While I was still there, Ryder had gotten a hold of Alexa and Ethan for me after a few hours and both rushed to my side. I noticed something different about them both. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at first but they walked in looking euphoric. Their proximity was close enough as it was but the look in their eyes looked as if they wished they were closer. Their eyes were a little too comfortable and their smiles were too relaxed. I remembered the look Ryder game me as the two waltzed in and I shuttered.
As I sat in my room thinking about it, I wondered if I was being paranoid or if my mind was just over exaggerating what I had seen. I had just survived a near death experience and those two looked like they were on cloud nine in a damn paradise. What I couldn’t decide was whether my best friend would really go behind my back like that.
Completely exhausted, I closed my eyes and quickly fell into a deep sleep. The dream was losing its edge each time I was forced into it. For the first time I began to notice the body language between Alexa and Ethan that I had never noticed before my accident. Even in the dream, they seemed closer than I realized. Not only did I notice that but Alexa and Ryder had zero interest in each other outside of this dream.
I woke back up irritated and in excruciating pain. The bruising was slowly healing and so was the sprain but it hurt nonetheless. I grabbed my bottle full of Vicodin and fought with the top for a minute. “Stupid child proof top,” I yelled. Brooke peeked through my cracked door and smiled at me.
“How are you feeling,” she asked me softly.
“I’m fine, sweetie. Just hurting a lot.”
“Do you want some help with that,” she said as she pointed at the medicine bottle.
“You’re four, Brooke; I don’t think you need to be opening medicine okay?”
“Well I’m not going to eat it! Duh sissy!”
I laughed hysterically at her comment. It never failed to amaze me when she said things like that. My phone began to buzz against my bed side table. “I’ll be out as soon as I get done on the phone, okay, Brooke?”
“Okay! I’ll be playing in my room,” she said grinning widely.
“Awesome,” I said smiling back. “Now scoot!”
She scurried away quickly and I could hear the light footsteps moving away from my room. I looked down at my phone and it stopped rattling. One missed called shined brightly back at me. It was Alexa, which surprisingly brought me immediate irritation. I put the feeling aside and redialed her number.
“Hello,” she chimed.
“You rang,” I said a little too fiercely.
“A little venomous this morning? I’m guessing you’re in a world of pain right now.” She sounded genuinely worried and sympathetic. I had to keep in mind that I really didn’t know anything and just suspected foul play. Even with that considered, I couldn’t help but be angry with her.
“Yeah, I’m feeling super shitty.”
“Well I thought I’d see if you wanted to go out to lunch. You haven’t been anywhere in days and it’s a Saturday. What do you say, my treat!” she said.
“Yeah that sounds good. Where did you want to go?”
“How about that little breakfast place down the road?”
“Sure,” I answered mechanically. “I’m gonna call Ethan quick and then I’ll meet you there in an hour.”
“Oh, uh, ok then,” she said as nonchalantly as possible.
The forced sound in her voice made me frustrated. I hung up without another word to her. I dialed Ethan’s number and told him I was going there with her. He seemed completely uninterested and told me to ”just call me back whenever”. His attitude made my mind reel even farther and I suddenly didn’t want to go out for lunch anymore.
After begging my mother for nearly a half hour to borrow her car, I finally left and started driving towards the restaurant; my heart kicked it into high gear and began pounding. The anxiety was so intense that I was having trouble keeping myself from throwing up. My chest was on fire and was so tight that my lungs felt like they were going to cave in under my ribs. I pulled into the parking lot and wondered how I was planning on playing this cool. I was a horrible liar and an even worse actress. The drumming of my heart played against my ears, but I managed to open the door anyways. My legs paced with the rhythm of my blood flow.
Alexa was already sitting down with two mounds of food on the table. She waved at me with a forced smile and I suddenly saw a flash of déjà vu yet again. I knew that I had only seen that guilt ridden face once before. I walked over and the room began to sway. I quickly sat myself down and tried to get the room to stay still. Alexa looked at me confused.
“Sorry, my meds are acting up. I guess my body isn’t a fan of pain killers,” I lied.
“Apparently! You look high or drunk maybe.”
“Yeah, I look that way a lot on these.” She laughed, I didn’t. “So where have you been lately? I hardly ever see you anymore.”
She automatically blushed at the comment and I had an intense urge to jump over the table and punch her in her lying face. She had been hiding something or more like someone.
“No where special really,” she said clearly bluffing.
“So, who is he,” I said bluntly.
“He who?”
“The guy you’ve been seeing. Who is he?”
“I’m not seeing a guy at all,” she countered defensively.
“Bullshit you liar! You’re blushing! You’ve been busy, secretive and short with me. Don’t tell me I’m imagining this!”
“Ugh, how do you always know things like this?”
“So who is he,” I pushed and braced myself for her to tell me it was Ethan.
“I started seeing him shortly before my surgery,” she explained. “Honestly it started out as friends just hanging out but Ryder really is different. I don’t know how you guessed about him even before it became anything.”
“Ryder,” I asked confused. “Ethan’s Ryder?”
I suddenly felt relieved but at the same time I felt a sickening spike of jealousy. Why did he lie to me about her? Even worse, I wondered why he had kissed my cheek the way he had and why he had been so tender and concerned after my accident. That’s when I realized the role was in reverse. I had been mad because I thought my best friend was in love with my boyfriend and here I was drooling over hers. Her eyes followed me as the sudden panic obscured my face. She definitely noticed.
“Ryder,” I stuttered again confused.
“Please don’t say anything yet. I’m not really sure what this is between us and I’d rather not make it any more awkward for anyone. He said he doesn’t want our relationship to be like you and Ethan, where all of the teachers know and the students too. You two have no privacy.”
I looked at her blankly and couldn’t even begin to say anything else. She looked at me with both anguish and compassion, but then her eyes grew wide with a realization I hadn’t made it to yet.
“Oh my god! You are still freaking out about that dream, aren’t you!”
Now it was me that would be lying. I hadn’t even thought about that. As my mind tried to make sense of this clusterfuck inside, the rest of my body shut down. I could hear the distant sound of my name but the dark abyss sucked me in with no remorse. I opened my eyes and gasped, I wasn’t with Alexa anymore and I saw the woman who said she was Ms, Kaitz.
“Ariana, please wake up,” she begged softly.
I blinked at her and she smiled slightly. “I am awake.”
“Ariana, you need to listen carefully to me. You’re running out of time. If you don’t accept what I’ve been trying to tell you, you could become lost forever. You have been catatonic a majority of the time you have been here. We don’t know why you come back or what causes you to gain consciousness anymore. You’re parents are falling apart, and your conscious visits here are growing farther and farther apart,” Ms. Kaitz explained.
“First of all, I would appreciate it if you didn’t call me that. I realize you seem to think i
t’s my name, but it’s not! Second, I don’t even understand where here is! I don’t even want to be wherever this is.”
“I apologize; it is hard to call you by a name that I don’t know you by. As for what here is, this is your life and you’re wasting it by living in a fantasy.”
“I have a hard time believing that because I have no recollection of this so called life you keep bringing up. I still don’t think this is any more real than it was the last time I was unconscious.”
She looked at me and sighed. “Tell me, where were you before you ended up with me?”
I gave her a dirty look and realized I was with Alexa. Not only that but I had been so mad and confused that I had blacked out, again. “I blacked out,” I confessed.
“Every time you go unconscious in your life, you end up here. Every time you fall asleep and you dream, you have the same nightmare.”
“How did you know about that? I never said a word about the nightmare to you.”
“That my dear, is where you are wrong. We have the same conversations over and over. The last few encounters are the first that you have kept any memory of me.”
“But how did I end up like this,” I asked aggravated as I pulled up on the restraints keeping me from moving off of the thin bed below.
“That is one thing that you need to find out for yourself. If I tell you, you will just regress again. I can’t take that chance this time. It may be the last one I have,” she answered apologetically.
I was becoming more impatient with her. I could hear my vitals spike as my frustration with her rose. “This isn’t fair,” I yelled at her.
“I know it’s not, but you can get out of this. I’ll see you soon. Remember, you’re running out of time. Without one, the other will parish too.”
I didn’t understand what she meant. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and opened them slowly. Alexa was in front of me just staring. I blinked a few more times and she continued to look at me. “Well,” she said irritated.
“Huh,” I said softly.
“Are you shitting me, Aid? I asked if you were freaking out about that dream and you just stared at me like an ass for like 10 seconds. What the hell is going on with you?” I exhaled slowly at her. We were both being secretive with each other. She frowned at me as I sat staring at her in silence. “I can’t be there for you if you refuse to share with me,” she said quietly.
“Alexa, I want to tell you but I don’t know what to say. I’m not even sure what real is anymore. I don’t know who is real. I don’t even know if I am real.”
She stared at me blankly. “What does that even mean,” she squeaked at me. “How in the hell is one dream messing you up this bad? You’re questioning reality, Aid! That’s not normal!”
“I know it’s not. Do you think I like being like this? I feel insane! And no one understands it. I don’t even understand it.” I sighed as I thought about Ethan and how distant we had been lately. “Ethan doesn’t even care.”
“Well I’m sorry you think that. Maybe if you weren’t being so weird, he might be making a bigger effort.”
With that comment, I snapped. That wasn’t the reaction I had expected from her and usually she would say something alluring and comforting. She looked at me with a jealous scorn. “Alexa, you wanna know why I won’t tell you anything?”
“Does it really matter why?” she said viciously.
“Because you’re a lying sack of shit and I can see it all over your face. Good luck with Ryder,” I spat at her. I got up from my seat and she grabbed my arm. “Let go of me before I do something I regret.”
I left her sitting there soaking in the poison I left behind. She had just sat there wide eyed as I yelled at her. I felt alive after sticking up for myself. Though I wasn’t exactly sure what I was sticking up for anymore.
Chapter 12
Monday at school was uncomfortable and awkward. Alexa was still clearly pissed about my meltdown. Ryder ignored me in the halls and Ethan yelled at me when I walked in. My mind was on overload yet again and I felt myself feeling excited to go to see Mr. Keitz. I was a mess and I knew it.
The visit with him went well for once. I still hadn’t brought up the mental institution but I told him about my new suspicions with Alexa. He had snickered at me as I jealously ranted about Ethan and then again about Ryder. He told me to do what I thought was best for me and I was beginning to wonder exactly what that was now.
After being alone for most of the day, I decided to sit alone in the parking lot. The teachers all assumed now that if I didn’t show to class, I was just having another breakdown. I sat on my car and sat against the windshield. I looked up at the clouds and smiled.
“Wow, you are some kind of rebel now, huh,” Ryder said as he jumped up onto the hood with me.
“”What do you want?”
“I saw you sitting alone from my class. Just thought I’d keep you company,” he said.”Aren’t you cold?”
I rolled my eyes at him. “For what? You’ve been ignoring me all day with Ethan and your dumb girlfriend.” I ignored his comment about the temperature. Honestly I was too numb to be cold.
“Excuse me?”
“You, Ethan and Alexa have been pissed at me all day. I’m sorry that me and Alexa got in a fight last night but she is a damn liar!”
“Whoa, I didn’t know anything about this fight. I was in a hurry this morning. Running late like usual, not mad. And what is your sudden deal with Alexa being my girlfriend? She’s nice and all but not my type.”
“Come on Ryder, she told me. You guys don’t have to pretend around me and Ethan. You’re both being dumb.”
He looked at me and shook his head. “Please tell me you’re not that stupid!”
“What the hell is that even supposed to mean? I’m not stupid! You’re the jackass that keeps lying!” I yelled.
“Jesus, Aid! You are a complete idiot if you don’t see what’s really going on!” he yelled back.
“I get it. She told me not to talk to you guys about this yet. You want your privacy or whatever.”
“Holy shit!” he said loudly as he combed his hand through his hair. “She’s fucking your boyfriend! I’m sorry, Aid. I was hoping you’d figure this out on your own but I can’t take it anymore. You’re so much better than this and I can’t keep watching you lose your mind.”
I looked at him completely baffled. The tears lined my eyes as I thought of them. “Oh my God,” I managed to say as the vomit rose to my mouth. I had known all along. It made perfect sense: The alienation by both of them, the fighting between Ethan and I, and especially Ryder making all of the secret passes at me. Everything made sense now. “How long, Ryder?”
“How long,” he paused. “Uh, I really don’t think you want to know that.”
“How long has this been going on,” I yelled through clenched teeth.
“Since summer.”
I gagged, “You’ve got to be kidding me!”
“Wish I was.”
At this point I was fuming. She lied right to my face and made it sound like everything had been about Ryder, when in reality she had been talking about Ethan. My Ethan. “I can’t even believe this,” I admitted as the tears began to spill over.
“I tried to tell him that he needed to talk to you about this. I gave him his chance and he didn’t take it. He may be my friend but this is crossing a line and I can’t be part of this lie anymore,” he admitted
“Thank you for being honest,” I said trying to smile. “Let’s keep this conversation to ourselves. I’ll give them one week to spill. If they don’t come clean, things are going to get ugly.”
My mind was racing and I could only imagine the look in my eyes right now. Ryder looked terrified yet worry remained in his face. Without warning, I leaned over and put my lips on his. At first he hesitated but relaxed quickly into my lips. I felt his hand slowly tangle in my hair and he hungrily pulled me in closer.
He was warm against my body and I wanted him. I
didn’t feel guilty that I was betraying Ethan. He and Alexa had been doing plenty of betraying for all of us. I felt an intense jolt and for the first time in weeks, I felt alive. He tasted sweet on my tongue. I couldn’t help but smile against him.
As our lips separated, a part of me snapped. The painful pulse in my heart was all that was left and I suddenly felt agonizing urge to get even. Ryder must have seen the change just as quickly as I felt it and he looked at me curiously.
“Well I hope no one was paying attention to the window,” Ryder chuckled, trying to avert my attention.
“I really don’t care if someone saw that,” I said truthfully.
“It’s gonna be a little difficult for you to yell at Ethan for lying if anyone was.”
“True,” I agreed. “I hope he does tell me, just so I can slap him across that lying little face. What a piece of shit!”
“You know you are really awkward when you hide things, right? So how exactly are you going to be around them both?”
“Christmas break,” I said simply.
“Christmas break?”
“Christmas break, Ryder. It’s in 2 days and it just so happens that I had a surprise for all of you. But considering the new found information and the events that I have now learned about, my surprise is now going to be my way of getting those two to admit what they have done.”
“And what exactly is the surprise,” he asked with a smile.
So I told him about the call I got from my Aunt last weekend. She had asked me to stay at her lake house for the weekend to keep an eye on her little rat of a dog, Arie. It’s not like she had to beg me; it was a beautiful lake house miles away from home, so I jumped at the opportunity. My only demand was that I got to bring a few friends over for the weekend. I failed to mention that two were going to be boys. She didn’t even hesitate to say yes. She couldn’t bear to leave poor Arie all alone for two days.
Ryder made it a point to make sure I knew he was completely in on this idea and would be happy to accompany me on this adventure, no matter how horribly awkward we both knew it would be. It didn’t take long for my mind to begin working on a plan to get Alexa and Ethan to agree to come. Considering the circumstances, neither could say no without looking suspicious. It took every fiber in my body not to beat the living hell out of both of them when I asked them to come.