Was it even possible?
Don't give up on him . . . That was what his mother had said to her yesterday when Kiara had called to tell her that Adron was coming home. I know he's hard to be around, but he's a good man, and in spite of what he says, you mean something to him. He wouldn't have married you unless you did. So please, for his sake, help him find a reason to live. I want to see my baby smile again. Just once.
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had yesterday.
Today it seemed impossible.
But she'd promised to try, and so she would. "It seems to me you've spent far too much time alone. Perhaps a little time with--"
"Damn it, why are you still here?" He glared at her with such loathing that it stung her. "Why didn't you do what I told you to?"
She took a deep breath and counted for patience as she reminded herself that he was in a lot of pain. He doesn't mean it.
What if he does?
No. She refused to believe that he would hate her after he'd protected her. So she answered with the simple truth. "Because I have nowhere else to go. My father has completely disowned me over our marriage. If I go home, he'll have me arrested and publicly beaten."
Adron winced as he realized the extent of the damage he'd done to her. How could he have been so stupid and selfish? And for what? One night of sex that had almost killed him?
What kind of life could he give her? He couldn't do anything. He was worthless and weak. Pathetic.
And she deserved something better than him. A life that didn't include wiping his crippled ass.
"If it's a question of money--"
Her expression said that he'd insulted her to the core of her soul. "I don't want your money."
"Then what do you want?"
Her guileless stare pierced him. "You."
He shook his head slowly. "You must be deranged."
"Why? Because I want to be with you?"
"Yes. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly pleasant to be around. Hell, I don't even want to be around me most days."
She moved to sit on the bed beside him. So close that he ached to pull her into his arms, but he refused to. He wouldn't do that to either of them.
It wouldn't be fair or right.
She brushed a strand of hair back from his face, her fingertips burning his skin as she touched him.
"You know, while we were making love, I felt a connection with you. Did you feel it, too?"
"No," he lied.
She tsk ed at him with a light in her eyes that made him feel like a heel for not telling her how he really felt about her. "I don't believe you. You were too tender. You held me too close. I might be innocent, but I'm not stupid. I know men don't treat women that way."
He gave her a droll stare. "And how do you know that?"
"Zarina told me so."
He grimaced at her. "Oh, jeez. You discussed sex with my baby sister?"
"Yes. She was very informative."
His gut twisted at the thought of Zarina having any kind of carnal knowledge. "I can imagine."
"I also talked to your mother and she said--"
He cringed in pain, and for once, it wasn't from his injuries. "Ah, gah, Livia. That's even worse! Why would you talk to my mother about sex with me?"
"I didn't have anyone else to ask."
He let out puffs of aggravated breaths over what she'd done. How could she? Did she have no shame whatsoever? "You could have looked it up online like everyone else does."
"I tried, but all I got was porn vids and while it was . . . well, it was kind of gross and not very informative. Just a lot of huffing and puffing and body parts. So I thought your mother and sister might have some insights to share. After all, your mother had five kids and--"
"Stop! I don't even want to think about my mother having sex with my father. I know for a fact that she was artificially inseminated and he never touched her. Grandpa Zamir told me so and I believe him."
"That's not what she says."
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He groaned out loud in utter misery. Yes, he was being childish, but this was not a topic he wanted to talk about, and it definitely wasn't something he wanted to think about. "Am I not in enough pain that you
'd torture me with this shit on top of it? What did I ever do to you to make you want to kill me?"
"Why are you being such a baby over this? I'm the one who was kept cloistered."
"Because my mother and sister are sacred beings, unsullied by the hands of a man, and if you tell me differently, especially where Zarina is concerned, I swear to God, I'm donning my assassin's uniform and gutting whatever bastard touched her."
Livia pressed her lips together to keep from laughing at him when it was obvious he was deadly serious. Even so, she liked teasing him like this. And deep down, she suspected he might not be as ticked off as he was acting.
Deciding to give him a bit of a reprieve, she changed the subject. "So, are we just going to sit in here all day?"
All the humor fled from his face. "No. You're going to leave."
"I'll leave when you do."
Adron growled at her. "Do you have any idea how much pain I'm in? It hurts to breathe. Most of all it hurts to talk, so if you don't mind, I'd like to just lie here in silence."
She sighed at the anger and bitterness in his voice that seemed to be a permanent part of his life. What he'd done for that woman and her child had been beyond decent and heroic, and she didn't want him to lose sight of the sacrifice he'd made.
For someone else's happiness.
He was a hero and she only wanted to see him smile.
Just once.
"Fine." She slid from the bed and pulled a small photo frame out of his nightstand. "I wanted to show this to you. It came by messenger while you were in the hospital."
Adron frowned as she handed him the blank frame and turned it on. Static flickered until the image of a fragile brunette woman and a small blond girl appeared.
The two of them were smiling at him and waving.
Livia watched his stoic face as her heart filled with warmth over what he'd given them. It was enough to bring tears to her eyes.
"Hi, Commander." The woman picked up the little girl and kissed her cheek. "On the anniversary of what you did, I just wanted to say thank you. This is my daughter, Dalycia. I don't know if you remember me or not, but I'm the woman you saved from that psycho, and this is the daughter I had six weeks later. Say hi, Dalycia."
"Hi, Commander." The little girl waved and smiled with that innocence that came only with childhood.
"Thank you for saving my mommy and me." She unfolded a hand-drawn picture of a man, a woman, and a little girl holding hands in a patch of flowers with a rainbow overhead. "I drew this for you to say thank you. See"--she pointed to the man--"it's you saving us, and we're all happy 'cause we're alive and the bad man isn't."
Livia watched the agony play across his face as the woman and child continued to talk to him. All of a sudden, he snarled in outrage and threw the frame against the wall, shattering it into a thousand pieces.
"Adron!" she snapped, losing patience with him.
He turned on her then with a vicious snarl before he let fly a curse so foul she blushed. "What? Did you think showing me that shit would make all of this okay? Did you think I'd look at them, then cry and say how grateful I am they live while I'm trapped like this?"
He gestured to the scars that bisected his body and twisted his leg. "What about the children I wanted to have, Livia? I can't even have sex without spending a month in the hospital, or dying from it." He cursed again. "All I want is five fucking seconds where I'm not trying to breathe through absolute agony. Five seconds where I can move and not ache to the marrow of my
bones."
The bitter torment in his eyes scorched her. "I'm only thirty-five years old, and all I have to look forward to is a future where I'll slowly, painfully disintegrate into an invalid who can't even wipe his own Page 30
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ass. Do you really think I'm okay with being dependent on you or anyone else? I was an assassin, and now I have less mobility than a withered-up hundred-year-old man. I'm nothing but a worthless piece of shit who should have died that night. And them telling me how grateful they are doesn't make this okay with me. It never will."
His words brought tears to her eyes. She'd stupidly thought it would make him feel better to know how much his sacrifice had meant to the ones he'd saved.
But she was wrong. Nothing would ever make him feel better.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I was just trying to help. But you won't let anyone help you, will you?
You'd rather just wallow in self-pity. Fine. I understand. I won't bother you anymore." Her heart breaking for him, she turned with as much dignity as she could manage and left him to it. She didn't stop walking until she reached the sitting room. Wishing for an answer that wouldn't come, she curled up into a ball on the couch and bit her lip to hold back the tears. She wouldn't cry. But inside, she bled for him. Ached for what he'd once been. Even now she could see him laughing and playing games with his sister and brothers.
How she wished she'd known him then.
Suddenly, she felt a hand on her head. Looking up, she found Adron standing beside the couch. His brow was damp with sweat, and she saw the whiteness of his lips as he struggled with his pain while he leaned heavily on his cane.
"I'm sorry," he said, his voice tense. "I know you were just trying to help. But I passed the point of help a long time ago." He shifted his weight and winced. "Look, I know about your people and customs, and I know you were raised inside a cage. The last thing you need is to be saddled with a man who can barely walk. Why don't you just go and get your own place and live? I'll be happy to put you on all my accounts. You'll never want for anything."
It was a generous offer he made. But she couldn't accept it. "I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I love you."
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FOUR
Adron couldn't have been more stunned if Livia had reached up and slapped him. "You don't even know me."
"Yes, I do. You try to hide what you are, but I see it. It shines through your bitterness with a brightness not even you can extinguish."
He scowled at her. "And what am I?"
"You're kind and decent. You have a good heart."
He snorted at her infantile naivete. "I have no heart at all. What I have is a mechanical substitute that pumps blood though a broken body, and half the time it malfunctions."
She rose from the couch.
Adron flinched as she touched him. God, how he wanted to kiss her. No, he wanted to slide himself deep inside her until he was lost. Until he forgot everything except the peace he'd found there that one night they'd spent together. Was that too much to ask?
She took him by the hand and led him into his media room. "Zarina said that it's painful at times for you to sit, so I thought I'd make a few modifications for you."
He stared at the new sofa. It was twice the size of his old one and looked more like a small bed. She'
d piled pillows up all over it. Girlie pillows that looked out of place with his dark, masculine tones. Biting back a nasty comment over that, Adron sat down and leaned against the pillows, amazed at just how good it did feel.
Until Livia sat down next to him. His body reacted instantly to her nearness. "You're killing me."
"I don't want to kill you." She leaned forward and captured his lips with hers. Closing his eyes, he savored the taste of her. Over the last month he'd done little except dream of her kiss. Dream of touching her again.
She ran her hands over his body, making him burn even more.
And when she touched his cock through his pants, he cursed. "Livia, stop. I can't make love to you."
She smiled patiently at him. "That's okay. I'm making love to you."
He frowned as she started unbuttoning his shirt.
Adron opened his mouth to protest, but then she dipped her head to his neck. He sucked his breath in as her tongue gently laved his skin. And as she nibbled and licked his flesh, she unbuttoned his pants, slid her hand down, and took his swollen cock into her hand.
His head light, he couldn't speak while she caressed him. Couldn't move. All he could do was feel her making love to him . . .
He trembled as she blazed a scorching trail down his chest with her mouth. Slowly, carefully. Her touch blistered him and went so much deeper than his skin.
It touched his soul.
His eyes shuttered, he watched her while she licked and nibbled the flesh of his stomach, and when she took him into her mouth, he thought he'd die from the pleasure of it. Her dark hair fanned out across his lap as he buried his hand in her soft curls and watched her teasing him.
Adron ground his teeth as her tongue and mouth massaged him from base to tip. She was relentless in her tasting. Never had he felt anything like it. Her actions were so selfless, so kind. Why would she care?
Why would she do this for him?
I love you.
Her heartfelt words tore through him. No woman had ever said that to him before. Only her.
And for his life, he couldn't understand what about him she could possibly find lovable. Or even tolerable, never mind desirable.
The woman was insane.
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head back against the pillows, he growled as he released himself into her mouth. Still, she didn't pull away. Not until he was completely weak and spent. His breathing ragged, he stared at her in awe. "I can't believe you did that for me."
"I told you, Adron, I love you. I would do anything to make you happy."
"Then kiss me."
She did.
Livia moaned as he ran his hand under her shirt and gently squeezed her breast. Bracing her arms on each side of him, she carefully straddled him while making sure not to put any pressure on his chest or abdomen. Theo's warnings had been explicit, and she would never do anything to hurt him. Adron cupped her head with one hand while he reached around behind her with the other one and released her bra.
"I love the way you feel in my arms," he whispered against her lips. "I love the way you look when your cheeks are flushed and your eyes bright."
He skimmed his hand down over her breasts, to her stomach, and then down to where she ached for him. "And I love the way you look when you come for me." He gave her a tender smile. "You make me feel like a man again, Livia. You make me whole."
Shamelessly, she rubbed herself against him. And when she came, she cried out from it. Adron smiled at her then, and held her close.
They spent the rest of the day lying naked in each other's arms, caressing and stroking, and just talking about absolutely nothing important.
It was the best day of Adron's life, and he kept her up until the wee hours of the morning for fear of it ending.
That day was followed by three more days of bliss.
Adron was constantly amazed by the woman fate had miraculously thrown into his life. She was funny, intelligent, and so incredibly giving that it cut him up inside. It pained him to think of her spending the rest of her vivacious life strapped to him as he slowly decayed.
"Hi."
He looked up from the book he was reading to see her standing in the doorway. Her hair was still damp from her bath, and her eyes glowed mischievously.
"Hi," he said hesitantly.
There was no telling what that look might mean. If he'd learned anything about her, it was to expect the unexpected.
She walked slowly toward the bed. "Would you like to go out for a bit today?"
Yes, he would. More than she'd ever know. But he was in too much pain. Even holding the electronic reader in his hand, which weighed only a few ounces, was hard for him.
"I can't."
"C'mon, Adron. You told me your therapist said you needed more exercise."
"Yeah, but not today. My leg's too stiff. Why don't you call Zarina?"
"Because I'd rather be with you."
The woman was the biggest fool he'd ever known.
She sat down beside him on the bed. "Here." She placed her hands on his knee. Adron tensed as warmth from her hands seeped into his leg. After a few seconds, all pain was gone and his knee felt like it had before Kyr had torn him apart. "How do you do that?"
"My mother taught me. She comes from a long line of great healers." She gently massaged his knee and leg, which made another part of him swell and ache. "I wish I could get you to her. She'd be able to heal you in an instant."
"Really?"
She looked askance at him. "You don't believe me?"
"Let's just say I have a hefty dose of skepticism. I have three friends who are Trisani, and not even they were able to repair me."
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"Really?"
He nodded. "Yeah. Not even Nero, who's the most powerful Tris I've ever heard of. He was sick for days after trying to repair me. And after that, I quit believing in anything."
She rolled her eyes at him. "Feeling better now?"
"Yes."
"Then join me. I'd love to have the pleasure of your company this afternoon."
How could he say no to that? Besides, he hated being home all the time. It was why he'd installed the heavy blinds over his windows--he didn't want to see the beauty of what he couldn't enjoy. Looking outside on gorgeous days was nothing but torture that reminded him of all the times he'd jogged and played without any thought of a time when he wouldn't be able to do that anymore. He left the bed but didn't go far before she stopped him. "You still have to use your cane. I don't want you back in the hospital."
He growled as she handed it him. "I hate this thing."
"I know." She wrapped her arms around his and took him outside for the first time since he'd returned from the hospital.