I feel nervous getting into my car knowing what it is I'm about to do. All sorts run through my head, for instance, what if I get pulled over by the police? Or what if I crash and the body gets found? I’ve never had to do anything like this before and never thought I would.
I start the engine of my car and drive round to the back of the house through an alleyway. I park up almost adjacent to the garage, jump out and run back round to the front of the house, making my way through the kitchen and into the back garden. I open the back gate and then unlock the garage door and step inside. It’s very daunting standing close to a dead body and for some reason I am paranoid someone somewhere is watching me.
I quickly head back to my car, take out the holdall and carry it into the garage while at the same time trying to mentally prepare myself what's about to come next. I unravel Chloe from the sheet; it isn’t the prettiest sight. She looks grey and drawn and the smell is extremely potent, making me gag. I don’t think I realised that when a body is dead, all the muscles relax which releases fluids etc. I open the holdall, pick up Chloe and try to place her into it but I’d completely underestimated the weight of a dead body and the size of the holdall; she didn’t fit.
I stand staring, thinking for a long time, trying to work out how I'm going to get her into the holdall? I don’t have anything else to put her in and I certainly don’t have time running round the city trying to find something else. It dawns on me; I will need to force her in and this wasn’t going to be pleasant. I pick her up and place her half way into the holdall, legs first. I then pick up her upper body from under her armpits and bend her over pushing with all my weight behind me until something gives, making the most awful sound. Her head is now touching her feet, however, she's in the bag.
I take a few minutes to recover from what I've just done, waiting for the sick feeling to go but it doesn’t and I'm seriously running out of time. I place the sheet she was in down a gap in the bag and zip it up. The holdall is completely misshaped and looks obvious that something isn’t right with it but I just have to deal with that now. I pick it up with a struggle; for a small girl she bloody weighs a lot.
Finally, after about thirty minutes everything is locked up, the holdall is in the boot and I'm sitting behind the wheel of my car, ready to take on the next part of my plan. I’m not feeling too great at this point and for once it isn’t because of my hangover. It’s amazing how deforming a dead body and placing it in the boot of your car can cure a hangover. I start the engine and make my way through the streets towards a building site.
Halfway there I pull up at a set of traffic lights and notice to my shock horror that there’s a cop car behind me. For starters I'm still going to be over the limit and secondly I’m carrying illegal goods in the back. I might be paranoid but it looks as though they are talking on the radio and pointing at my car. I freak out. Sweat starts to pour from me and my arse crack is getting moist. The lights turn amber and I slowly pull away, trying not to attract any unwanted attention to myself. The cop car is still behind me and seems to be following me so I decide taking the back roads might be a good idea to see if they really are.
I turn left down a side street of the main road I'm driving down and the car follows. My mouth goes dry with fear and my hands slip a few times on the steering wheel from the sweat. I take the next right and then the next left and to my relief the cop car doesn’t follow. I am overcome with a sudden feeling of joy until it hits me that the body is still in the boot and the deed still needs to be done.
Finally I get to the building site to find it’s full of workers which puts this part of my plan to shit. Instead of filling the bag with bricks to try to weigh it down I decide to go for it as it is, just to get rid of the body as fast as possible and to waste no more time. I drive to the docks, park up, remove the holdall and struggle with it to the water’s edge.
It’s a fresh, cool day but with the sun shining. In the distance I can hear cars on the main road. Without any hesitation I drop the holdall into the water and watch it, praying for it to sink fast. I stand looking down at it floating, the drop down to the water is about five meters and there’s no way to get down to it without jumping in myself. I start to worry. In the distance I can see people walking towards me. They appear to be a small family walking their dog. The pressure’s on. I continue to stare at the holdall, willing it to sink. It looks as though it’s just floating. The family draw closer and closer. I keep looking at them and then back at the bag. I’m fully aware I'm looking suspicious, knowing that if this body gets found these people are going to remember me just standing here staring at the water.
Five minutes has passed now and the family are close. I can make out it’s a man with his wife and little girl. I look at the bag again. It’s gone! It’s sunk! I feel a sudden weight lift off my shoulders. In a heartbeat I dash back to my car, take off quickly heading straight for home to shower. I change my clothes and plan to dispose of the ones I was wearing in a local street bin later.