My mind began to scream “liar” as I stared at his stack of chips in the middle. I didn’t want to let him out of playing but I couldn’t bring myself to let him win this hand when I knew mine was better than his. I had less chips but I pushed all of mine in too. Ryder looked over me with wide eyes, clearly confused at my call.
“Sorry guys, I have to fold this one,” Ryder said softly, still looking at me quizzically.
“Well, what do you have,” I snapped at Ethan.
He set his cards on to the table, “pair of ladies and a pair of tens.”
I dropped my cards on the table and stood, “You have got to be shitting me. You called all in on that hand,” I yelled as my fours lay openly on the table. He smiled at the fours and this time it was a genuine one.
“Nice, trip fours. I didn’t think you had anything,” he said cocking his head to the side.
Ryder kicked my foot under the table just enough to get my attention but not enough to make noise. I looked over at him and then looked back at Ethan. “Yeah, guess you thought wrong. Good game,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Yeah, it was. I’m gonna go hang out upstairs while you two finish battling it out,” he said nonchalantly.
“Yeah, okay,” I said as calmly as possible. I gave Ryder a look and he just shook his head at me. Without saying another word, Ethan quickly walked from the room and I heard his footsteps up the stairs. “Unbelievable.”
“He’s not going to tell you, Aid. You need to get Alexa to and I can already tell it’s not going to be easy. Who gives a shit what he’s doing anyways. He’s not worthy of you, trust me.” He smiled, clearly flirting with me.
“And you are,” I asked teasingly.
“I think so,” he said seriously. “I’d never do this to you.”
“I know. You’re just a closet sweetheart, aren’t you?”
We laughed and played the rest of the game.
~
After another hour of playing cards with Ryder, I finally buried him with the winning hand and got the rest of the chips. I smiled at him with pride and he handed me the money from the pot.
“Look at that, she finally wins,” he joked.
“Finally? You guys have only won against me a few times and now that your partner in crime is too busy boning my best friend, you seem to have lost your edge a little,” I said smiling at him fiercely.
“Damn you are just vicious lately. I like it.”
I realized suddenly that the quiet footsteps above had ceased for over a half hour now. It was far too quiet so I stopped to listen.
“It’s awfully quiet up there,” I whispered.
Ryder smiled again at my sudden concentration. “So go check on them. I’d have to say, there won’t be any denying if you catch them in the act.”
“Good lord, Ryder! The last thing I want is to walk in on them doing anything. I’ve kept my temper under control so far but that may just send me over the edge.”
“I’ll come with you. Honestly, I don’t think Alexa is stupid enough to pull something like that. Ethan is another story though.”
“And that is why I wouldn’t put it past them! Ethan would and everyone knows it,” I said irritated.
“Can I be honest with you?”
“I would hope so,” I smirked.
“You know what I mean, Aid,” Ryder said while rolling his eyes. “I guess I never got why you picked him. He was never right for you.”
I thought for a moment and said the only thing I could think of. “I guess love really is blind.” Tears suddenly rimmed my eyes as I thought about the relationship I had thought I had with Ethan. He was the first real relationship I had and it turned out, it wasn’t as real as I had thought.
“Whoa, don’t cry!”
That is when I lost it yet again. Tears poured down my face as I was hit hard by all of the lies and betrayal. It was suffocating to hold this in as long as I had. The nausea stirred in my stomach as my mind raced around my thoughts. In that moment, I felt truly alone and the hurt that lay in my heart pulsed painfully against my chest.
“Trust me, he’s not worth those tears. He isn’t even worth a lingering thought or even a glance from you. You are better than him and a million times better than her.”
I tried to smile but all I could think about is the hurt of this loss. I shouldn’t have let it bother me but I couldn’t help thinking what it could have been or should have been.
I stood abruptly, wiped the tears from my face and strode toward the stairs. Ryder quickly followed behind but knew better than to say anything. The adrenaline pulsed through my veins. The beat quickened with every step closer.
As I walked quietly through the doorway to the living room upstairs, I froze. The soft sound of even breathing filled the darkness. I walked carefully toward the small desk lamp with only the slight flickering of the light playing from the TV. I clicked on the lamp and worked up enough courage to look at the couch.
The two of them lay sleeping, hand in hand, and Alexa’s head rested against his shoulder. An instant fire raged inside of me. As I began to take a step forward, I felt the pressure of fingers wrapping around my wrist, which contained the anger just long enough for me to make a rational thought.
“Just breathe,” Ryder whispered softly. “Leave them till morning. I want you to myself tonight anyways.”
I smiled at him gingerly as I laced my fingers in his. I looked over once more at the betrayal of my two best friends, sighed deeply, and then pulled Ryder toward the stairs.
Chapter 14
I blinked my eyes open sleepily. The sudden roll of fatigue set deep in my stomach. I was alone once more but my surroundings were not that which I had fallen asleep to. The warmth I should have felt radiating off of Ryder had disappeared. Overtaken by disappointment, I sighed heavily in defeat. I was back in the white room, shackled to my bed, completely alone.
I looked around helplessly, waiting for someone to save me from this nightmare. When no one came, the tears began to spill over. I didn’t waste my energy trying to break free because I already knew it was impossible. I just lay there in my own self pity, wondering whether this was real and if it was what I had done to land myself in the position.
After what seemed like several hours of lying alone, the small creak of the door finally screamed against the silence. I welcomed the harsh sound against my ears, only knowing that someone was finally coming to end my suffering of loneliness. I looked over stifling a grin toward the door. I knew who would come through it, and for the first time, I was happy to see her.
Ms. Kaitz poked her head around the door. She smiled widely at me when she realized my eyes were wide open and staring at the door. She walked in hesitantly with a wary look on her face. “Aidriana,” she questioned hopefully.
“Ms. Kaitz,” I answered her back.
Her face instantly lit up at my recognition of her. “You still remember me.”
“You have a very nagging way of sticking in my head, Ms. Kaitz.”
“I see your opposite personality is still intact,” she noted.
“What do you mean opposite?”
“Arianna was very quiet, not very opinionated, well blended, I suppose, in every way. She was smart and at the top of her class, but she lacked the most important trait. She didn’t know how to cope with anything. She handled life stressors in a very destructive way. Let’s just say, some really bad things happened to her and she didn’t take them well at all.”
“I used to be like that,” I admitted.
“And what changed?”
“Something in my head,” I tried to explain. “It was like a switch. The moment Ryder told me Ethan was cheating; it was like a part of me snapped. I don’t want people walking all over me.”
“So you know that your best friend is betraying you with your boyfriend. Anything else you have learned?” she asked.
“How could you possibly know about that? You know nothing about me.”
“I
just do. So is that all you’ve learned that has bothered you?”
“Yes that is all that has happened in my life that is truly bothering me. Is there a point to that question?”“I never ask questions that won’t possibly solve my problem,” she said very seriously.
The way she talked around my questions was really starting to get on my last nerve. She never truly answered any of my important questions.
“You obviously believe you know something, so why don’t you tell me,” I said to her.
“I’ve already told you, I won’t reveal much about Arianna’s life, in the hope that you won’t regress again. You’ll find out soon enough and I hope I get to see you one more time before you reach what I’m talking about. I didn’t think I would ever make any progress with you.”
I looked at her in disbelief. “What does any of that even mean,” I shouted.
“You’ll find out soon enough.”
I found myself growing more frustrated with her. “Why don’t you just tell me something? I don’t understand what’s going on or what I’m even waiting for.”
“You’ll know,” she said softly. The beeping on the monitor spiked quickly as my frustration grew. “The anger always gets the best of you.”
I suddenly felt a wave of rage. She was right. I was losing control of my temper very regularly. I had never had a short fuse before but something inside me had shifted and I was losing myself to something dark. I snorted at her in irritation. “Right”.
“It’s getting you now.”
“No,” I argued.
“I’m surprised you don’t know what I’m hiding yet. It seems so obvious to me from what you’ve shared.”
I didn’t understand what she meant though. I was so angry that the adrenaline in my blood began to pulse quickly to my heart. I could feel the heat radiating from my skin and lingering on my face. I was starting to panic at the way she was saying things to me. What if I didn’t really want to know anymore? What if I really was living in a dream world and watching a version of my life that I had already lived?
“Why is this happening to me,” I began to sob as the room around me swayed.
“Because you want to remember your life, Arianna. Open your mind and you will.”
~
I groggily opened my eyes to the bright sunlight beaming in through the sheer blinds. The satin sheets enveloped my body as I stretched slowly. I was back at my Aunt’s house and no longer trapped in that tortuous nightmare. I yawned widely, trying to wake myself up. My arm softly grazed something to the side of me and I quickly looked over to the lump on the bed. I was suddenly disappointed when I found Ethan lying next to me.
I exhaled loudly as I rolled myself off of the bed. Being so close to him made me want to vomit. He began to stir as my feet touched the wooden floors. I got up as slowly as I could but the wood groaned beneath my weight. I rolled my eyes at myself, considering the thought that my boyfriend could sneak around with my best friend but I couldn’t even sneak away from him.
I waited for him to wake abruptly and then ruin my day, but he stayed deep in his slumber. As I snuck out of the door, I quietly closed the door behind me.
“Going somewhere?”
I spun around to see Alexa eyeing me in interest. “Uh no, I was just trying not to wake him.” I slowly grew more annoyed with her. “Where is Ryder?”
“We slept on the floor upstairs. He’s still out cold. I don’t even remember going to sleep.”
She looked terrible this morning. I knew Alexa better than anyone, and she never looked like this in the morning. She was pale and she had a few purple speckles on her face all around her eyes. Her hair was caked to her forehead and she looked like she had been sweating profusely all morning.
“No offense, but you look like shit, Alexa. Are you sick or something?”
“No, I’m fine. Just must’ve eaten something bad,” She lied badly. I noticed right away the deceit in her eyes.
I began to study her facial expressions, body language and movements. She moved awkwardly as she walked over to the living room. She hung her head low as she walked. As I studied her, I realized suddenly that not only was she hiding something, but she was ashamed of it. She sat down alone and didn’t say a word.
“Alexa,” I said softly. “What happened to you?”
“What do you mean,” she asked quietly.
“You’ve changed,” I said taking this chance to gain her trust again. I had to get her to open up. I was running out of time.
“So have you,” she countered.
“I realize that. Trust me, I do. I just don’t understand where things went wrong. I’ve always thought of you as my best friend. You’re practically like my sister, Alexa. I feel like we aren’t even friends anymore.”
“That’s because the last few weeks, we haven’t been.”
“I know,” I sighed. “I don’t want it to be this way though.”
“Well neither do I,” she said softly again.
Her eyes still wandered, refusing to meet mine. She wrapped her arms protectively around her abdomen and I froze at the sight of the gesture.
“Aidriana, I’m in trouble,” she finally said after a long pause.
“Oh?” It was all I could say to her. I already knew what her trouble was. I sat there in a panicked shock, trying to decide how I would act when the words actually came out of her mouth. I was stuck in an awkward autopilot. “What’s wrong?”
“I really don’t know how to say this. I never thought it would happen to me.” Tears began to rim her eyes. “I always laughed at people for this and now, I’m just another stupid girl.”
“What did you do, Alexa?”
“I’m pregnant,” she said softly as she held her head down in shame. I looked at her in disgust, knowing that the child she carried was my boyfriend’s.
“What the hell,” I screamed. “Are you stupid or just completely unable to make good and rational choices anymore?” She stared at me in shock as I stewed in my own anger.
“Please quiet down,” she hissed. “I haven’t told anyone but you.”
The next thing I knew, I was laughing violently at her. She hadn’t told Ethan yet and I knew just as well as she did, that he wasn’t going to be happy about this. I slowly regained my composure and began to play dumb about the situation.
“So when are you going to tell Ryder?” I asked.
She took in a deep breath and sighed loudly, “I’m not.”
“No?”
“No, there’s no need to tell him.”
And here came round two. She was in the perfect mood to spill everything.
“He’s the father! He has every right to know!”
“But he’s not, Aidriana. I have never dated Ryder, let alone slept with him,” she admitted.
“So then who the fuck is the dad,” I questioned through clenched teeth.
The tears spilled over her eyes on to her blushed cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Aid. This is all just a big mistake.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I never meant for this to happen! I wanted to end it so many times. I knew it was wrong and now I’m paying the price,” she sobbed uncontrollably.
“Stop giving me the run around and just get to the damn point.”
I needed to hear her say this more than ever now.
“I don’t want you to hate me, even though I deserve much worse.” I gave her a stern look and waited without saying another word. “Aidriana, I have been seeing Ethan for months.”
Before I even had time to process the words that she had said, my hand was connecting with her face. The loud crack of my open hand against her cheek echoed against the walls. “How fucking dare you! How could you be such a backstabbing bitch? I’m supposed to be your best friend,” I yelled at her. I got up and began to stomp away. I suddenly stopped and turned toward her. “You tell him, or I will. You have until tomorrow. And just so you know, I’ve known for weeks. Keep your mouth shut about this w
ith Ethan. As far as he’s concerned with you I know nothing or I promise you, I will make your life a living hell.”
She sat there with her hand held to her face, crying frantically. I walked away quickly before I had the chance to feel any pity for her. Granted, my “best friend” was pregnant and still in high school, but her actions had made most of that null and void in my mind. I walked angrily toward the top floor, in desperate search for the only person here that could attempt to comfort me.
I found Ryder sprawled out on the living room floor, in nothing but his boxer briefs. I laughed to myself in awe of his adorable vulnerability as he slept unaware of his surroundings. I slowly lowered myself to my knees and crawled quietly over to him, afraid I would wake him from such peace. I sat next to him, trying not to disrupt him for what seemed like hours. The soft intake and exhales of his breath began to lull me to sleep. And then there was nothing.
Chapter 15
I woke in a startled panic as I noticed a soft caress on my face. My eyes met the familiar hazel I was growing so accustom to.
“Did you sleep like that all night?”
“No,” I said with a scowl.
“Well, clearly you are pissed off so why don’t you share with me,” he said. He smiled widely trying to break the tension.
“Well she finally told me,” I said.
“So then what’s the problem? Isn’t that what you wanted?” Ryder asked.
“Yeah, but then she shared more with me.”
“Jesus, what the hell could be worse than admitting to your best friend that you’ve been sleeping with her boyfriend?” And then his eyes widened as it must have dawned on him. It seemed so easy for him to see it just by the hatred in my eyes. “Oh shit! She didn’t! She isn’t right?”
“Oh, contraire, my friend. She did and she is.”
“Does he know yet?” he asked.
“What do you think?”
“Good point, it is far too quiet in this place for him to have found something like that out.”
“I never made a point but true. It’s like you’re always inside of my head or something.”
He laughed at my comment. “So what are you going to do now?”
“I gave her until we leave tomorrow to tell him or I told her I will.”
“Wow, cold hearted,” he said smiling. “I like the new ‘won’t take no shit’ Aidriana.”