“Grief for my mother is approaching and no matter how much I try to tamp it down, it won’t stay there.”
He nodded. “I can tell, Little.”
“I’m weighed down by life, by responsibility, and I have a genuine fear I’m not capable of handling the load.”
“We’re going to compartmentalize,” he said. “I’ll help you. “We’ll cross each bridge as we arrive to it, and we won’t worry about the bridges ahead.”
“That’s the problem,” I whispered. “I’m settled at the entrance of a thousand bridges already and I don’t know which one to take.”
“No. We’ll build a new one. With tools we know are stable, and we’ll cross it together.”
I closed my eyes and let the heat of his words permeate throughout my cold chest. I opened my eyes to see him watching me. His eyes were kind and compassionate and full of something I couldn’t peg, but I knew it was powerful, because I no longer felt cold.
“What can I do for you?” I asked him.
His eyes blew wide for a moment. “What?”
“What do you need?”
“Don’t worry about me,” he said, trying to turn away.
“No,” I said, clutching his jacket, forcing him to face me again. “Tell me something I can do for you. Helping others is therapeutic. I want to be a better friend to you.”
He looked a little shocked. His eyes searched my face, as if he could find what he wanted to say written there. He looked torn, like he was fighting with himself, as if he wanted to say something but was forcing himself to keep quiet.
“I-I can’t think of anything,” he lied.
I tried to read his face but he’d checked his expression and whatever he was torn about was no longer there to be read.
“I’ll think of something,” I whispered.
Pillows of warm breath billowed out of his mouth. “You let me know when you do then,” he whispered back.
He had closed the remaining foot between us while we’d talked, landing inches from me yet again and forcing me to bend at the neck to see him. Heat pooled in my stomach.
“Tell me something,” he said.
“Hmm?”
“What did you and Peter Aurek discuss during your match?”
I felt my face flame and it made Salinger smile.
“H-he told me I was pretty.”
“Really?” he asked, a small tic in his jaw.
“He asked if I was trying to join their club,” I said, emphasizing the word “club.”
“Is that so?” he asked for his own benefit, another tic in his jaw.
“Then he told me he thought I was a novelty and that he took back that he thought I was pretty. That he found me beautiful but with that, he said I was like lichen on a rock. I was beautiful to look at but didn’t really belong.”
Salinger seemed to disappear altogether. He looked to the side, his jaw completely clenched.
“I didn’t want to engage him, but I couldn’t help myself. I took the bait. I asked him where he thought I belonged.”
Salinger looked at me once more, fury in his eyes. “What did he say?”
“Maybe I shouldn’t tell you,” I whispered.
“Too late. I have to know.”
“He said tha-that maybe I belonged in his bed.”
Salinger closed his eyes. He was furious; I could see it in his choked jaw. He breathed heavily, as if he tried to control himself.
He looked at me. “I wish you’d told me what he’d said that day.”
He’d turned once more, avoiding eye contact, so I took in his skin, the tension in his jaw.
“I would have if I’d known you wanted to know.”
He met my gaze again. “Always tell me that kind of stuff.” His voice was kind.
He swallowed nothing and I followed the movement. Something was building between us and not even I could explain it away. Oh my God. I want him so much.
Just then the cooler door opened and Danny came in. I thought Salinger would have pulled away from me, embarrassed at being caught that close to me, but he didn’t. Instead, he slowly lifted his head, looking over my own but not meeting Danny’s gaze.
“What’s up, Danny?” he asked coolly.
“Just wanted to let Lily know that Trace is hanging around outside asking for her.”
Salinger whipped his head Danny’s direction; both of his hands met the bit of wall behind me, encircling me.
“What?”
“Trace is outside for Lily,” Danny repeated.
Salinger looked at me. “What does he want from you?”
“I don’t know,” I told him.
Salinger’s arms dropped and he headed straight for the cooler door, passing Danny and tossing his jacket near its hook. I chased after him, tossing my jacket as well, and yelled for him. Danny followed us out.
“Salinger, what are you gonna do?” I asked him.
“I’m just going to have a little talk with him, that’s all.”
I raced past him to see Trace pacing the sidewalk outside the doors.
“Trace, leave!” I demanded, checking to see how close Salinger was.
He was right behind me.
“What the hell are you doing here, Trace?” Salinger asked him.
“Lily, the cops came by my house today,” Trace said, looking pissed. He was hopping around, full of energy. I thought he was on something. “You tell them about what I did to your tires?”
Salinger looked at me. “What did he do to your tires?”
My hands went to the top of my head. “He slashed my tires.”
Salinger’s eyes blew wide. “What!”
I turned toward Trace. “Why are you doing all this stuff, Trace? Huh? What’s wrong with you?”
Trace started acting crazier. “You wanna know why? Because you’re ruining my life!” he shouted.
Danny and a couple of the guys had come outside to see what was happening. Danny pushed forward and put a hand on Trace’s chest. “Dude, calm the hell down.”
Trace pushed against his hand, like he was going to come for me, but Danny and one of the crew guys stopped him. Salinger put his arms around me and tucked me against him.
“That bitch!” Trace pointed at me. “She fucking snitched on me and now the cops are hanging around my house. Can’t have them doing that shit!” he rambled. He’s definitely on something. “I’m going to catch you alone, bitch,” he promised, his eyes full of insanity, “and I am going to take you the fuck out!”
“Whoa! Whoa! Trace, what the fuck! What the hell are you on?” Danny yelled at him, pushing him farther from us.
Trace turned to Danny. “She’s a fucking bitch!”
Salinger held me tighter.
“Shut up!” Danny said.
“Everyone knows Lily is a whore.” I flinched. “She would have done that shit sober; everyone knows that.”
“Shut up, Trace!” Salinger yelled, bringing me even closer to him.
Trace pointed at me again. “Now the cops are crawling all over me and I can’t fucking shake them.” His tone had gone unhinged. “You better get them off me,” he spoke directly to me. “Get them off me or so help me God, Lily!”
“Or so help you God, what, Trace?” Salinger asked him, inching forward.
He loosened his grip on me, and I knew he was getting ready to jump on him.
“Salinger, no!” I said, trying to hold him back.
Mark and Demetrius stepped forward and helped me hold him.
“I’m going to put you somewhere no one will be able to find you again.” Trace stared at me, scared me. “They won’t be able to find you!” Danny and the other night crew guys pushed Trace farther into the parking lot as Trace raged out.
Just then a squad car pulled up, as someone must have called the cops. Salinger found me again and wrapped his arms around me as we watched Trace break free from Danny’s grip, racing straight for me. My breath hitched but before I could react, Salinger had already spun me around in his embr
ace and bent over me, his back to Trace in order to protect me. We braced for Trace to hit us, but it never came. I turned to see what was going on. One of the officers had Trace already on the ground, his knee in his back, and started cuffing him.
Salinger turned as well but kept me close to him.
“He threatened to kill her,” Salinger told the cop, who leaned over Trace.
“How many people heard that?” he asked Salinger.
Salinger gestured around us. “All of us.”
The cop nodded. “Everyone stay where you are and we’ll take statements from each of you.”
Adrenaline started to leave my body as I shook. Salinger wrapped me from behind in his arms. “Just relax,” he soothed.
“You were right,” I whispered. “I should have turned him in.”
Trace screamed at me through the back window of the squad car. He went nuts, screaming, banging his head against the glass and cage, trying to kick the door. Eventually one of the officers had to chain his feet to the floorboards.
They took everyone’s statements. Luckily we’d been closed for more than an hour and there were no customers present. I think Casey would have fired me if there had been. After each statement, each boy went inside to get back to work, and I felt like such a freaking fool.
“I have to move,” I whispered to myself after they took my statement. I turned back to the cop, remembering something. “Can he make bail tonight?”
“Probably,” he answered, writing in his notebook.
I nodded. “Thanks.”
I walked inside but pulled out my phone, ready to text Katie, but Salinger approached me before I could.
“You can’t stay at your house tonight. It’s not safe.”
I ran my hands down my face. “I know. I was about to text Katie.”
“Don’t bother. You can stay at my place again.”
“Thanks,” I said, feeling exhausted.
Because of Trace, we had to work twice as hard that night to get everything done before Casey came in. I apologized to the crew, but they shook it off. I knew it was annoying, but they were kind enough not to complain, though they had every right to. All the boys I worked with were really generous with me. At the end of our shift, I approached Casey and let him know what happened. He seemed sort of peeved, not at me, he assured me, though I wasn’t sure. There wasn’t much drama at the store, but I seemed to be the common denominator whenever there was. He said as long as all the work got done and it didn’t cause a scandal, he didn’t care. I thanked him and left his office.
Salinger was waiting for me in the back when I was done.
“Follow me to my house?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
I STAYED AT SALINGER’S the next few days. I went home after my shift on Friday, though, since the roofers were supposed to show up that morning at eight. I was there to greet them and watched in amazement as they shed the sheets of old tin roofing. I saw pallet stacks of the new silver metal roofing and felt a little pressure to go to Richmond.
I swallowed my pride and asked Salinger to get our tickets.
“I already got them,” he’d told me through a sneaky smile. He let his head fall back a little when he laughed, exposing the lines of his throat. I watched his Adam’s apple move with each snigger.
I shook my head at him but laughed as well. “Thank you,” I’d told him.
“No problem, Little.”
I talked to the roof contractor and let him know I’d be back Sunday afternoon just in time to see my sisters. Salinger and I left that afternoon for the airport and caught a flight, slept on the plane, the first sleep we’d gotten in more than twenty-four hours, and arrived in Richmond at nine that evening.
The U.S. Open Invitational was at the Jefferson Hotel. We couldn’t afford to stay there, so we picked a budget room in a hotel nearby.
When we arrived, though, we went straight to the Jefferson to check in. We stood in yet another registration line in the Grand Ballroom. It was stunning. I literally felt like I was immersed in a different time and place.
“Déjà vu, huh?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I looked around me at all the people around us. “This is a much bigger tournament.”
“Yeah, but this event is separated by ratings. We’ll only be competing against other players in our class. There’s only sixty-four and it has the fifty-thousand-dollar cash prize. It’s fewer rounds.”
I nodded. “That makes sense. Think Peter Aurek will be here?”
Salinger laughed. “Oh, he’ll be here for sure, and probably talking the maddest crap about you.”
I giggled. “Good.”
Salinger elbowed me. “Look who it is.” He threw his chin up.
I turned to where he was looking and saw Tao Zhang.
“Tao.”
He furrowed his brows and stared at him.
“I heard he wasn’t going to be at this one.”
“Weird,” I commented. I clicked my tongue and shook my head. “Damn, what’s second prize?” I asked.
He laughed. “It’s twelve thousand,” he knocked his head back and looked down his lashes at me, “but why would you even worry about that, playa?”
I smiled and rolled my eyes. “Shut up.”
He laughed.
We looked at Tao again and noticed he was talking to someone but was blocking our view. He shifted to his left as he laughed at whatever his conversation partner had said and we finally got a good look at who exactly he was talking to.
“Bernard,” I whispered, shocked.
“What is that old fool doing here?” Salinger asked no one.
We were both quiet for a moment. I was unable to process what he was doing there, wondering why he’d break his disappearance streak for this one-off tournament.
We advanced in line.
“He’s been talking to Tao a long time,” Salinger observed.
“Yeah, it’s making me a little jealous.”
Salinger barked a laugh. “Me too.”
We bumped fists.
Just off the ballroom was a large double staircase ascending to the hotel lobby. Every boy in that room, including Bernard, turned to see the pretty girl coming down them. I narrowed my eyes. She looks familiar. Oh my God, it’s Lyric.
“Lyric,” Salinger whispered, making me burn with jealousy, which felt so weird. It was a knee-jerk reaction. I didn’t want to be a girl who grew jealous.
When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she meandered through the crowd saying hello to everyone she knew, and she knew a lot of people, flirting, and being charming. I watched her approach Tao. She disregarded Bernard, probably because she didn’t know who he was, but it really pissed me off. Bernard was different, and I knew he probably couldn’t care less, but it was rude, especially because Bernard had helped me so much. It made my eyes sting. I sat there and watched her dominate a conversation with Tao, slowly turning her back to Bernard and edging him out.
He looked lost. I could tell he was uncomfortable, and it made me feel sick to my stomach.
“Hold my bag,” I told Salinger and handed it over without a second thought.
Within ten seconds, I was on Bernard.
“Bernard,” I said as I approached him.
“Young lady, it is very good to see you.” He looked around. He stuck his hands behind his back and looked at the crowd around us. “It’s very different from when I used to compete. It’s very loud.”
“It is, but it’ll calm down in a few, once the majority of everyone here registers and retires to the Player’s Rooms.”
“Ahh,” he said. He glanced at Tao, who looked trapped himself, if I was honest. I was sure he was loath to pass up the opportunity to speak with Bernard. I could tell by his facial expression he knew exactly who he was.
Lyric glanced behind her at us. Her gaze followed my entire body. She was taking me in, sizing me up. She rolled her eyes and turned back to Tao.
“Would you
like to join Salinger and me?” I asked him.
“Yes, of course,” he said, leaning forward, and throwing a hand in front of him. “Lead the way.”
I brought him over to Salinger, who greeted him warmly.
“Awfully loud in here,” he repeated.
I looked up at Salinger, wondering what we should do.
“We should go to the lobby bar, Bernard,” Salinger offered.
“Yes. Let’s do that. I don’t like it here.”
I nodded at Salinger when he handed me his registration papers.
“Let’s catch that elevator,” Salinger said.
He turned to me. “You’ll be okay?”
“Yeah, just fine. Go.”
He nodded at me and took poor Bernard away.
I waited another half hour before reaching the registration table. They tried to give me trouble with registering Salinger and I thought for a brief moment I’d have to call him back down but an official waved the registrar on and I got all the necessary entry lanyards and round information for both of us.
I started to make my way toward the elevators, but the line was atrocious. Fed up, I turned and made my way toward the enormous but elegant stairs.
“Lily!” I heard behind me and I turned to see who it was.
“Hello, Tao,” I greeted.
“I heard you were here.”
“Really? Who told you?”
“Bernard Calvin, of course. He’s an old friend of mine.”
“Cool. I like Bernard.”
Tao laughed. “Yeah, if you like senile old morons.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “He is definitely not a moron, nor is he senile. I’m sorry, but did you say you were friends with him?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, but even you have to admit he’s off his rocker.”
I shook my head. “He’s eccentric. Most bona fide geniuses usually are.”
He smiled at me. “You don’t like me.”
“I don’t know you. I don’t care one way or another for you.”
He laughed. “Yeah, but I can tell I annoy you.”
“You were rude to me in Austin and you’ve insulted my friend. So far you’re oh for two, Zhang.”
His eyes bugged. “You pronounced my name correctly.”
“Listen, is there a reason you stopped me? I’ve got to get back to Salinger and Bernard.”