“Chris…Travis is like my brother.”
“But he isn’t,” Chris pointed out. “It feels uncomfortable to know that there’s another guy who isn’t a blood relative checking up on your girlfriend, you know.”
I sighed. Travis had mentioned this to me years ago. He had said that not all my boyfriends would understand the kind of relationship that we had.
“Travis may not be a relative by blood, but he has been more like family to me than any of my blood relatives ever were,” I argued. “Please? Let’s just drop this? I don’t want to argue about Travis. I never had a problem with him being in my life with any of my previous boyfriends.”
“That’s because your previous boyfriend was a fag,” he muttered.
“And I’m not going to let you talk about Eric that way, either,” I said to him. “He’s a decent guy.”
Although Chris tried to hide it, I knew that things weren’t perfectly fine. He was quiet on the way home.
I invited him to spend the night with me, but he shook his head. “I have an early meeting tomorrow. It’s best I stay in my apartment. It’s closer to the office. I’ll see you Wednesday.”
I nodded and kissed him goodnight. When I closed the door, I couldn’t help feeling that something was off between us. I wished I would understand exactly what and why.
Chapter Fourteen
Wednesday, I surprised Chris by showing up in his office. He was having a chat with one of his lady colleagues. He was surprised when he saw me at the door of his office.
“Brianne!” he beamed. He came to me and gave me a kiss. “I thought we weren’t meeting until seven.”
“I thought I should pick you up for a change,” I said. “I hope it’s not a bad time.”
He shook his head. “It’s perfect!” He turned to the blonde sitting in his office. “Alana, this is my girlfriend, Brianne.”
Alana was a beautiful blonde with startling blue eyes. She was wearing a pencil-cut suit that hugged her body to perfection. She smiled at me brightly. “It’s nice to finally put a face to the name. I’ve heard so much about you.”
She extended her hand to me and I shook it. Standing beside Alana made me feel out of place. I was wearing a pair of skintight jeans and an off-the-shoulder floral blouse, a Juicy Couture cross-body bag, and no make-up at all. My hair was tied in a careless ponytail with some tendrils loose around my face. She was wearing an Armani suit and perfect makeup, not a single hair out of place.
Seeing her made me feel that I should have dressed up more, so Chris and I would look…more suited for each other. But I guessed it was too late for that now. I told myself I should tab that thought for next time.
Chris left early and we had dinner together. Even then, I felt like he was lost in his thoughts, like something was really bothering him.
“Is this still about my aunt’s anniversary?” I asked him when he took me back to my apartment.
He shook his head. “I’m just tired. I have a lot of pressure at work.”
“Do you want to stay the night?” I asked him. “I can help take your mind off the pressure.”
He narrowed his eyes. “I didn’t bring a…condom,” he said.
I was taken aback. It was the last thing I expected him to say.
“Well, we did that once before. I’m pretty sure it isn’t that time of the month for me.”
Chris shook his head. “It’s best we take extra care,” he said. “It’s…too early for that kind of pressure.”
“What pressure?” I asked him.
“Family,” he sighed.
“When I asked you to stay the night, I didn’t say ‘Come, impregnate me!’” I said in an irritated voice.
He took a deep breath. “Either way, I’ll see you tomorrow. I have tons of things I need to sort out.”
He left without another argument. When I went to bed alone that night, I tried to remember when Chris started acting differently.
It started the morning that Travis’s package arrived. But then again, we didn’t talk or argue about Travis anymore. I thought it had to be something else. And when did he ever find the idea of sleeping together abhorrent? Or pressuring? He never did before. But now…it seemed like he was avoiding it. Why?
***
I didn’t see Chris for another two days. I made no effort to call or text him. He had issues to sort out. I wanted to give him space to think and realize that he was being ridiculous.
My phone rang, and my heart jumped. Finally! He was calling me! But it wasn’t Chris.
“I’ll be in town tonight, cherie. But my flight to New York leaves at three in the morning. Just thought I’d catch up with you,” Travis said on the other line.
My heart immediately gave a leap. I felt like crying. I realized I’d just missed him so much.
“Pick me up?”
“Fifteen minutes.”
I was on my front steps in ten minutes, waiting for Travis. I was dressed in a long floral skirt and a white sleeveless top. I wasn’t wearing any makeup. Whenever I was with Travis, I didn’t have to worry about what I wore at all. There was no pressure to look suited for each other. And that felt comforting. With Travis, I didn’t have to hide who I was, or pretend to be something I wasn’t.
After two minutes, a red Ferrari parked in front of me. He got out of the car wearing a pair of jeans and a black jacket, which made his hair look darker.
“Cherie...” he greeted me in a low voice.
I gave him a tight hug. “I missed you,” I said to him. “You should come visit me more often.”
He raised a brow. “Why, I thought you had a boyfriend.”
“I do,” I said. “But you’re irreplaceable.”
“Don’t scare me,” he said. “I hope you’re not prepping me for a big favor I can’t say no to.”
I laughed and pulled away from him. “Of course not!”
He opened the passenger door for me.
“Where are we going?” I asked him.
“Have you eaten?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“Let’s go to dinner and then we can have coffee. Unfortunately, I can’t drink. Flight schedule’s a bummer.”
Travis told me how successful he was becoming in his business. He’d been having some battles with his father, but he was winning most of them. He sounded focused and determined to prove his father wrong. I could sense the antagonism in him every time he mentioned him.
“Why do you have to fight with your father all the time?” I asked him. “Why is it your mission to see him on the ground?”
He had a hard expression on his face. “It’s not like he doesn’t deserve it, you know.” I could see anger and resentment on his face again.
“Travis...when will you stop this?”
I reached forward and touched his cheek with my palm. I thought he was going to pull away. But instead, he held his hand up to hold my hand between his cheek and his palm. He closed his eyes for a moment. Then he took a deep breath. To my surprise, he turned sideways and kissed my palm. Then he released my hand and gave me a sober, pleading look.
He shook his head. “Don’t ask me that, Brianne,” he said to me. “My mother has been begging me to reconcile with my dad. She hasn’t succeeded. But I beg you not to ask me the same thing.”
I bit my lip. It was touching to know that somehow, he still felt he couldn’t deny me anything. And I knew I would not ask him to do it unless I understood the real reasons behind it.
“Not now,” I said to him.
He took a sip of his coffee. “So, how’s the boyfriend?”
I shrugged. “Something’s off. Lately, he’s been acting weird,” I said. “I think he suddenly realized your existence in my life and he’s…jealous.”
“I told you, you should have stuck it out with Eric!” he said, but I knew he was joking.
“Eric must have been more interested in you, you know,” I giggled.
“But he’s a nice guy,” Travis said. “I want to meet
this Christian.”
“Why? You’re going to have him background-checked?” I asked him.
“What makes you so sure I didn’t do that two years ago when you started dating him seriously?” he challenged me.
“Travis!” I glared at him, daring him to deny it.
He took another sip of his coffee and didn’t say anything.
“Unbelievable!” I muttered. “When will you stop?”
“Never,” he said under his breath. The serious look on his face made me feel that he meant that.
“And what did you find out about Chris?”
“Did I make an effort to warn you or tell you to stay away?” he asked. “I’m only after your safety, Brianne. Your relationships are still your own business. And speaking of relationships, shouldn’t you be concerned about how fast this Christian will propose to you?”
I stared back at him. “Why would I worry about that?”
“Because, you’re twenty-eight now, cherie,” he said. “Tic-tock, tic-tock.”
I remembered I’d told Christian about the fact that women in my family had to marry before they turn thirty-one. And apart from being jealous about Travis, Christian had also acted off when I asked him to sleep over. He’d immediately told me that he didn’t have a condom with him and that he didn’t want to take that much of a risk.
Now, I guessed I knew what he was cranky about. He thought there was pressure to settle down, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready.
“Do you want to live with this guy for the rest of your life?” Travis asked me solemnly.
I bit my lip. Do I? Am I ready to get married and stay married, have kids, raise a family? And more importantly, with Christian? Am I going to be happy for the rest of my life…with him?
Travis sat back in his seat, reading my expression like a book. “Hmmm…interesting.”
“What am I doing, Travis?” I asked him.
He reached out for my hand. “Living your life. Not letting the burden of your family tradition affect you. It’s not easy to say the person you’re with is the one you want to be with for the rest of your life. For some, it’s easy. For most, it’s too damn hard. I think you need more time, Brianne.”
“But I don’t have time,” I said to him.
The expression on his face was hard to read. He squeezed my hand. “You do,” he said. “But I can’t tell you what to do. You have to figure out this one yourself.”
I hugged Travis tightly when he dropped me off at my doorstep.
“I’ll miss you,” I said to him. “Please come more often.”
“Your boyfriend will not like that.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll handle that.”
He kissed my forehead. “Stay safe, and call me anytime you need me.”
“I love you, Travis.”
He smiled at me. “I love you too, Brianne.”
When he left, I wanted to cry. What was I doing? I was dating a guy who had changed me more in two years than anyone had in all my twenty-eight years. I couldn’t even see myself being happily married to him yet. He wasn’t even close to proposing to me. And I hadn’t even begun wondering how much my relationship with Travis would change if Christian proposed and I said yes.
Travis was right. I needed more time to figure out my life. I wasn’t ready to spend the rest of it with one guy. I wasn’t sure that Chris was the one for me. And I was positive he wasn’t sure he wanted me forever, either. But I had to decide soon…or I would be cursed for life.
***
Chris knocked on my door the next day.
“Finally, you showed up,” I said. My voice was cold, and I was determined to let him know that I wasn’t happy he’d made no effort to contact me.
He marched inside my apartment. When he turned to me, his face was flushed and he looked furious.
“Is this your Travis Cross?” he asked and showed me a picture on a magazine.
I snatched the magazine from him and stared at the picture of Travis with a headline that read, The New Generation of Cross Magnates: Younger. Richer. Smarter.
I skimmed through the article. It was a write-up of the major changes that had been made to Cross Magnates since Travis had bought out the majority of their shareholders in his brilliant move to kick his father out.
I looked at the portrait of the cold, manipulative man next to the article. He was handsome as hell. But his eyes lacked the warmth they usually had whenever he looked at me.
I looked back at Chris and handed him the magazine.
“Yes,” I said.
“You were with him last night, weren’t you?” he asked.
“How did you…”
“I was about to surprise you,” he said. “I was thinking, this guy could look geeky anyway—maybe I was being silly. I was just about to park in front of the building when I saw a Ferrari stop in front of you and its young, handsome driver give you a hug as if he wouldn’t ever let you go! And that’s when the plate that said TJCROSS caught my eye! I realized you’d been lying about him the whole time!”
“What? Lying? What did I lie about?”
“You told me nothing was going on between the two of you!” he spat back at me.
“There’s nothing!” I insisted.
“I followed you! I watched you! You two sure like touching each other!”
I laughed humorlessly. “We’re affectionate with each other! But then again, don’t you get affectionate with your relatives? Closest friends? I hug Eric when I see him, too, and that doesn’t seem to be a problem with you.”
“Eric is gay!” He showed me the picture of Travis in the magazine again. “This guy is straight! He looked like he’d just stepped off the cover of a magazine, he drives a Ferrari, and he’s a billionaire! He’s what every guy aims to be before they’re forty! And he’s only twenty-nine!”
“I cannot help your insecurity, Chris! But I don’t think we should argue about this anymore! Travis is a part of me! He’s a part of my family, the people I hold dear. If we’re going to be together, you must accept him. And you have to trust that we’re platonic—nothing else!”
I motioned for him to go. He didn’t argue. He closed the door behind him with a bang.
***
I had dinner with Eric the next day. I talked to him about my fight with Chris. He smiled at me apologetically. “Chris is very ambitious. He loves you. And he’s very proud. I guess he needs to resolve this within himself. He feels insecure. Travis is that one guy a boyfriend doesn’t want his girlfriend to ever know in her life. He’s…too much competition! The only way the guy will feel safe about Travis Cross is if his girlfriend is Travis’s sister or cousin. Other than that, there’s just no way. I mean…he’s as handsome as Lucifer himself! He’s brilliant. Some business critics call him a genius. And he’s a billionaire!
“And that’s driving Christian crazy. If I were straight, I would have felt the same way when you introduced Travis to me. I wouldn’t have felt right. I would never believe that two gorgeous people wouldn’t have the hots for each other at some point, at least once in their lives!”
My phone rang, and it interrupted my thoughts. I had taken a deep breath before I answered Chris’s call.
“Hello.”
“How was he in bed?” his voice sounded rough, as if he was drunk.
“What?”
“How was Travis Cross in bed?” he repeated and then he laughed bitterly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Chris!”
“Don’t lie!” he said. “Cindy told me.”
“Cindy told you what? I haven’t seen Cindy in months!”
“She’s visited for a day,” Chris said. “And just enough for me to find out about your past, Brianne!”
“What past?”
“I said don’t lie!” he shouted. “You slept with Travis Cross! The lucky bastard! He’s smart, he’s rich, he’s successful, he’s handsome…and he was your first, wasn’t he?”
My heart pounded in my chest,
and I felt like all the blood in my body had drained completely.
“It’s not true what you said to me! All this brotherly, platonic shit!” he said angrily. “You’re attracted to him, and I’m pretty sure he wants you, too! Cindy told me you were pretty tight in high school! And you were the reason why Travis Cross went to Yale when he was set to go to Brown! Because he wanted to be close to you! What guarantee do we have that you only slept with each other at prom? Nothing! For all I know, you could be…fuck buddies!”
“Stop that, Chris!” I raised my voice this time. “That was a long time ago! Nothing’s happening now! I swear to God! Travis and I will never happen!”
“Well, if that is true, you’re just gonna have to choose! Him or me? Decide now! If you choose me, you are forbidden to see him or talk to him, email him or text him. I cannot allow that!”
I stared at Eric helplessly. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “You can’t ask me to do this, Chris.”
“But I am! It’s the only way we can be together! I cannot allow anything that has to do with Travis Cross!” He took a deep breath. “I can’t look at him and not think about how he turned you from a girl to a woman! That he’s been inside you. That the first man you ever trusted your body with was him! That’s too…much! Too much! So, choose!”
I took a quick moment to imagine my life with Travis. It was the way it used to be. Safe. Comforting. I had a family. I had somebody who could read me like a book, protect me with his life and make me laugh out of my wits. Who would inspire me to turn even my darkest paintings into colorful pictures of sunshine and happiness.
Then I imagined my life without Travis, and I felt like my heart had just shattered into a million pieces. It was like losing my childhood, my family…it hurt the same way it did when I lost Tom. My stomach twisted into knots and I almost forgot how to breathe. My heart felt so heavy and there was a lump in my throat. And suddenly, I knew the answer to Chris’s question.
“I love you, Chris,” I said to him. I took a deep breath. “But I cannot live in a world where Travis Cross does not exist. You can’t ask me to give up a huge part of me and expect me to live a normal life.”
Chris took a deep breath as if he hadn’t expected me to say what I’d said. “He’s more important to you than anything else. Brianne…two weeks ago, he was just an ‘old friend’ that you caught up with once a month! How did I not see this coming? How did I not know that there was this other guy who meant the world to you?”