding,” he announced to the room.
I nodded to the girls and took my place next to Sylvia.
“Thank you,” the judge said. He looked up from underneath his reading glasses. “If you’ll be seated.”
We all sat.
“Court calls number four on the docket, the city of Smithfield Child Protective Services vs. Lily Hahn,” the bailiff announced.
“Good morning,” the judge said.
“Good morning, Judge,” we said.
“This court has been assigned as to the visitation rights of Miss Lily Hahn, sister of Eloise and Callie Bodine. This is a show cause hearing requested by plaintiff Lily Hahn as to an order entered by this court. The record should reflect that the previous ruling found Miss Hahn to be of unfit status and denied visitation. It is my understanding that Miss Hahn has entered a complaint and would like to revisit this previous ruling. Is that correct, Counselor Spears?”
“Yes, Your Honor,” Sylvia replied.
“So at this time, I ask if you are ready to proceed on your show cause motion?”
“We are, Your Honor,” Sylvia replied.
“Proceed.”
Sylvia stood and gathered all the documents I’d brought with me. “At this time, I would like to present to the court weekly drug tests voluntarily taken by Miss Hahn proving she has remained sober since her mother’s demise. We would also like to show that Miss Hahn has made drastic physical improvements to her property in order to make it fit for children to live.”
“Bring these documents to me,” the judge replied.
Sylvia approached the bench and handed the judge the documents.
He perused them for easily five minutes, paying close attention to the drug tests, then moved on to the photos of the property.
“And has the plaintiff kept employment?”
“Yes, sir,” she said, approaching the bench once more. “Here is a letter from her employer, Casey Goodwin, showing the date she started work and her current employment status.”
“Very good,” he said, and Sylvia joined my side once more.
The judge addressed me directly. “And Miss Hahn, I understand it is your wish to regain full custody of your sisters? Is that correct?”
“Yes, sir.”
He nodded.
“The court finds plaintiff Lily Hahn fit for supervised visitation once a week on a day to be worked out by the parties involved and only under the condition that Miss Hahn provides and passes weekly drug tests. Is this satisfactory for your plaintiff, Counselor Spears?”
“Yes, Your Honor.”
“Miss Briar?” he asked Faye from Child Protective Services.
“We agree.”
“Good. Court is adjourned.” Judge McFadden looked at me as he stood. “Miss Hahn, keep up the good work.”
“Yes, sir,” I re
plied, overwhelmed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
I’D GAINED VISITATION RIGHTS with my sisters. I’d done it. I sat in the lobby outside the courtroom and waited for Sylvia. Hollie, Matthew, and my sisters came out of the courtroom and approached me.
“I did it, girls!”
“Yes!” Wheezy squealed.
Callie looked up at me, her eyes excited. “Does this mean you come to live with us and Matt and Hollie’s house now?”
I furrowed my brows and swallowed nothing. “No, baby, it just means you can come visit me once a week.”
“Cool!” Cal exclaimed, but instead of hugging me as I’d expected, she hugged Hollie, and my stomach sank to the ground.
Hollie, not realizing my turmoil, hugged her tightly back. Eloise hugged Matt around the waist. I watched them live out this intimate moment with people who were strangers to me.
“So what days work best for you for visitation?” I asked them. “I work nights, so my days are free.”
Matt looked over at Hollie. “That’s all you, babe.”
Hollie smiled at me. “I think Sundays would be best. What do you think?”
“Sundays are great,” I told her.
Hollie took her phone out of her purse. “Let me have your number,” she said.
I recited it to her and she sent a text letting me know her own number.
“Whenever you need to get in touch with us, just call or text,” she offered.
“I will, thank you.”
“We should go,” Matt said to Hollie, tapping his watch. “The girls have swim practice in an hour.”
Hollie glanced at the time on her phone. “Whoa! Cutting it close.” She looked at me. “If you’ll excuse us, the girls have practice in an hour and a meet right after. We need to run home and get their stuff.”
The girls squealed then bounced on their heels and spun the bells of their dresses excitedly.
“Oh, of course,” I said, watching my sisters play.
“Girls,” Hollie said, catching their attention. “Tell your sister goodbye and let’s jet.”
Callie and Eloise both hugged me hard and I kissed the tops of their heads. “I’ll see you next week, girls.”
“See you next week, Lily!” Eloise said, and started running toward the doors.
“Wait!” Matt called after her.
Callie chased after Eloise and Matt started after both. “Nice to meet you!” he called back.
“Nice to meet you,” I said, but I don’t think he heard me.
“Remember what I said,” Hollie told me. “Call or text whenever you feel like contacting the girls or if you need anything.”
“Yes, thank you,” I whispered.
Hollie hugged me goodbye and ran off after her husband and my sisters.
I looked at the door, wondering what to think.
Tears started to fall; I felt so incredibly alone. It was weird to see my baby sisters living a life separate from mine. A life without me. A life they seemed happy in. Don’t get me wrong, I knew they loved me. It wasn’t that. It was just lonely. Really, unbelievably lonely. It was weird for me because they were all I had left.
I fell onto a nearby bench and waited for Sylvia, desperate for her to come out so I could go home and cry in peace.
But you don’t get to do that, do you? You need to get your car, assess the financial damage, and try to make it to work tonight, don’t you?
I took a deep breath. “One day at a time. No, one minute at a time,” I told myself.
Sylvia met me in the lobby and shook my hand. “Congratulations, you’re one step closer.”
I smiled at her. “Thank you for all you’ve done.”
“Please, baby, it’s my job. Now,” she said, handing me a stack of papers. “Keep these in a safe place. It’s the terms of our court agreement today.” She smiled at me. “Let’s keep moving forward now.”
I smiled at her and nodded. I turned to head outside but she stopped me.
“Before you go. I want you to know that you’re one of those cases where I don’t have to worry about my client. You’re motivated and driven and I want to thank you for making my job easy.”
“I don’t know what to say other than if it wasn’t for you, all that work would be for nothing. I’m grateful to you.”
“As I of you. You should be proud of yourself.”
“Sylvia!” a woman yelled our way and she looked back.
“I’ve got to go. Look out for my next email. Should have it in a couple days,” she said walking backward. “Bye, Lily!”
“Bye, Sylvia! Thanks again!”
“No problem!” she yelled out.
I scheduled an Uber and it promised an arrival time of six minutes, so I went outside to absorb the warmth of the sun.
How’d it go, Little? Salinger texted.
It went well. I got weekly visitations. They’re supervised, but I’ll take what I can get.
That is freaking amazing!
Yeah
See you tonight at work? he asked.
Yeah, see you then.
I caught the expensive Uber back to Henry’s Auto Shop near work and found out it cost me six hundred dollars to replace my tires. That was all my money. I could kill Trace. I drove home to change for work and dressed near the window in the living room just so I could watch my car to make sure he didn’t try to do something again. I counted the ramen packets I had left in my pantry to see if I could make it to pay day. It was close, but I thought I could do it.
I drove my car up to work and parked her close to the entrance even though I knew Casey might get a little pissed. I’d just spent a fortune on the tires, though, and couldn’t pay for it again if Trace chose to do it again.
I walked in and threw my keys at Danny. “Watch her, will you?”
He stuck them in his pockets. “Yeah, no prob.”
I went to the back and clocked in. When I turned around, I came nose to chest with Salinger. He smelled so good I could barely take it and began to step back. He lifted his arm and offered his fist. “You must crush this,” he said, smiling at me.
I bumped fists with him and yanked a pair of gloves from the bin nearby.
We started walking toward the dairy with the other guys.
“You happy?” he asked.
All the breath left my chest at once. He couldn’t have known what that question would do to me. How could he? It was innocent. He was innocent.
I tried to steady my racing heart. “Yeah, glad to be making progress.”
I went to the back of the dairy coolers and started piling in the new milk and tossing the old. I went there because everybody hated doing dairy. We usually had to flip a coin to see who’d be stuck with it that night. It was cold and it was hard work. I went hoping, no, wishing Salinger wouldn’t follow me in. It didn’t work.
He came through with one of the heavy jackets Casey kept in the back for just this job. “What are you doing, crazy?” he asked, tossing the coat over my shoulders.
He brought the bin over to the racks and started fishing through each row of milk for the ones at or past their expiration date. Why would he willingly endure this hellish part of the job? I started organizing the racks, bringing the newer gallons toward the back of the shelves.
“Should we buy our tickets to Richmond?” he asked.
I squeezed my eyes shut and gulped down the fear I felt knowing I’d have to admit to him why I could no longer afford my ticket.
“I-I can’t go now.”
Salinger whipped his head my direction. “What? Why?”
I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. “I, well, something happened to my car today and I had to replace the tires.”
“What, all of them?” he asked, a confused expression on my face.
“Yeah,” I offered, hoping he’d drop it.
“All four tires? What, were they bad or something?”
“Yeah,” I told a half-truth.
“Damn, well, that sucks, but that
doesn’t mean we have to skip out. We’ve already paid the registration fees. I’ll spot you your ticket price and we’ll get up there.”
“Thanks,” I said, trying for casual, but I didn’t think I pulled it off, “but I’ll try another tournament some other time.”
He stopped working and stood tall. “Lily, what’s going on?”
I tried to smile. “I’m just trying not to be such a burden on you. It’s not fair to you.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” he asked, getting angry. The heat from his breath heated the air around him. “Will you stop saying shit like that? It’s seriously pissing me off. You’re not a gosh damn burden, Lily.” He was cursing. I couldn’t remember a time I’d ever heard Salinger curse. “You’re my fucking friend, not a charity case, and I resent this attitude you have toward that friendship. Just fucking stop it already.”
He turned back to the milk, working twice as fast and aggressively tossing it out. I started quietly bawling, the tears freezing on my lashes, only to melt with each new one.
“I’m lonely,” I whispered.
“What?” he yelled, still peeved.
It startled me.
“Nothing,” I said.
He tossed two gallons away and stared at his feet, his hands in fists. He heaved a sigh then marched over to me, landing inches from my face, forcing me to look up at him. Our frozen breath tangled with the other.
“What did you say, Lily.” It wasn’t a question. It was an order.
“I said I’m alone.”
His face softened. “You’re not.”
I nodded my head in argument. “I am, though. I watched the girls today. They’re living a life without me. I never realized how much I’d been holding on to them. I feel like they’re the only ones tethering me to this earth, Salinger, and they’re loosening the kite string. Every day they fall into the routine of their new family and I feel like I’m losing them.”
“You’ll get them back, Lily.”
“What if I win them back but they don’t want to come with me?”
“They will always want to be with you, Lily.” He ran a hand through my hair. “Who wouldn’t?”
“I’m fighting feelings I don’t know how to process.”
“That’s understandable. That’s normal.”