"I don't know what I want in life… I want to be happy and I want to make someone happy" he replied.
"That seems very non-committal, sneaky boy" she quipped.
Her hands tickled his sides and James wriggled under her touch.
He grasped her firmly and pulled her to him. He kissed her gently and held her close to his body. She lay above him and her eyes sparkled in the night like the stars that shone above.
"I thought I knew what I wanted, I thought everything made sense to me," he said "but, then you come along and my whole world is tossed upside down."
She smiled fiercely and then kissed him; her tongue reached deep into his mouth as if searching for something and he could feel himself stiffen against her body. She moaned in satisfaction, slowly thrusting her hips against his. James let the moment take him and there under the stars was the first time they ever made love. It was a powerful experience for James. He was not, by any means, a virgin, but had only ever been with Sheila before. He felt awkward and clumsy, almost like he didn't know what to do. They guided each other through the act of intercourse both urging the other to lick more here or nibble a little harder there. The slow, passionate rhythm they settled for made their coupling hot and long. Each thrust of his hips drove deeper into her and she welcomed him with long, hard kisses as she raked her hands across his back and buttocks. They reached climax together in a shudder of ecstasy that James had never experienced again. Afterwards they lay naked under a blanket, breathing in unison; just being together. They spoke no words; none needed to be spoken. James had never loved another so deeply, he was sure of it.
After so many minutes lying under the night sky, they kissed again and dressed quietly. The quiet calm between them only enforced James' feelings for her. His deep compassion and love for her was slowly being forged as metal is forged, hard and strong. They walked hand in hand back to the camp and parted ways under that same familiar lamp behind the dining hall. Karen went back to her cabin and James to his. His head was left spinning from a raw emotion that he had never before experienced. James was in love, a true and undeniable love. His body yearned for her touch again and his head ached with the thought of never having that feeling again. The summer was slowly coming to an end. Classes were only two weeks from ending and he would be heading back home to Sheila and his life before Karen. Sheila had been in his thoughts more frequently as the summer drew to a close. He had no idea what he was going to do. He loved Sheila and cared for her very much, but the feelings that he had for Karen, he knew would never be matched again. He would never get a second chance to be with the one who truly touches his heart, at least he didn't think so at the time. He was facing the rest of his life; making a decision that he would have to live with forever. James got no sleep that night after he and Karen had made love for the first time under the stars. In fact, James got very little sleep the rest of the time he was at Camp Orion.
James didn't see much of Karen over the next couple of days. Their schedules were busy with classes and activities. He had wanted to see her every chance he could, but the camp schedule just didn't allow for it. All of the individual groups were wrapping up there particular summer courses and preparing to head home at the end of the following week. They still saw each other at night when they were able and they still held each other tight, neither wanting to let go of the other. Their intimate couplings were rushed and seemed awkward. The rhythm seemed off, they struggled with buttons and clothes seemed to cling and rebel against them.
One evening, James had struggled with the condom he had stolen from Tim's bag and the moment was lost, much to both of their frustration. The passion they had shared the first time seemed to be misplaced or unfocused from it once was. Karen seemed distant to James, he could feel her pulling away and he was confused and scared. He knew he was going to lose this one forever if he didn't speak up, but his head out-ruled his heart and he kept his feelings to himself. There were only three days left before the kids left for the summer and only five more days before the staff wrapped up and headed home as well. James' heart was tearing in two, he had Sheila at home so excited to see him and be with him again, but he had Karen here, close to him. His heart was conflicted and torn between two wonderful girls, one committed to him and stable, the other wild and passionate. Karen was all he could imagine wanting in a woman, yet she was drifting away.
There was a huge bonfire the night before the kids went home; James and Karen sat with each other just to be close. Tim and Renee sat with each other as well and there was a quiet, unspoken sadness in the air. The children had a wonderful summer, full of learning and experiences to last them a lifetime. The teachers had gained a love and respect for teaching, as well as friendships. It was that night after the fire that Karen took James down to the pier and held him tight. James held her back; he wrapped his arms around her and never wanted to let go. They kissed on the pier where they had first met. James knew now it had been love at first sight. They kissed for a long time, and held on for even longer.
After a long moment of quiet reflection in each other's arms, Karen led James back up from the pier to a small stand of trees along the riverbank that created a secluded overlook of the river. Nestled atop a small bluff, the view of the river was breathtaking, and James was amazed to see the moon light dance across the slight ripples of the moving water. Light winked and glittered against the black surface, and the night had an eerie silence that enveloped you. There, under one of the pines, Karen had stashed a blanket. She unfolded and spread out the blanket under the cover of the trees. She looked into James' eyes. He could see the desire behind her gaze. He would never know, until years later, the true depth of her emotion that night. She moved closer to him and he took her into his arms. They kissed and it was the most powerful kiss James had ever experienced. Her lips seemed to radiate such power and magnetism that James felt he never wanted to stop kissing her.
Their bodies intertwined as they slowly settled unto the blanket. James immediately recognized that Karen was going to lead this time. She told him to lie down and he obliged. She slowly undid his shorts and pulled them down to his ankles. She removed his shoes and as she slowly kissed up his muscular legs, James could feel the hardness start to engorge him. She teased and nibbled at his inner thighs as she slowly removed his boxer briefs, exposing his stiff cock. She took him into her mouth with eagerness that excited and tantalized. She used her tongue to lick the length of his shaft and she teased his head with the slightest kisses and bites. James could not control himself as he lay watching her enjoy his cock in her mouth. Almost sensing that he was on the verge of losing all control she sat up on her knees between his legs and removed her shirt. Her firm, taught breasts surged against the lace of her bra. She released the clasps from behind and allowed the lacy undergarment to fall away from her shoulders, giving James an exquisite view of her beautiful breasts and small, round nipples. She locked eyes with James and did not let her gave waver as she stood up in front of him. With a no words spoken, she seductively undid her shorts and let them fall to her ankles. James could see the fine lace of her panties matched the bra she had been wearing and James could see that the small straps that rested on her hips came together in a thong. She gave him ample time to examine her tight ass as she turned, bent down and picked up her shorts from around her feet. She tossed them aside and looked at James again.
"Do you like what you see?" she asked as she teased at the sides of her panties.
James was speechless; all he could do was watch in awe and wonder of this beautiful creature standing above him. Her breasts hung firm and high in front of her and he truly desired to taste those sweet, succulent nipples again. In one fluid motion, she swiftly pulled off her lace thong and moved unto her hands and knees with her body hovering over his. Her breasts hung down, pendulous above him and she leaned down for a kiss. It was a firm kiss and their tongues seemed to struggle against eac
h other as their mouths enclosed around them. James allowed his hands to explore her naked body as she pulled him up and removed his shirt. He wrapped his arms around her and brought one of her small, hard nipples into his mouth. She moaned with pleasure as he licked and teased her firm areolas, moving from one to the other, cupping her supple breasts in his hands. She held the back of his head and pulled him closer to her, allowing him to take her deeper into his mouth. James was surprised to feel her hands upon his shoulders as she pushed him back down upon the blanket. She was above him again looking down on him like a hungry feline looks upon its prey. There was a hunger behind her eyes that she was restraining.
"James," she whispered "I want you. I want to feel you inside of me."
She was eager for that passion they had felt the first time and James followed her lead as she guided herself unto him. The feel of her tightness made James hungry for the same thing she had been asking for. He wanted nothing more than to be inside of her and to be slowly driving himself deeper into her. She sat back and he placed his hands on her hips as she rocked slowly back and forth. Her pace started to quicken as he thrust himself against her with an almost clock-like precision. Their bodies moved together and with each thrust of his hips she moaned in ecstasy. She placed her hands on his chest and threw her head back as she grinded deeper against his hips. James could feel himself climbing towards climax and as he started, her body bucked against his and she stifled a scream against the back of her hand as she climaxed. James could feel his muscles flex and contract as he also climaxed deep inside of her. Their rhythm slowed and she came to rest upon his chest with her knees nestled close to his sides. Their breathing was labored but slowed as they lay in each other's arms. James could smell the sweet juices of their sex and he was dizzy with a feeling of pure joy but overwhelmed by sadness as well. Several minutes passed and no words were spoken, they just lay with her on top of him and her head upon his chest. Off in the distance voices arose in the darkness and flashlight beams sliced through the night. They were both startled into action. They quickly dressed, and exchanged a brief kiss in the moon light before parting ways.
That had been their goodbye in a way; James spent the next day packing and getting ready to leave. He and Tim had exchanged addresses and phone numbers, both swearing to keep in touch. Karen came to him the night before he was scheduled to leave and gave him a letter.
"Don't read it now, read it after you are long gone from here" she said and kissed him one last time.
James knew he would never forget that moment, watching her walk away into the darkness.
It had been a bitter sweet day when James left Camp Orion that summer. He met with Brian and Cecelia, and promised to write. He and Tim shared a couple of jokes at breakfast and James made his rounds, saying goodbye to friends and co-workers, some he would never see again. He made a point to say goodbye to Scott and Dave personally, they had been through some much over the course of the summer and James hoped to remain friends with both of them. Karen was no where to be found on that day he left. Renee hadn't seen her, but promised she would say goodbye for him; she winked as she said it and hugged James. Tears welled in his eyes as he drove down the dusty drive away from camp; he was leaving earlier than the rest of the staff by a day or two. James had classes that were starting shortly and he had to return home to prepare. He looked back in wonder of all that he had experienced over the past three months and wondered what was ahead of him. The camp diminished from his rear-view mirror as he drove farther away from everything that he had experienced over the last three and a half months.
****
James was startled awake by the sound of shuffling feet. He quickly opened his eyes and felt the same familiar, constant pain in his head. Leah stood close, holding a cup of warm coffee in her hands.
"I am sorry if I woke you," she whispered "you looked so peaceful, I really didn't want to bother you."
James smiled at her and his heart broke knowing that he was going to have to tell her goodbye.
"Just go back to sleep sweetie, I will wake you in a little while. You really look like you could use the rest."
James shrugged it off and signaled for her to sit down, "don't go," he said "stay with me."
Leah smiled gently back and snuggled down on the couch next to him with her feet tucked up under her. She grabbed a blanket and covered them both. James could smell her perfume and he felt that all too familiar desire come over him again. Leah held a special place in his heart and James had come to realize over time that she was as close to the one thing in his life that he had been missing for so long. That summer spent with Karen had changed James. He had loved truly and been truly loved in return. That left a mark on anyone; it left a void deep inside of you that could never be filled. Leah had covered that void for James, but it was never to be filled again. She was vibrant and exciting. She loved the outdoors; she shared so many interests with James and loved just to be with him. He found himself acting more himself around her than he did others. Leah relaxed James and made him feel at peace with himself. That had become a hard thing for James over the years, but she just had a way about her.
James listened to the soft rain against the window and could hear the radio in the kitchen playing another one of Mr. Brooks' songs from the past. "…she's sun and rain, she's fire and ice, a little crazy but it's nice…"
No truer words had ever been spoken.
James hugged Leah tight and let sleep fall over him again.
****
James read the letter she wrote at the first rest stop he came to. He had expected the paper to burn his fingers. James hoped the words she wrote would make him want to turn his car around and race back to the camp and to her embrace. He was surprised to find a short, sweet note written to him and signed with only a heart. Karen told him that she had enjoyed the time they spent together, and that she would never forget him. She told him to pursue the happiness he was looking for and to always look back on the past summer and smile. She didn't include a forwarding address or a phone number; of course James had not provided her with any of that information either. He couldn't say why he hadn't given her his number; he didn't know why he walked away from her so easily.
James returned home to Sheila and resumed his life as he had left it. Sheila was a warm and welcoming presence that made James realize what he had and what he would have given up. Thoughts of Karen weighed heavy on his mind, she had sparked something inside of him that burned strong and hot. The pain of losing what they had shared dulled over time, but the memory was always there. Karen became a fixture in James' life; the one that he let slip away. As dull as the pain had grown in his heart, and as much as he tried to move on, there was still that doubt in James' mind. What if he had made the wrong decision? What if he should have followed his heart and pursued his feelings? James wrestled with those questions for a long time after that summer. Karen was out of his life, but the mark she left on him was etched on his heart like a sailor's tattoo.
James and Sheila moved in together later that fall, it seemed like the natural progression of their relationship. James had been confused and very conflicted for several weeks after he returned home, but in time he came to rationalize that Karen had been just a fling. He came to terms with the fact that although he could not stop thinking about her, she had only briefly entered his life and would soon be gone from his thoughts forever. Sheila had been there all along and James knew that she was the one he was destined to spend the rest of his life with. It was what was expected of them as a couple so deeply in love and committed to each other. James still thought about Karen often, but hoped that those would fade.
He had started back at the university. His course load was hard at first and James took that as an opportunity to bury himself in his school work. It wasn't until the start of the spring semester that he got a call from a familiar voice. Tim was in the area for a symposium being held at the school
and he wanted to catch up with James. Thrilled to hear from his friend, James made plans for them to get together and have dinner.
Turk's Bar and Grill was a small, hardwood establishment nestled in the heart of University City. The low lit atmosphere was relaxing and allowed you escape into one of the booths and forget about things. The entire left hand side of the restaurant consisted of the oversized bar that terminated in a hook at the front of the room near the picture window facing the street. This was a popular area of the bar room; guys and girls alike congregated there to watch the street traffic pass by the large window. There were no gaudy neon signs in the window, and there were very few beer posters or advertisements throughout the restaurant. The place was tastefully decorated with a combination of movie memorabilia and old black and white photographs. The main focus of the small brew pub was, of course, its bar but James had always felt that the grill part was pretty good too. The food was delicious, in James' humble opinion, and the wait staff was always friendly; not to mention usually young, female, and very attractive. There is something to be said about a pretty girl earning her keep through college waiting tables, slinging beers and keeping a smile on her face. James had worked through college, so he knew where they were, but being the focus of every man's desire that evening waiting tables had to get old. Those girls deserved more respect then they normally received.
James picked a booth near the back corner of the room and sat facing the room so he could watch the bar flies come and go. He also wanted to be able to spot Tim when he arrived. James sat quietly, he had ordered a Coke, no beer for him; he never really had a taste for it. He listened to the music from the juke box and took in the room. A pretty girl at the bar caught his eye and for a brief instant he thought it was Karen. His heart raced and he felt his breath catch in his throat. The hair was right, but there was something about her that didn't fit. He quickly realized she was not Karen, but the resemblance was undeniable.